Vincent Valentine's Guide to FF Vacationing
By Triad Card 844A
Disclaimer: In case of some odd reason that you did not read my disclaimer in the last chapter, here it is again:
I do not own Final Fantasy! Ta da!
(audience applause)
********************************
Episode 2: The Gold Saucer (Part 2)
********************************
Vincent Valentine: Welcome back to my show. Today, we are going to see even more antics as we follow Locke, Celes, Sephiroth, Aeris, and Zell around the Gold Saucer. What they don't know is that we have hidden cameras videotaping their entire trip. Yes, we even got the part where Sephiroth asked Aeris out in the last episode. Hmmm, that could be good for some blackmail . . . . .
********************
The next morning . . . .
********************
Vincent: Did you all sleep well? I especially enjoyed the coffin that I ordered for my room.
Zell: Who cares about that? Where are the hot dogs?
Vincent: Over there, right next to the counter.
Zell: YIPPEE!!!!!! **goes eat hot dogs**
Vincent: Anyway, I was able to get some connections and I got three of you to star in a play for the Gold Saucer show.
Locke: Which show?
Vincent: It's an Opera about a girl named Maria and a guy named Draco.
Celes: Does it by any chance have a song that goes "Oh my hero, so far away now, will I ever see your smile? Love goes away, like night into day, it's all a fading dream."
Vincent: Why yes, of course.
Locke: Oh, we've already been in that play.
Vincent: Then why don't we let Aeris, Sephiroth, and Zell star in it?
Locke: Great, we can watch the whole play without a purple octapus trying to sabatoge it!
Vincent: Hmm?
Locke: Never mind.
**********************
At the casting office . . . .
**********************
Director: So, which one of you will play each part?
Aeris: I guess I'll have to play Maria.
Director: Then we'll draw slots for the role of Draco. **holds out a hat with two slips of paper in it**
Vincent: **reaches in**
Aeris: **thinks: Please not Sephiroth, please not Sephiroth, please not Sephiroth . . . .**
Zell: **thinks: I wonder if there will be a hot dog vendor here?**
Vincent: And the part of Draco will be played by Sephiroth! Which means that Zell plays the evil Prince Ralse!
Aeris: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Have any of you realized that I have yet to talk in this entire chaper?
Aeris: Who cares, jerk?
****************
At rehearsal . . . .
****************
Director: Places, people! We need to practice! The performance will be in only fifteen minutes!
Aeris: But we were just asigned our parts three minutes ago!
Director: That's why you should hurry!
Cameraman: Remember, this will be broadcasted world wide, and also in a few other dimensions, so we need to be the best that we can be!
Aeris: Hmm, this will be a great opportunity to pledge my love to Cloud worldwide!
Aeris/Cloud shippers: Yay!!!!
Tifa/Cloud shippers: Booo!!!!
****************************
Just before the show starts . . . .
****************************
Aeris: **in white dress** Does this dress make me look fat?
Director: What answer do you wish for me to give?
Aeris: You've never had a girlfriend, have you?
Director: Don't forget to check the script!
Aeris: **reading script** Hmm? What's this? Let's see . . . .
"Oh my hero, so far away now.
Will I ever see your smile?
Love goes away, like night into day.
It's just a fading dream.
I'm the darkness, you're the stars.
Our love is brighter than the sun.
For eternity, for me there can be,
Only you, my chosen one . . .
Must I forget you? Our solemn promise?
Will autumn take the place of spring?
What shall I do? I'm lost without you.
Speak to me once more!
We must part now, my life goes on.
but my heart won't give you up.
Ere I walk away, let me hear you say.
I meant as much to you . . . .
So gently, you touched my heart.
I will be forever yours.
Come what may, I won't age a day,
I'll wait for you, always . . ."
Aeris: What kind of song is this? It's time for some revision to show my love for Cloud . . . . I wonder why this was never even mentioned in the first chapter? Oh well . . . . **takes out pen**
******************************
And now . . . . . . . . the play starts
******************************
Narrator: "The West and East are waging war . . .
