Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They all belong
to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox… I just borrowed them
– thanks!
Rating: R for some language.
Spoilers: Up to "As You Were", rumours for "Hell's Bells".
Comment: I know, I know. This is certainly not how things on the show will play out. Probably Spike is really the Doctor, or at least he helped him, for whatever reason. But I felt so depressed after the last episode, I had to write myself something to make me feel better and get my hopes for a happy ending up again. And yes, I know there are no happy endings on BTVS, but hey… One can still dream, right?!
Feedback: Yes, please. This is my first fanfic – see how desperate I was? So again: Please!
Distribution: I'd be honored – just tell me where it goes.
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TRUTH BE TOLD
Previously on "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer":
Spike punches Tara on the nose, both go "Oww!" Tara: "He punched me!" Spike: "Yeah, and you are welcome!" Buffy and Spike are nearly kissing in the hallway of the Summers' house at Buffy's birthday party. Tara steps in. Spike to Tara: "A muscle cramp." Tara to Spike: "In your pants?" – "Maybe you should put ice on it". Buffy at the Doublemeat Palace cashier: "It's you." A cut to cut replay of last episode's demon hunt while Riley's voice explains from the off: "Sevolta Demon. Very dangerous. A breeder. The eggs are sold on the black market. There are not a lot of people I would ask to risk their life for me. I need you, Buffy." They stand face to face at the bottom of the dam when Sam steps up and asks: "What are you doing with my husband?" Riley: "I meant to tell you." Buffy killing the demon: "My wedding gift." Sam: "It's dead." – "Did Captain Can-All forget to tell you that it was a homing operation?" Riley, on Buffy's couch: "There is a dealer in town, calls himself the Doctor." Spike to Buffy: "A person can change", Buffy to Spike: "You're not a person." Riley to Spike: "Doctor." Spike to Riley: "You can stop calling me that", then, downstairs in his crypt, in front of the eggs: "I can explain…", cut to Buffy knocking him down. Riley to Buffy: "I have permission to take the Doctor out." Buffy, to Riley: "I'm sleeping with h… him", and to Tara: "Why do I keep letting him in?" Tara to Buffy: "Do you love him?" Buffy to Spike: "Do you love me?" Spike: "You know I love you." Buffy to Spike: "I could never love you. I am using you, and it's killing me."
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He saw her turn and leave, speechless, unable to utter a single word, let alone think of one. He didn't know how long he stared into the burnt silence of his crypt, still seeing her shadow where she had stood to tell him she was sorry. It seemed like an eternity, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. This was the real deal. This was the end. He had had his chance, and he had mucked it up. Her voice echoed throughout the cave: "I'm sorry, William."
When he heard this sentence ring through his head again, the bleach-blond vampire broke down, sobbing, crying, screaming, and pressing his fists against his eyes to eliminate the pictures. But they kept coming back – pictures of Buffy kissing him, devouring him, clinging to him, beating him, shagging him, yes, even fucking him senseless, and, finally: making love to him. Or so he had thought. He had thought then – then! That sounded like a lifetime away, but it had only been yesterday –, that he had won her heart. He had really believed that. They had made love, and he had flown into oblivion on this wonderful feeling of her returning his love. Until Captain America had stepped in.
The pictures in his mind changed. And he heard the sound of the helicopter again, making him shake even more violently. The picture waves to a
Flashback:
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The helicopter was hovering over the cemetery. A black-clothed figure used the rope to get off, casually jumping the last feet to the ground. With big, forceful steps, the broad-shouldered man crossed the path to a ruined crypt. He entered without knocking. He looked around and realised with a satisfied smile playing around his mouth that the hand grenade had done considerable damage to the old stone tomb.
"What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you run off, James Bond-like, to your next mission?"
The broad-shouldered man turned, surprised: "Spike! You startled me." Riley looked at him curiously. "I wouldn't have expected you to still hang about – after all that happened." He couldn't suppress a smirk.
"Well, you know how it is. I stick around. Sunnyhell sweet home." The vampire searched his duster pockets for cigarettes.
"So… you didn't wait to get paid the second half of the money I promised you?" Riley asked tentatively.
Spike snorted and lit a cigarette. "Figured you weasel your way out of paying me anyway, with the eggs destroyed and all."
"Yeah, you didn't exactly keep up your end of the deal, did you? Perhaps I should stake you for that."
The vampire just shrugged, not even honouring the threat with a response.
"Or perhaps I should dust you for mere stupidity", Riley mused, more to himself. "Tell me, Spike, why did you 'hide' the eggs in your crypt, without freezing them as I told you? You knew that this would pre-empt the hatching process, and with the shenanigans Buffy and you are up to lately, it would only have been a matter of time before she would have stumbled over them all by her own."
Spike gave him the 'how stupid can one soldier-boy be'-look and took another drag from his cigarette.
Riley stared at him in disbelief. "You wanted her to find them!"
