Title - Wake To This Nightmare
Author - Nicky
Rating - PG-13
Spoilers - Up to beginning of Season 8
Keywords - Mulder/Scully romance
Summary - Scully sinks deeper and deeper into a depression as the hunt for Mulder seems to wind to an unsuccessful conclusion. As she struggles to hang on to hope, Mulder awakens to a life he doesn't remember and faces his own struggles to maintain his grip on reality.
Disclaimer - Most of these characters aren't mine. You know that. And I know that. They're property of someone else and used without permission strictly for entertainment purposes.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 1
* * * * * * * * * * *
Scully's sitting in what used to be Mulder's chair when her partner gets back from lunch. She's so engrossed in the I WANT TO BELIEVE poster that she doesn't hear him come in. He watches her for a few moments, wondering what could be going through her mind to have her so enthralled.
"So do you?" he asks, finally breaking the silence.
"Agent Doggett. I didn't hear you come in," she says, wiping what looked like tears from her face. She has a confused expression on her face when she looks at him, realizing that he asked her a question. "Do I what?"
"Do you believe? You've been staring at that poster for awhile. I just assumed you were still trying to figure it out." Doggett goes to sit on the corner of her desk. He studies her intently. From certain angles, she looked so thin and withdrawn. He worried about her. But other times, she looks as if she's picked up a few pounds. She sighs and turns back to the poster.
"I want to believe," she whispers. "I used to believe. But I don't think I do anymore."
"Believe what, Agent Scully?"
"Believe that he's coming home," she sighs, stifling a sob. They sit in silence for awhile longer before she shakes herself from the trance the poster has lulled her into again. Her voice breaking the silence startles him a bit. "I'm going home for the rest of the day."
"That's probably a good idea," he agrees. "Are you going to be alright?"
She stares at him and seems to faze out again. Very un-Scully like, Doggett thinks to himself. She seemed detached. Distracted. Maybe even a little bit confused. But mostly just sad.
"I haven't been alright in awhile, Agent Doggett," she finally answers. After gathering her stuff, she smiles faintly at him and walks out the door. She wobbled a bit in her trek and Doggett runs to catch up with her and tries to steady her.
"Agent Scully, you seem a little shaky on your feet," he comments. "How about I drive you home?" He expected an argument. The Scully he met three months ago would have argued. But he didn't get one.
"That would be nice. Thank you," she says quietly. She puts her stuff into his outstretched arms and follows him into the elevator.
He watches as she shrinks into a corner of the elevator as far from him as she could get. It was almost as if something inside of her suddenly broke. Three days ago, she was fine. Or about as fine as she had been since they'd been paired up. But now, she's just an empty shell of a woman, in danger of shattering with the slightest breeze.
The drive to her apartment was much like the ride in the elevator. Eerily quiet. The air thick with an almost suffocating layer of sadness. She's silent until he gets ready to turn from M Street into Georgetown.
"Key Bridge," she says quietly. "Take me to Mulder's." She pleads with him silently until he makes a quick lane change and heads towards Arlington. Certain that he's going the right way, she leans her head against the window and allows her eyes to close.
When they pull in front of Mulder's building, he's worried that she might be asleep. He'd hate to wake her. Rest looks as if it had been escaping her lately. He shuts the car off and sees that he was wrong as her eyes pop back open. She smiles a sad smile of thanks towards him and begins to gather her things.
"I'll get that," he offers. "I want to make sure you get in okay." Again, he expected an argument. And again he was shocked when none was forthcoming. Now he was really worried. It was like she was no longer her former self. No trace of Scully left in there. Just a hollow abyss of something dark.
She walks into the building, barely aware of her surroundings. Amazingly, they make it to Mulder's front door without incident. She takes out her keys and opens the lock, much to his surprise. But when he thought about it, it made a lot of sense for her to have a key to Mulder's place. They'd been partners for almost 8 years. And best friends based on some of the nicer rumors he's heard about them. He tried to ignore those other rumors he heard.
"Thank you," she says once they get inside. She kicks her shoes off and shrugs out of her coat, letting each item land in a puddle at her feet. She steps over the discarded items and heads to the bedroom, no longer even aware of his presence. She crawls in the bed, snuggling deep in the covers and falls straight asleep.
