I was standing in a clearing that afternoon dressed in a loose green tunic and leggings. To my extreme happiness my bra had been returned with my clothing to my room. Which I had finally found after cornering Elrond when the meeting was finished.

Now I stood surrounded by the fellowship. This wouldn't have been a negative thing except for the fact they were attempting to get me to posses any combat skill at all. It was proving futile. I am not made for physical exertion.

Aragorn handed me a short sword, "here, try this."

I picked it up awkwardly and studied it. The hilt was a plain metal cross with a leather wrap on the handle. The blade was bright and straight. I hefted it, and flailed it about in the air; the sun's rays blinding me as it arced. It wasn't very heavy, but it was very sharp.

Aragorn seemed to cringe as he watched my awkward sweeps. "Let us attempt some simple blocking moves." He unsheathed his sword smoothly and stood before me. The thing was huge. I blinked and stifled my snicker at the thoughts in my mind. He then brought his sword up and swung it towards me.

I dropped my sword, screamed and ran behind Frodo. Probably not the bravest blocking move in the world but effective none the less.

He glared at me in frustration and Boromir snickered.

"I hate to point this out, Jules, but that was not a blocking move," Boromir said smoothly.

"It stopped him didn't it?"

He looked taken aback by that comment. Aragorn's lips twitched and I could see Gandalf smile around his pipe.

"Look, this isn't going to work. There's no way you're going to make me into a decent fighter. I can't use the sword, I nearly killed Pippin when we tried the bow, if it wasn't for his helmet we'd have two Gimli's when I tried the axe, and then I almost made Aragorn a eunuch when he tried to show me how to throw daggers." There was a collective cringe in the fellowship as they recalled that one.

"And poor Legolas still hasn't come down from that tree," Merry pointed out.

"How could I know elves were so sensitive about being tickled?"

"Actually, I think it was the hair pulling, kicking and biting that put him up there."

"Well, he told me to defend myself."

"I don't think that biting his ear was a legal combat move."

"He bit me first."

"After you pulled his hair."

"He had me pinned to the ground!"

"Because you kicked him in the shins."

"He punched me first!"

"Because you twisted his nipple!"

"Hey, he had that coming, he was trying to pin my arms against my back."

"Only because you were scratching him."

"He kicked me in the side first."

"Because you pinched him."

"Well, he wouldn't stop tickling me!"

"You started tickling him!"

"He was sitting on me, it was my only defense."

"You're right, Legolas, did start it."

"Crazy elf," mumbled Gimli.

"Stupid Dwarf," replied a tree.

Aragorn sheathed his sword with a sigh. "Gandalf, she speaks true. Though, I am not one to give up, I can admit defeat when it stands before me. Getting this child to have any useful combative skill is futile. "

"I agree," I stated.

"This girl belongs in a house, not on the battle field," Boromir said.

"I agree. I'm highly skilled at sitting on my ass."

"Too bad words couldn't kill Orcs, as her mouth is far more skilled than my axe!" Gimli commented with a grin.

The hobbits smiled. I patted Frodo on his mop of curly hair as I was still cowered behind him. Hobbits are so cute.

"I can not claim to be any better of a fighter than, Jules, but both of us shall try our hardest," Frodo's soft voice floated up to me.

Now I felt guilty. This cute, innocent creature was going to go through so much to get rid of a silly ring. "Yes, we will," I found myself agreeing before my brain had time to put a stop to it.

"But you are the most inept fighter I have ever seen! At least, Frodo, can hold his sword properly."

"At least I can admit my faults," I grinned viscously at Boromir. He looked insulted and I started to feel bad again. I mean, he wasn't a bad guy. He was just a bitmislead. "Sorry, Boromir, I'm just a little testy. You know us temperamental women, eh?"

"I still think we should leave her behind."

"One minute we're all nice and sweet."

"She's a hindrance and a distraction to us."

"Kind and loving"

"She'll get the ringbearer killed."

"Then we'll turn around and rip your balls off." I picked up a branch and charged screaming at Boromir who turned and ran in fear. Well, I would too if a five foot four inch human came screaming like a banshee swinging a big stick at me.

"Of course!" Aragorn exclaimed happily. "She'd be best suited with a staff as a weapon."

"Good choice. Sturdy, no sharp edges, good for support," Gandalf agreed.

Legolas dropped from the tree with the grace and delicacy of a butterfly and landed beside Pippin and Merry who were having a snack. "It offers protection when used correctly, yet inflicts the least amount of damage when mishandled," he murmured.

"Jules! Stop that a moment and come here," Aragorn requested. There was something about his voice that made his gentle requests a command. I froze in mid swing as I chased Boromir about the clearing and trotted over.

"You called, master?"

"Legolas." Man, I love it when he said Legolas. It was a gentle purr that gave me a warm pink fuzzy. There had to be something going on with those two! Though, if Arwen ever found out, there would be some serious ass kickings. Anyway, back to paying attention"and I will show you how to defend yourself using a staff."

"Cool. So I guess that makes you Xena and, Legolas, Gabrielle, eh?"

"Who?"

"Never mind."

"We need to find you a staff of an appropriate heightLegolas? Is there a branch near by that would be appropriate?"

"I shall see," his soft confident voice promised as he dashed obediently away. Yep, he was so Aragorn's bitch.

I caught Gandalf's eye and raised my eyebrow as I glanced at the departing elf and watching ranger. See? I thought.

The wizard smiled and winked at me. Replying with a now-I-see-what-you've-been-talking-about-look.