"Yeah, what did you think, Captain America? That I'd let you get away with a breed full of demon eggs, ready to be used in your latest version of a sick experiment? Not bloody likely, is it?" The vampire's voice was as cold as his look.
"It would have been for the benefit of science", Riley tried, not very convincingly.
"Oh, pulleease!" Spike laughed a short, mirthless laugh. "Rather for the benefit of you, adorning yourself with some doubtful credit! Didn't the U.S. government, high and mighty as they usually act, forbid all demon sociology research?"
"They are stupid!" A strange glint lightened Riley's eyes for a second. "They don't understand anything! Maggie Walsh was a genius. The things she discovered…" He took a deep breath. "I knew I had to continue her research, as soon as her lawyers had sent the papers to me. I can finalise what she began… I…"
"Yeah, so you are acting exactly like Dr. Walshenstein knew you would: like a good boy", Spike interrupted, disgusted. "Haven't you learned anything from your tenure on the hellmouth, soldier-boy?"
"I am not a soldier-boy anymore!"
"Oh, right, I forgot. You're with a super-secret mission now, living a life someone else invented for you as a cover-up." Spike tossed his cigarette on the floor and stamped it out forcefully. "Just tell me one thing, oh Mr. Combat-Scientist, or whatever titles you're carrying around on your business card: Why did you have to tell Buffy these lies about your life? Especially that you're married? She would have let you go anyway. I thought you loved her. But twisting the knife like this…" The vampire shook his head, hate barely concealed in his features.
Riley looked ashamed for the first time during their encounter. "I wouldn't have. But Sam met us surprisingly, and she didn't know it was Buffy, and acted according to legend. So the cat was out of the bag, so to speak. Even if there isn't really any cat at all…" His voice trailed off. Then he looked at the vampire inquiringly. "Now, do you really hope she will come running to you again for comfort?"
"Well, no, but…"
"Good, because she won't. She will never love you. She will never see anything else than a monster in you. Now more than ever!" Riley grinned evilly. "And with that knowledge you will die, 'mate'", he mocked Spike's accent while producing a stake.
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Buffy slowly walked away from the Magic Shop. Willow and Dawn had given her a real hug fest after Riley and Sam had been swept from the grounds, and she had cried, just a little bit. Not so much for Riley, though, but that was something neither her sister nor her best friend knew. And she wasn't ready yet to confess exactly how pathetic her life had become. Miraculously, both had understood that she needed some time alone, and perhaps a little slayage, as Anya had proposed in her usual chipper voice, to clear her mind.
Buffy had started to pay attention in order to detect real feelings, however fleetingly they would appear on the face of one of the girls. But no hidden hurt looks had crossed the features of either of them. So she had hugged Willow a last time, and kissed Dawn good-bye with the usual 'in bed by eleven'-order, confident that Xander would drive both of them home safely, and had taken off.
First she headed in the direction of the Doublemeat Palace. She knew she would have to speak with the manager, trying to sweet-talk her way back in again. A picture of the woman flashed before her eyes, as the manager was proudly pointing to her '5 years'-badge. Buffy shuddered. She remembered her colleague telling her that he was attending night school because he didn't want to be life-sentenced to the DMP, Riley complaining about the smell, hell, even a vampire complaining about the smell.
'It must be horrible for vampires, with their enhanced olfactory system', Buffy thought. 'I wonder why Spike never says anything… Oh great, Buffy, good job. Here you go again, thinking positive and grateful thoughts about this double-scheming undead!'
Before she could berate herself a little bit more, her vampire detection sense started to tingle. 'Spike?'
Despite herself, her heart started to beat a little bit faster. However, she realised quickly that it was not he, but just your run-of-the-mill vampire. It must be around the corner, lurking in a dark alley. She advanced cat-like, still clothed in her black garb, courtesy of Riley's sec- ops unit. The monster didn't even know what hit it before it burst into dust.
"I should request government funding", she muttered to herself. "Have the right equipment, and the job is half done!"
Riley flashed up again before her inner eye, and next to him, Sam. They both did what they liked to do, got paid and had the reward that their job was helping to make the world a better place. Buffy knew that she, too, made the world a better place. But she didn't get paid for it. Who could she possibly ask for a salary, anyway? Certainly not the Council. Besides, it just didn't feel right to request payment for doing her sacred duty. Unlike Riley, or Sam, or any of the other Military guys, she wasn't a normal person who put her life on the line. She had super powers, and with that, responsibility just stepped in. "Action is my reward", she pronounced.
Her face fell, and her shoulders slopped forward. What had gone wrong? Where had she taken a false turn and transformed her life into pathetic- central? Why wasn't she able to do what she did best and make a living out of it, and not only in the barest sense of surviving? Buffy's head shot up when she heard the blaring of a siren. Unconsciously, she had come to the Police Station. A big sign hung next to the entrance: "Join Sunnydale's Finest – WE RECRUIT NOW!", and a telephone number.
Buffy stared at the sign, wide-eyed.
