White Shell Woman

by JustAnotherPilotDown

A tale of reincarnation, accepting one's destiny and learning to love. This is slightly A/U. Chapter 15 is up and the fic will be regularly updated once more.

12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

" Love anything and your heart will be wrung

and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of

keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not

even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies

and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock

it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness.

But in that casket-- safe, dark, motionless, airless—

it will change. It will not be broken, it will become

unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

To love is to be vulnerable."

C.S. Lewis

Darwin once claimed that all successful species had the ability to adapt to their environment. The ones that couldn't would suffer the consequences and lose out in the survival of the fittest. Ever since being wished back with his twin sister after Cell had been defeated Juunanagou struggled with trying to find a new niche for himself. World domination was now clearly out of the question. How very irritating. Goku and his friends had provided him with a fresh start and as much as he hated to admit it, he owed them. It wouldn't do to fight them when it was obvious that their power now surpassed his. Oh well…you win some, you lose some.

So what's an android to do? His sister had been able to move on. Juuhachigou eventually married that dwarf weakling Krillin and gave birth to Marron. She had chosen love and to raise a family. But he often wondered if Juuhachi was able to know what love truly was. He certainly didn't. Were they able to feel such a thing? How much of their human bodies had Dr.Gero let them keep?

Questions…they always kept coming but were never answered. So he took the coward's way out: he ran. Years were wasted traveling, fighting, drinking, anything that took his mind off his uncertainty. Back then it mattered little to him; time was something he had plenty of. Forever young and immortal or trapped in the body of a child, doomed to live eternally in a world where you don't belong? It depended on how you looked at it. And after nearly seventy years he still didn't know which was his truth. Eventually he got bored, that always seemed to be the constant outcome. A change of scenery would be required then, once a new playground was discovered the cycle would begin anew. His weak attempts at adapting were only putting off the inevitable. One couldn't live their life with one foot in and one foot out.

Finally one morning he got up and decided he'd had enough. If someone had asked him why, he wouldn't have had an answer for them. Damned if he knew but somehow it felt right. Juunanagou then recalled the few times in his life that he felt at peace. One was when he was by his sister's side in battle. Another was when he was holding his niece and later his grandniece in his arms. And now? He decided to think about something else because frankly, he didn't feel like going there.

Work was going fairly well. Approaching Trunks Briefs had been one of the few good decisions in his life. He found his job interesting and he didn't get bored like he used to. The crew had made some nice progress in the past few months. After Pan had taken two weeks to thoroughly go over everything, things began to get easier. The men were sad to see her go at the end. They felt like she was part of the team at that point. But she was still an enigma to him. The woman had the knack for explaining Tulantian vid screens while counseling the men about their lives. It was so weird to watch. One minute she'd be going over the circuitry and then telling Ivan Petrov of a good way to go about communicating with his son. Strange thing was, you didn't get annoyed or hate her for it. There was no preaching or nagging. In fact she only offered her insights when someone brought it up, whether they meant to or not. Soon nearly the whole team had approached her about one problem or another at some point. Of course he hadn't, that would've been ridiculous. But he liked her just the same. She was honest and spoke her mind and that was a trait he admired in people. Pan also seemed immune to his distant ways and actually appeared to enjoy his sarcasm. He found her laughing often and smiling at him…maybe she was dropped on her head as a child.

Juunanagou looked down and saw Pan's home come into view. He swooped down lightly and landed at the front door. While ringing the doorbell he took a look at his surroundings. She sure had chosen a gorgeous spot. The villa sat on the edge of a hill that overlooked a deep valley. Everything around was lush and green for there was not one brown blade of grass or fallen leaf. He could hear the soft bubbling of a brook nearby but he couldn't see it from where he stood. It seemed to be so peaceful here and far away from everything.

A few minutes passed and after a few more rings of the doorbell he grew impatient. What is up with this woman? Doesn't she know to answer her own door? Cursing softly he opened the door and walked in after finding it was unlocked. Juunanagou admitted that she probably didn't encounter a lot of crime out here and that she could easily take care of herself but he thought it was careless anyway.

" Hello? Anyone home?" he called into the house.

He received no reply and decided to make his way in. Maybe they were outside. Noise from the family room caught his attention and he headed there.

