A/N: Thanks for the reviews guys! I wanted to answer some of you on your comments…
No need to know- thanks for letting me know what you think and yes "uh oh", Trunks and a full moon! You'll see that he's in for a rude awakening…
Brandon- Let me state for the record that I am a T/P fan too ok? You'll probably see that t/p lemon down the road but in the second story arc since there are probably only 5 chapters of this one left. Their relationship is not going to come easily, at least the romantic one. There are going to be a lot of reasons for this because lets face it, both of them are adults with pasts and Pan has her reasons for being "wary" of him. (Which you'll find out later)
Li-Chan- I'm sorry for making you wait so long! A thousand apologies. But to reply to your comments: yep I bet this is confusing but stick with me. I veered off to deal with Pan's romance for a bit but I will get back to dealing with the main plot. I've only hinted at what she's up to concerning her projects. She's still trying to get a sense of what she wants to do. I'm a big Juunanagou lover so I had to put him in this fic, although he pretty much will only appear in this first half.
Thanks for all your reviews again!
" Love comes quietly…
but you know when it is there
because suddenly…
you are not alone anymore
and there is no sadness in
you."
"
Janta…Janta…wake up. It's morning and the warriors are about to assemble!"
" Not
again. What are you doing here Ahiga?"
" I'm
here because you wanted some support. You asked me to accompany you remember?"
" Now I
do. Damn it, why won't those fools leave me alone?"
"
Because you've given yourself quite the reputation after all these years. What
did you think would happen? Sooner or later you're going to have to choose…"
Pan's eyes flew open as she shot upright in the chair, her form trembling from the unexpected and disturbing memory. She waited a minute or two for her eyes to adjust to the darkness as her breathing slowed down. Clutching the arms of the chair she looked at the clock on the wall. It was only 1:15 am; she hadn't slept as long as she thought.
A thin blanket had been wrapped around her while she had been asleep, most likely by the former occupant of the bed before her. It was empty now, covers in disarray and pillows tossed to the side. Deciding that she was sufficiently rested, Pan stretched and left the bedroom in search of her patient.
Upon entering the living room, she caught sight of him sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace. The dancing flames illuminated the otherwise dark room, scented by the aromas of smoked wood and brandy. It appeared that he hadn't needed assistance in finding the liquor cabinet.
" Do you really think you should be drinking that so soon?" she asked him, referring to the bottle and glass in his hands as she approached.
" Oh yes. This is quite necessary," he assured her dryly, refilling the glass.
Pan shook her head in resignation and sat down next to him.
" Are you feeling better?" she asked.
" I think so. Things have become manageable now at least," he answered, falling silent for a minute or two before continuing. " That was the first time I ever cried."
She was unsure of what to say to him, stunned by his abrupt confession. What was it like to live so long without being able to or perhaps not needing to cry? It was something Pan couldn't begin to fathom. And how could words possibly comfort him at this point?
" Do you regret…?" she started to ask.
" No," Juunanagou interrupted her to answer, his voice full of certainty.
She breathed a small sigh of relief, thankful that she had not caused him any great injury.
" I'm glad you're recovering so well. You had me very worried back there for a moment."
" Leave it to women to worry and fuss too much," he replied, grinning as she crossed her arms indignantly. " But thank you Pan. I owe you. Turning to people for help isn't something that comes easy for me," he admitted softly.
Pan nodded and looked back at the fire. Juunanagou followed her gaze and gave a small chuckle.
" I hope you don't mind," he said, jerking his head at the fireplace. " When I saw it I couldn't resist, it reminded me of a cabin I once had in the mountains. Of course it's a bit out of place to have a fire in August but I can't have one in my apartment," he explained.
" It's very soothing," she observed, letting the light lead her into a small trance.
" And maybe just a bit helpful. The temperature seems to really drop out here when the sun goes down. You were shivering when I woke earlier so I covered you up."
