My eyes were swollen and red from lack of sleep and crying. During the
nights, I'd wake from the most horrible dream imaginable, and stretch my
arm out for her… only to find the nightmare was reality.
Satine, the woman I loved is… dead. The woman, who was going to be my wife, the mother of my children is… dead.
They all tried to cheer me up. Would make up jokes, weird little dances, wear the most ridiculous costumes they could find… but nothing would work. I turned away from them, shut my door, latched my windows and had only the Green Fairy to keep my going. I finally had my wish from behind that stage - alone in my garret, getting drunk.
But no matter how many bitter swigs I had, nothing worsened the blow. The memories were still there when I opened my eyes. Satine, lying on rose petals with blood coming out of the corner of her lips…
A week went by, and all my furniture was no more – smashed against the wall or thrown out the window. Nothing helped. Nothing brought her back. Nothing… would. I wanted to die along with her, but my promise… 'tell our story…' I couldn't go. She wouldn't let me.
If I could only hold her one more time, see that smile, kiss her lips… but her casket was sealed close. The September morning was bitterly cold, and the wind blew everywhere. I shoved my hands into my pocket and bit my lip, refusing to cry. I glanced over to the coffin… and I felt her and I couldn't pretend. There she was, right through that cheap wood… a corpse.
I turned away, running away to leave, needing air to breathe again, but Toulouse held onto my arm and I looked down into his face. He smiled slightly and patted my hand. "She would want you to be hewe, to say goodbye. Pwease, fow her…"
I nodded, turning back around. For her, I would stay.
I listened numbly to the priest's words, not believing any of it. He was 'so sorry for the loss of a great person.' He didn't even know her. Just like the rest of the holy men, he condemned her. Called her Satan's devil.
"Now, Christian James would like to say a few words," the priest said.
I looked into his gray, wrinkled face and nodded, stepping forward. I twirled a single red rose between my fingers.
"To-to every life, there's always an end, but I close my eyes, and I still see your face; beautiful…" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, seeing her there behind the darkness of my lashes. I threw down the rose in my hand. "And I throw a rose as they now lower you down, but I still believe I'll see you again. I wait for the day that I can once more hold you tight. Until then, I can't cry this pain away. Until then, memories are all I have…" I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, not letting the tears bother me anymore. "How I long for one more kiss, just to hold you once again. As night skies arrive, the heartache begins. For in every dream, the image of you lingers still. So I walk alone, sleepless, guided by the moon. And when the day I'll eternally sleep comes, I'll never again let you go. And I'll pretend that I'm not about to cry, I'll pretend that these tears are only rain. As I lie awake at night, listening to this quiet rain, As I bow my head in prayer, my wish is that this burning emptiness inside would heal… I close my eyes, I turn around, and go on my way. With the dream that somewhere out there, love, you wait for me, too. I go my way, I journey on, now until forever, with the memory of our last kiss to keep me going. And… though I am alone again, I shed not a tear. How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain…"
I looked toward the hole in the ground that would be her home forever and blew a kiss. "Come what may…" people around me began to throw dirt over the coffin. "I will love you, until my dying day…"
I wiped a tear from my eye – I always cried at how great he was. He was so wonderful, so kind. I would never forget him. "You will always be my first and true love," I whispered, hidden from behind a group of trees.
I look down and move the blanket from my baby's face and kiss his dark hair. He looks up at me with his deep blue eyes, and says not a word. I lift his head toward the group of people and I point to Christian, standing alone.
"You see him, Ewan? That's you daddy." I looked into Ewan's sparkling eyes and I whispered, "that's your daddy."
At first I was scared, but after I saw his midnight hair and deep blue eyes, I knew he was mine… and his. But he can't know. He can never know.
I grip the train ticket in my left hand. I love France, love everything about it, but I'm dead to the world. No can ever see me, or hear from me again.
Harold, as a part of my contract, got me a house. We're going to move there, with Marie. She adopted me, and now me, my mother, and my son are moving to Germany. She's waiting for me at the station.
From Paris, I hear a clock ring, almost reminding me. I sigh, holding Ewan closer to me. Christian would make a great father. We all would have been so happy together… but things rarely turn out the way you want them. I figured that out years ago.
I stared after my love, studying his face. This was the last time I could see him ever again.
"All the things I've believed in, I just want to get it over with. Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry, counting the days that pass me by. Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to." I smiled at him from far away, not letting the tears bother me. "I still get lost in your eyes, and it seems that I can't live a day without you. Closing my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right. "Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to…"
I let out a sob and hugged my baby closer. "Goodbye…"
Huddled together, we made our way to the train station.
THE END.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------
Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::
Author's Note: Wow, I cried writing this… I'm so mad that they can't be together. Or… can they? Hehe, on a happier note a sequel will be following this soon.
SONGS USED:
'Beautiful Alone' (English Translations) by Weiss Kruez
'Come What May' written by David Baerwald
'Goodbye To You' by Michelle Branch
Satine, the woman I loved is… dead. The woman, who was going to be my wife, the mother of my children is… dead.
