"I could take care of your chip-problem for you", explained Halfrek. "Make
it so that it never happened. Do you want that?"
"Do I want…?" Spike stared at her.
**************************************************************************** **********
"What do you wanna do tonight?" Buffy asked.
"I don't know… I'm kinda beat. We had loads of homework this week, and tests and stuff. Just a quiet evening at home. Perhaps a video. Or someone could come over?" Dawn suggested.
"As long as it doesn't turn into a slumber party, fine with me. Who do you wanna ask over, Janice?" Buffy was glad she could allow Dawn something.
"Uhm… I'd someone else in mind, actually…" her little sister looked at her, pleadingly.
"What?" Buffy grinned back. "Is it a boy? You wanna ask a boy over to watch a video with you?"
"Nooo… or yes. But not the way you think." Dawn took a deep breath. "Remember when you said I could talk about anything with you, even though it might hurt you, but that you couldn't read my mind and I had to tell you my needs?"
Buffy nodded, growing slightly weary.
"Can we ask Spike to spend the evening?" Dawn asked in a small voice. "You know, I kinda miss him. He was with me all summer, we played cards together, and talked, and… he is my friend, Buffy, if you believe it or not."
Buffy sighed. 'I faced Xander tonight', she thought, 'so Dawn should be a piece of cake, right?'
"Dawnie, I'm sorry, but that is not a good idea."
"But he never spends the evening with me, ever, again. Since you are back, he all but vanished from our house! Why do you always chase him away? He didn't do anything wrong!!!" Dawn had gone from polite asking into a typical teenage frenzy in a heartbeat.
"No, Dawn, that's right, he didn't do anything wrong. I did. That's why it is not such a good idea for us to be around each other. Give it a couple of weeks, okay?"
"What do you mean? What did you do wrong?"
Buffy took her sister by the shoulders and walked her to the couch in the living room. "Sit down, Dawn. I have to tell you something."
"You didn't stake him by accident, did you? You did!"
"No", Buffy shook her head vigorously. "I didn't stake him. I… Spike… Spike and I… we…". This stuttering wouldn't get her anywhere. She inhaled deeply: "We had an affair. Spike and I. But it was wrong, so I broke up with him last week."
"What? You and Spike… did you sleep together?"
Buffy blushed. This was way too personal. Why hadn't she read all the books on educating a teenager that her mother had bought when she had been Dawn's age? She decided that honesty was the trump of the day, and nodded.
"You? The one who told me, not a year ago, that Spike is a monster, the one that freaked completely when she learned that he was in love with her, the one that…"
"Dawn!" Buffy hold up her hand. "That's enough. I get the picture. I didn't say this was a good thing. I said I did something wrong. So I ended it."
"Why? And don't give me the 'evil fiend'-speech again, because I don't believe you. I know Spike myself now, and he is not evil – at least not anymore!"
"Still, he is a vampire, and I am not. So this was not a healthy, normal relationship…" Buffy sounded exasperated.
Dawn snorted. "What else is new? Our lives are not normal, Buffy. And Spike might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Better than every human testosterone-sporting guy at least, because check: He is superhuman himself, so no jealousy there. And he can help you fight, and…"
"Dawn. It's over, okay? So don't get all excited. Instead, get over it. I did the best thing possible in the given situation for everybody, including you." The slayer's eyes brimmed with tears when she heard Dawn expressing the same thing Spike had told her: that he was the only one left for her. But her little sister didn't see the tears. Angrily, she shouted:
"What do you mean by that? That you broke up with Spike to not give me a bad example? Oh, spare me that crap! Because, you know what? It already happened! Remember Angel? So don't use me as an excuse for your inability to have a functioning relationship!"
"I don't. This isn't about you. This…"
"Let me guess: This is about you, as always. You're afraid that something like with Angel will happen again. You're afraid you'll get hurt. So you just go around and break the heart of the best friend I ever had on this planet." Dawn stood up, tears flowing down her face: "I hate you!"
She was about to sprint up the stairs when Buffy grabbed her arm: "Dawn, wait and listen to me, really listen. That's not it. I broke up with Spike because I messed up."
"Messed up how?"
"I used him. He was ready to just be my friend, but instead of accepting him into my life, I hurt him bad every minute of every hour we spent together. Because I placed my need for a strong – a physical sensation, above the possibility of real feelings, even though they might not have been as strong and breathtaking. I messed up the opportunity to have a friendship with Spike, because I couldn't admit that it might be feasible." Buffy looked her sister in the eyes. "I realised that I lost a friend, Dawn, because I messed up. And I can't stand seeing him knowing that."
**************************************************************************** **********
"Do I want…?" Spike stared at her. After some time of thinking, he shook his head. "No. I can't believe I am saying this, but no. What I experienced the last two years was so much richer than anything I had lived through since I was turned, I wouldn't wanna miss one second."
Halfrek slowly lost her temper. She had thought this to be an easy one. But no, this stubborn dumb-head was as poetic as he had always been. She watched him downing the rest of the whiskey bottle. He seemed to lose focus again. Now, she decided.
"So, then what do you want?" she asked, honey-sweet.
"What do I want…" The vampire laughed again without a trace of joy. "Shometimes… shometimes I wish I wash human again. Human, for her…"
Halfrek looked up, deep into his blue eyes. Her human features were replaced by her demon self: "Wish granted."