Doggett retrieves her shoes and coat from the center of the floor and places them neatly in the closet by the front door. He puts her briefcase on the kitchen table and reaches for the phone. Looking back into the bedroom, he can see that her breathing is deep and regular. She was still asleep. He dials a familiar number and waits for someone to pick up.
"This is Skinner," the voice on the other end answers.
"Sir, it's Agent Doggett. I'm calling to let you know that neither Agent Scully nor myself would be back into the office this afternoon," he says.
"Why, what happened? Is something wrong?" Skinner asks abruptly. His panic shocked Doggett.
"I'm not sure, Sir. Agent Scully seemed a little . . . off, I guess is the best way to put it. I don't know what's wrong. She asked me to bring her to Mulder's place and she went straight to sleep."
"You did the right thing, Agent Doggett," Skinner replies. But he seems distracted now and there's a sound of papers being shuffled around in the background. "I'm going to clear my desk and then be right over. Do you think you could stay until I arrive? It may take an hour or two. I have to make a stop first."
"No problem, Sir. That's why I drove her home. I was worried about her being by herself. I'll see you when you get here." They say their good-byes and the men hang up the phone. Doggett peeks in one last time at Scully before sitting to make himself comfortable. He turns on the TV, but his thoughts are filled with his partner. He wondered to himself what was going on in her mind as only sounds from the television fills the silent apartment.
* * * * * * * * * *
Scully feels herself falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. She didn't have the energy anymore to do anything else. Whatever strength she had needed to go to the baby. She couldn't handle holding herself together as well. It's just been too long. Too long since he's been gone. The darkness is soothing to her. Comforting, somehow. Because it's in the darkness she can see him. She can feel his kisses on her. She can feel his arms hold her tight. In the darkness is where Scully is finally able to live out her courtship with him.
Every night in the darkness, they do something different. Sometimes dinner. Sometimes a movie. Sometimes they sit out in a field of flowers having a romantic picnic. In the darkness Scully finds peace. She's able to live the life with him she's always dreamed. The darkness was so wonderful that eventually, the daytime began to pale in comparison. It's gotten to the point where she can no longer stand the day. So she comes here in the daytime now. Plunging herself into the darkness to be with him.
Tonight it was dancing. He takes her in his arms and they begin to sway together, moving in a rhythm their bodies seemed to be made for. There's no music at first, but soon the air is filled with a small melody. It sounded small and tinny. Kind of like one of those cheesy music boxes they sell around Valentine's Day. She strains to hear the melody and smiles at her recognition of it. Memories. From the musical Cats. It was one of her favorite soundtracks. She sighs in contentment and buries her head in his neck. They spin and spin until the world's just a blur. And then he's just a blur. And then everything is still again. The light comes to blind her.
* * * * * * * *
Mulder's head pounds as he struggles to open his eyes. There's light everywhere. Everything seemed lit up in a blurry haze. He blinks a few times to clear his vision and notices the sun streaming through a window. He looks around some more and sees that he's in a room he doesn't recognize. Many times he's woken up with this feeling and unconsciously he checks himself for injury. Everything seems intact, and except for the splitting headache, he couldn't see that anything was wrong with him. So, he probably wasn't in a hospital.
His ears pick up a sound outside the door. A little music box is playing a song. Memories, he thinks it is. From that musical Cats. But he doesn't get to hear much of it because with a swift snap, the music box is slammed shut. The silence left by the music was filled with a shrill cry of a child.
"Shut that noise up, you little brat. I told you to stay out of that room." It was a woman. And she sounded angry.
"I just thought he'd like some music. It makes me feel better when I have bad dreams," a sobbing little girl explains. "And he looked like he was having a really bad one. He was crying out in his sleep."
He? Who are they talking about, Mulder wonders to himself. And then he realizes they're probably talking about him. But he doesn't remember having a nightmare. In fact, he doesn't remember much of anything, including how he got to that room. Or why he was in the bed. Or why the pounding in his head just won't quit.
The door opens slowly and the woman quietly tips in. She seems momentarily surprised to see him awake, but she covers it quickly and crosses the room to his bedside.
"Fox! You're awake," she says with much enthusiasm. Whoever she was, she certainly seemed to care a lot about him.