" When a man's an empty kettle, he should be on his mettle and yet I'm torn apart…Just because I'm presumin' that I'd be kinda human if I only had a heart…"

What on earth is this crap? Juunanagou glanced at the television that was on.

" I'd be tender, I'd be gentle and awful sentimental, regarding love and art…"

It looked to be some stupid movie that Livia was watching. He caught sight of his grandniece curled up and asleep on the couch opposite the TV. God the squirt looked cute, he thought to himself. Grabbing a hold of a blanket nearby, he covered her up before continuing on his way. The rest of the house was empty so he decided to check out back. From the porch he could see a person sitting far away, to most people it just looked like a black dot but he was not most people.

After a few hundreds yards he could see that it was indeed Pan and that she appeared to be meditating. As he got closer he saw that yes, she was meditating all right and that she was also…fully nude. Just when you think you know someone…he thought with a small chuckle.

He yelled over to her so she would be alerted of his presence but she didn't react. Juunanagou frowned as he walked up to her, shouting to get her attention while casually trying to avert his eyes. It was the least he could do since he'd already received a good enough view.

" Yo Pan! Hello?" he shouted at her. No good, she was deep in…whatever it was she was doing.

Juunanagou sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked around in front of her, grabbing her arms to shake her.

" Wake up Pan! I don't have time for this!" he yelled in annoyance at her face.

The eyes remained closed and her breathing was still slow. His eyes fell upon her peaceful face and noticed the way her lips pouted gently when relaxed. He found himself brushing her bangs softly to the side, delighting in how soft her skin felt against his fingertips. Suddenly he shook his head. What the hell was he doing???

" Look hon, not that the view isn't nice and all but I don't think we're ready for this kind of intimacy yet," he said shaking her again. This time he saw the eyelids start to flutter.

" Come on, wakey wakey," he smirked, as she started to come to.

The eyes shot open and she leapt away from him at lightening speed. He had to give her credit, she didn't scream.

" What the…Juunana what are you doing here?" she asked trying to catch her breath.

He folded his arms defensively and snorted.

" I came here to pick up Liv. Trunks got stuck in a meeting and he asked me to get her and bring her back to the office for him," he explained coolly.

Pan glanced away and then down at her body, realizing her state of dress.

" Shit," she said, getting up and walking over to where a white robe lay on the ground behind a rock. She quickly put it on and looked up at him while tying the belt.

" Oh well, probably nothing you haven't seen already am I right?" she asked with embarrassment, laughing lightly.

Juunanagou just looked at her and said nothing. He turned and started back to the house and found her keeping pace beside him.

" I was literally shouting at you, I tried to give you warning," he muttered.

Pan nodded. " I'm sure you did. I was in too deep for it to have done any good though," she said.

He glanced sideways at her, then away. The gentle breeze was leading the ends of her ebony hair in a slow dance along her shoulder blades.

" What were you doing back there?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the house.

She studied him curiously for a moment before answering. " I was regressing." Taking note of his blank expression she decided to continue in greater detail.

" Well you know about my background now right? One of the things Mogiri taught me was the ability to channel my past life experiences," she said.

Juunanagou raised an eyebrow skeptically. " Past lives? Don't tell me you believe in that rubbish," he huffed.

Pan merely smiled and put her hands in the pockets of her robe.

" Is it something so hard to believe? In the world we live in these days no less? Look at Uub then. He's the reincarnation of Evil Buu, you can't dispute that."

She had him there. He knew about her discovery of her extra alien heritage. A couple of times they had discussed it casually, he couldn't help but be interested and she seemed to have no problem talking about it. It was even demonstrated by the way of their occasional sparring matches. Pan was the one who initiated them, much to his surprise. With her work and then training Vegeta he'd thought more fighting was the last thing she'd want. She just smiled at him, claiming that he would be a real challenge for her. At the time he hadn't understood because anyone who could defeat Vegeta at his current level could easily beat him into scrap metal. Later she explained that because of his makeup, having organic and inorganic parts, it made him extremely immune to her psychic powers. By sparring with him, she was able to build up on her saiyan powers since she was unable to use the other abilities. It turned out to be quite fun and he had been able to teach her a few moves. He knew little of her Tulantian powers and just how far she could go with them. If she could see past lifetimes it was probably likely that she could also see lost memories.

