To be honest, I don't remember much about the first part of the next cycle – it's kinda been crowded out of my processor by what happened afterwards.  Morning classes were mostly boring but not too bad, I did some more work on the weight machines and then I went to lunch.

Lisa was there, but there were a bunch of other kids already at the table by the time I got to the mess hall so we really didn't have a chance to talk very much.  We smiled at each other a lot and I still got a little quivery just from looking at her.  But I could be at the same table with her now and actually speak a few coherent sentences, which was progress, I guess.

Everyone looked at Mouse with a kind of awe in physical combat class after the last time, which I just thought was kinda funny.  She definitely had everybody's interest, that was obvious.  I remembered what Bob said and tried to pay really close attention in there, especially after the game and Calisto.  Mouse put her katana away and started us out on balance exercises – using your opponent's weight against them, that kinda thing.  It was interesting, but it was our first real class so we didn't go into too much detail.  I was the last one out again, just 'cause I liked to have a chance to share a smile with her without anyone noticing.  She winked at me and tousled my hair as I walked past her.

After my last class I went back to the room and hung out with Linux for a while, then we went downstairs and had dinner in the mess hall.  It was almost starting to become a routine, crazy as that sounded to me.  And after that I went upstairs – Linux went to the rec room but I skipped it.  I chilled out and did homework, and then at about twenty-six hundred I grabbed my stuff and headed for the showers.

Linux was cool and never asked me why I took showers at night.  Maybe he knew.  It sounds silly, but one of the scariest things for me about being at the Academy was having to change and take showers in front of other people.  It was never an issue in Mainframe, obviously – I had all the privacy I wanted with no other kids around.  But now everything was different.

See, everyone there was older than me.  I was still a little sprite, and the last thing in the net I wanted was all those big kids to see me without any clothes on.  The notion absolutely horrified me – I don't know if it's right to say I was ashamed, but I was definitely more than embarrassed.  Being seen by kids like me would be bad enough, never having had to worry about it before – but being seen by older kids who were so much more, well – grown-up – was beyond awful.  I didn't even like to think about it.

So when I got to the Academy and saw just how little privacy there was in the showers, I was naturally upset.  The only solution I could come up with was to take showers at night when (hopefully) there wouldn't be any other cadets around, since most of them showered in the morning.  And for the first few cycles, it worked.

Everything seemed fine this night, too – there were no other kids in the shower room when I got there and I grabbed the stall farthest from the door, just like always.  I set my kit and my icon down on the bench, 'booted out of my clothes and started the data.  I even gasped when it started out too cold, just like always.

I got the data just how I liked it and I was showering and everything was OK – although I was always a little nervous in those showers and this night was no different.  I'd just started to wash my hair when I thought I heard a noise, and I froze.  I looked over my shoulder and didn't see anything, but my eyes were full of data and I couldn't be sure.  I figured I imagined it, 'cause you can never be too sure about sounds when the data's running anyways, and went back to washing my hair.

I shut off the data when I was done and felt for the towel to dry my face and hair a little, and that's when I realized something was wrong.  It wasn't on the hook.  I knelt and didn't feel it on the floor either, and a growing sense of dread was beginning to rise.  I wiped my eyes with my wrists and hands as well as I could and opened them, and that's when I really started to panic. 

My icon was gone.

"No!" I whispered.  I bent down and looked on the floor, desperately hoping it'd just fallen even though I knew that wasn't really possible.  I couldn't hear anything except the data dripping in the stall behind me, but I knew in my heart that something was terribly wrong.

I took a cautious step out of the shower stall, and my heart was pounding so hard I figured it would jump right out of my chest.  Nothing.  I took another step, then two, and I still didn't see anyone or anything – including my icon or towel.  I took a couple steps towards the door, then I heard a kind of 'whooshing' sound and just as I started to turn my head, I screamed as there was a stinging pain.  Right on my bitmap.  "Owwwww!"

That's when I heard the laughter.  Zip stepped out from behind the row of stalls, along with a couple big guys I didn't recognize, holding a wet towel.  I was hopping from foot to foot from the pain, but as soon as I saw him I doubled over, covered myself as best I could and started backing towards the door.

"Not so fast."  I spun, and there was Calisto standing behind me.  He grinned and pushed my towards the center of the room and my feet were wet, so I slipped and fell and banged onto the hard floor and that hurt like deletion too, believe me.