I glanced at the group of hobbits chatting under a tree and returned my eyes to Gandalf with a what-about-them?-there's got-to-be-something-going-on-look.

He replied with a mischievous you'll-find-out-look.

Cool. I looked. Then, do-you-have-any-more-hobbit-weed-look?

His eyes crinkled with his smile, I'll-bring-some-of-the-good-stuff-by-tonight-but-you-should-be-paying-attention-to-Aragorn-look.

Oh, yes, Aragorn was speaking to me. I snapped my attention back to the ranger. "Eh?"

He sighed and started over.

****

The white intricate structures of Rivendell spread out below me. The water and trees seemed to entwine through the structures as though it was all one living being of curved and slender beauty. The moon's light softly kissed the being of Rivendell below her from her perch in the night sky. Her affections making the scene glow with mystical warmth. Rivendell, was a mere reflection of her inhabitants, my mind thought.

"Very Pretty," I mumbled taking a puff on the pipe.

"Indeed," Gandalf agreed from his perch beside me.

My back pressed against the rough bark of the tree as my legs dandled on either side of the large branch I was straddling. Gandalf's hat was pulled down over my face and I still wore my tunic and leggings. Gandalf was perched on a branch to my left, and we were passing the pipe back and forth.

We were sitting in a very high tree overlooking the valley in which Rivendell was cradled. As I am inept at climbing, it was Gandalf's magic that got us both up there. But, I promised not to tell anyone.

I was deeply relaxed. I am always more comfortable in the night's embrace than the day's harsh hold. And I've always been fond of trees, so ancient and peaceful. Sitting up here in one overlooking the breathtaking beauty that was the elves' home was as close to heaven as I could come.

With the exhaustion of today's training, it was twice as sweet. Plus a substantial amount of the best weed in the shireneither Gandalf nor I would be moving for quite some time.

I had remembered to bring munchies and they were stored in a pack hanging from a branch between us. Just at arms reach, so the minimal amount of effort was required.

I passed the pipe to Gandy. "So pretty up here."

He started to giggle. "You said that already."

I started to giggle too at Gandalf giggling. Soon we were both laughing so hard that he almost fell out of the tree. That forced us to stop a moment to pull him back onto his branch.

"Why are we laughing?" For the life of me I couldn't think what was funny.

"I don't know!"

We glanced at each other and burst into a fit of giggles once more. Soon we were both in a terrible amount of pain and my cheeks hurt. "Damn, permi-grin...it hurts." More gasping laughter until we were both crying.

"I love you guys!" I cried out happily.

"Who?"

"Evvverrrybody!" I got mellow again as I looked over the valley. "It's so pretty."

Gandalf laughed himself off the branch and landed with a loud thwud on the ground below. I looked down, "Gandy?"

"Ow," came a muffled voice.

"Everything is all right! Elrond broke my fall!" I heard Gandalf laugh.

"Muphif?"

Gandalf giggled, "thanks old chum!'

"Minph phawt fold!"

After a couple of tries Elrond and Gandalf made it up the tree. They made themselves comfortable and the pipe was restocked. I started to babble, "I wonder what it would look like to someone standing under us? A wizard, and an elf lord in robes, and a girl in a tree."

"Good thing I wore pants," Gandalf mumbled.

"That's a community service."

Elrond started to giggle.

"Are you wearing pants?" Gandalf accused.

"No," Elrond laughed. "I don't need pants! I have a robe of office."

"I like pants." I stated. "Much more comfie than a dress. Don't you feel a draft Elrond?"

"Kindabut it's refreshing."

We all giggled hysterically.

There was a moment of companionable silence broken only by the soft puffs on the pipes. Then Elrond spoke up, "I'm going to kill, Estel."

"Why?"

"He's sleeping with my daughter, why not?"

"Oh."

Another pause.

"What is it about him?" Gandalf mused.

"Rugged manly factor," I supplied.

"You mean his stubble is attractive?"

"In a way," I took a long drag on the pipe. "Women like wild men. A man that can hold his own, and take care of her, yet won't infringe on her independence. I think it's an instinct thing. We're attracted to the danger, because then we know that the man will fight for us and protect the off spring. Aragorn's smart, noble, strong, and coming into money. All highly attractive things to a woman. Though, I always preferred my men smoother. But the stubble suits Aragorn. He's a feral, sexy bitch."

They were staring at me again.

I took a long drag on the pipe. "I like trees."

I handed the pipe to Gandalf, "yes, trees are nice."

"The tree likes you too," said Elrond.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"How is it?"

"She fares well, a little tender from where a woodpecker approached her."

"Ow."

"It does not hurt as you would think."

"Good, I'd think it would hurt like a bitch. Has she seen anything interesting lately?"

A pause. "Really?"

"What?"

"Oh, she said she saw a couple of little folk out here the other day."

"The hobbits? What were they up to?"

In the dark I could see Elrond's ears turn red followed by the rest of his face.

"You don't say?" Gandalf puffed.

"Oh." I stated. Not needing the answer.

"I was not in need of that much detail in the description," Elrond mumbled.

We went back to silently puffing again. Then Elrond began to giggle. Then so did we. Through gasps for air he whispered one word, "carrot."

I fell off the tree laughing. Along with Gandalf's pointy hat.

***End part three. I know it's a little shorter than the others, but my tired. Will I brake something in my fall? Will the One Ring seduce me? What about those naked dancing elves?! My muse shall see.