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Spike stared at Riley wide-eyed, not so much in horror but in surprise. Did this stupid git really think he could stake him without repercussions from the slayer? She would certainly get pissed if she weren't the one to turn her favourite pet vampire into a neat little pile of ashes. Also, somehow Spike was sure that Riley would certainly not let his ashes fly into the ocean on a sunny day, as Dawn had promised him to do, should she ever witness his death.
"You can close your mouth now, Spike. Do you really think I could let you live? You know way too much about the project. So I guess this means another one bites the dust…" Riley closed in on Spike in fighting stance. Dust whirled from behind the vampire, swirling around the blonde's feet before settling down in a perfect circle. Spike looked down, nodding slightly, and was careful not to move.
"Why don't you run, Spike, and make this a little bit of a challenge", Riley hissed before attacking him with a left jab. But instead of connecting with the vampire's jaw, his fist hit an invisible barrier in mid- air that suddenly turned a violently flaring orange-red.
"Ow!" howled Riley. He frowned: "What…?"
"Do you really believe I would converse with you quietly without having taken some safety measures? The chip in my head might prevent me from fighting you like I wish I could, but it doesn't prevent me from thinking!" Spike gave him his patent 'don't treat me as if I were stupid, cause I'm not'-look.
Riley stared back. His glance went from Spike's face along his body to the floor. The dusty circle still glowed slightly orange. Riley tried to break the circle with the point of his shoe but was propelled back on his butt immediately as the orange wall flared up again. He nodded in comprehension. "Magic!"
Spike just shrugged.
The soldier shrugged back, scrambled to his feet and went for the door. But before leaving, he turned back to the vampire. His eyes glinted strangely: "Do you really think you have the better deal, Spike? Being so close to her, and still not having her…" And with this repetition of exactly the same words Spike had said to him once, Riley slammed the door of the crypt shut.
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Buffy snapped out of her freeze-frame when the door to the Police Station slammed shut. A tall, athletically built man in faded blue jeans and a dark blue dress shirt, his wavy brown hair held together in a short ponytail in his back, strode towards her. She stared at him open-mouthed.
"Can I help you, Miss?"
"Huh?"
"You are standing here for at least five minutes now without so much as moving a muscle. So I thought I checked if something was wrong with you." He explained.
"Are you a police officer?"
"Detective. Detective Kenneth Brown", he smiled back at her and held out his hand.
Buffy didn't take it. "Do they allow that?" She pointed at his ponytail.
He smiled some more. "Once you have moved up enough in the ranks… You think about joining? We are recruiting. Training starts in April."
Xander's voice echoed in Buffy's head: "Polyester and doughnuts…"
She shook her head slightly. "I… No, I was just passing by. But… I don't know. I… Perhaps I am thinking about it…" Her voice trailed off. She looked up at Detective Brown. He had nice eyes, of an indefinable colour. Something between green, grey and brown. And the eyes smiled at her. Out of reflex, she smiled back.
His smile deepened even more. 'He has dimples', thought Buffy and felt herself melt away.
"Listen, Miss…"
"Summers", she said, hastily, "Buffy Summers." And then she realised that it sounded exactly like the patented introduction of one secret agent ("Bond. James Bond."). She blushed, a deep red.
Detective Brown didn't seem to notice. "Miss Summers", he continued, unfazed. "If you would like to ask some questions about police work, the training, whatever interests you, I would be glad to help. I know it is a big step to commit oneself to, something that requires a lot of consideration. So?"
Buffy could only nod. Thankful, she took the card he handed her. "Give me a call."
"I will." She turned away.
"Where are you going? Can I give you a ride?"
"No, thank you. I will be fine."
"You know, this town isn't the best place to stroll through after nightfall… But hey, whom am I talking to? Probably a future member of Sunnydale's Finest! I know you will be fine." And with a nod, he went away, juggling his car keys into the air.
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Spike slumped back from his intimidating posture only when he heard the helicopter noises fade away. Without turning, he said: "Thanks. Without you, I'd require the service of a vacuum cleaner right now." He snorted. "But then again, no one really vacuums a crypt, do they?"
Tara stepped out of the shadows. "You're welcome", she said with a sweet smile. Since Buffy's birthday party, she had grown even fonder of the blond- bleached vampire than before. Her teasing him had first been Tara's way to take the pressure out of the relationship between the two when the whole group had been trapped in Buffy's house. But Spike had been no fool. When they had finally been able to leave, he had caught up with her and had asked her straight to the face: "How come you know, witch?" And Tara had simply answered: "Buffy told me."
Then they had started talking. And it had been Tara that Spike had consulted when a certain Agent Finn had come to him and asked if he could store something in his crypt. And they had both come to the same solution: Agree to Riley's financially very attractive proposal but not tell Buffy about it to avoid any possible heartache. And now that.
They both looked at each other for a while in silence. Finally, Tara spoke: "Did you have a chance to explain to Buffy?"
