Author's Note: The ideas are mine, of course. Amethyst Rayne Black is mine as well. The rest of the characters belong to the author of the original Harry Potter series. This particular story is taken from Severus' experiences during the third book (POA). I may be able to write more. It helps a great deal if you have read Severus Snape's True Love, if not the entire Liber Severi Series. There are things in those three books that will help those who are not familiar with Amethyst and Severus in my world. All three books can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CasReaders/ in PDF format.
Cassandra Jasmin Houston
Chapter One: Through Halloween
He glared down the staff table at the man he hadn't seen for more years than he cared to count. "This is going to be one hell of a year," he thought numbly to himself.
Severus Snape barely contained the fury what welled within him as he thought about working in the same castle with Remus Lupin. A very large part of him realized that he was being unreasonable, but reason was not something he was going to allow to get in the way of a good fury. Remus Lupin had nothing to do with the events all those years ago. Not directly anyway.
When he attempted to flee to his dungeons when the feast was over Minerva McGonagall, who suggested that he speak to Draco Malfoy about teasing Harry Potter, stopped him. Harry fainted on the train to school and Draco was apparently teasing unmercifully.
"Of course I will speak to him, Minerva." Severus lied smoothly. There was little in this world that would make him talk to Draco Malfoy about giving Harry Potter any break at all. The little Potter brat needed to toughen up, as far as Severus was concerned. Minerva swallowed the lie nicely and Severus continued to his chambers.
Safely inside his dungeons he fixed himself a strong drink and sat thinking of any way he could make this school year bearable.
In addition to the hiring of Remus Lupin as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, which Severus fought tooth and nail against, there was the news of the escape of Sirius Black from Azkaban Fortress. Rumour had it that Sirius Black would come looking for Harry here at Hogwarts. And Severus half hoped that he would. More than half hoped. If Severus could catch Sirius Black ... well, there would be nothing for the Dementors to take back to Azkaban.
He heard the knock at his door and completely ignored it. But when the knock came again, followed by an all too familiar voice saying, "Severus, let me in please." Severus heaved a huge sigh and got up long enough to unlock the door and then returned to his seat by the fire.
Albus Dumbledore took a seat in the huge armchair beside Severus, but said nothing. The two men sat and stared into the fire.
"I know you are upset with me about hiring Remus, Severus." Dumbledore began. "But it is done and now I must come to you asking your help for him."
Severus sighed again, deeply. He knew this was going to happen. Had known it from the moment he'd heard Remus Lupin's name mentioned in conjunction with the empty teaching position. And he knew what his answer would be.
"Of course, Headmaster." he said tightly. His jaw hurt and all he wanted to do was sleep. Sleep and try to forget. He knew he would never forget. "I will begin preparations in the morning."
His sleep that night was as it had been almost every night for years and years. Filled in the beginning with his happiness with her. He loved her more than he loved himself. And then the dream changed. The dream always changed. And this night the dream took on vividness it had lacked now for some years.
He dreamed again about the visit from Sirius Black. How Sirius ranted and raved about Amethyst. The shock of the news was the single thing that saved Sirius Black's life that day. The words came again to his ears as if they'd been spoken just that morning instead of the dozen years that had past.
"You killed my sister, Death Eater, just as sure as if you annihilated her with your own wand." Sirius said, before he disappeared.
As he always did when he had this nightmare, he woke with his hand on his chest, clutching the chain with its rings around his neck, now protected by an invisibility charm.
"Amethyst!" he sobbed.
He was trying his best to relax in the staff room. He knew there was a Boggart in the closet, but they did not bother him. His worst fear had been realised. There was nothing for the Boggart to use against him. Now he was glad to have its company, as it guaranteed that he would be left alone in the room and able to relax just a little for a change.
When Remus led the group of third years into the room, Severus stood the second he saw them. He had been a bit startled when the door opened, lost in his pleasant memories of Amethyst and their time together.