"I'm sorry. Do I know you?" The look on her face turns to a scowl and he can't help but feel a pang of guilt over hurting her. Was he supposed to know her? He looks closely at her, examining her for anything familiar. She was an attractive woman. Probably in her late thirties, early forties. Shoulder length dark hair. Nice body. But nothing sparked his memory.
"Fox, honey. It's me. I'm your wife," the woman claims. "You had a nasty little fall and got a big bump on your head. I guess you forgot some things. Why don't you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say the first name that comes to you?"
He looks warily at her, but decides to indulge her. If this was his wife, then he was sure he'd be able to remember her if he tried hard enough. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He begins to focus on the facts. Just what did he know? First, she was his wife. So he must love her. He thinks about love. And all he can see is a flash of a woman with bright red hair. But in an instant, she's gone. He opens his eyes and says the first thing that comes to him.
"Dana?" he guesses. It's a wrong guess from the look on the woman's face. He suddenly felt very sorry for the little girl who was just a victim on this woman's wrath.
"No," she says through clenched teeth. "But you're close. It's Diana. Diana Fowley Mulder."
"And you're my wife?" he asks incredulously. Something about this seemed wrong. But he just couldn't put his finger on it. She wasn't who he loved. His heart couldn't forget something like that, even if his mind did.
"You're having a hard time with this, aren't you, Sweetheart?" she asks sweetly. "I know it must be strange waking up like that and not remembering anything. But there's someone out there waiting to see you. Someone who I know you didn't forget.
Diana runs to the door and opens it, reaching her hand out to pull a little girl inside. The little girl snatches her hand away from Diana as soon as she's inside the room and runs over to the bed. He throws herself into Mulder's arms and hugs him as tightly as her little arms would allow.
"You know who this is, don't you Fox?"
Mulder gently pries the little girl's arms from around his neck and holds her out a distance to get a good look at her. She didn't look familiar either. But if Diana was his wife, he could only assume this was their child. Her little eyes stared at him with so much hope that it broke his heart to have to hurt her by not recognizing her. So he tried the trick he did last time. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, his mind is flooded with images of this girl. But she was much younger then. Maybe only around three years old or so. And suddenly it became clear who she was.
"Emily?"
To be continued . . .
Author - Nicky
Rating - PG-13
Spoilers - Up to beginning of Season 8
Keywords - Mulder/Scully romance
Summary - Scully sinks deeper and deeper into a depression as the hunt for Mulder seems to wind to an unsuccessful conclusion. As she struggles to hang on to hope, Mulder awakens to a life he doesn't remember and faces his own struggles to maintain his grip on reality.
Disclaimer - Most of these characters aren't mine. You know that. And I know that. They're property of someone else and used without permission strictly for entertainment purposes.
* * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 1
* * * * * * * * * * *
Scully's sitting in what used to be Mulder's chair when her partner gets back from lunch. She's so engrossed in the I WANT TO BELIEVE poster that she doesn't hear him come in. He watches her for a few moments, wondering what could be going through her mind to have her so enthralled.
"So do you?" he asks, finally breaking the silence.
"Agent Doggett. I didn't hear you come in," she says, wiping what looked like tears from her face. She has a confused expression on her face when she looks at him, realizing that he asked her a question. "Do I what?"
"Do you believe? You've been staring at that poster for awhile. I just assumed you were still trying to figure it out." Doggett goes to sit on the corner of her desk. He studies her intently. From certain angles, she looked so thin and withdrawn. He worried about her. But other times, she looks as if she's picked up a few pounds. She sighs and turns back to the poster.
"I want to believe," she whispers. "I used to believe. But I don't think I do anymore."
"Believe what, Agent Scully?"
"Believe that he's coming home," she sighs, stifling a sob. They sit in silence for awhile longer before she shakes herself from the trance the poster has lulled her into again. Her voice breaking the silence startles him a bit. "I'm going home for the rest of the day."
"That's probably a good idea," he agrees. "Are you going to be alright?"
She stares at him and seems to faze out again. Very un-Scully like, Doggett thinks to himself. She seemed detached. Distracted. Maybe even a little bit confused. But mostly just sad.
"I haven't been alright in awhile, Agent Doggett," she finally answers. After gathering her stuff, she smiles faintly at him and walks out the door. She wobbled a bit in her trek and Doggett runs to catch up with her and tries to steady her.