Spike just snorted. "As if she believed me, ever!"
"But you have to tell her that you didn't have the eggs here to sell them on the black market!"
"Would you stop it?!" The vampire growled.
"S… s… s… sorry…"
When he saw how Tara shrunk back into her usual timid self that she had been able to shed so successfully when talking with him, Spike's features softened: "No, I am sorry, pet."
He took a step over to her and patted her on the shoulder awkwardly. "But see. It wouldn't do any good. Buffy didn't even give me the benefit of a doubt." Shaking his head slightly, still in a state of shocking disbelief, he continued: "Bloody Captain Cardboard can waltz in here, sporting a scar that is only a sorry imitation of my original, and nobody asks any questions. Nobody doubts Mr. American Hero. Nobody wonders how come that he knows all and everything. That he didn't call ahead. I mean, pullease! Is this the 21st century or what? With all the gadgets he is using you might assume that he owns a cell phone to make such a crucial call!"
Tara nodded in silent agreement.
"And did anyone even remember under what circumstances he had walked out on her? Giving her a fucking ultimatum" – Tara cringed at the language – "after he got himself sucked off by vampire whores. Yet still he brandishes his 'holier than thou'-attitude without anyone so much as complaining!!!" The vampire grew angrier at every word.
"Spike, please." Tara said quietly. "Calm down." She touched his forearm lightly, and the tension seemed to evaporate from him. He let his head hang down.
They stood like this for a while in silence before Tara dared to start again: "You must tell Buffy what you know. Not only for yourself…"
But Spike cut her off: "Tara, no. I wouldn't stand a chance. She'd probably not even let me finish the sentence before I got introduced to the business end of her stake." He paused to light a smoke.
"The only valid reason for Buffy to believe in my innocence was that she thought me incompetent." Spike took a deep drag. "In other words, she thinks I am too dumb to be evil."
"Well, not anymore", Tara pointed out in a very low voice. "She thinks that you did what Riley claimed you did."
"Exactly." Spike stepped out of the crypt and sat down on the stairs in front of it. Tara followed suit. Silently, they watched the stars. Both knew that Spike had no way out.
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Buffy felt as if she had grown an inch or two. Someone had treated her as an adult. She stood more erect, suddenly feeling confident. This was her life, and she would get her grip back on it. To hell with the Doublemeat Palace. She turned and started walking over to the Sunnydale Campus. Soon, she broke into a jog and only stopped when she arrived at Tara's dorm room door.
But the wicca didn't open. Either she was fast asleep – Buffy checked her watch: Not 10:30 yet, hardly possible that Tara had already gone to bed – or she wasn't at home.
Just as Buffy decided to go home and try again the next day, Tara walked in.
"Oh, Buffy – hi."
"Tara! Where have you been?"
The blond witch blushed deeply. "I… I…"
"Sorry, sorry", Buffy shook her head violently. "My bad. I didn't mean to stage the Spanish Inquisition. I just wanted to ask you a favour."
Tara nodded: "Sure."
"Could you… could you do a de-invite spell for Spike?"
"What? Buffy, no, you can't… I mean, what about Dawn, and Willow? They wouldn't know, and they would break it immediately, and then I would have to do it again, and, and you have to do this on your own, without magic…"
"Tara, please", Buffy pleaded. She sighed. "Can I at least come in and try to explain?" And then Tara heard the story from her perspective.
"But this is so… I mean, he has helped so much, and… this just doesn't sound like him at all. He must have had a good reason…"
"I know. He always has a good reason. He probably would argue he did it for me, to help me out financially. Still I cannot ignore what I did overlook for the past weeks: He is and remains evil. The ends do not rectify the means, Tara."
The witch nodded. "I know, Buffy", she said. "But did you even hear his side of the story?"
"I don't need to." Buffy sighed again, for the umpteenth time that night. "I really like him. He is witty, funny, and sexy…" Buffy blushed. "Perhaps I even love him. At least sometimes. And I most certainly want him. It is so easy to fall in his arms and let him take me away from all the grim realities that claim to be my life." She paused. "But it is the wrong thing to do. I am only using him, selfishly. And how can I reproach him with doing bad things when I do them myself? I know I hurt his feelings because I am not true to him. And that he is an evil, moral-less vampire doesn't make my behaviour any better."
Tara just listened, not sure if she should say anything, or what, for that matter.
"So I have to break it off. I have to face my life all by myself again. Get a grip again. But this will be hard. Therefore, I need your help with the spell. And don't worry. I will tell Dawn and Willow. Because I need their help, too." Finally, Buffy stopped, looking at Tara pleadingly.
"Ok. I'll come by tomorrow morning. But I first have to stop at the Magic Box for the ingredients."
"Thanks!" Buffy flung herself at the blond witch and hugged her.
Mentally, she decided that she would seek out Spike first thing in the morning, after having seen Dawn off to school.
And that was what she did.
The flashback sequence stops, the picture waving back to Spike crouching in his crypt, devastated.