The words exchanged between he and Remus about Neville helped only to infuriate Severus. Neville was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Just as Amethyst had been. Unlike Amethyst, however, Severus had no desire whatsoever to help Neville. Quite the contrary. Helping Neville would bring back the memories of Dungeon Ten and Amethyst Rayne Black. And Severus did everything in his power to keep those memories at bay. And Remus's faith in Neville somehow only helped to infuriate Severus further.
Word came to him quickly about Neville's greatest fear and how he dealt with the Boggart Snape. Severus was so angry in the beginning that he had to sedate himself with an aequus potion. It took him some time to calm himself down enough so that he did not want to strangle Neville every time he saw him. As to Remus..
Remus came to see him the night after that fateful day in the staff room with the boggart. It was the first time the two men had spoken in anything resembling privacy in quite some time. Severus had already heard about the boggart Snape, but had taken the aequus potion and so did not lunge to tear Remus's throat out when he opened the door and saw who it was.
Remus heaved a sigh and came in quietly. "I thought you would be angry.," he said, closing the door behind him. He looked at a cauldron in the fire and frowned slightly. "Am I interrupting?" he asked.
"I am working on your potion, if you must know." Severus said, lazily. "And I was never angry, Remus. What I was feeling was beyond anger. A homicidal rage, perhaps. But not anger." and he grinned a cold grin at the sudden look of worry on Remus's face. "Don't worry, Remus. I have not poisoned your potion."
Remus chuckled to himself. "Did it show?" he said.
Severus nodded. "You know I would not do that, no matter how angry I got." and he paused. "And you know why." he added, turning his back to Remus and going to the cauldron. He did not see Remus as he looked at the portrait on the wall above the huge fireplace.
"She was breathtaking." Remus breathed. "I had almost forgotten."
Severus bit his cheek. "She was." he said shortly.
Remus was silent a moment, staring up at the portrait of Amethyst. This portrait did not move, because it was not a magical portrait. Severus made sure of that. He could not stand to have Amethyst dead and yet not.
"Almost thirteen years." Remus whispered so softly Severus almost missed it.
Severus simply nodded, unsure if he wanted to have this conversation or not. He had not spoken to anyone about Amethyst in years.
"Amethyst Rayne Black." Remus spoke again. He sounded sad.
"Is there something I can help you with Remus?" Severus asked, ice in his voice. He decided that he would not talk about Amethyst right now. That he could not. Thirteen years was not enough to dull the pain.
"I wanted to make sure that you would not take too much offense at Neville's, um, defense against his boggart." Remus said.
Severus turned and looked at Remus. "Of course not." He lied.
Remus nodded. He turned to go, then suddenly turned back. "How were you in the staff room, Severus? No one else would go for fear of the boggart."
Now Severus grinned a grin that made Remus' blood run cold. "You don't know?" Severus said, coldly.
Remus shook his head, uncertain.
"You see, Remus." Severus said, not moving from the fireplace. "The greatest fear I ever had was that I would lose my love. My Amethyst." He took a very deep breath before he continued. "My greatest fear was realised twelve years ago. There isn't a fear great enough to me now for a Boggart to take notice of."
Remus stared at Severus for some time before he nodded, turned and left the potions master to his potions.
Halloween. Severus finished the potion, poured it into its goblet and took it to Remus. He hid his surprise when he saw Harry Potter there. He simply delivered his potion and left, saying as little as he could.
Later in the day, he sat at his desk in his dungeon chamber. He was grading the last of the papers turned in on Friday, trying his best to keep his mind from the pain of memory. Between seeing Remus all around school and constantly being reminded that Sirius was still at large he was almost desperate to distract his mind.
He gave the last roll of parchment two out of ten and sat back, stretching his neck to relieve the stiffness it had accumulated over the last three hours he'd spend bent over parchments. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the portrait hanging over his fireplace. He viewed it upside down for a moment before sitting up straight and turning in his chair to look upon it fully.
Memories of Halloweens past flew through his mind. He smiled a smile none of the student's or staff of Hogwarts would have recognized at each memory. He stopped at the last Halloween before she died and savored it. She died almost a year later.