Draco, the West's great hero, thinks of his love, Maria.
Is she safe? Is she waiting?"
Sephiroth (Draco): "Oh Maria!
Oh Maria!
Please, hear my voice!
How I long to kill - I mean - be with you!"
Narrator: "The forces of the West fell,
and Maria's castle was taken.
Prince Ralse, of the East,
took her hand by force,
but she never stopped yearning for Draco . . ."
(on top of the fake castle prop)
Aeris (Maria): "Oh my hero, so far away now.
Will I ever see your scorn?
Love goes away, like METEOR into the Lifestream.
It's just a fading dream.
I'm the junction slots, you're the materia.
Our love is brighter than the sun.
For eternity, for me there can be,
Only you, my chosen one . . .
Must I forget you? Our solemn promise?
Will North Corel take the place of Costa Del Sol?
What shall I do? I'm lost without you.
Speak to me once more!"
Sephiroth (Draco): **appears on the fake castle prop** Come, follow my lead!
Aeris (Maria): As if, idiot!
Sephiroth (Draco): Don't make me use the Masamune . . . . .
Aeris (Maria): Shut up! People are already staring!
Sephiroth (Draco): But I'm not the one who started it!
Aeris (Maria): Quiet! Just let me finish my song!
Sephiroth (Draco): Okay, I'm out of here. **exits stage left**
Aeris (Maria): "We must part now, my life is over.
but my heart won't give you up.
Somehow, someday, I'll be back this way.
I shall be revived somehow . . . .
So painfully, I was stabbed.
I was really, really pissed off.
Come what may, I won't age a day,
I'll be back, from the dead . . ."
Actor who plays the Chancellor: "Come, the West has fallen. We have adopted the spirit of the East!"
(Now we are in the ballroom of the fake castle. Aeris and Zell (Prince Ralse) are dancing)
Soldier actor 1: "Attack!"
Soldier actor 2: "The West lives on!"
Sephiroth (Draco): "I have (unwillingly) come for you, Maria!"
Zell (Ralse): "You must get past me first! It's a duel!"
Sephiroth (Draco): "Fine with me! SUPERNOVA!!!!"
The summoned beast comes and uses the sun to blow up half of the stage, as well as rendering Zell unconscious.
Sephiroth (Draco): "Fool! I am the good guy in this story! I am not suppose to lose no matter how stupid I am!"
Aeris (Maria): "Seph - I mean - Draco, I hope you're not going to get all mushy on this scene.
Sephiroth (Not exactly acting like Draco anymore): Actually, I really want to go out with you, seriously, not just to kill you.
Aeris (Not acting like Maria either): Sorry, but I still like Cloud better, and I still think that you are a jerk.
Sephiroth: But if you think about it, aren't Cloud and Zack and I all the same? We are all clones of some sort, and our lives and personalities are still similar.
Aeris: Well . . . . .
Sephiroth: All three of us and countless others are connected by the legacy of Shinra, so if you can love one, then you can love another as well.
Aeris: But . . . . .
Sephiroth: We are the last two ancients. We were made for each other.
Aeris: Still . . . .
Sephiroth: And I didn't mean to kill you. I was really trying to kill that *^%#& Tifa.
Aeris: Really?
Sephiroth: Of course. My sword just slipped.
Aeris: Honestly?
Sephiroth: Honestly and truly.
Aeris: Aww . . . . well . . . . .
********************************************************************************************************
Is this the end of one relationship and the beginning of another? Stay tuned and find out after these commercials!
********************************************************************************************************
(commercial 1)
Seal Materia: 6,000 gil
Steal Materia: 5,000 gil
Ultima Materia: 50,000 gil
Finally beating that stupid Emerald WEAPON and getting all the mastered materia: Priceless
There are spells that you just can't cast. For everything else, there's Mastered Materia, the materia that lets you cast everything. Whoopee!!!
(commercial 2)
Announcer: Are you a member of an RPG game? If so, please join the RPG Guild Arena, where people from all over join together. There's the Heroic Swordsman Guild:
Cloud: So, are there any additions to our new rule for requiring all swords to be at least three feet long?