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Rating: R for some language.
Spoilers: Up to "As You Were", rumours for "Hell's Bells".
Comment: I know, I know. This is certainly not how things on the show will play out. Probably Spike is really the Doctor, or at least he helped him, for whatever reason. But I felt so depressed after the last episode, I had to write myself something to make me feel better and get my hopes for a happy ending up again. And yes, I know there are no happy endings on BTVS, but hey… One can still dream, right?!
Feedback: Yes, please. This is my first fanfic – see how desperate I was? So again: Please!
Distribution: I'd be honored – just tell me where it goes.
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TRUTH BE TOLD
Previously on "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer":
Spike punches Tara on the nose, both go "Oww!" Tara: "He punched me!" Spike: "Yeah, and you are welcome!" Buffy and Spike are nearly kissing in the hallway of the Summers' house at Buffy's birthday party. Tara steps in. Spike to Tara: "A muscle cramp." Tara to Spike: "In your pants?" – "Maybe you should put ice on it". Buffy at the Doublemeat Palace cashier: "It's you." A cut to cut replay of last episode's demon hunt while Riley's voice explains from the off: "Sevolta Demon. Very dangerous. A breeder. The eggs are sold on the black market. There are not a lot of people I would ask to risk their life for me. I need you, Buffy." They stand face to face at the bottom of the dam when Sam steps up and asks: "What are you doing with my husband?" Riley: "I meant to tell you." Buffy killing the demon: "My wedding gift." Sam: "It's dead." – "Did Captain Can-All forget to tell you that it was a homing operation?" Riley, on Buffy's couch: "There is a dealer in town, calls himself the Doctor." Spike to Buffy: "A person can change", Buffy to Spike: "You're not a person." Riley to Spike: "Doctor." Spike to Riley: "You can stop calling me that", then, downstairs in his crypt, in front of the eggs: "I can explain…", cut to Buffy knocking him down. Riley to Buffy: "I have permission to take the Doctor out." Buffy, to Riley: "I'm sleeping with h… him", and to Tara: "Why do I keep letting him in?" Tara to Buffy: "Do you love him?" Buffy to Spike: "Do you love me?" Spike: "You know I love you." Buffy to Spike: "I could never love you. I am using you, and it's killing me."
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He saw her turn and leave, speechless, unable to utter a single word, let alone think of one. He didn't know how long he stared into the burnt silence of his crypt, still seeing her shadow where she had stood to tell him she was sorry. It seemed like an eternity, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. This was the real deal. This was the end. He had had his chance, and he had mucked it up. Her voice echoed throughout the cave: "I'm sorry, William."
When he heard this sentence ring through his head again, the bleach-blond vampire broke down, sobbing, crying, screaming, and pressing his fists against his eyes to eliminate the pictures. But they kept coming back – pictures of Buffy kissing him, devouring him, clinging to him, beating him, shagging him, yes, even fucking him senseless, and, finally: making love to him. Or so he had thought. He had thought then – then! That sounded like a lifetime away, but it had only been yesterday –, that he had won her heart. He had really believed that. They had made love, and he had flown into oblivion on this wonderful feeling of her returning his love. Until Captain America had stepped in.
The pictures in his mind changed. And he heard the sound of the helicopter again, making him shake even more violently. The picture waves to a
Flashback:
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The helicopter was hovering over the cemetery. A black-clothed figure used the rope to get off, casually jumping the last feet to the ground. With big, forceful steps, the broad-shouldered man crossed the path to a ruined crypt. He entered without knocking. He looked around and realised with a satisfied smile playing around his mouth that the hand grenade had done considerable damage to the old stone tomb.
"What are you still doing here? Shouldn't you run off, James Bond-like, to your next mission?"
The broad-shouldered man turned, surprised: "Spike! You startled me." Riley looked at him curiously. "I wouldn't have expected you to still hang about – after all that happened." He couldn't suppress a smirk.
"Well, you know how it is. I stick around. Sunnyhell sweet home." The vampire searched his duster pockets for cigarettes.
"So… you didn't wait to get paid the second half of the money I promised you?" Riley asked tentatively.
Spike snorted and lit a cigarette. "Figured you weasel your way out of paying me anyway, with the eggs destroyed and all."
"Yeah, you didn't exactly keep up your end of the deal, did you? Perhaps I should stake you for that."
The vampire just shrugged, not even honouring the threat with a response.
"Or perhaps I should dust you for mere stupidity", Riley mused, more to himself. "Tell me, Spike, why did you 'hide' the eggs in your crypt, without freezing them as I told you? You knew that this would pre-empt the hatching process, and with the shenanigans Buffy and you are up to lately, it would only have been a matter of time before she would have stumbled over them all by her own."
Spike gave him the 'how stupid can one soldier-boy be'-look and took another drag from his cigarette.
Riley stared at him in disbelief. "You wanted her to find them!"