Pan's face blushed in recollection and hoped the glow of the fire would mask her appearance. She suddenly was uncomfortably aware of how near his body was to her own. The interesting fact was that Juunanagou hadn't moved an inch since she came into the room. It was her own doing by sitting down that had put her so close. Now Pan was beginning to question whether she was as immune to the full moon as she had once believed. Most Saiyans would be sex crazed from being "in heat" and although she wasn't at that point, she was feeling far from normal. But maybe this is just what happens when you're in close proximity with a handsome man. God, what am I saying…she questioned. Had it really been so long? Had it gotten to the point that she couldn't just recognize romantic feelings for what they were? The last time she had felt anything remotely like it was seven years ago. It had been far too long.
A hand gently came to rest on her shoulder, startling her.
" I was going to ask if you were ok but I didn't mean to scare you. You're rather jumpy Pan, maybe you need this more than I do," he chuckled, pushing an empty glass towards her and filling it.
She blinked, looked down at the glass and then back up at him.
" On second thought…" he said noticing her confused expression. " Maybe not."
Her hand reached down and took the glass, lifting it under her nose to smell. Juunanagou had caught her off guard and it had taken her a few moments to catch up. The puzzling thoughts in her mind now made the brandy very appealing.
" I was wondering when you'd get some manners and offer me some of my own liquor," she scolded.
He smirked mischievously at her and raised a dark eyebrow.
" You should know better than to expect that from a scoundrel like me," he replied.
Pan rolled her eyes. " Oh yes, that's right. I forgot I was sitting with an evil android," she said sarcastically, draining her glass.
Juunanagou nodded, his smirk growing to a broad grin.
" You forgot 'devilishly handsome' in that evil android part. Look at you downing that glass so fast, I never took you for a drinker Pan," he said amusingly.
" There's a lot of things you don't know about me Juunana," she muttered irritably, glancing sideways at him.
" I know only what you let me," he said gently, holding her eyes with his piercing blue ones.
Pan cringed inside as she let herself gaze back at him for a few minutes, unable to look away. Finally she mustered the will to be angry with him for the nerve he had shown.
" What a hypocrite you are saying that to me! As if you're not always keeping people at bay with your whole distant, wounded, untrusting man thing," she said angrily.
" The difference Pan, is that I make it clear that I don't want to let people near me. You on the other hand, play nice and get everyone else to open up to you but rarely offer much of yourself," he said calmly.
" How can you say that? Everything I do is nearly for the sake of others! They're the ones who come to me needing the time, help, advice and care. I've always been honest and open with everyone I meet. I don't have anything to hide," she stated.
" Just your heart."
She looked up at him, her eyes filled with pain as if he'd slapped her.
" You're not kind," she remarked, her voice full of emotion.
Juunanagou leaned forward and looked at her intently.
" I'm honest. You've helped me a great deal and I wish I could help you somehow. I see something in you that I used to see inside myself. Just a small piece, I'm not about to draw huge parallels between the two of us. I know that you're a good person but we both keep our hearts closed for fear of rejection and hurt. Don't give into it Pan. I'm speaking from experience and believe me, you don't want that kind of solitude."
The weight of his words was nearly impossible to bear. Juunanagou had struck a chord deep within her. Had she been so transparent? Her mind screamed at her to tell him he was completely wrong about her. His unexpected insight into her was not welcomed, not when it pertained to her innermost fears. She had seen her love ignored and unreturned once before and now it was happening all over again. It was clear that Juunanagou merely wanted to help her. Perhaps he even pitied her. Pan felt like such a fool and wanted to crawl under a rock.
" Pan? Did I say something wrong?" he asked, worried by the inner turmoil he could see in her eyes. The strained features of her face told him that he had hit a nerve somehow.
" I can't deal with this," she sighed, starting to get up.
Juunanagou looked up at her departing form and made a motion to start to follow her.
" Don't leave like this. I said what I said because I care. I want to be your friend Pan."
The golden eyes that gazed down at him now had an unearthly aloofness about them.
" I have enough friends Juunana," she replied coolly, turning to walk away.
" Where are you going?" he demanded to know in frustration, getting up.