Tidus: I move to add junction slots to all swords made after the year 2003.
Link: I second the motion.
Cloud: Very well then. Do you wish to say anything, Crono?
Crono: . . . . . .
Cloud: What about you, Squall?
Squall: Whatever . . .
Cloud: Then it's agreed. The bill is passed.
Announcer: Or the Sorceress' Guild:
Aeris: I petition for a law proclaiming that evil swordsmen may no longer stab girls while they are praying.
Angela: I second the motion.
Rinoa: I wish to amend by addition that no evil swordsman may come within ten feet of a sorceress during battles with other sorceresses.
Terra: I second that motion.
Aeris: Are there any objections?
Celes: What if all this messes up with the plot of the story?
Garnet: Why don't we just fire the author and hire a new one?
Celes: Very well then.
Aeris: Then it's agreed. The motion is sustained.
Announcer: Or even the Wimpy Little Girl Who's In The Game For Some Unknown Reason Guild:
Relm: I call for a motion to remove the term "Wimpy" from our guild name. All opposed say "nay".
Eiko: "nay"
Cara: "nay"
Carlie: "nay"
Rydia: "nay"
Relm: What? What's wrong with all you girls???
Announcer: So stop by your local dimensional community center and sign up today!
(end of commercial break)
********************************************************************************************************
When we last left, Aeris and Sephiroth were finally starting to understand each other.
Aeris: Well, I suppose you're right. I could love you.
Sephiroth: I've never met anyone like you before.
Aeris: **looks into his eyes**
Sephiroth: **looks into her eyes**
Tifa/Cloud Shippers: Aww . . . . .
Aeris/Cloud Shippers: Boo!!!
Sephiroth: **takes out masamune** Oh, by the way . . . .
Aeris: What?
Sephiroth: Here, catch! **throws masamune at Aeris**
Aeris: Huh?
**the masamune impales Aeris again, continues to fly and ends up also impaling the hot dog vendor**
Aeris: **looks down at sword in her** Not again! Sephiroth . . . . yoouuuu jjjjeeeeeerrrrrr . . . . . **dies**
Sephiroth: **looks up and smirks** Well, what did you expect me to do?
Tifa/Cloud Shippers: Yay!!!!!
Aeris/Cloud Shippers: Boo!!!!!
Zell: **regains consciousness and realises what is happening** SEPHIROTH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!!!
Sephiroth: What, you mean killing Aeris?
Zell: NO, I MEAN KILLING THE HOT DOG VENDER!!!!!
Sephiroth: But . . . . .
Zell: THAT'S IT!!! YOU DIE NOW!!! ULTIMATE LIMIT BREAK!!! MY FINAL HEAVEN!!!
**Zell performes the My Final Heaven limit and blasts the remaining half of the stage, as well as sending Sephiroth flying out of the Gold Saucer**
Zell: That'll teach him to mess with hot dogs. Precious hot dogs!!!
**suddenly, Triad Card 844A appears on the stage**
Triad Card 844A: Tsk Tsk Tsk . . . . I can't have Aeris dead right now!
Vincent: You're damn right! This will so ruin the show!
Locke: See? That's what would have happened if I hadn't saved you from the purple octopus.
Celes: You mean I'd have a sword through my stomach?
Locke: Well, not exactly.
Triad Card 844A: Well, I guess I'll have to use my magical author powers to bring her back. **uses magical author powers to bring Aeris back**
Aeris: **awaking again** That jerk!!! Wait till I get him next time! Hey, why do I still have the masamune sticking through me? Uh, I don't feel so good . . . . **dies again**
Triad Card 844A: Whoops, I guess I forgot to remove the sword first. **removes sword, then revives Aeris again**
Aeris: **awaking once again** Okay now, it's war, Sephiroth!
*********************
End of Chapter 1 part 2
*********************
What will Aeris do to Sephiroth now? Has Zell truly avenged the Hot Dog Vender? And what has become of Cid, still back at the Highwind? Find out in the next part of Vincent Valentine's Guide to FF Vacationing!!!