"Yeah, what did you think, Captain America? That I'd let you get away with a breed full of demon eggs, ready to be used in your latest version of a sick experiment? Not bloody likely, is it?" The vampire's voice was as cold as his look.
"It would have been for the benefit of science", Riley tried, not very convincingly.
"Oh, pulleease!" Spike laughed a short, mirthless laugh. "Rather for the benefit of you, adorning yourself with some doubtful credit! Didn't the U.S. government, high and mighty as they usually act, forbid all demon sociology research?"
"They are stupid!" A strange glint lightened Riley's eyes for a second. "They don't understand anything! Maggie Walsh was a genius. The things she discovered…" He took a deep breath. "I knew I had to continue her research, as soon as her lawyers had sent the papers to me. I can finalise what she began… I…"
"Yeah, so you are acting exactly like Dr. Walshenstein knew you would: like a good boy", Spike interrupted, disgusted. "Haven't you learned anything from your tenure on the hellmouth, soldier-boy?"
"I am not a soldier-boy anymore!"
"Oh, right, I forgot. You're with a super-secret mission now, living a life someone else invented for you as a cover-up." Spike tossed his cigarette on the floor and stamped it out forcefully. "Just tell me one thing, oh Mr. Combat-Scientist, or whatever titles you're carrying around on your business card: Why did you have to tell Buffy these lies about your life? Especially that you're married? She would have let you go anyway. I thought you loved her. But twisting the knife like this…" The vampire shook his head, hate barely concealed in his features.
Riley looked ashamed for the first time during their encounter. "I wouldn't have. But Sam met us surprisingly, and she didn't know it was Buffy, and acted according to legend. So the cat was out of the bag, so to speak. Even if there isn't really any cat at all…" His voice trailed off. Then he looked at the vampire inquiringly. "Now, do you really hope she will come running to you again for comfort?"
"Well, no, but…"
"Good, because she won't. She will never love you. She will never see anything else than a monster in you. Now more than ever!" Riley grinned evilly. "And with that knowledge you will die, 'mate'", he mocked Spike's accent while producing a stake.
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Buffy slowly walked away from the Magic Shop. Willow and Dawn had given her a real hug fest after Riley and Sam had been swept from the grounds, and she had cried, just a little bit. Not so much for Riley, though, but that was something neither her sister nor her best friend knew. And she wasn't ready yet to confess exactly how pathetic her life had become. Miraculously, both had understood that she needed some time alone, and perhaps a little slayage, as Anya had proposed in her usual chipper voice, to clear her mind.
Buffy had started to pay attention in order to detect real feelings, however fleetingly they would appear on the face of one of the girls. But no hidden hurt looks had crossed the features of either of them. So she had hugged Willow a last time, and kissed Dawn good-bye with the usual 'in bed by eleven'-order, confident that Xander would drive both of them home safely, and had taken off.
First she headed in the direction of the Doublemeat Palace. She knew she would have to speak with the manager, trying to sweet-talk her way back in again. A picture of the woman flashed before her eyes, as the manager was proudly pointing to her '5 years'-badge. Buffy shuddered. She remembered her colleague telling her that he was attending night school because he didn't want to be life-sentenced to the DMP, Riley complaining about the smell, hell, even a vampire complaining about the smell.
'It must be horrible for vampires, with their enhanced olfactory system', Buffy thought. 'I wonder why Spike never says anything… Oh great, Buffy, good job. Here you go again, thinking positive and grateful thoughts about this double-scheming undead!'
Before she could berate herself a little bit more, her vampire detection sense started to tingle. 'Spike?'
Despite herself, her heart started to beat a little bit faster. However, she realised quickly that it was not he, but just your run-of-the-mill vampire. It must be around the corner, lurking in a dark alley. She advanced cat-like, still clothed in her black garb, courtesy of Riley's sec- ops unit. The monster didn't even know what hit it before it burst into dust.
"I should request government funding", she muttered to herself. "Have the right equipment, and the job is half done!"
Riley flashed up again before her inner eye, and next to him, Sam. They both did what they liked to do, got paid and had the reward that their job was helping to make the world a better place. Buffy knew that she, too, made the world a better place. But she didn't get paid for it. Who could she possibly ask for a salary, anyway? Certainly not the Council. Besides, it just didn't feel right to request payment for doing her sacred duty. Unlike Riley, or Sam, or any of the other Military guys, she wasn't a normal person who put her life on the line. She had super powers, and with that, responsibility just stepped in. "Action is my reward", she pronounced.
Her face fell, and her shoulders slopped forward. What had gone wrong? Where had she taken a false turn and transformed her life into pathetic- central? Why wasn't she able to do what she did best and make a living out of it, and not only in the barest sense of surviving? Buffy's head shot up when she heard the blaring of a siren. Unconsciously, she had come to the Police Station. A big sign hung next to the entrance: "Join Sunnydale's Finest – WE RECRUIT NOW!", and a telephone number.
Buffy stared at the sign, wide-eyed.