" Away. From this, from you," she managed to answer, trying to wipe away the tears of her embarrassment.
" No. Deal with this now. What's bothering you?" he asked, grabbing her arm and pulling her gently over to him.
She avoided looking at his face, unwilling to let him catch a glimpse of the agony she was feeling. It was almost as if he was daring her to admit everything. Pan wanted him so badly and he was making this so hard. Well if the bastard wanted an answer so much then she would oblige him, whether he liked the outcome or not.
" My feelings," she breathed in response.
His hand came under her chin to tilt her face up so that he could see her. Juunanagou's brows lifted in concern as he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks.
" What about them?" he probed quietly.
" This," she said leaning in, brushing her lips against his own.
He did nothing at first, stiffening slightly as she kissed him but soon his hands began to guide her closer to his body and he was returning the kiss fervently. One hand grasped her soft hair at the back of her head roughly while the other held her against him at the small of her back.
Pan had moved purely on instinct and now she was unable to think straight, overwhelmed by the sensations that she was experiencing. His warms lips tasted of brandy and he smelled of the summer rain and fire, mixed with his own natural scent. In this moment all she knew was this man, utterly aware of his every movement, sound and touch. Reaching up and running her fingers through his silky dark hair, she explored the inside of his mouth with her tongue, allowing him to do the same to her. Pure joy surged through her as she felt his desperation and strong desire for her. She hadn't imagined things after all; he had wanted her.
They clung to one another as if each needed the other to help keep them standing, the passion rising every passing minute. And then suddenly Juunanagou pushed her away, his eyes filled with horror as it dawned on him at what had just happened.
" Juunana?" Pan asked confusedly, taking a step towards him.
He took a step back and glanced at her warily.
" I'm sorry but this can't happen," he said miserably.
Her whole body went numb at the sound of his words. Two seconds ago he had her in an embrace that she had longed for all her life and now his eyes were telling her that it was only one thing: a mistake. Pan wouldn't accept that, she could tell he was uncertain and the sorrow that had surrounded him before at times now hung over them like a dark cloud.
" What do you mean? You kissed me back and for quite awhile I might add. Obviously you feel something too," she challenged.
" It doesn't matter. I can't be what you want or what you need."
" I just want you. Just as you are Juunana and nothing else," Pan said trying to reassure him.
" Don't look at me like that," he warned her in a low defensive tone.
Pan stepped back a little, startled by his sudden change in mood.
" Look like what?" she asked nervously, growing uncomfortable by every passing second.
" With those eyes…gorgeous golden eyes. You look at me and I feel like you can see right inside me," he replied grimly.
" Juunana why are you doing this? Why are you fighting us? I know I'm not wrong about you, you care for me just as much as I care about you!"
He turned away from her and ran a hand through his hair absently.
" I'm sorry Pan, I didn't mean for this to happen or for you to be hurt. I think I should leave," he sighed.
There was no way she was going to let him leave things as they were. Her heart told her that he was doing this reluctantly and that he was hiding something from her. Besides, she was never one to back down when her temper had risen.
" You're not leaving till you admit to me that you felt something back there damn it! Do you really dislike me so much? What's wrong with me?" she asked frantically, starting to cry.
Juunanagou glanced over his shoulder frowning and strode back over to hug her tightly.
" There is nothing wrong with you. You are a passionate and pure woman. Please don't let this evening ruin this spirit of yours that I love so much," he said softly against her hair.
Her eyes widened and she pulled away to look up at him.
" Then you…?" she started to ask.
" I love you but without hope," Juunanagou told her sadly.
Pan gazed up at him perplexed, unable to discern his meaning. She ran a comforting hand along his right arm to coax a better explanation out of him.
" I don't understand Juunana. If we feel the same way then why can't we be together?"
" Because I'm dying Pan."