By Triad Card 844A
Disclaimer: In case of some odd reason that you did not read my disclaimer in the last chapter, here it is again:
I do not own Final Fantasy! Ta da!
(audience applause)
********************************
Episode 2: The Gold Saucer (Part 2)
********************************
Vincent Valentine: Welcome back to my show. Today, we are going to see even more antics as we follow Locke, Celes, Sephiroth, Aeris, and Zell around the Gold Saucer. What they don't know is that we have hidden cameras videotaping their entire trip. Yes, we even got the part where Sephiroth asked Aeris out in the last episode. Hmmm, that could be good for some blackmail . . . . .
********************
The next morning . . . .
********************
Vincent: Did you all sleep well? I especially enjoyed the coffin that I ordered for my room.
Zell: Who cares about that? Where are the hot dogs?
Vincent: Over there, right next to the counter.
Zell: YIPPEE!!!!!! **goes eat hot dogs**
Vincent: Anyway, I was able to get some connections and I got three of you to star in a play for the Gold Saucer show.
Locke: Which show?
Vincent: It's an Opera about a girl named Maria and a guy named Draco.
Celes: Does it by any chance have a song that goes "Oh my hero, so far away now, will I ever see your smile? Love goes away, like night into day, it's all a fading dream."
Vincent: Why yes, of course.
Locke: Oh, we've already been in that play.
Vincent: Then why don't we let Aeris, Sephiroth, and Zell star in it?
Locke: Great, we can watch the whole play without a purple octapus trying to sabatoge it!
Vincent: Hmm?
Locke: Never mind.
**********************
At the casting office . . . .
**********************
Director: So, which one of you will play each part?
Aeris: I guess I'll have to play Maria.
Director: Then we'll draw slots for the role of Draco. **holds out a hat with two slips of paper in it**
Vincent: **reaches in**
Aeris: **thinks: Please not Sephiroth, please not Sephiroth, please not Sephiroth . . . .**
Zell: **thinks: I wonder if there will be a hot dog vendor here?**
Vincent: And the part of Draco will be played by Sephiroth! Which means that Zell plays the evil Prince Ralse!
Aeris: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Have any of you realized that I have yet to talk in this entire chaper?
Aeris: Who cares, jerk?
****************
At rehearsal . . . .
****************
Director: Places, people! We need to practice! The performance will be in only fifteen minutes!
Aeris: But we were just asigned our parts three minutes ago!
Director: That's why you should hurry!
Cameraman: Remember, this will be broadcasted world wide, and also in a few other dimensions, so we need to be the best that we can be!
Aeris: Hmm, this will be a great opportunity to pledge my love to Cloud worldwide!
Aeris/Cloud shippers: Yay!!!!
Tifa/Cloud shippers: Booo!!!!
****************************
Just before the show starts . . . .
****************************
Aeris: **in white dress** Does this dress make me look fat?
Director: What answer do you wish for me to give?
Aeris: You've never had a girlfriend, have you?
Director: Don't forget to check the script!
Aeris: **reading script** Hmm? What's this? Let's see . . . .
"Oh my hero, so far away now.
Will I ever see your smile?
Love goes away, like night into day.
It's just a fading dream.
I'm the darkness, you're the stars.
Our love is brighter than the sun.
For eternity, for me there can be,
Only you, my chosen one . . .
Must I forget you? Our solemn promise?
Will autumn take the place of spring?
What shall I do? I'm lost without you.
Speak to me once more!
We must part now, my life goes on.
but my heart won't give you up.
Ere I walk away, let me hear you say.
I meant as much to you . . . .
So gently, you touched my heart.
I will be forever yours.
Come what may, I won't age a day,
I'll wait for you, always . . ."
Aeris: What kind of song is this? It's time for some revision to show my love for Cloud . . . . I wonder why this was never even mentioned in the first chapter? Oh well . . . . **takes out pen**
******************************
And now . . . . . . . . the play starts
******************************
Narrator: "The West and East are waging war . . .
Draco, the West's great hero, thinks of his love, Maria.