Zip chuckled.  "Now we know why we never see you in here, huh Enzo?  Sneaking in at night – very clever."

"Leave me alone!"

"Looking for something?"  He held up my icon.  "Very careless of you to leave this lying around – anyone could just grab it."

"Gimme that!"  I stood up and reached for it but he yanked it away, laughing.  Being the only one naked in a room with four big kids might not be the worst feeling possible, but at the time you couldn't convince me of that.

"Grabby, aren't you?  Where's your respect, huh?"  He whipped the towel at me again – not at my bitmap this time - and I squealed and dove out of the way.

"Does your Mommy know you run around without your diaper, Infant?" Calisto sneered.

"My Mom's deleted, nullface.  Gimmee my icon – please!"

"I don't blame you for trying to sneak in here." Zip chuckled.  "If I were you I'd be ashamed to be seen in public, too."  They all got a good laugh out of that.  They said a lot of other stuff about me too – I don't repeat it because I don't even like to remember it.  It was horrible – like a nightmare I just couldn't wake up from.  And that's when it got worse.

Once they'd all had a chance to make wisecracks about me and Zip whipped the towel at me a few more times, making me dance as I tried to cover up, he got a big smile on his face.  "You don't like being in the showers naked, huh?"

I was pretty close to tears at this point. "Please – just let me go!  Give me my icon!"  The next thing I knew, two of them were lifting me up and carrying me towards the door.  "No!" I shouted, and I started kicking and struggling as well as I could.  But these guys were all bigger than me – I didn't have a chance.

Zip opened the door, and the two guys I didn't recognize tossed me out into the hallway.  Zip held up my icon, grinned, and waved.  Then the door to the showers closed and I heard them file locking it from the inside.

"No!"  I started pounding on the door.  "No!  Please – let me in!  Please!"  I pounded and pounded but there was no response from inside – but I heard another door open, and laughter.

I doubled over at the waist again and tiptoed across to my room.  I started pounding on that door.  "Linux!  Linux, let me in, please!  Please, please, please!  Linux!"  Nothing – maybe he was still down in the rec room.  I kept pounding on the door and I was starting to cry now, and then I heard another door open and I realized that the more noise I made trying to get into my room, the more attention I was drawing to myself.  "Shit!" I groaned, and pounded on the door one last time.

I spun back to the hallway and covered myself and saw a couple of guys standing in their doorways, clearly finding the entire situation very funny.  I knew I had to get downstairs to the house master's room – but there was no way I was going down that elevator.  The see-through elevator.  I dashed for the end of the hall, praying there was a stairwell.  There was, thank the User.

I flew down the stairs and prayed again, this time that there'd be no one outside when I opened the door on the main floor.  I wasn't so lucky this time – there was one cadet out in the hallway, going into his room.  He looked at me and laughed.  "What in the net are you doin', Little Man?"

I hid behind the door to the stairwell and poked my head out.  "Where's the house master's room?  Please!  Where is it?"

"Opposite hallway – right side, on the end."  He chuckled and shook his head.  "Gonna be a fun run, Kid."  And he popped into his room and closed the door.

Opposite hallway!  That meant I'd have to run through the main entrance hall – right past the rec room, the mess hall, the elevator…  Oh, User!  The only good thing was that it was pretty late, maybe there wouldn't be anyone out and about.  But getting my feet to move was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do – that other hallway felt like it was a million systems away.  I just stood there for a while and shook and felt the tears on my cheeks and couldn't make my legs work. 

Finally I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and took off at a dash, as fast as I could, without even trying to cover anything up – sacrificing everything for speed.  I'm faster than I am strong, even though I've still got pretty short legs – but that nano I was as fast as any zip board.  I'm sure I was a green blur moving down that hallway.

I flew past the rec room and heard a shout behind me, then I heard someone calling out and laughing, but I didn't stop and I didn't turn around.  I was out in the main hall and by the elevators and there were a couple of guys out there too but I didn't even pause, I just kept right on running and running, past the mess hall and I found the opposite hallway and took off down that, hoping and hoping harder than I've ever hoped that the house master was in his room.

I could still hear laughing behind me when I got to his door – a couple of kids probably followed me to see what was going on.  They called me some names that I'm not going to repeat. I doubled over again and pounded on the house master's door.  "Please!  Please be there, please!  Oh User, let me in!"

The sweetest sound I ever heard was that door sliding open.  I slipped through without even looking up at him – I didn't even know who the house master was yet – and curled up in a ball on his floor, still dripping wet.  "Please – close the door!  Close it, please close it!"

