A/N: Originally I had an explanation fully written out here as to why this fic hadn't been updated in quite some time but after these past months it really seems extremely unimportant wouldn't you agree? Comments to reviewers follow this chapter. I'll leave you all with a quote from an extremely wise soul who's gentle words always remain a source of comfort to me.
" When I despair, I remember that all throughhistory the way of truth and love have always won.
There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a
time they can seem invincible but in the end they
they always fall. Think of it…always."
Mahatma Ghandi
Chapter 15The full moon continued its journey in the black of night; he could feel its gaze boring heavily into his back. There was not a sound to be heard in the air and the stillness emitted a feeling of dread. A cold breeze blew through, whipping his lavender hair about but he felt nothing because his whole body had suddenly just gone numb.
He stared at the familiar man before him for a minute and then let his eyes wander to the female who had walked up beside him. This couldn't be happening…he must still be asleep; it had to be a nightmare. What the hell was he doing here anyway? The pale blue eyes that gazed back at him revealed nothing. She, on the other hand, looked at him curiously with a touch of confusion in her expression.
" Trunks?" she asked.
It was then that he noticed that she was wearing a t-shirt too large to be her own. He almost gagged when he sniffed from where he stood, having realized the android's scent was all over her. How could she? With him?? The traumatic shock of this discovery plunged his mind into chaos. The Saiyan in him demanded that this man be torn limb from limb. Utter and total destruction should be the android's fate for defiling his chosen future mate. But technically he had no prior claim to her and the sad reality began to sink in…he was too late. He had delayed in acting and now had been beaten to the prize. She laid with another now. The golden eyes looked at him questioningly and he averted his own as he felt his heart breaking. Fighting would be pointless now, he could feel the pain searing in his chest and his breath coming up short. His human half, which usually ruled him much to his father's disgust, broke through to the surface bringing with it logic and reasoning. He suppressed the Saiyan instincts to attack for this was not Vegeta-sei. She was a free woman and had every right to choose whomever she wanted. Inside he was crying…he had to react and he had but two options. Trunks chose flight.
" I'm sorry," he mumbled before he leapt into the sky and flew away.
" Trunks!" Pan called after him, her words unheeded. " Damnit."
She ran back inside, grabbed a pair of shorts from her room and dashed back to the doorway.
" I have to go talk to him. He looked really wierded out," she explained while tying the drawstring of her shorts.
Juunanagou nodded silently and gathered her in his arms.
" Thank you," Pan said gratefully, gazing up at him with a smile.
He reached forward and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
" Take your time. I'll be here when you get back," he told her.
She quickly kissed him goodbye and then lifted into the air, watching her home fade away in the distance. Pan closed her eyes and focused to get a lock on Trunks's ki. It took only seconds as it was made clear that he was making no effort to mask himself by the way his ki was pulsing like a strong beacon. If she didn't know better it seemed like he was in a rage. But why would he be so angry? It didn't make any sense. True, she wished Trunks hadn't found out about her and Juunanagou for the first time the way he had. Telling him one on one would've been much more preferable but there was nothing she could do to change that now. Increasing her speed, she skimmed over the trees and cut straight up into the clouds after her friend. He flew directly ahead, not bothering to acknowledge her presence when she finally caught up with him.
" Hey," she said, glancing at him nervously.
His eyes remained focused on the horizon as he suddenly banked left sharply in an effort to lose her. Pan heaved a heavy sigh and gave chase. The pair commenced their complex aerial maneuvers in the dark sky; the nocturnal dance among the clouds a performance not for mortal eyes but for the lone celestial body that hung in the stars.
Pan's calls to him fell on deaf ears repeatedly thus quickly making her tire of the game. She knew well enough that it was a game, even if she wasn't sure of its nature. It didn't matter…she would let him give it a name. Anticipating his next move she dived in front of him arms outstretched and was able to make him pause.
" Trunks! Will you stop??" she screamed.
The hard face softened for a moment as it looked upon her but the cold scowl returned quickly. He descended to the ground without a word, folding his arms and refusing to look at her.