"Do I want…?" Spike stared at her.
**************************************************************************** **********
"What do you wanna do tonight?" Buffy asked.
"I don't know… I'm kinda beat. We had loads of homework this week, and tests and stuff. Just a quiet evening at home. Perhaps a video. Or someone could come over?" Dawn suggested.
"As long as it doesn't turn into a slumber party, fine with me. Who do you wanna ask over, Janice?" Buffy was glad she could allow Dawn something.
"Uhm… I'd someone else in mind, actually…" her little sister looked at her, pleadingly.
"What?" Buffy grinned back. "Is it a boy? You wanna ask a boy over to watch a video with you?"
"Nooo… or yes. But not the way you think." Dawn took a deep breath. "Remember when you said I could talk about anything with you, even though it might hurt you, but that you couldn't read my mind and I had to tell you my needs?"
Buffy nodded, growing slightly weary.
"Can we ask Spike to spend the evening?" Dawn asked in a small voice. "You know, I kinda miss him. He was with me all summer, we played cards together, and talked, and… he is my friend, Buffy, if you believe it or not."
Buffy sighed. 'I faced Xander tonight', she thought, 'so Dawn should be a piece of cake, right?'
"Dawnie, I'm sorry, but that is not a good idea."
"But he never spends the evening with me, ever, again. Since you are back, he all but vanished from our house! Why do you always chase him away? He didn't do anything wrong!!!" Dawn had gone from polite asking into a typical teenage frenzy in a heartbeat.
"No, Dawn, that's right, he didn't do anything wrong. I did. That's why it is not such a good idea for us to be around each other. Give it a couple of weeks, okay?"
"What do you mean? What did you do wrong?"
Buffy took her sister by the shoulders and walked her to the couch in the living room. "Sit down, Dawn. I have to tell you something."
"You didn't stake him by accident, did you? You did!"
"No", Buffy shook her head vigorously. "I didn't stake him. I… Spike… Spike and I… we…". This stuttering wouldn't get her anywhere. She inhaled deeply: "We had an affair. Spike and I. But it was wrong, so I broke up with him last week."
"What? You and Spike… did you sleep together?"
Buffy blushed. This was way too personal. Why hadn't she read all the books on educating a teenager that her mother had bought when she had been Dawn's age? She decided that honesty was the trump of the day, and nodded.
"You? The one who told me, not a year ago, that Spike is a monster, the one that freaked completely when she learned that he was in love with her, the one that…"
"Dawn!" Buffy hold up her hand. "That's enough. I get the picture. I didn't say this was a good thing. I said I did something wrong. So I ended it."
"Why? And don't give me the 'evil fiend'-speech again, because I don't believe you. I know Spike myself now, and he is not evil – at least not anymore!"
"Still, he is a vampire, and I am not. So this was not a healthy, normal relationship…" Buffy sounded exasperated.
Dawn snorted. "What else is new? Our lives are not normal, Buffy. And Spike might be the best thing that ever happened to you. Better than every human testosterone-sporting guy at least, because check: He is superhuman himself, so no jealousy there. And he can help you fight, and…"
"Dawn. It's over, okay? So don't get all excited. Instead, get over it. I did the best thing possible in the given situation for everybody, including you." The slayer's eyes brimmed with tears when she heard Dawn expressing the same thing Spike had told her: that he was the only one left for her. But her little sister didn't see the tears. Angrily, she shouted:
"What do you mean by that? That you broke up with Spike to not give me a bad example? Oh, spare me that crap! Because, you know what? It already happened! Remember Angel? So don't use me as an excuse for your inability to have a functioning relationship!"
"I don't. This isn't about you. This…"
"Let me guess: This is about you, as always. You're afraid that something like with Angel will happen again. You're afraid you'll get hurt. So you just go around and break the heart of the best friend I ever had on this planet." Dawn stood up, tears flowing down her face: "I hate you!"
She was about to sprint up the stairs when Buffy grabbed her arm: "Dawn, wait and listen to me, really listen. That's not it. I broke up with Spike because I messed up."
"Messed up how?"
"I used him. He was ready to just be my friend, but instead of accepting him into my life, I hurt him bad every minute of every hour we spent together. Because I placed my need for a strong – a physical sensation, above the possibility of real feelings, even though they might not have been as strong and breathtaking. I messed up the opportunity to have a friendship with Spike, because I couldn't admit that it might be feasible." Buffy looked her sister in the eyes. "I realised that I lost a friend, Dawn, because I messed up. And I can't stand seeing him knowing that."
**************************************************************************** **********
"Do I want…?" Spike stared at her. After some time of thinking, he shook his head. "No. I can't believe I am saying this, but no. What I experienced the last two years was so much richer than anything I had lived through since I was turned, I wouldn't wanna miss one second."
Halfrek slowly lost her temper. She had thought this to be an easy one. But no, this stubborn dumb-head was as poetic as he had always been. She watched him downing the rest of the whiskey bottle. He seemed to lose focus again. Now, she decided.
"So, then what do you want?" she asked, honey-sweet.
"What do I want…" The vampire laughed again without a trace of joy. "Shometimes… shometimes I wish I wash human again. Human, for her…"
Halfrek looked up, deep into his blue eyes. Her human features were replaced by her demon self: "Wish granted."