He did.  "What in the name of the collective is the meaning of this, Cadet?"  I finally looked up – it was the guy who taught my games identification class, the one who was even younger than Matrix.  Mr. Garamond.  My eyes were blurry but I could see the shock on his face.

"They…  They locked me out of the bathroom!  I w-was t-taking a shower…  And they t-took my icon!"

"Calm down.  Just calm down."  He disappeared for a nano, and I took the opportunity to wipe my eyes.  I felt around behind me where my skin was still stinging, and realized on top of everything else that I had a big red welt on my butt where Zip had snapped me with the towel.

A nano later Mr. Garamond draped a blanket around my shoulders, and I wrapped it around myself tightly.  "Now – tell me what happened, Cadet Matrix."

I sobbed a couple times.  "I…  I was in the shower and…  And…"

"Calm, Cadet.  Calm down.  What happened?"

I wiped my eyes again.  "They t-took my icon and… My towel.  And locked m-me out.  In the hall."

"Who?  Who did?"  My stomach lurched again when he asked me – I could sense the danger in his question.  I was getting good at that, even freaked out as I was.  "Enzo?  Who did it?"

"I…"  I looked up at him and wiped my eyes again.  "I don't know them.  A c-couple k-kids I don't know."

"A couple kids you don't know just took your icon and tossed you out into the hall?  Just like that?"

"Y-yes Sir."

He scowled and shook his head.  "I can't help you if you won't be honest with me, Cadet."

"Sorry S-sir."

"Damn hazing.  Every deleted semester…"  Mr. Garamond shook his head again and nodded at me.  "Get up, Enzo.  Let's get you back to your room."

"Thanks." I whispered, pushing myself to my feet.  I realized that in addition to my bitmap, my hip and elbow hurt from when Calisto had pushed me down in the showers.

"You all right, Cadet?  You want to see the nurse?"

"No.  I'm fine."  It wasn't a very good lie.

He draped his arm around me and led me out into the hall, where a couple of cadets were straggling around.  "Get back to your rooms.  Excitement's over."  I just looked down at my feet as he led me to the elevator – I have no idea how many kids were out there or what their expressions were.  I can guess.

"I'm going to try and get to the source of this, Cadet – but of course, no one will have seen anything.  They never do.  I wish you'd let me help you-"

"I…  I don't know them, Sir.  S-sorry."

We were on the third floor now, and he stopped outside my door and knelt next to me.  "Enzo – I know it's not easy for you being so- well…  I know it's not easy being the youngest.  Maybe it would be better if we took some special precautions.  We could-"

"I'll be fine, Sir."  I hated his pity – hated it.  It was like I was 0.1 again, treated like a baby by everyone else.  Everyone bigger and older.  But maybe he was right – maybe I couldn't take of myself…

"Right.  Fine." He sighed.  "I don't want you to let yourself get taken advantage of, Cadet.  Let me know if things get too bad for you, and I'll help.  That's an order."

"I will, Sir.  Can I please go to bed now?"

"Right."  He patted me awkwardly on the shoulder and palmed his PID over the lock.  The door slid open and he led me into the room.  And there on my bed, neatly as could be, sat my icon and shower kit.  And on the other bed sat Linux.  He met my eyes when we walked in, and looked immediately down at his feet.  I grabbed my icon and quickly rebooted into my shorts and T-shirt, my sleeping clothes.

"You sure you're all right, Cadet? You're limping a little."

"Fine." I nodded, stifling a sob.  I handed him back his blanket and sat on my bed.  "Thank you."

"NP.  Lights out in 15 micros – get some sleep, both of you.  And remember what I said, Enzo."  He looked at Linux for a moment, smiled sadly at me and left us alone.

I stared at Linux for a few nanos, but he wouldn't look at me.  Finally I buried my face in my pillow and tried to wish the whole night away, like it'd never happened.  "I'm sorry." Linux said after a couple micros.  "I'm sorry.  Enzo?"  More silence.  "He – they said if I let you in they'd beat me up.  He said they'd beat me up every cycle.  I'm really sorry.  Enzo?"

I had nothing to say to Linux right then.  I just lay there till I started crying, hard, and let the pillow soak it all up. Until I was done, I had nothing left, and tried to go to sleep.  Linux didn't try to talk to me again that night.