He was rubbing his left forearm absentmindedly when he heard a knock on his chamber door. Still half in his reverie, he said, "Enter."
It was Remus Lupin. He entered and walked to Severus side. He looked upon Amethyst's portrait and then at Severus face with a little more than half a grin of his own.
"What are you staring at, Lupin." Severus said, recovering himself and scowling.
"I am remembering Amethyst." Remus said, quietly. "And you. Remembering how much you two loved each other."
Severus gave him a sharp look.
"I am a werewolf, Severus. My senses are a bit more," he paused, thinking of the right word. "Heightened. I could tell what others could not."
Severus frowned, but said nothing.
"Sirius was devastated when she died, Severus." Remus continued. "He lashed out is all."
Severus found his voice. "Do not defend him to me, Remus." He hissed. "And do not come to me looking for an ally."
Remus sighed. "It was an accident, Severus." He said, almost pleading. "When will you realise that?"
Severus started slightly. "That was no accident." He hissed. "You know it. I know it." He tossed his chin at the portrait. "And she knew it."
"You are looking for him, aren't you?" Remus said, quietly.
"No." Severus said, honestly enough. "But if he is found by me there will be nothing for the dementors to take back to Azkaban."
Remus stared at Severus for a very long time. "You would regret it." He ventured.
Severus grinned a cold grin. "I would not regret it." He almost whispered. "Not for one second." He looked closely at Remus. "Now." he said, considering the past discussion closed. "You have discussed with Potter my suggestion?"
Remus nodded. "I have not. Yet." he said. "But I will and we will probably begin his anti-dementor lessons after Christmas break." He looked at Severus closely. "You are a strange man, Severus Snape." he said. "You hate Harry Potter, and yet you want me to teach him to defend himself against dementors."
Severus did not move. "I owe it to James. That brat of his is bound to get hurt by them, sooner or later. I would guess that they will come to the game. And we can't have him falling off of his broom, can we?" He said.
Remus looked pensive. "Of course not." he said. He looked at the portrait of Amethyst. "Severus." he said suddenly. "What do you hear when the dementors come near?"
For a moment he thought Severus would not answer. When he did, Remus felt as if a bucket of cold water were thrown on him.
"I hear Sirius Black." He said. "I hear him blaming me for the death of his sister." He was quiet a moment. "The only human being who ever meant anything to me."
Remus remained silent.
"I have gone over and over in my mind." Severus said, very softly and sadly. "How did they find out about her? I certainly never told them she was my lover. Of course they would have known that Amethyst was Sirius's sister, but how did they find out about she and I? And he turned to face Remus. "I knew, of course. You knew. James knew. Peter knew." He paused. "And Sirius knew."
Remus gasped at the implications of that last statement. "You can't mean?" He breathed. "You can't believe that, Severus. Not even you can believe that!"
Severus stood ramrod straight. "Oh, I do believe it, Remus." he hissed. "He was desperate to keep us apart. Desperate. He would have done anything to keep us apart."
"Not that!" Remus almost shouted.
"Yes that!" Severus said, just as loudly. "And he would have enjoyed watching me all these years. Watching my pain. I have not gotten over her death, Remus. I will never get over her death." He stopped suddenly, refusing to allow the memory to surface. "Yes Remus." he said, grinning sadly. "I believe that Sirius Black told the Death Eaters that his sister was my lover, hoping that they would use her to hurt me somehow. And they did, didn't they. All I have of her are this portrait, another beside my bed and my memories or her."
Remus began to back away a little, appalled.
"And Remus." Severus said, before Remus could escape. "I will kill Sirius Black as many times as I can if I find him before anyone else does. As many times as I can."
Remus fled before he could hear anymore. Severus watched the chamber door close. No one saw the homicidal glint in his eyes.
After being summarily dismissed by Dumbledore after searching the castle, Severus stalked back to his chambers. He was too keyed up to sleep. He was furious that Sirius had not been found. He would have loved to be the one to find him. His want hand itched to curse Sirius Black into non-existence.