" What is wrong with you?" Pan asked, quite bewildered by him. She rested her hands on her knees while she tried to catch her breath awaiting his answer.
" I could ask you the same thing," he muttered quietly but loud enough that her Saiyan hearing was able to catch it.
Pan frowned slightly and patiently waited for his real answer.
" Nothing's wrong," he replied sharply, his blue eyes glaring at her.
" Oh yes, everything is just peachy," she said dryly. " That's why we're both out here in the middle of nowhere at some ridiculous hour. Get real Trunks, you can't bullshit me…this is me you're talking to, its Pan."
" Are you? I'm not so sure right now," he growled.
" Now what is that supposed to mean?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow.
" You tell me! I come over to talk to you and find out that you're sleeping with that THING!" Trunks yelled while clenching his fists.
" He's a man not a thing and you know damn well that he has a name so I suggest you use it," she reminded him with a low fierceness in her tone.
Trunks's face fell a bit as he saw her begin to defend the android.
" How could you do such a thing? Think of who he is and what he's done. He wanted to kill your Grandfather!" Trunks argued.
Pan rolled her eyes. " This coming from the son of Vegeta. That was a long time ago! Decades even! Juunana is a different person just like his sister is now. I can't believe you're talking about him like this…he's your right hand man at work after all!"
Trunks snorted and looked up at the clouds.
" Your point?" he asked.
" My point being that you decided he could be trusted and that you enjoyed working with him," she answered irritably.
" That doesn't mean I want him sleeping with my best friend!" he screamed furiously as his body suddenly started to glow.
Pan felt the ground tremble from his anger and braced her legs to stay on her feet.
He was so upset…why? Was he that protective of her? As much as she hated it he had always treated her like a little sister when they were younger but she had thought their friendship had changed to being more like one of equals. Part of her was deeply resentful towards him for not being happy for her. Was she supposed to be alone for the rest of her life and not experience love? Whether Trunks meant well or not, she didn't need this behavior from him…she already had a father.
" We don't need your permission!" she yelled back, her anger starting to stir within her.
He bristled at her words and bared his teeth. So much pain…couldn't she see how much she was hurting him? No, she had no way of knowing because he had never even hinted at the depth of his feelings for her. Beads of sweat appeared on his body as he tried to control the rage that burned inside of him. Trunks had to remain calm if he was going to see if there was any hope for him.
" How do you know he's not using you?" he questioned callously.
" He said he loves me Trunks," she replied.
His ki started to rise slowly once more.
" And what? You'll just fuck any guy who tells you he loves you?" he challenged hotly without thinking, regretting the words as soon as they escaped his lips.
Pan's face fell, her bottom lip starting to quiver as her eyes went wide with shock. He had never spoken to her like that before.
Trunks wished he could take back his words as he saw her expression. He had gone too far this time and she didn't deserve this. An apology was on the tip of his tongue when he saw her face darken and the golden eyes begin to narrow at him. Suddenly he felt very afraid.
" Oh no," she told him vehemently. " YOU don't get to judge me. YOU, who's screwed more girls than I dare to count!"
He felt the sting in her words and winced inwardly. So she did resent him for that after all, he had a feeling she always had. Unfortunately there was very little he could do about his past now. Trunks gazed at her longingly wishing he could make everything right between them somehow.
" I'm sorry," he said, lowering his head. " You're right of course."
Pan frowned in frustration at how hard she had to work to try to stay angry with him. Already her anger was swiftly dissipating…curse him.
" Look I'm sorry if this is hard for you to swallow but you're going to have to get used to it Trunks. I know you're not totally to blame for this behavior though, that full moon is dishing out some heavy duty rays," she said pointing upwards.
He couldn't help but smirk at her sudden display of naiveté. Pan really had no idea he was jealous. She just assumed he was aggressive and overprotective. That being said it was becoming clear just how far out of the running he truly was. Trunks's heart sank as he saw how hard the climb would be to attain her heart.