Is she safe? Is she waiting?"
Sephiroth (Draco): "Oh Maria!
Oh Maria!
Please, hear my voice!
How I long to kill - I mean - be with you!"
Narrator: "The forces of the West fell,
and Maria's castle was taken.
Prince Ralse, of the East,
took her hand by force,
but she never stopped yearning for Draco . . ."
(on top of the fake castle prop)
Aeris (Maria): "Oh my hero, so far away now.
Will I ever see your scorn?
Love goes away, like METEOR into the Lifestream.
It's just a fading dream.
I'm the junction slots, you're the materia.
Our love is brighter than the sun.
For eternity, for me there can be,
Only you, my chosen one . . .
Must I forget you? Our solemn promise?
Will North Corel take the place of Costa Del Sol?
What shall I do? I'm lost without you.
Speak to me once more!"
Sephiroth (Draco): **appears on the fake castle prop** Come, follow my lead!
Aeris (Maria): As if, idiot!
Sephiroth (Draco): Don't make me use the Masamune . . . . .
Aeris (Maria): Shut up! People are already staring!
Sephiroth (Draco): But I'm not the one who started it!
Aeris (Maria): Quiet! Just let me finish my song!
Sephiroth (Draco): Okay, I'm out of here. **exits stage left**
Aeris (Maria): "We must part now, my life is over.
but my heart won't give you up.
Somehow, someday, I'll be back this way.
I shall be revived somehow . . . .
So painfully, I was stabbed.
I was really, really pissed off.
Come what may, I won't age a day,
I'll be back, from the dead . . ."
Actor who plays the Chancellor: "Come, the West has fallen. We have adopted the spirit of the East!"
(Now we are in the ballroom of the fake castle. Aeris and Zell (Prince Ralse) are dancing)
Soldier actor 1: "Attack!"
Soldier actor 2: "The West lives on!"
Sephiroth (Draco): "I have (unwillingly) come for you, Maria!"
Zell (Ralse): "You must get past me first! It's a duel!"
Sephiroth (Draco): "Fine with me! SUPERNOVA!!!!"
The summoned beast comes and uses the sun to blow up half of the stage, as well as rendering Zell unconscious.
Sephiroth (Draco): "Fool! I am the good guy in this story! I am not suppose to lose no matter how stupid I am!"
Aeris (Maria): "Seph - I mean - Draco, I hope you're not going to get all mushy on this scene.
Sephiroth (Not exactly acting like Draco anymore): Actually, I really want to go out with you, seriously, not just to kill you.
Aeris (Not acting like Maria either): Sorry, but I still like Cloud better, and I still think that you are a jerk.
Sephiroth: But if you think about it, aren't Cloud and Zack and I all the same? We are all clones of some sort, and our lives and personalities are still similar.
Aeris: Well . . . . .
Sephiroth: All three of us and countless others are connected by the legacy of Shinra, so if you can love one, then you can love another as well.
Aeris: But . . . . .
Sephiroth: We are the last two ancients. We were made for each other.
Aeris: Still . . . .
Sephiroth: And I didn't mean to kill you. I was really trying to kill that *^%#& Tifa.
Aeris: Really?
Sephiroth: Of course. My sword just slipped.
Aeris: Honestly?
Sephiroth: Honestly and truly.
Aeris: Aww . . . . well . . . . .
********************************************************************************************************
Is this the end of one relationship and the beginning of another? Stay tuned and find out after these commercials!
********************************************************************************************************
(commercial 1)
Seal Materia: 6,000 gil
Steal Materia: 5,000 gil
Ultima Materia: 50,000 gil
Finally beating that stupid Emerald WEAPON and getting all the mastered materia: Priceless
There are spells that you just can't cast. For everything else, there's Mastered Materia, the materia that lets you cast everything. Whoopee!!!
(commercial 2)
Announcer: Are you a member of an RPG game? If so, please join the RPG Guild Arena, where people from all over join together. There's the Heroic Swordsman Guild:
Cloud: So, are there any additions to our new rule for requiring all swords to be at least three feet long?