"Agent Scully, you seem a little shaky on your feet," he comments. "How about I drive you home?" He expected an argument. The Scully he met three months ago would have argued. But he didn't get one.
"That would be nice. Thank you," she says quietly. She puts her stuff into his outstretched arms and follows him into the elevator.
He watches as she shrinks into a corner of the elevator as far from him as she could get. It was almost as if something inside of her suddenly broke. Three days ago, she was fine. Or about as fine as she had been since they'd been paired up. But now, she's just an empty shell of a woman, in danger of shattering with the slightest breeze.
The drive to her apartment was much like the ride in the elevator. Eerily quiet. The air thick with an almost suffocating layer of sadness. She's silent until he gets ready to turn from M Street into Georgetown.
"Key Bridge," she says quietly. "Take me to Mulder's." She pleads with him silently until he makes a quick lane change and heads towards Arlington. Certain that he's going the right way, she leans her head against the window and allows her eyes to close.
When they pull in front of Mulder's building, he's worried that she might be asleep. He'd hate to wake her. Rest looks as if it had been escaping her lately. He shuts the car off and sees that he was wrong as her eyes pop back open. She smiles a sad smile of thanks towards him and begins to gather her things.
"I'll get that," he offers. "I want to make sure you get in okay." Again, he expected an argument. And again he was shocked when none was forthcoming. Now he was really worried. It was like she was no longer her former self. No trace of Scully left in there. Just a hollow abyss of something dark.
She walks into the building, barely aware of her surroundings. Amazingly, they make it to Mulder's front door without incident. She takes out her keys and opens the lock, much to his surprise. But when he thought about it, it made a lot of sense for her to have a key to Mulder's place. They'd been partners for almost 8 years. And best friends based on some of the nicer rumors he's heard about them. He tried to ignore those other rumors he heard.
"Thank you," she says once they get inside. She kicks her shoes off and shrugs out of her coat, letting each item land in a puddle at her feet. She steps over the discarded items and heads to the bedroom, no longer even aware of his presence. She crawls in the bed, snuggling deep in the covers and falls straight asleep.
Doggett retrieves her shoes and coat from the center of the floor and places them neatly in the closet by the front door. He puts her briefcase on the kitchen table and reaches for the phone. Looking back into the bedroom, he can see that her breathing is deep and regular. She was still asleep. He dials a familiar number and waits for someone to pick up.
"This is Skinner," the voice on the other end answers.
"Sir, it's Agent Doggett. I'm calling to let you know that neither Agent Scully nor myself would be back into the office this afternoon," he says.
"Why, what happened? Is something wrong?" Skinner asks abruptly. His panic shocked Doggett.
"I'm not sure, Sir. Agent Scully seemed a little . . . off, I guess is the best way to put it. I don't know what's wrong. She asked me to bring her to Mulder's place and she went straight to sleep."
"You did the right thing, Agent Doggett," Skinner replies. But he seems distracted now and there's a sound of papers being shuffled around in the background. "I'm going to clear my desk and then be right over. Do you think you could stay until I arrive? It may take an hour or two. I have to make a stop first."
"No problem, Sir. That's why I drove her home. I was worried about her being by herself. I'll see you when you get here." They say their good-byes and the men hang up the phone. Doggett peeks in one last time at Scully before sitting to make himself comfortable. He turns on the TV, but his thoughts are filled with his partner. He wondered to himself what was going on in her mind as only sounds from the television fills the silent apartment.
* * * * * * * * * *
Scully feels herself falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. She didn't have the energy anymore to do anything else. Whatever strength she had needed to go to the baby. She couldn't handle holding herself together as well. It's just been too long. Too long since he's been gone. The darkness is soothing to her. Comforting, somehow. Because it's in the darkness she can see him. She can feel his kisses on her. She can feel his arms hold her tight. In the darkness is where Scully is finally able to live out her courtship with him.
Every night in the darkness, they do something different. Sometimes dinner. Sometimes a movie. Sometimes they sit out in a field of flowers having a romantic picnic. In the darkness Scully finds peace. She's able to live the life with him she's always dreamed. The darkness was so wonderful that eventually, the daytime began to pale in comparison. It's gotten to the point where she can no longer stand the day. So she comes here in the daytime now. Plunging herself into the darkness to be with him.