Pan slowly closed the distance between them and searched his eyes. Eyes that she had loved all her life, a deep Caribbean blue that always held such passion and playfulness. The familiar soul that rested beyond them was something she would always be connected to until the end of time.
" I know that you're in shock about this. I wanted to tell you one on one and explain everything later this week when I was ready. Even I'm still trying to sort things out, " she spoke softly.
" Do you love him?" Trunks asked hesitantly, afraid of what she might say.
" Yes, I believe so," she replied immediately, startled by the certainty in her own voice.
And there it was. She had confirmed his worst fears but regardless he had to know her answer. Had she said no or given him the idea that she was unsure he would have tried to make this young woman his own. But now the door of opportunity was fully locked and barred.
Pan noticed the length of his silence and fought the desire to reach in and see what he was thinking. Trunks had never been straightforward like his father and it always frustrated her to no end. At least with Vegeta you knew where you stood. She didn't like the distance she felt between them even though they stood only a foot apart.
" I know better than to ask you to accept the two of us at this time. Hopefully in the future you'll be able to see this in a different light…"
Don't count on it, he thought.
" But Trunks I wish you could understand. He makes me so happy! Juunana challenges me and knows the real me…"
I know you too…
" Remember all those silly talks we had? There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to remain alone and play the part of the spinster. Of course you knew better, you always did but I couldn't see that. So can't you see how much it hurts that when I finally do find love you can't be understanding about it?"
I'm sorry Panny…
" You are my best friend; you mean the world to me. I'll apologize if I have to for following my heart! But I need understanding from you! Please understand," she pleaded.
He looked past her shoulder completely lost in his thoughts. She was tearing him apart…didn't she know what she was asking of him? Go ahead, step aside and let another make her happy. Let him have that joy of waking up everyday to her and knowing her love. Allow her to moan another's name…
" Please understand," Pan repeated, disconcerted by his lack of response.
Trunks let his eyes return to her gradually; quietly coming to the conclusion that she had never looked lovelier than she did now in that absurdly large t-shirt and her hair all tousled, highlighted by gentle moonlight. The twin golden orbs pleaded with him silently, occasionally showing flickers of confusion and distress.
" Please understand," she now begged more forcefully in a desperate tone.
Pan looked away as she asked, unable to look at him anymore. Her eyes found the ground as she grew scared and reached her breaking point. He wasn't going to try to empathize with her at all it seemed. She clenched her fists and shivered slightly.
Suddenly she felt his arms grab and crush her against him in an unyielding embrace. Pan's breath caught for a moment, so startled was she by this unexpected hug. She attempted to turn her head to get a look at him but his head hung forward out of her line of sight. With a small sigh, she rested her head against his shoulder, facing his neck to breathe in his familiar scent. Gently her arms came forward and squeezed him softly back, resting just under his own. His body was like a furnace, almost giving off waves of heat. Instinctively she snuggled closer to the warmth.
Trunks felt her hug him back and closed his eyes. He turned and buried his face in her hair, loving the silky feel of it against his skin. All the while his stomach was becoming increasingly upset and a cruel migraine tore through his skull. So this is what trying to let go feels like, he thought miserably. Reluctantly he released his hold on her and drew back just enough to be able to look upon her.
Pan saw his face relax and relinquish its hard lines. The deep blue eyes were filled with pain as they returned her gaze making her uncomfortable. It also made her think. Was she asking such a terrible thing of him? Instantly she felt a twinge of guilt and searched inside herself for the source of it. Why did she feel so unfaithful? Quickly her pride reminded her that she was not meant to remain a love-struck puppy for the rest of her years. Pan gave a mental nod to this and was ready to get on with her life.
" It's impossible to get you to change your mind once you're set on something," Trunks commented quietly.
" Well, the likelihood is about as high as Vegeta calling you Trunks instead of Brat," she replied with a small smirk.
" I hear it's a Saiyan thing, his father called him the same thing but I think that was because they had the same first name," he explained while grinning.
" That doesn't say much about you considering it's only your middle name."
Trunks scratched the side of his face and nodded.
" No it doesn't. I guess I just am one," he concluded with slight amusement.