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Spike stared at Riley wide-eyed, not so much in horror but in surprise. Did this stupid git really think he could stake him without repercussions from the slayer? She would certainly get pissed if she weren't the one to turn her favourite pet vampire into a neat little pile of ashes. Also, somehow Spike was sure that Riley would certainly not let his ashes fly into the ocean on a sunny day, as Dawn had promised him to do, should she ever witness his death.
"You can close your mouth now, Spike. Do you really think I could let you live? You know way too much about the project. So I guess this means another one bites the dust…" Riley closed in on Spike in fighting stance. Dust whirled from behind the vampire, swirling around the blonde's feet before settling down in a perfect circle. Spike looked down, nodding slightly, and was careful not to move.
"Why don't you run, Spike, and make this a little bit of a challenge", Riley hissed before attacking him with a left jab. But instead of connecting with the vampire's jaw, his fist hit an invisible barrier in mid- air that suddenly turned a violently flaring orange-red.
"Ow!" howled Riley. He frowned: "What…?"
"Do you really believe I would converse with you quietly without having taken some safety measures? The chip in my head might prevent me from fighting you like I wish I could, but it doesn't prevent me from thinking!" Spike gave him his patent 'don't treat me as if I were stupid, cause I'm not'-look.
Riley stared back. His glance went from Spike's face along his body to the floor. The dusty circle still glowed slightly orange. Riley tried to break the circle with the point of his shoe but was propelled back on his butt immediately as the orange wall flared up again. He nodded in comprehension. "Magic!"
Spike just shrugged.
The soldier shrugged back, scrambled to his feet and went for the door. But before leaving, he turned back to the vampire. His eyes glinted strangely: "Do you really think you have the better deal, Spike? Being so close to her, and still not having her…" And with this repetition of exactly the same words Spike had said to him once, Riley slammed the door of the crypt shut.
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Buffy snapped out of her freeze-frame when the door to the Police Station slammed shut. A tall, athletically built man in faded blue jeans and a dark blue dress shirt, his wavy brown hair held together in a short ponytail in his back, strode towards her. She stared at him open-mouthed.
"Can I help you, Miss?"
"Huh?"
"You are standing here for at least five minutes now without so much as moving a muscle. So I thought I checked if something was wrong with you." He explained.
"Are you a police officer?"
"Detective. Detective Kenneth Brown", he smiled back at her and held out his hand.
Buffy didn't take it. "Do they allow that?" She pointed at his ponytail.
He smiled some more. "Once you have moved up enough in the ranks… You think about joining? We are recruiting. Training starts in April."
Xander's voice echoed in Buffy's head: "Polyester and doughnuts…"
She shook her head slightly. "I… No, I was just passing by. But… I don't know. I… Perhaps I am thinking about it…" Her voice trailed off. She looked up at Detective Brown. He had nice eyes, of an indefinable colour. Something between green, grey and brown. And the eyes smiled at her. Out of reflex, she smiled back.
His smile deepened even more. 'He has dimples', thought Buffy and felt herself melt away.
"Listen, Miss…"
"Summers", she said, hastily, "Buffy Summers." And then she realised that it sounded exactly like the patented introduction of one secret agent ("Bond. James Bond."). She blushed, a deep red.
Detective Brown didn't seem to notice. "Miss Summers", he continued, unfazed. "If you would like to ask some questions about police work, the training, whatever interests you, I would be glad to help. I know it is a big step to commit oneself to, something that requires a lot of consideration. So?"
Buffy could only nod. Thankful, she took the card he handed her. "Give me a call."
"I will." She turned away.
"Where are you going? Can I give you a ride?"
"No, thank you. I will be fine."
"You know, this town isn't the best place to stroll through after nightfall… But hey, whom am I talking to? Probably a future member of Sunnydale's Finest! I know you will be fine." And with a nod, he went away, juggling his car keys into the air.
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Spike slumped back from his intimidating posture only when he heard the helicopter noises fade away. Without turning, he said: "Thanks. Without you, I'd require the service of a vacuum cleaner right now." He snorted. "But then again, no one really vacuums a crypt, do they?"
Tara stepped out of the shadows. "You're welcome", she said with a sweet smile. Since Buffy's birthday party, she had grown even fonder of the blond- bleached vampire than before. Her teasing him had first been Tara's way to take the pressure out of the relationship between the two when the whole group had been trapped in Buffy's house. But Spike had been no fool. When they had finally been able to leave, he had caught up with her and had asked her straight to the face: "How come you know, witch?" And Tara had simply answered: "Buffy told me."
Then they had started talking. And it had been Tara that Spike had consulted when a certain Agent Finn had come to him and asked if he could store something in his crypt. And they had both come to the same solution: Agree to Riley's financially very attractive proposal but not tell Buffy about it to avoid any possible heartache. And now that.
They both looked at each other for a while in silence. Finally, Tara spoke: "Did you have a chance to explain to Buffy?"
Spike just snorted. "As if she believed me, ever!"