_____________________________________________________
Bra slowly floated back to the conscious world, opening her eyes slowly as she let out a pleasant sigh of contentment. She felt positively fabulous, well rested and very happy. It must've been hanging out all night with Goten she realized. Although things were hazy, she remembered having a good time with him. Unfortunately she would probably have a hell of a hangover in the morning as a result. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand next to her, which read that it was only 2:30 am. Plenty of more time to sleep, she thought lazily. Bra stretched her arms and yawned and began to turn on her side when she heard a low grunt and a pair of large arms wrap around her. Her eyes flashed back open and look over her shoulder quickly. " Oh my God," she moaned, hiding her face in the pillow.
____________________________________________________
The room was deathly still and silent, the only sound to be heard was the faint crackling of the fire in the background. Pan couldn't hear it; she couldn't hear anything except the pounding of her stricken heart. She raised her hands and gripped the back of her neck, closing her eyes while trying to get a hold of herself.
" You're dying?" she asked as she sank to her knees.
" Yes," he replied sincerely, kneeling down in front of her.
" What…how?"
Juunanagou's eyes wandered to the fire and breathed a heavy sigh.
" By my own stupidity. I tried to change my fate and now I'm paying the price for it," he answered, lowering his head. " I had finally reached the point where I got fed up with being stuck at seventeen forever. My life was stagnant and empty. I was nearly seventy years old and couldn't look back favorably at what I had done with my time. I thought that perhaps if I could age like everyone else, I would get a sense of my own mortality and care about things more."
Pan listened to him speak, still in shock by what he had revealed to her.
" So I gathered the dragonballs," he continued. " I asked the dragon to grant my body the ability to age like normal humans. Unfortunately later on I realized my mistake. I was plagued by random pains and sickness soon afterwards and went to see Bulma Briefs. She informed me that my human cells were attempting to rapidly catch up to my present age and were at war with my inorganic parts. This conflict would result in my appearance aging quicker than the norm and the breakdown of my body."
" Can't we summon the dragon again? Have him reverse your wish!" Pan encouraged with a bit of hope.
Juunanagou shook his head. " I tried. When I asked him, the dragon said he couldn't reverse it because he had set in motion a natural process. In a sense you could say I am dying of old age."
" Oh Juunana, what about wishing for immortality?"
His pained eyes met hers and he rested a hand on her knee.
" I had that and it didn't make me happy. But these past five years I've done more living than I have ever before. I've come to terms with it Pan. Don't cry for me, believe it or not I think it's been the making of me rather than the undoing," he said gently.
Pan wiped away her tears and sniffled.
" Don't cry…what a joke. I can't help it. So this is why you look thirty now? And what about your sister?" she asked.
" Yes, within the past five years I've gained about thirteen in appearance. My body will probably give out long before I look fifty though from the stress. As for my sister…when she found out what I had done she went into a rage. Juuhachi couldn't understand why I wanted to age or change myself. S-she won't speak to me now at all," he stammered. " Do you know how hard that is? To be cut off from one of the most important people in your life?"
Pan nodded slowly and wrapped her arms around him.
" It's happening right now," she spoke against his shoulder.
Juunanagou turned his head to her and wiped her tears away with his thumb.
" Your whole life is before you. You deserve someone better," he whispered.
She started to cry again and shook her head.
" No, you're so wrong. Don't pretend to know what I deserve. The way that this world works I could very well die before you by some freak accident. It's just how things are because nearly everything is an uncertainty. But right here, right now one of the few things I am sure of is you. Juunana I don't care if it's for three hours or two hundred years, I just want to be with you."
He drew her closer to kiss her forehead before hugging her fiercely.
" Why do I have the feeling that you're going to regret those words?" he mused with touch of humor in his voice. " Not that I mind them of course, I'm delighted as all hell."
Pan laughed against his neck lightly.
" We shouldn't be afraid of this kind of happiness. I'm here willing to meet you halfway, so what do you say?" she asked him.
She felt him start to kiss her neck tenderly, trailing upwards till finally reaching her lips where he took possession of her mouth. It was clear that he didn't need words to help convey his answer. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed against him returning his kiss as they lay back on the floor. He reached up under her shirt and ran his fingertips along her back before settling them at her waist to hold her.