Severus lay on his bed and looked at the smaller picture of Amethyst on his bedside table. He seemed to feel the pain of her passing more this year than any other.
He did not sleep that night.
Cassandra Jasmin Houston
Chapter One: Through Halloween
He glared down the staff table at the man he hadn't seen for more years than he cared to count. "This is going to be one hell of a year," he thought numbly to himself.
Severus Snape barely contained the fury what welled within him as he thought about working in the same castle with Remus Lupin. A very large part of him realized that he was being unreasonable, but reason was not something he was going to allow to get in the way of a good fury. Remus Lupin had nothing to do with the events all those years ago. Not directly anyway.
When he attempted to flee to his dungeons when the feast was over Minerva McGonagall, who suggested that he speak to Draco Malfoy about teasing Harry Potter, stopped him. Harry fainted on the train to school and Draco was apparently teasing unmercifully.
"Of course I will speak to him, Minerva." Severus lied smoothly. There was little in this world that would make him talk to Draco Malfoy about giving Harry Potter any break at all. The little Potter brat needed to toughen up, as far as Severus was concerned. Minerva swallowed the lie nicely and Severus continued to his chambers.
Safely inside his dungeons he fixed himself a strong drink and sat thinking of any way he could make this school year bearable.
In addition to the hiring of Remus Lupin as Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, which Severus fought tooth and nail against, there was the news of the escape of Sirius Black from Azkaban Fortress. Rumour had it that Sirius Black would come looking for Harry here at Hogwarts. And Severus half hoped that he would. More than half hoped. If Severus could catch Sirius Black ... well, there would be nothing for the Dementors to take back to Azkaban.
He heard the knock at his door and completely ignored it. But when the knock came again, followed by an all too familiar voice saying, "Severus, let me in please." Severus heaved a huge sigh and got up long enough to unlock the door and then returned to his seat by the fire.
Albus Dumbledore took a seat in the huge armchair beside Severus, but said nothing. The two men sat and stared into the fire.
"I know you are upset with me about hiring Remus, Severus." Dumbledore began. "But it is done and now I must come to you asking your help for him."
Severus sighed again, deeply. He knew this was going to happen. Had known it from the moment he'd heard Remus Lupin's name mentioned in conjunction with the empty teaching position. And he knew what his answer would be.
"Of course, Headmaster." he said tightly. His jaw hurt and all he wanted to do was sleep. Sleep and try to forget. He knew he would never forget. "I will begin preparations in the morning."
His sleep that night was as it had been almost every night for years and years. Filled in the beginning with his happiness with her. He loved her more than he loved himself. And then the dream changed. The dream always changed. And this night the dream took on vividness it had lacked now for some years.
He dreamed again about the visit from Sirius Black. How Sirius ranted and raved about Amethyst. The shock of the news was the single thing that saved Sirius Black's life that day. The words came again to his ears as if they'd been spoken just that morning instead of the dozen years that had past.
"You killed my sister, Death Eater, just as sure as if you annihilated her with your own wand." Sirius said, before he disappeared.
As he always did when he had this nightmare, he woke with his hand on his chest, clutching the chain with its rings around his neck, now protected by an invisibility charm.
"Amethyst!" he sobbed.
He was trying his best to relax in the staff room. He knew there was a Boggart in the closet, but they did not bother him. His worst fear had been realised. There was nothing for the Boggart to use against him. Now he was glad to have its company, as it guaranteed that he would be left alone in the room and able to relax just a little for a change.
When Remus led the group of third years into the room, Severus stood the second he saw them. He had been a bit startled when the door opened, lost in his pleasant memories of Amethyst and their time together.
The words exchanged between he and Remus about Neville helped only to infuriate Severus. Neville was impossible. Absolutely impossible. Just as Amethyst had been. Unlike Amethyst, however, Severus had no desire whatsoever to help Neville. Quite the contrary. Helping Neville would bring back the memories of Dungeon Ten and Amethyst Rayne Black. And Severus did everything in his power to keep those memories at bay. And Remus's faith in Neville somehow only helped to infuriate Severus further.