" You might as well ask me Juunana," Pan said quietly.

He looked down at her puzzled, running a hand through his black hair.

" I thought you couldn't read my mind," he said suspiciously.

Her eyes twinkled in amusement and her mouth formed a wide grin.

" I can't but the look on your face made it pretty obvious," she answered smugly.

Juunanagou frowned at this and grumbled. Finally he just shrugged and leaned in to whisper into her ear.

" So then, will it be my place or yours?" he asked evilly.

This earned him an elbow being dug into his ribs and a chuckle from her end.

" Cute. But that was not what you were thinking. I was looking at your face, not your pants. And even then it'd take some time to see much of anything," she quipped.

" Allow me to prove you otherwise," he said, blue eyes bearing down on her.

" I'll pass thanks. So really, what did you want to know?" she asked seriously.

His face softened a moment as he considered her question. Did he really want to find out? After all the time he wasted pursuing his past and coming up with very little, he thought he had put it all behind him. Of course after making the effort of becoming the man he was now, fate had decided to laugh in his face. But that was another subject all together.

" If you really can access past life experiences…can you do the same but with the life you're involved in now?" he asked her awkwardly.

" I'm not sure I follow you. Are you talking about repressed memories?"

Juunanagou shook his head. " More like memories that are buried deep or forgotten. Years ago I got curious about who I was before Dr.Gero turned me into what I am now…or even if I was someone, for that matter. Going through public records and international databases I found a news article detailing the disappearance of a pair of 12 yr old twins in Australia. It turned out our family lived on a ranch 50 miles outside of Brisbane in a fairly remote area. I'm sure that made things easy for the old man. You don't seem surprised by this Pan…"

Pan opened the porch door and held it open while he walked through and into the house. She followed him into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water after offering him something to drink.

" Well a little but I knew you had to be someone and come from somewhere," she replied, taking a sip and sitting down.

Her eyes lifted upward to find him leaning against the counter looking rather flushed.

" You should have known that much. After all you have a soul," she said. His expression changed to one of utter pain. The dark eyebrows furrowed and the mouth dropped slightly in confusion. Suddenly concerned by his reaction she set her glass down and looked him squarely in the eyes. " You do know you have a soul don't you?" she asked gently.

The pale blue eyes glistened a bit as they looked back at her.

" Oh Juunana…" she said softly, starting to rise up from her seat.

A hard look and the rising of his hand gestured for her to remain in her seat. She complied with a sigh and sat back down. Pan knew it was useless push the topic further by the look on his face. Over time she had been able to get the android to open up to her and she wasn't about to jeopardize their fragile relationship now.

Juunanagou cleared his throat and continued. " Anyway, since it turned out that my sister and I had lives before we were altered, I realized that I probably have childhood memories locked away somewhere in here," he said, tapping a finger against his head.

" Are you able to do such a thing? Can you help me access my buried memories?"

Pan nodded silently.

Her answer relaxed Juunanagou a bit. He had feared that she wouldn't have been able to help him. Even after everything that had happened he still retained a small glimmer of hope regarding the man he was. While it was true that he couldn't reverse certain things, he wanted to at least know the child he had been.

" Ah. Well, that's a relief. I'm not sure I'm ready to do it yet but it's good to know that you can," he admitted, shifting his weight.

Pan rested her elbows on the table and propped her head up with her hands.

" Are you sure you want this kind of trip down memory lane?" she asked.

" No."

" Then why…"

" I have my reasons," he shrugged. He heard her exhale a deep sigh, smiling secretly at how his cryptic answers always frustrated her. The golden brown eyes looked a bit pained that he wouldn't be honest with her and he felt a stab of guilt. The creature before him was not the kind that would hurt or betray anyone but trust was not something he gave easily. Trust required letting yourself be vulnerable and shattering your defensive walls. Juunanagou couldn't remember ever doing that his entire life. It just wouldn't have looked good on his resume in the past. Homicidal, cold-calculating, powerful android seeks world to destroy…special skills: martial arts, power blasts, high intelligence, trusts easily. Out of the four traits for a villain, pick one that doesn't belong. You get the idea.