" I just want you to remember one thing," he said as he rolled over on top of her.
" What's that?" she questioned, smiling up at him while trying to keep from giggling.
" That I gave you plenty of ' outs' back there," Juunanagou answered, caressing her face gently.
Pan couldn't help but chuckle at his remark. " Duly noted but as you can see I wasn't looking for any."
The blue eyes twinkled down at her as his hands slowly lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it aside.
" True, although I'll never understand why," he replied before kissing her again with heightened passion.
" Idiot," she murmured to him after they broke the kiss to catch their breath. " It's because you do understand."
" Damn" he grumbled as he kissed her neck. " And here I was hoping you were just interested in taking advantage of me."
She feigned taking offense and punched him playfully; feeling so completely at ease now after all that had been said. Juunanagou was with her, above her, and all around her filling the neglected space in her heart. Alone was no longer a word she had to associate with herself. Whatever happened from now on, there would be two of them to face it.
_______________________________________________________
Trunks tossed and turned in his bed, unable to fall asleep. He sat up and ran his hands through his hair, growling in frustration. There would be no rest for him tonight, not while his thoughts were filled with her. Every time his eyes closed, he still saw her beautiful smile and his ears could hear her laughter.
Dealing with a full moon was nothing new to him but his father's recent meddling had made it ten times more impossible to handle. Vegeta had broached a subject that he frequently tried to avoid even thinking about. But because Vegeta had voiced his opinion and guessed at his son's sentiments correctly, all Trunks could do now was give full attention to them, whether he wished it or not. His body ached for her presence and was filled with a lustful desire to possess her. Pan…
His head jerked up to look out the window, his eyes gleaming with an alert fierceness. The ghostly moon hovered above in the dark sky, cloaked partially by ethereal drawn out clouds. It tightened its hold over him, slowly letting its power pulse inside his veins and commenced to beat in time with his heart. Once again another connection was made, renewing a primal custom that had begun eons ago on a planet now long dead.
Trunks stood before his open window with his eyes closed, letting the sensation flow through him. So this is what he had been fighting for so many years…resisting something that now felt completely natural and right. The Saiyan fire burning inside him called for a connection this time, not for battle. He had been denied too long the experience of the bond. Although he had cared for his former wife, Trunks knew he hadn't been bonded to her. His father had explained to him once what was involved and it wasn't something they had shared.
How time flew by, it seemed like only yesterday that he had stood with Goten over Pan's cradle to see the newborn daughter of Gohan. He'd been allowed to hold her and everyone had laughed when she squeezed his finger tightly with her tiny hand making the fourteen yr old boy wince. It was love from that moment on; he adored the girl in everyway treating her like a favored little sister. Goten was his best buddy but Pan was his best friend, there was a difference between the two. When had the little scrapper become such an amazing woman? She had returned from her travels all grown up on him. Over the years she had teased, fought with, listened to and loved him. But he didn't want her love anymore, at least not the kind she offered. Trunks wanted more than friendship from her.
What could he say to her? For all he knew she would be infuriated with him for wanting more than she was willing to give. Pan confided a great deal to him and had always maintained a distrustful opinion on love when it concerned herself. Was there a way to reassure her that he wouldn't hurt her? He had to make her understand.
Trunks took to the sky and started for Pan's home. If he didn't confront his feelings now, he would regret it. Gentle moonbeams provided sufficient light to show the way as if to encourage him. All he knew is that if he couldn't be with her, he would be a lost man. His life would continue to remain half empty until he learned whether or not she felt the same way.
" Please let her love me," he prayed softly to the wind.
____________________________________________________________
Pan stretched out like a cat across the rumpled blankets lain on the floor in front of the fireplace. Turning her head she saw Juunanagou watching her with interest, propped up on one elbow.
" You've the loveliest skin," he said softly, running his hand across her smooth stomach.
It had been a couple of years since she rid herself of inhibitions regarding her naked body. Pan considered the natural form beautiful and only showed reservations of being nude when it concerned someone else. Of course for this person she had shed her clothes tonight quickly and willingly.