Word came to him quickly about Neville's greatest fear and how he dealt with the Boggart Snape. Severus was so angry in the beginning that he had to sedate himself with an aequus potion. It took him some time to calm himself down enough so that he did not want to strangle Neville every time he saw him. As to Remus..
Remus came to see him the night after that fateful day in the staff room with the boggart. It was the first time the two men had spoken in anything resembling privacy in quite some time. Severus had already heard about the boggart Snape, but had taken the aequus potion and so did not lunge to tear Remus's throat out when he opened the door and saw who it was.
Remus heaved a sigh and came in quietly. "I thought you would be angry.," he said, closing the door behind him. He looked at a cauldron in the fire and frowned slightly. "Am I interrupting?" he asked.
"I am working on your potion, if you must know." Severus said, lazily. "And I was never angry, Remus. What I was feeling was beyond anger. A homicidal rage, perhaps. But not anger." and he grinned a cold grin at the sudden look of worry on Remus's face. "Don't worry, Remus. I have not poisoned your potion."
Remus chuckled to himself. "Did it show?" he said.
Severus nodded. "You know I would not do that, no matter how angry I got." and he paused. "And you know why." he added, turning his back to Remus and going to the cauldron. He did not see Remus as he looked at the portrait on the wall above the huge fireplace.
"She was breathtaking." Remus breathed. "I had almost forgotten."
Severus bit his cheek. "She was." he said shortly.
Remus was silent a moment, staring up at the portrait of Amethyst. This portrait did not move, because it was not a magical portrait. Severus made sure of that. He could not stand to have Amethyst dead and yet not.
"Almost thirteen years." Remus whispered so softly Severus almost missed it.
Severus simply nodded, unsure if he wanted to have this conversation or not. He had not spoken to anyone about Amethyst in years.
"Amethyst Rayne Black." Remus spoke again. He sounded sad.
"Is there something I can help you with Remus?" Severus asked, ice in his voice. He decided that he would not talk about Amethyst right now. That he could not. Thirteen years was not enough to dull the pain.
"I wanted to make sure that you would not take too much offense at Neville's, um, defense against his boggart." Remus said.
Severus turned and looked at Remus. "Of course not." He lied.
Remus nodded. He turned to go, then suddenly turned back. "How were you in the staff room, Severus? No one else would go for fear of the boggart."
Now Severus grinned a grin that made Remus' blood run cold. "You don't know?" Severus said, coldly.
Remus shook his head, uncertain.
"You see, Remus." Severus said, not moving from the fireplace. "The greatest fear I ever had was that I would lose my love. My Amethyst." He took a very deep breath before he continued. "My greatest fear was realised twelve years ago. There isn't a fear great enough to me now for a Boggart to take notice of."
Remus stared at Severus for some time before he nodded, turned and left the potions master to his potions.
Halloween. Severus finished the potion, poured it into its goblet and took it to Remus. He hid his surprise when he saw Harry Potter there. He simply delivered his potion and left, saying as little as he could.
Later in the day, he sat at his desk in his dungeon chamber. He was grading the last of the papers turned in on Friday, trying his best to keep his mind from the pain of memory. Between seeing Remus all around school and constantly being reminded that Sirius was still at large he was almost desperate to distract his mind.
He gave the last roll of parchment two out of ten and sat back, stretching his neck to relieve the stiffness it had accumulated over the last three hours he'd spend bent over parchments. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the portrait hanging over his fireplace. He viewed it upside down for a moment before sitting up straight and turning in his chair to look upon it fully.
Memories of Halloweens past flew through his mind. He smiled a smile none of the student's or staff of Hogwarts would have recognized at each memory. He stopped at the last Halloween before she died and savored it. She died almost a year later.
He was rubbing his left forearm absentmindedly when he heard a knock on his chamber door. Still half in his reverie, he said, "Enter."