A loud yawn coming from the family room broke the silence of the kitchen.

Pan glanced over at the sound. " She's awake," she announced with a smile.

Livia walked into the kitchen rubbing her eyes slowly. She walked over to her uncle and hugged him hello and sat down next to Pan.

" Sleep well Squirt?" he asked the groggy little kid.

She nodded and yawned once more.

" I told you that you needed a nap," Pan teased her.

Livia giggled. " Yeah I fell asleep during the movie. Can we watch it again some other time?"

" Just take the tape with you if you want. I never watch it anymore. You can force your dad to make you watch it with you," she said with an evil grin.

Livia didn't quite get Pan's tone. She thought her father would be totally happy to watch a movie that she liked.

" Pan you're an evil woman. What exactly was that twisted film that I saw?" asked Juunanagou.

" The Wizard of Oz!" answered Livia excitedly.

Pan winked at Juunanagou and nodded at Livia. " Tell your uncle what else you've had your dad watch with you hon."

Livia looked at Pan and then Juunanagou while trying to remember carefully.

" Oh we used to watch lots of stuff. Barney, Teletubbies, Pokemon, Blue's Clues, and Disney movies…" she listed.

" My God. How does Briefs stand it?" Juunanagou said paling considerably.

Pan laughed at him and stood up.

" I'm going to get your stuff Liv, you can stay here," she told the five year old that gazed adoringly up at her.

" Ok Pan," she replied with a smile.

Juunanagou watched her form leave the room and then found his little grandniece studying him. He cocked his head and smiled back at her.

" That's a funny face you have there," he observed.

" You like her don't you?" Livia asked.

Juunanagou's eyes widened. That was the last thing he had expected to come out of her mouth. He put on his stern uncle expression and pulled a chair up next to her.

" Now what makes you say that Squirt? Of course I like Pan, we both do," he answered carefully.

" The way you look at her sometimes when she's not looking. And you don't like a lot of people Uncle. But I know you do…it's ok I won't tell anyone," Livia said just above a whisper.

" Well it's good to know I can count on you to keep a secret Liv. We can't have people start to think that I'm actually a pleasant person now can we?" he grinned at her.

The little blonde covered her mouth to hide a smile.

" I love Pan lots. We do fun stuff all the time. She's the best person I know!" she stated.

Juunanagou tilted his head and pulled a pigtail gently. " Oh and I suppose your dad and I are chop liver?" he inquired with a mock frown.

" No, you're men," came the reply.

" Ok…yes we are and?" he prodded.

" Men are good for two things: lawn care and car maintenance," Livia quoted.

He threw his head back and started to laugh. Laughing was not something he did often enough, he suddenly decided as he calmed down.

Pan appeared from the hallway clutching Livia's knapsack and stuffed panda bear.

" What's so funny?" she asked looking down at the pair.

" I don't know Pan. All I did was tell Uncle Juunana what you said about men being good for," Livia explained, clearly confused by his reaction.

" Oh so it was you filling the child's head with lies!" Juunanagou accused teasingly.

Pan rolled her eyes and roughed up Livia's hair.

" That was a joke honey and was supposed to stay between me and you," she scolded lightly.

" I'm sorry," Livia apologized, sinking into her chair guiltily.

Juunanagou stood up and pushed the chair back against the table.

" I haven't had a good laugh like that in awhile. Maybe it's just what comes out of kids' mouths. You're precious Liv," he said to her.

Livia beamed and got up to take her uncle's hand.

" I'll walk you two to the door," Pan offered, leading the way. When they reached the front door, Pan kneeled down to Livia's level and gave her a big hug.

" I hope you had a good time sweetie," she said warmly.

Livia nodded eagerly. " I sure did."

" Great. Say hi to your dad for me and give him a big hug. You know you're welcome here always," Pan said kissing her cheek.

" Ok I will, bye Pan!"

Juunanagou started to walk through the doorway when he felt a soft hand grab hold of his arm to stop him. He looked over his shoulder to see Pan looking at him intently.

" About what was said earlier. My door is open when you're ready. Most weekend afternoons I spend my time here," she said to him.

He nodded slowly and smiled.

" Thanks," he replied.