She smiled at him and folded her arms behind her head.
" If you say so. I do have a few small scars here and there," she pointed out.
He shrugged as if that were of little importance.
" They show that you've really lived. That makes you even more appealing to me. Besides, you never were one to worry about breaking a nail," he observed.
" You're right about that," she admitted, watching the light of the fire flicker across her body.
Pan then turned her eyes back to those of her lover, who still gazed at her. He was an amazingly attractive man, even more so now. The muscles of his body were well defined but lean which kept him from looking too bulky like most warriors. Juunanagou always had a cool predatory air about him that at times reminded her of Vegeta. In fact when he was younger he had a great deal in common with the Saiyan prince, both were cocky, full of pride and determined to prove they were the strongest fighter. The similarities now were few if any. Juunanagou had grown and become his own man through his experiences. It was hard to believe that such a powerful body was now dying.
The light blue eyes clouded with hunger once more as he leaned in and kissed her. She ran her fingertips down his broad shoulders as she kissed him back and wished that he'd never stop. Suddenly feeling his urgency as he pulled her closer to him, she laughed and rested her hands against his chest.
" Oh no, we've done it four times and I am much too sore," she said crossly.
Juunanagou pouted and scooted back down her body to take a nipple in his mouth.
Pan moaned slightly as his warm mouth closed over it, letting his tongue circle slowly. She managed to get a handful of his hair and tugged at it.
" Where is all this famous Saiyan stamina I was looking forward to?" he asked with a broad grin. This question earned him another yank of his hair. " Ow," he complained.
" It's here but I have to get up early. I need sleep you bum," she replied.
He sighed and laid his head down on her chest.
" Vegeta again?"
" Yes, first thing in the morning."
Juunanagou then sat up and gathered her in his arms, her back resting against his chest.
" Just what do you get out of that whole arrangement?"
" The Saiyan culture. I'm having him write down everything he knows, the language, writing, theology, values, traditions, architecture, etc. Any small detail is important for this sort of thing," she answered.
" Pretty tall order if you ask me. Having to record the culture of your dead people," he commented.
Pan gave a small nod.
" He doesn't show it of course but I'm sure it's hard for him. But then my concern for Vegeta pretty much fades when he's pounding on me in the gravity room. That's his way of getting me back for making him do a task that is beneath him," she chuckled.
" You're only a fourth Saiyan Pan. Why do you care so much about their customs?"
" I don't want a whole world's memory doomed to obscurity. Granted the Saiyans weren't angels but they weren't always in the service of Frieza. They were a proud warrior people who had such a rich culture I'm realizing. No one remembers Tulanti except me Juunana. I want to honor Mogiri's people and prevent the Saiyans from ending up like that."
" But the only living Saiyans besides Vegeta are half-breeds."
Pan was quiet for a few moments before speaking again.
" I'm not so sure hon," she said quietly.
Juunanagou leaned his head forward to get a glimpse of her face.
" What do you mean-oh bloody hell," he grumbled as he heard the doorbell ring just then.
Pan looked around for her clothes but couldn't find them.
" Where did you toss my clothes?" she asked looking under the couch.
" Don't worry I'll get the door," Juunanagou told her, pulling on his jeans. " Who in the world would be ringing your doorbell at this hour?"
She shrugged as she found his large gray t-shirt and decided to put it on.
" Sometimes people get car trouble down the road. That's probably what it is," she explained, lifting a blanket.
Juunanagou stood up and left the room walking down the hallway.
Pan stood up and realized that the t-shirt came down to the middle of her thighs, covering her sufficiently enough. She heard Juunanagou open the door and went to go catch up with him.
" Juunana? Who is it?" she called down the hallway.
No answer came as she walked into the foyer, the doorway coming into view. She saw Juunanagou standing there very still, holding the door open.
" Juu who's-" she stopped as the visitor came into view.
It was Trunks.
A/N: Ok don't kill me; I was super sick this week. That's why this thing took forever to get out. Please r/r!