It was Remus Lupin. He entered and walked to Severus side. He looked upon Amethyst's portrait and then at Severus face with a little more than half a grin of his own.
"What are you staring at, Lupin." Severus said, recovering himself and scowling.
"I am remembering Amethyst." Remus said, quietly. "And you. Remembering how much you two loved each other."
Severus gave him a sharp look.
"I am a werewolf, Severus. My senses are a bit more," he paused, thinking of the right word. "Heightened. I could tell what others could not."
Severus frowned, but said nothing.
"Sirius was devastated when she died, Severus." Remus continued. "He lashed out is all."
Severus found his voice. "Do not defend him to me, Remus." He hissed. "And do not come to me looking for an ally."
Remus sighed. "It was an accident, Severus." He said, almost pleading. "When will you realise that?"
Severus started slightly. "That was no accident." He hissed. "You know it. I know it." He tossed his chin at the portrait. "And she knew it."
"You are looking for him, aren't you?" Remus said, quietly.
"No." Severus said, honestly enough. "But if he is found by me there will be nothing for the dementors to take back to Azkaban."
Remus stared at Severus for a very long time. "You would regret it." He ventured.
Severus grinned a cold grin. "I would not regret it." He almost whispered. "Not for one second." He looked closely at Remus. "Now." he said, considering the past discussion closed. "You have discussed with Potter my suggestion?"
Remus nodded. "I have not. Yet." he said. "But I will and we will probably begin his anti-dementor lessons after Christmas break." He looked at Severus closely. "You are a strange man, Severus Snape." he said. "You hate Harry Potter, and yet you want me to teach him to defend himself against dementors."
Severus did not move. "I owe it to James. That brat of his is bound to get hurt by them, sooner or later. I would guess that they will come to the game. And we can't have him falling off of his broom, can we?" He said.
Remus looked pensive. "Of course not." he said. He looked at the portrait of Amethyst. "Severus." he said suddenly. "What do you hear when the dementors come near?"
For a moment he thought Severus would not answer. When he did, Remus felt as if a bucket of cold water were thrown on him.
"I hear Sirius Black." He said. "I hear him blaming me for the death of his sister." He was quiet a moment. "The only human being who ever meant anything to me."
Remus remained silent.
"I have gone over and over in my mind." Severus said, very softly and sadly. "How did they find out about her? I certainly never told them she was my lover. Of course they would have known that Amethyst was Sirius's sister, but how did they find out about she and I? And he turned to face Remus. "I knew, of course. You knew. James knew. Peter knew." He paused. "And Sirius knew."
Remus gasped at the implications of that last statement. "You can't mean?" He breathed. "You can't believe that, Severus. Not even you can believe that!"
Severus stood ramrod straight. "Oh, I do believe it, Remus." he hissed. "He was desperate to keep us apart. Desperate. He would have done anything to keep us apart."
"Not that!" Remus almost shouted.
"Yes that!" Severus said, just as loudly. "And he would have enjoyed watching me all these years. Watching my pain. I have not gotten over her death, Remus. I will never get over her death." He stopped suddenly, refusing to allow the memory to surface. "Yes Remus." he said, grinning sadly. "I believe that Sirius Black told the Death Eaters that his sister was my lover, hoping that they would use her to hurt me somehow. And they did, didn't they. All I have of her are this portrait, another beside my bed and my memories or her."
Remus began to back away a little, appalled.
"And Remus." Severus said, before Remus could escape. "I will kill Sirius Black as many times as I can if I find him before anyone else does. As many times as I can."
Remus fled before he could hear anymore. Severus watched the chamber door close. No one saw the homicidal glint in his eyes.
After being summarily dismissed by Dumbledore after searching the castle, Severus stalked back to his chambers. He was too keyed up to sleep. He was furious that Sirius had not been found. He would have loved to be the one to find him. His want hand itched to curse Sirius Black into non-existence.
Severus lay on his bed and looked at the smaller picture of Amethyst on his bedside table. He seemed to feel the pain of her passing more this year than any other.
He did not sleep that night.