Tidus: I move to add junction slots to all swords made after the year 2003.
Link: I second the motion.
Cloud: Very well then. Do you wish to say anything, Crono?
Crono: . . . . . .
Cloud: What about you, Squall?
Squall: Whatever . . .
Cloud: Then it's agreed. The bill is passed.
Announcer: Or the Sorceress' Guild:
Aeris: I petition for a law proclaiming that evil swordsmen may no longer stab girls while they are praying.
Angela: I second the motion.
Rinoa: I wish to amend by addition that no evil swordsman may come within ten feet of a sorceress during battles with other sorceresses.
Terra: I second that motion.
Aeris: Are there any objections?
Celes: What if all this messes up with the plot of the story?
Garnet: Why don't we just fire the author and hire a new one?
Celes: Very well then.
Aeris: Then it's agreed. The motion is sustained.
Announcer: Or even the Wimpy Little Girl Who's In The Game For Some Unknown Reason Guild:
Relm: I call for a motion to remove the term "Wimpy" from our guild name. All opposed say "nay".
Eiko: "nay"
Cara: "nay"
Carlie: "nay"
Rydia: "nay"
Relm: What? What's wrong with all you girls???
Announcer: So stop by your local dimensional community center and sign up today!
(end of commercial break)
********************************************************************************************************
When we last left, Aeris and Sephiroth were finally starting to understand each other.
Aeris: Well, I suppose you're right. I could love you.
Sephiroth: I've never met anyone like you before.
Aeris: **looks into his eyes**
Sephiroth: **looks into her eyes**
Tifa/Cloud Shippers: Aww . . . . .
Aeris/Cloud Shippers: Boo!!!
Sephiroth: **takes out masamune** Oh, by the way . . . .
Aeris: What?
Sephiroth: Here, catch! **throws masamune at Aeris**
Aeris: Huh?
**the masamune impales Aeris again, continues to fly and ends up also impaling the hot dog vendor**
Aeris: **looks down at sword in her** Not again! Sephiroth . . . . yoouuuu jjjjeeeeeerrrrrr . . . . . **dies**
Sephiroth: **looks up and smirks** Well, what did you expect me to do?
Tifa/Cloud Shippers: Yay!!!!!
Aeris/Cloud Shippers: Boo!!!!!
Zell: **regains consciousness and realises what is happening** SEPHIROTH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??!!!
Sephiroth: What, you mean killing Aeris?
Zell: NO, I MEAN KILLING THE HOT DOG VENDER!!!!!
Sephiroth: But . . . . .
Zell: THAT'S IT!!! YOU DIE NOW!!! ULTIMATE LIMIT BREAK!!! MY FINAL HEAVEN!!!
**Zell performes the My Final Heaven limit and blasts the remaining half of the stage, as well as sending Sephiroth flying out of the Gold Saucer**
Zell: That'll teach him to mess with hot dogs. Precious hot dogs!!!
**suddenly, Triad Card 844A appears on the stage**
Triad Card 844A: Tsk Tsk Tsk . . . . I can't have Aeris dead right now!
Vincent: You're damn right! This will so ruin the show!
Locke: See? That's what would have happened if I hadn't saved you from the purple octopus.
Celes: You mean I'd have a sword through my stomach?
Locke: Well, not exactly.
Triad Card 844A: Well, I guess I'll have to use my magical author powers to bring her back. **uses magical author powers to bring Aeris back**
Aeris: **awaking again** That jerk!!! Wait till I get him next time! Hey, why do I still have the masamune sticking through me? Uh, I don't feel so good . . . . **dies again**
Triad Card 844A: Whoops, I guess I forgot to remove the sword first. **removes sword, then revives Aeris again**
Aeris: **awaking once again** Okay now, it's war, Sephiroth!
*********************
End of Chapter 1 part 2
*********************
What will Aeris do to Sephiroth now? Has Zell truly avenged the Hot Dog Vender? And what has become of Cid, still back at the Highwind? Find out in the next part of Vincent Valentine's Guide to FF Vacationing!!!