" Trunks…are we ok?" she asked anxiously.
" Yeah Pan," he answered sounding a bit defeated and tired. " I'm sorry about what I said earlier."
" I know. We all say things we don't mean at one time or another," she said.
" And I promise not to beat up any of your boyfriends," he vowed, one side of his mouth slightly curling up. " For now at least."
Pan laughed softly and smiled at him genuinely.
" Well if the need arises for that I'll make sure to hand them over to you after I'm done with them," she said, cracking her knuckles to help convey her meaning.
" It's late, I better get going," he said as he turned to look up at the moon.
Pan nodded and rubbed the sides of her arms. She felt a warm hand brush the side of her cheek and raised her eyes to find him looking intently at her.
" I just want you to be happy Panny," he said, giving her a feeling a déjà vu. It was over 7 years ago that she had said nearly the same thing to him in the doorway of her parents' home. At the time she was saying goodbye in her own way to an unknowing Trunks, about to begin her personal journey. Did his words have the same underlying meaning? Was he saying goodbye to her?
She came out of her thoughts to realize that she was now alone. Trunks was nowhere in sight, his ki signature faint and far away. Pan let her legs give way slowly and collapsed to the ground feeling extremely fatigued. Often she found emotional and mental strain much harder to bear than physical. If you did not have a sound mind, you had nothing. The soft chirping of nearby birds told her that sunrise was not as far off as she'd hoped it was. Vegeta was going to wipe the floor with her in a few hours…oh happy day.
With a small groan she rose to her feet and took to the sky. The trip home flew by quickly and before she knew it she was finally inside her bedroom ready to crash. Pan smiled when she saw the sleeping form of Juunanagou in her bed, blissfully unaware of her presence. She crouched down to his side of the bed, resting her head on folded arms by the edge as she watched him sleep. His chest rose up and down, slowly and steadily, signifying a deep sleep. He was the portrait of contentment and peace; she could not help but think that he looked like satisfied little boy who hadn't a care in the world.
Sliding her shorts off she soon joined him under the covers and lost the t-shirt as she did so. She cuddled up beside him and stroked his bare chest, feeling the well-knit muscles beneath her fingertips. As if sensing her company, Juunanagou began to stir and turned towards her while murmuring something unintelligible.
Her consciousness slowly drifted off to the realm of Morpheus, leaving behind the questions, doubts and stress of the evening. With Juunanagou beside her she felt at ease and wholly accepted. She was truly happy.
" You have an uncanny way of delaying the inevitable…did I ever tell you that?" a voice whispered in her mind.
___________________________________________________
" What is this a joke?!" roared Vegeta from the other side of the chamber.
Pan didn't bother to answer him right away, as she was too busy peeling her body off the blood-smeared floor. She felt around the inside of her mouth, pleased to discover that all her teeth were still there and intact. Slowly getting to her feet she eyed the fuming golden Prince who was growing more impatient by the minute waiting for an answer.
" You try functioning on two hours of sleep," she said.
Their session so far had consisted entirely of Vegeta kicking the almighty crap out of her with relative ease. Unfortunately it was her own fault and she knew something like this would happen. If her body became out of synch her Tulantian abilities became unreliable and having to rely on her pure Saiyan strength, she was no match for Vegeta.
" So little Pan needs her eight hours of rest or she just falls apart hmmm?" he sneered, folding his arms. " A true warrior can push the limits of their body's ability and needs!"
Pan merely shrugged. " Not much I can do about it, it's always been this way. If I can't synch and get a good harmony I'm worthless," she explained.
" That is most certainly what you are. You've wasted my time this morning and your performance has been unacceptable," he replied, dropping his fighting stance.
" I apologize my Prince," Pan said knowing full well how disappointed he was in her. Vegeta hated it when his opponents did not give it their all and demanded that they always be at the top of their game. He probably took no joy from his easy victory today.
Well, at least not too much.