As hard as it had been to force myself out of that stairwell without my clothes, it was almost as tough to convince myself to leave my room the next morning.  The thought of facing anyone was almost more than I could take.  How could I?  They'd all know, I was sure of it.  The ones that had seen what happened (and caused what happened) would tell the ones who hadn't.

Linux didn't say a word to me as we were getting ready for classes that morning.  What in the net could he say?  In some way I knew what had happened wasn't his fault, exactly – but I was so hurt on every level of my programming that I didn't see forgiving him anytime soon. 

I mostly kept my head down as I walked to my morning classes.  I couldn't bear to make eye contact with anyone – I was sure I'd see contempt and ridicule in their eyes.  I heard a few snickers and an occasional insult from nearby, but that was about the extent of it as nobody really talked to me and I sure as deletion didn't talk to anyone else.

The worst part of it was conditioning – because Lisa was in that class.  For all the horror I felt at the idea of facing anybody else, facing Lisa was infinitely worse.  Maybe she'd know and maybe she wouldn't, but I couldn't stand the idea of taking the chance.  She tried to make eye contact with me a couple of times but I deliberately looked away, and I tried to stay on the opposite end of the gym from her as much as I could.

I ate lunch in the boy's dorm that cycle, just to avoid Lisa.  Most of the kids ate lunch in the main mess – the ones in the dorms were mostly breakfast and dinner – so there weren't too many cadets in there, which was just fine with me.  I found a spot at the end of one of the big tables and ate by myself, and other than one kid shouting out one of the names I'd heard the night before, I was left alone.

I was walking out of the dorm after lunch when someone pushed me from behind, and I almost fell on my face.  I scraped my hands a little catching myself on the ground, and I winced as I pushed myself up.  I turned around and Calisto was grinning at me.  "Thanks for the entertainment last night, Infant."

"Leave me alone." I mumbled, and started to walk away.  He grabbed me by the collar and pulled me back.  "Hey!"

"Did I give you permission to leave, Sprout?  Huh?"

"Just let me go!"

"Ask me." He said softly.

"No."

"Ask me.  Beg me.  Go on – beg me to let you go."

There was no way I was gonna do that.  I slapped his arm away from my neck, which surprised him a little.  "Log off, nullbreath!"

I turned and took a step away, but he slapped me in the back of the head – hard.  I went down to my knees and saw stars for a few nanos.  "Don't try that again, Infant, or you'll get a whole lot more."

I was still a little woozy, but I pushed myself to my feet again and took off at a dead run.  He followed me for a few paces and shouted some insults, but I blended into a big knot of kids and after a nano I didn't hear him following me anymore.  I made it to my classroom building and leaned against the side for a few nanos, catching my breath and waiting for my balance to come back. My head was still smarting pretty good.

For the rest of that cycle I was looking over my shoulder pretty much all the time, worrying that at any nano I was gonna get ambushed.  It wasn't a nice feeling.  I was nervous and tense every nano, and needless to say I was having a hard time concentrating on my classes – and that really sucked because so much of what they were teaching us was new for me.  I comforted myself with the knowledge that at least the minute-end was coming up, and I wouldn't have to worry about classes for a couple cycles.  Crash, I could hide in my room for the whole minute-end if I wanted.

I managed to lay low most of the cycle and not got waylaid again, and I was on my way back to the dorm when I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I gasped and spun around, bringing my arms up automatically to defend my face.  "Hey!  Relax!"

"Lisa?"

"Yeah."  She smiled at me, but she didn't seem happy.  I couldn't look at her for long – I just stared at my feet.  "You all right?"

"Yeah – fine."  I mumbled.  "I gotta go-"

"Wait!"  She grabbed my arm, gently but she had a strong grip, too.  "Stay and talk to me a nano."

"I…I can't…"

Lisa slid her hand down my arm until she was holding my hand, and dragged my off to a bench.  I sat meekly next to her but I still wouldn't - couldn't – look at her.  "I thought you didn't like me anymore, the way you avoided my in conditioning class.  And then you never showed up at lunch."

"Sorry!" I said quickly.  It had never occurred to me that she'd think that.  "I Wasn't avoiding-  I mean-  It wasn't you…"

"I was wondering if I made you mad, or something." She smiled.  "And then someone told me about what happened last night."

"Oh, no!"  I tried to stand up, but she wouldn't let go of my hand.  "Please. I have to go-"

"Enzo – wait!"

"But…"

"Just wait.  Are you OK?  Did they hurt you?"