"But you have to tell her that you didn't have the eggs here to sell them on the black market!"
"Would you stop it?!" The vampire growled.
"S… s… s… sorry…"
When he saw how Tara shrunk back into her usual timid self that she had been able to shed so successfully when talking with him, Spike's features softened: "No, I am sorry, pet."
He took a step over to her and patted her on the shoulder awkwardly. "But see. It wouldn't do any good. Buffy didn't even give me the benefit of a doubt." Shaking his head slightly, still in a state of shocking disbelief, he continued: "Bloody Captain Cardboard can waltz in here, sporting a scar that is only a sorry imitation of my original, and nobody asks any questions. Nobody doubts Mr. American Hero. Nobody wonders how come that he knows all and everything. That he didn't call ahead. I mean, pullease! Is this the 21st century or what? With all the gadgets he is using you might assume that he owns a cell phone to make such a crucial call!"
Tara nodded in silent agreement.
"And did anyone even remember under what circumstances he had walked out on her? Giving her a fucking ultimatum" – Tara cringed at the language – "after he got himself sucked off by vampire whores. Yet still he brandishes his 'holier than thou'-attitude without anyone so much as complaining!!!" The vampire grew angrier at every word.
"Spike, please." Tara said quietly. "Calm down." She touched his forearm lightly, and the tension seemed to evaporate from him. He let his head hang down.
They stood like this for a while in silence before Tara dared to start again: "You must tell Buffy what you know. Not only for yourself…"
But Spike cut her off: "Tara, no. I wouldn't stand a chance. She'd probably not even let me finish the sentence before I got introduced to the business end of her stake." He paused to light a smoke.
"The only valid reason for Buffy to believe in my innocence was that she thought me incompetent." Spike took a deep drag. "In other words, she thinks I am too dumb to be evil."
"Well, not anymore", Tara pointed out in a very low voice. "She thinks that you did what Riley claimed you did."
"Exactly." Spike stepped out of the crypt and sat down on the stairs in front of it. Tara followed suit. Silently, they watched the stars. Both knew that Spike had no way out.
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Buffy felt as if she had grown an inch or two. Someone had treated her as an adult. She stood more erect, suddenly feeling confident. This was her life, and she would get her grip back on it. To hell with the Doublemeat Palace. She turned and started walking over to the Sunnydale Campus. Soon, she broke into a jog and only stopped when she arrived at Tara's dorm room door.
But the wicca didn't open. Either she was fast asleep – Buffy checked her watch: Not 10:30 yet, hardly possible that Tara had already gone to bed – or she wasn't at home.
Just as Buffy decided to go home and try again the next day, Tara walked in.
"Oh, Buffy – hi."
"Tara! Where have you been?"
The blond witch blushed deeply. "I… I…"
"Sorry, sorry", Buffy shook her head violently. "My bad. I didn't mean to stage the Spanish Inquisition. I just wanted to ask you a favour."
Tara nodded: "Sure."
"Could you… could you do a de-invite spell for Spike?"
"What? Buffy, no, you can't… I mean, what about Dawn, and Willow? They wouldn't know, and they would break it immediately, and then I would have to do it again, and, and you have to do this on your own, without magic…"
"Tara, please", Buffy pleaded. She sighed. "Can I at least come in and try to explain?" And then Tara heard the story from her perspective.
"But this is so… I mean, he has helped so much, and… this just doesn't sound like him at all. He must have had a good reason…"
"I know. He always has a good reason. He probably would argue he did it for me, to help me out financially. Still I cannot ignore what I did overlook for the past weeks: He is and remains evil. The ends do not rectify the means, Tara."
The witch nodded. "I know, Buffy", she said. "But did you even hear his side of the story?"
"I don't need to." Buffy sighed again, for the umpteenth time that night. "I really like him. He is witty, funny, and sexy…" Buffy blushed. "Perhaps I even love him. At least sometimes. And I most certainly want him. It is so easy to fall in his arms and let him take me away from all the grim realities that claim to be my life." She paused. "But it is the wrong thing to do. I am only using him, selfishly. And how can I reproach him with doing bad things when I do them myself? I know I hurt his feelings because I am not true to him. And that he is an evil, moral-less vampire doesn't make my behaviour any better."
Tara just listened, not sure if she should say anything, or what, for that matter.
"So I have to break it off. I have to face my life all by myself again. Get a grip again. But this will be hard. Therefore, I need your help with the spell. And don't worry. I will tell Dawn and Willow. Because I need their help, too." Finally, Buffy stopped, looking at Tara pleadingly.
"Ok. I'll come by tomorrow morning. But I first have to stop at the Magic Box for the ingredients."
"Thanks!" Buffy flung herself at the blond witch and hugged her.
Mentally, she decided that she would seek out Spike first thing in the morning, after having seen Dawn off to school.
And that was what she did.
The flashback sequence stops, the picture waving back to Spike crouching in his crypt, devastated.
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