His back was turned to her now as he began to work on his form alone, going through various attacks and defense maneuvers. She watched him as she grabbed her towel from its hook and patted her face dry. Such fluid grace…a dignified lethal quality had always been a part of Vegeta's fighting style. In that he surpassed all other fighters, having the skill of exercising great power while maintaining an appearance of feral elegance. Perhaps it was because he was royalty that he let his enormous pride play a factor in all that he did. After all, wasn't that all that he had left?
" Can I ask you a question," she stated more than asked while changing her shoes.
Vegeta paused for a moment and glanced sideways at her, saying nothing. Knowing this was as close as a 'yes' as she would get Pan decided to press on.
" Do you mourn your planet or your former position, Prince?" she asked.
He scowled at her and snorted.
" Are you trying to insult me woman?" he snarled.
Pan shook her head and smiled gently.
" What I meant was, what is it that you miss most? Was it the station you held as a member of the royal family and wielding power over the masses? Or is it the people themselves, your society and culture that you miss?"
Vegeta's obsidian eyes grew distant as he contemplated her question. His face slowly hardened and his mouth opened to say something but nothing came out. The Saiyan warrior stood perfectly still and gazed down at his gloved hands before curling them into tight fists.
" I mourn for Vegeta-sei's potential and it's future," he spoke suddenly in a rough voice. " Never will it be able to realize a future without the Cold Empire and utilize its strength for the benefit of its people. I mourn for the chance I might have had to lead them to greater glory."
Pan carefully edged over to a nearby bench to sit, surprised by Vegeta's raw and heartfelt declaration.
" Bred and raised to be a leader of people, it was my sole function and purpose in life. And then in a blink of an eye my entire meaning was stolen from me. No longer could I race the Plains of Kharok or plunge into the Besd. My people, the soul of the planet, were gone leaving me alone to avenge them and even that was stolen from me by a bastard who held no pride or love for his heritage."
" Can you really blame him? After defending his family and friends against attacks from his own people, I doubt he was interested all that much to start waving the flag. That sort of thing doesn't inspire loyalty or patriotism," Pan remarked calmly, leaning back against the wall.
" I could care less what inspires that fool. It makes no sense to even discuss the dead. If Kakkarott does find his way back to the world of the living somehow, I will deal with him then accordingly," Vegeta said in a tone Pan had designated as his "punisher voice". His eyes moved over her in an arrogant but wary manner, trying to discern the reason for her earlier question.
" Well, I was just thinking," Pan answered, grinning slightly when she saw him scowl at her for knowing what he was wondering. " Nothing significant mind you…just more of entertaining the thought of a what-if: That if Vegeta-sei hadn't been destroyed, your life would have been so very different."
Vegeta raised his eyebrows in mock interest and shifted his weight.
" You really think so? What an astounding insight Pan! Your ability to call attention to the obvious never ceases to amaze," he sneered as he turned away to resume his exercises.
She ignored his sarcastic words easily as she had done for months now, not letting him get to her. It was practically impossible for Vegeta to get a rise out of her these days much to his dismay. Pan figured he had Bulma to fill the easily incensed role because she personally had little interest in verbal sparring matches. He was such a little firebrand; she frequently wondered how people couldn't see it to avoid falling for his bait most of the time. The intense black eyes were always daring someone to take a swing, physically or verbally. They would twinkle mischievously and smile whenever a desired reaction had been provoked.
" Yes, yes I know I'm just full of insight today," she said dryly while rolling her eyes. " Anyway, I sometimes believe that it was for the best, the way things happened the way they did."
" How do you figure that?"
Pan played with her white shell choker absently as she tried to think of the best way to get across her meaning.
" Well for one you would be a different person since your experiences would have been entirely changed. I doubt you would have reached super saiyan if you were acting as Vegeta-sei's prince. Think of all the responsibility you would've had, all the politics and policies to deal with…you would never have been able to train as much or as well with this gravity chamber, as you do now that's for sure."
Vegeta halted his training and stiffened.
" Achieving the level of super saiyan was predestined and my birthright, you would do well to remember that," he corrected her icily.
" Please," Pan scoffed. " It was foretold to be in the royal bloodline not your specific generation. It could have been you or another, easily."