I hid my face in my free hand.  "Please just let me go.  I can't talk about it."

"Enzo…  I'm sorry."  She squeezed my hand.  "Those guys are just nulls, that's all.  They're jealous of you 'cause you're such a good Guardian already and you're younger than they are."

"Lisa-"

"They didn't hurt you, did they?  Hit you or anything?"

"No." I sighed.  "They just pushed me down.  And Calisto kinda punched me in the back of the head today.  A little."

"Oh, no!"  She felt the back of my head, real softly.  That made me forget about my problems for a nano anyways.  "There's a bump here – you should go to the infirmary."

"No!  I'm fine, honest.  I just need to go back to my-"

"Ooh – I hate guys like that!" Lisa fumed.  "Boys are all the same.  Poor Enzo…"

I finally pulled my hand away and stood up – I couldn't take any more.  "Please – I just wanna be alone, OK?  I'm sorry."

Lisa looked really sad.  "You promise you're OK?"

"Yeah – promise." I lied.

"Enzo – let's go for a walk tomorrow, OK?  We have the whole cycle free.  Let's walk up in those hills overlooking the town – I bet it's really beautiful."

That just confused the data out of me.  Why in the net would she want to spend time with me?  "Lisa, I…  I don't think I can-"

"Please?"

"I don't think so.  I-"

"Enzo…" she sighed.  "I'll meet you here tomorrow at fourteen hundred, OK?  I'll be here if you want to go."

I stared at her for a nano, my curiosity finally overcoming my shame.  "O…OK.  I'll think about it."

"Good!  So I'll see you tomorrow." She bounced up and squeezed my hand again, real quick.

"Maybe." I whispered.  She smiled and took off towards the girls' dorm, and I headed off towards the boys', more confused than ever.

When I went to the mess hall for dinner it was really crowded and really loud.  It seemed like a little too much for me to deal with right then.  I walked up to the counter I asked the service binome if I could take food to go, but she said no, there was no food allowed in the rooms.  So I took a tray and looked for a quiet spot, trying not to look directly at anybody the whole time.

It wasn't a good meal.  Zip and Calisto spotted me, and they shouted out a few of the names they'd used on me the night before in the showers.  Some of the other kids laughed, some didn't.  As for me I just sat there and ate as fast as I could and tried to ignore them, as if that were possible.

I finished my tray in record time and headed upstairs, and just sat on my bed with my eyes closed, trying to block everything else out, until Linux came in.  "Hey." He said softly.

"Hey."

He tossed his stuff down on his bed and sat and didn't say anything else for a couple of nanos.  I went back to having my eyes closed.  I still couldn't find anything inside me to say to him – I was still hurting too much.  Finally he sat down at my desk.  "Whatcha doing tonight?"

"I dunno."

"Um…  I was thinking I'd go into town and check it out, since we don't have classes tomorrow.  Maybe see a quicktime or find an arcade or something.  Wanna come?"

"No." 

"Oh.  You sure?  It might be alphanumeric-"

"No." I sighed.  "You go – I'm gonna stay in."

"OK.  I, uh, guess I'll see ya later then."

"Yeah."  I watched him get ready to leave for a couple of nanos.  "There's a pixels arcade on Baud Street – it's pretty high density.  If you're looking for something to do."

"Oh!  Thanks."

"No problem."

"I'll, uh – I'll see ya later then.  You sure you-"

"No."

"OK." He sighed.  "See ya, then." He sighed.  Once he was gone and I was by myself I started to think about what the rest of my time here was gonna be like.  As bad as yesterday was this cycle was almost worse – thinking about what had happened, worrying about what might happen.  I hated Zip and Calisto and the other nulls that they hung with, but I really hated myself too – because I was too small and weak to do anything to stop them.  Just a weak little sprite.

That started me down a whole line of thinking about what I'd do to those bastards if I was big and strong – how I'd never let anybody treat me like that again.  Never let anybody humiliate me like that.  I'd make sure everybody knew not to mess with me, or I'd fix their bitmaps good.  I'd beat on somebody just for looking me at me wrong, and if they really messed with me I'd delete them.  They'd respect me then – they'd have to, if I was bigger and stronger than they were.

And meaner.

I felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach.  I just sat there, thinking about that.  What it meant.  And after a while I knew I had to do something.  I picked up my organizer and searched the campus directory, and found the URL I was looking for and opened a vidwindow.