Tonight it was dancing. He takes her in his arms and they begin to sway together, moving in a rhythm their bodies seemed to be made for. There's no music at first, but soon the air is filled with a small melody. It sounded small and tinny. Kind of like one of those cheesy music boxes they sell around Valentine's Day. She strains to hear the melody and smiles at her recognition of it. Memories. From the musical Cats. It was one of her favorite soundtracks. She sighs in contentment and buries her head in his neck. They spin and spin until the world's just a blur. And then he's just a blur. And then everything is still again. The light comes to blind her.
* * * * * * * *
Mulder's head pounds as he struggles to open his eyes. There's light everywhere. Everything seemed lit up in a blurry haze. He blinks a few times to clear his vision and notices the sun streaming through a window. He looks around some more and sees that he's in a room he doesn't recognize. Many times he's woken up with this feeling and unconsciously he checks himself for injury. Everything seems intact, and except for the splitting headache, he couldn't see that anything was wrong with him. So, he probably wasn't in a hospital.
His ears pick up a sound outside the door. A little music box is playing a song. Memories, he thinks it is. From that musical Cats. But he doesn't get to hear much of it because with a swift snap, the music box is slammed shut. The silence left by the music was filled with a shrill cry of a child.
"Shut that noise up, you little brat. I told you to stay out of that room." It was a woman. And she sounded angry.
"I just thought he'd like some music. It makes me feel better when I have bad dreams," a sobbing little girl explains. "And he looked like he was having a really bad one. He was crying out in his sleep."
He? Who are they talking about, Mulder wonders to himself. And then he realizes they're probably talking about him. But he doesn't remember having a nightmare. In fact, he doesn't remember much of anything, including how he got to that room. Or why he was in the bed. Or why the pounding in his head just won't quit.
The door opens slowly and the woman quietly tips in. She seems momentarily surprised to see him awake, but she covers it quickly and crosses the room to his bedside.
"Fox! You're awake," she says with much enthusiasm. Whoever she was, she certainly seemed to care a lot about him.
"I'm sorry. Do I know you?" The look on her face turns to a scowl and he can't help but feel a pang of guilt over hurting her. Was he supposed to know her? He looks closely at her, examining her for anything familiar. She was an attractive woman. Probably in her late thirties, early forties. Shoulder length dark hair. Nice body. But nothing sparked his memory.
"Fox, honey. It's me. I'm your wife," the woman claims. "You had a nasty little fall and got a big bump on your head. I guess you forgot some things. Why don't you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and say the first name that comes to you?"
He looks warily at her, but decides to indulge her. If this was his wife, then he was sure he'd be able to remember her if he tried hard enough. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He begins to focus on the facts. Just what did he know? First, she was his wife. So he must love her. He thinks about love. And all he can see is a flash of a woman with bright red hair. But in an instant, she's gone. He opens his eyes and says the first thing that comes to him.
"Dana?" he guesses. It's a wrong guess from the look on the woman's face. He suddenly felt very sorry for the little girl who was just a victim on this woman's wrath.
"No," she says through clenched teeth. "But you're close. It's Diana. Diana Fowley Mulder."
"And you're my wife?" he asks incredulously. Something about this seemed wrong. But he just couldn't put his finger on it. She wasn't who he loved. His heart couldn't forget something like that, even if his mind did.
"You're having a hard time with this, aren't you, Sweetheart?" she asks sweetly. "I know it must be strange waking up like that and not remembering anything. But there's someone out there waiting to see you. Someone who I know you didn't forget.
Diana runs to the door and opens it, reaching her hand out to pull a little girl inside. The little girl snatches her hand away from Diana as soon as she's inside the room and runs over to the bed. He throws herself into Mulder's arms and hugs him as tightly as her little arms would allow.
"You know who this is, don't you Fox?"
Mulder gently pries the little girl's arms from around his neck and holds her out a distance to get a good look at her. She didn't look familiar either. But if Diana was his wife, he could only assume this was their child. Her little eyes stared at him with so much hope that it broke his heart to have to hurt her by not recognizing her. So he tried the trick he did last time. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, his mind is flooded with images of this girl. But she was much younger then. Maybe only around three years old or so. And suddenly it became clear who she was.
"Emily?"
To be continued . . .