" Watch your tongue Pan," Vegeta hissed in warning.
She took note of his slight rise in ki and rose from her bench. For some time now the two of them had heavily trained in this chamber, exchanging blows and on occasion words. Pan would share her knowledge and once in awhile would catch a glimpse of the man who was the Prince. This was their arena of testing, to push and expand their physical strength. But warriors are judged as a whole and not by power alone.
" But it did happen to you. Your kingdom was destroyed, you were taken and raised by an intergalactic demon and forced to serve in his name. There was no childhood of riches and high privilege, only abuse, loneliness, bloodshed and the raping of your soul," she stated dispassionately.
A deep growl began to rumble from Vegeta's chest as he suddenly stalked towards her.
Pan stood her ground and kept talking while holding her head high.
" Yes, you know suffering Prince. Through your experiences you've forged an inner strength and resolve that's matchless."
" Shut up," he commanded, grasping her by the neck with one hand forcefully.
She raised her hands and pried at his iron grip that held her throat but stared defiantly back at him, almost daring him to snap her neck.
" No," she replied quietly in a tone that could almost be considered apologetic.
A cold dark flame blazed in the Saiyan Prince's eyes as he stared at her in utter outrage. Never before had she dared to speak to him in such a manner! In fact since she had pledged herself to him she had shown him more respect than his own brats up until today. Of course that made it only more infuriating especially since he had warned her twice now already. Slowly he let his fingers tighten around her throat as he held eye contact with her to fully make sure she understood that he was serious.
" For awhile you lost yourself," she choked out, gasping for breath in between words. " In time you were able to break free of your yoke even if you'd despise the form the help took. My Prince is a survivor above all else…"
" Bitch, do you really want to die?" he snarled, baring his teeth.
Pan cackled and coughed, letting her lips draw back into an amused smile.
" …He takes a mate and sires two heirs. Who would have thought that the Prince of the Saiyans would take a weak human to his bed?"
She suddenly felt herself hoisted into the air, followed by the lovely experience of feeling like she was being choked to death. Vegeta still held her with one hand while the other remained clenched at his side. His face had lost all trace of normal visage instead taking on the appearance of a rabid animal filled with bloodlust. Ah, so this is what most of his enemies saw before they died, she thought with a touch of humor.
Faintness began to set in and the room started to blur. Just a little more, she told herself and closed her eyes in concentration.
" My Prince carried on and grew stronger. He has persevered and survived because of his fire, determination, control, courage, strength, cunning -
" And HATE!" Vegeta roared suddenly in heated fury while whipping around to hurl her against the far wall.
Pan felt the pain rip through her as she slammed against the titanium wall and fell to the floor, coughing as her lungs fought to gather in air. Rubbing her sore throat with both hands she raised her eyes to see Vegeta glaring at her from the other end, still seething but slowly calming down.
" And hate," she echoed solemnly before getting to her feet. She picked up her bag and towel and limped over to the doorway hatch. Her fingers lifted to press the exit code but paused in the air as she glanced over her shoulder at him.
" But it's been a long time hasn't it?" she asked knowingly in a gentle voice. " A long journey indeed. And its no longer just Hate that keeps you going now."
The code was then swiftly entered and the room hissed as it decompressed before the hatch opened, flooding the chamber with sunlight.
Vegeta now gazed at her with unmasked confusion, trying to decipher her meaning. The young woman had just pressed nearly all of his buttons by seeming to recount a brief overview of his unpleasant past. She had known he would react violently and yet had accepted the fact by not defending herself. What was she up to?
Pan's golden eyes emanated a light fondness as she gave Vegeta a small smile.
" That's why you're ready," she said as she walked out of the chamber.
A/N: Well if anyone is still reading this, I'd like you to know that I was going to add another part with an evil cliffhanger but decided to be nice. (Cliffhangers are evil, especially if they're from unreliable authors like me) Anyway to the few readers who remain, I am back on track and plan to update regularly. Do I dare ask any of you to please leave a review? J