At hearing that Pan gave him a beautiful smile and it gave him the strangest feeling. Juunanagou been around many beautiful women in his time but none provoked such a response from him as she did. Suddenly he was very glad that he was leaving.

Slinging the small backpack over his shoulder, he picked Livia up and gave Pan one last wave. Then they began to climb into the sky, heading towards Satan City. The trip was not a peaceful one considering Livia's screams and giggling.

" Squirt how come your father hasn't taught you to fly yet?" he grumbled looking down at the little head.

" He says I'm too little. Now go faster!" she commanded.

****************************************************************

Pan sat cross-legged under her favorite tree reflecting on what she had learned that day. Mogiri sat under another a few feet away, deep in his meditation. She opened her eyes to watch him, thinking back to when they had first met.

The exciting rush of learning what he was had helped her through the initial shock. Her life experience up until that point had helped her cope better than most in her situation would have. If you were a member of the Son family, you knew to expect the bizarre. Her father and grandfather had encountered many aliens here on Earth although very few had been benevolent with the exception of the Nameks. Mogiri had known of them as well.

" Dende? Ah yes, the guardian knows of me as did he predecessors. He has decided to let me live my remaining years out in peace. Obviously I pose no threat nor can I be of any great assistance in his protection of Earth," he had said of the Namek.

Pan thought of the similarities between the two races. Both stressed meditation and attaining a higher form of consciousness. The Nameks implemented physical techniques to their fighting abilities unlike the Tulantians but they both had great healing powers. She wasn't sure if Mogiri's people were able to regenerate limbs like the Nameks. That was something she'd have to ask him later.

Her eyes fell on his face, taking in the smooth features. The wise golden eyes were now closed as he breathed slowly through his small nose. It was somewhat similar to a human nose except that it was smaller and had tiny ridges across the bridge of it. The yellow bar markings rose up along his forehead to the back of his skull signifying his advanced age. The shape of a Tulantian's skull added to their distinctive look. Slightly larger than a human's skull, the forehead rose up normally and deviated towards the back as it hooked out smoothly, curving back into the neck. That combined with their lithe figures and impressive height gave them a graceful and elegant look. Pan had finally grown accustomed to the absence of a mouth and pair of ears. After a few weeks she was able to communicate telepathically with Mogiri easily. One time she had asked him how he was able to be alert of danger without having a sense of hearing. He had explained to her that the way he viewed " the world" or his environment was different from her own. His sight was based more on his mind's eye rather than his optical ones. Mogiri claimed that his mental senses allowed him to be aware of all things around him and their presence whether they were organic or inorganic. The Tulantians did not require that sense of hearing because what they had was superior. He would have projected to her mind to experience how he saw things but feared the affect it would have on her mind. Some things are just too taxing for the human mind and senses to cope with so he chose not to.

Pan knew he was probably right from the way he had described everything. She knew if he said something was too dangerous then it really was. This alien didn't mess around. Part of her delighted in her human senses and enjoyed what she was. Although she and Mogiri could laugh in each other's minds it wasn't the same as hearing a good deep roar of laughter.

One of the more interesting things Pan had learned about the Tulantian race was their way of reproducing. They had the two sexes: male and female. The females differed little from the males except that they were smaller and had much more beautiful bone structure in the face. Since this race was not based on the physical, the phrase " beauty lies within" was very true for them. They attracted and mated by spiritual and harmonious connections. Pan envied them in a way because their act of mating lacked the one thing that drove saiyans and humans mad: hormones. When Tulantians mated, they did it as a conscious choice and linked their ki to start life inside the female. Although they were able to experience deep love, they were not hindered by lust or the like. Of course Pan couldn't say that all hormones weren't that bad, it was nice to get that somersault in your stomach when you saw that special guy or get turned on when a guy was kissing you passionately. It was the periods, mood swings, and sexual frustration she could do without.

" Pan…who is this absurd creature that is in my face staring at me?" Mogiri said to her, breaking her train of thought.

She looked up and glanced over at her teacher who was still sitting with his eyes closed under the tree. Squatting down in front of him was Goku with the most amazed expression on his face. Her heart leapt at the sight of him.

" Grandpa!" she cried with joy, jumping up and running over to him.