They all tried to cheer me up. Would make up jokes, weird little dances, wear the most ridiculous costumes they could find… but nothing would work. I turned away from them, shut my door, latched my windows and had only the Green Fairy to keep my going. I finally had my wish from behind that stage - alone in my garret, getting drunk.
But no matter how many bitter swigs I had, nothing worsened the blow. The memories were still there when I opened my eyes. Satine, lying on rose petals with blood coming out of the corner of her lips…
A week went by, and all my furniture was no more – smashed against the wall or thrown out the window. Nothing helped. Nothing brought her back. Nothing… would. I wanted to die along with her, but my promise… 'tell our story…' I couldn't go. She wouldn't let me.
If I could only hold her one more time, see that smile, kiss her lips… but her casket was sealed close. The September morning was bitterly cold, and the wind blew everywhere. I shoved my hands into my pocket and bit my lip, refusing to cry. I glanced over to the coffin… and I felt her and I couldn't pretend. There she was, right through that cheap wood… a corpse.
I turned away, running away to leave, needing air to breathe again, but Toulouse held onto my arm and I looked down into his face. He smiled slightly and patted my hand. "She would want you to be hewe, to say goodbye. Pwease, fow her…"
I nodded, turning back around. For her, I would stay.
I listened numbly to the priest's words, not believing any of it. He was 'so sorry for the loss of a great person.' He didn't even know her. Just like the rest of the holy men, he condemned her. Called her Satan's devil.
"Now, Christian James would like to say a few words," the priest said.
I looked into his gray, wrinkled face and nodded, stepping forward. I twirled a single red rose between my fingers.
"To-to every life, there's always an end, but I close my eyes, and I still see your face; beautiful…" I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, seeing her there behind the darkness of my lashes. I threw down the rose in my hand. "And I throw a rose as they now lower you down, but I still believe I'll see you again. I wait for the day that I can once more hold you tight. Until then, I can't cry this pain away. Until then, memories are all I have…" I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, not letting the tears bother me anymore. "How I long for one more kiss, just to hold you once again. As night skies arrive, the heartache begins. For in every dream, the image of you lingers still. So I walk alone, sleepless, guided by the moon. And when the day I'll eternally sleep comes, I'll never again let you go. And I'll pretend that I'm not about to cry, I'll pretend that these tears are only rain. As I lie awake at night, listening to this quiet rain, As I bow my head in prayer, my wish is that this burning emptiness inside would heal… I close my eyes, I turn around, and go on my way. With the dream that somewhere out there, love, you wait for me, too. I go my way, I journey on, now until forever, with the memory of our last kiss to keep me going. And… though I am alone again, I shed not a tear. How beautiful is my loneliness, how great is my pain…"
I looked toward the hole in the ground that would be her home forever and blew a kiss. "Come what may…" people around me began to throw dirt over the coffin. "I will love you, until my dying day…"
I wiped a tear from my eye – I always cried at how great he was. He was so wonderful, so kind. I would never forget him. "You will always be my first and true love," I whispered, hidden from behind a group of trees.
I look down and move the blanket from my baby's face and kiss his dark hair. He looks up at me with his deep blue eyes, and says not a word. I lift his head toward the group of people and I point to Christian, standing alone.
"You see him, Ewan? That's you daddy." I looked into Ewan's sparkling eyes and I whispered, "that's your daddy."
At first I was scared, but after I saw his midnight hair and deep blue eyes, I knew he was mine… and his. But he can't know. He can never know.
I grip the train ticket in my left hand. I love France, love everything about it, but I'm dead to the world. No can ever see me, or hear from me again.
Harold, as a part of my contract, got me a house. We're going to move there, with Marie. She adopted me, and now me, my mother, and my son are moving to Germany. She's waiting for me at the station.
From Paris, I hear a clock ring, almost reminding me. I sigh, holding Ewan closer to me. Christian would make a great father. We all would have been so happy together… but things rarely turn out the way you want them. I figured that out years ago.
I stared after my love, studying his face. This was the last time I could see him ever again.
"All the things I've believed in, I just want to get it over with. Tears form behind my eyes, but I do not cry, counting the days that pass me by. Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to." I smiled at him from far away, not letting the tears bother me. "I still get lost in your eyes, and it seems that I can't live a day without you. Closing my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right. "Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything I thought I knew. You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to…"
I let out a sob and hugged my baby closer. "Goodbye…"
Huddled together, we made our way to the train station.
THE END.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------
Disclaimer: I do not own Moulin Rouge, not even Christian. ::sigh::
Author's Note: Wow, I cried writing this… I'm so mad that they can't be together. Or… can they? Hehe, on a happier note a sequel will be following this soon.
SONGS USED:
'Beautiful Alone' (English Translations) by Weiss Kruez
'Come What May' written by David Baerwald
'Goodbye To You' by Michelle Branch