Goku straightened up and looked over his shoulder giving her a big smile.

" Pan!" he greeted cheerfully, giving her his discorporate version of a hug.

" Ulmea, you're related to this?" sighed Mogiri rising up.

Pan nodded proudly and introduced Mogiri to her grandfather. The Tulantian bowed politely and welcomed Goku to his home. He then expressed being surprised that Pan was able to see Goku considering he had not trained her yet to see spirits.

" It only happens once a year, on my birthday to be exact. I would've been expecting him but I lost track of time down here. Grandpa's been visiting me since he died years ago," Pan explained to him.

Mogiri nodded and thought this over.

" Having such an ability on the day of your birth only since you are untrained makes sense. Your power is strongest then, when the energies are aligned to the time when you are born. Since he has such a powerful ki it probably helped things along," he commented.

" Well that helps explain it a little," said Goku. " It's so good to see you Panny. I've been watching what you've been up to, it's exciting to see."

" Glad I'm putting on a good show for the spirit world. It's been interesting so far but I still have a lot to learn," Pan admitted humbly.

She watched in amusement as Mogiri and Goku stared at one another in fascination. The graceful creature with its hands behind it's back walked around the spiky haired spirit slowly.

" So this is what a full blooded Saiyan looks like."

" Minus the tail," Goku reminded him.

Mogiri nodded again and continued his observation. Goku scratched the back of his head nervously and looked to Pan for help.

" Um, Sensei what time is it?" she asked.

" The sun has made half of it's journey across the sky, sa-bu."

She grinned at her grandfather happily. " We have a good amount of time then Grandpa."

" Yep, I came as soon as I could so we could talk and catch up. I want to know about everything you've been doing. I also wanted to thank you Sensei, for taking my granddaughter in and teaching her," he said, nodding to Mogiri.

" It is my honor and pleasure Goku. Ulmea has decided to grant me one last adventure. Your ki level is incredible I must say. You must have been quite the warrior," Mogiri noted admiringly.

That gave Pan the chance to boast about her grandfather and what he had done with his life. Goku patiently waited as she told Mogiri of his exploits and how he had saved the Earth many times. Slowly he blushed and began to get embarrassed since he wasn't one who liked attention drawn to him.

Pan noticed his uneasiness and giggled.

" Sorry Grandpa, I didn't realize I was rambling. You know how I get when I get to talk about you," she chuckled good-naturedly.

" I am sure the two of you have much to talk about," said Mogiri knowingly, starting to take a few steps away. " Before you leave Goku please take a moment to speak with me," he added before he turned to walk towards his living quarters.

Pan eyes followed her sensei as he took his leave.

" Nice guy," Goku acknowledged.

She laughed lightly at his simple but honest observation.

" Yes he is. Mogiri is definitely nice. So how have you been?" she asked.

" Good, pretty much training all the time. It's been interesting since King Kai's been introducing me to other warriors. Quit that smirking, you know I can't be anything but a warrior. It's just what I am," Goku replied.

" Nosce te ipsum," she remarked.

He glanced at her approvingly. " You remember."

" I remember everything you tell me. Besides, it's good advice," she answered.

" And what have you learned about yourself?" he asked her.

" I've learned a few things so far but I still have a long way to go. Oh I see, you want all the gory details do you? Well I'm going to grab some apples then because I'm starving. Then we can chat as much as you want Grandpa," she said conditionally with a smile.

Pan led him over to a grove where she picked about 10 to satisfy her hunger. After that she sat down next to Goku and began to relate the past events to him with pleasure.

A/N: Well here's the latest chapter finally! I think I've been good, I don't think I've made you all wait a week or more for a chapter update. Please feel free to let me know what you think as always. And of course BIG thank yous to those of you who already have, I do appreciate it. Oh btw for those who don't know Latin: Nosce te ipsum à Know Thyself. I wish I knew the Greek version but I don't. If you can remember, Goku mentioned that to Pan back in chapter 1. By the way some of you might have noticed that I finally started typing Juunanagou's name correctly within the last two chapters. I think I have three different spellings floating around in the earlier chapters. I'll need to fix that heh. Next chapter? To be honest I don't know because I moved things out of order, lol. Oh well.