The first thing I decided when I woke up was that I was gonna take a shower.  Small steps, y'know?  I just decided to take things one step at a time, and then see how I felt before I moved on to the next one.  Like how I decided I was gonna deal with being away from home for so long – break it into little pieces that were more manageable than one giant two hour block.  I couldn't fathom how I'd deal with all the shit (sorry, but I really like that word) that was going on at once, so I'd just deal with one thing at a time.

Obviously taking my showers at night wasn't doing the job anyway, so in a way I had nothing to lose.  I was afraid but I made a commitment to try and be like Matrix, and not show my fear.  What did I really have to be embarrassed about anyway?  In a couple of hours I'd look like the rest of those jerks anyways – better!  So who cared what I looked like now?  Maybe if I repeated that over and over I'd believe it in an hour…

I stood outside the door for more than a few nanos, just taking deep breaths and trying to get my courage up.  I finally managed to convince my legs to work, though, and slowly pushed my way inside.  Walking into the showers when they were full of cadets was definitely a new – and freakish – experience.  There were a bunch of guys there in various states of undress, and believe me, now more than ever I was conscious of just how much younger I was than most of the kids here.  But I'd made a commitment, and I'd be deleted before I gave up on it now. 

A couple of guys cackled at me when they saw me, and I froze for a nano when one I didn't know stepped in front of me and stared me down.  "Gotta admit, Sprout – you got guts coming back in here." I shrugged, he chuckled and stepped aside, and I found an empty shower stall.

It wasn't easy to take my icon off – not after what'd happened.  But I had to do it, sooner or later – and rather than wait till I stunk like yesterday's recycle bin I swallowed the lump in throat, 'booted out of my clothes and set the icon down on the bench – as close as possible to where I was standing, I admit.

I won't say it was the longest shower I ever took, but I took it and I survived.  I dried myself off and 'booted into my uniform inside the stall, but crash, there was no law against that – so what if it was a little cramped?  Most of the seconds were wearing their casuals but I felt like wearing the uniform, and they could byte me if they didn't like it.

"Hey – it's Mister Smoothie!" One guy cracked as I was brushing my hair in front of the big mirror.  "Gonna give us some more entertainment?"

"Not today."

"Crash, Kid – I never saw anybody run so fast in my life!  I thought I was gonna laugh my ascii off."

"Glad you enjoyed it." I sighed.  I finished up, grabbed my stuff and headed out.  A couple of the younger guys looked at me with what seemed almost like sympathy – although I'm sure they wouldn't have traded places with me in a million hours.

I dumped my kit in my room, intentionally making enough noise to wake Linux up – so sue me, I felt like it – and started heading down for breakfast.  I was famished.  "I took a shower already – I'm gonna head straight for the mess."

"Dude – really?" he yawned.

"Yeah."

"Was it…  Was it OK?"

"Yeah – it was wet." I grinned.  He laughed and said he'd meet me downstairs in a while.

I couldn't remember being that hungry since I came to the Academy.  I had an order of French toast and potatoes and a biscuit and gravy, and I even went back for seconds on the French toast, which caused the lady binome behind the counter to give me a funny look.  Hey – I was hungry.

I was just finishing up my second tray when Linux sat down with his first, scratching his head and yawning.  "Dude – you ate fast.  Done already?"

"You don't even know – these are seconds!"

"Really?  Is it good?"

"It's OK.  Like usual – nothin' special but it fills you up."

"Guess you were hungry."

"Yeah." I grinned.  I guess having accomplished one small thing – going into the showers with all the other guys and surviving – was making me feel a little better about myself.  In fact, you might say it made me cocky.  "Think I'm gonna head over to the rec room – check it out, see what's processing."

Linux raised an eyebrow at me.  "You sure?"

"Yeah." I sighed.  "I don't wanna sit in our room all cycle, y'know?"

"High density.  I'll meet you over there when I finish."

"Alphanumeric.  C ya."  I grabbed my tray and stood up.

"Uh…  Are we cool then?"

"Yeah – we're cool."  I smiled and pounded him on the shoulder, hard.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!"  I laughed.  "C ya."  I made the walk over to the rec room feeling almost good, for the first time in two cycles.  That should have been my first warning, I guess, but sometimes it takes me a while to learn life's lessons.

It wasn't too crowded in there – maybe only four or five cadets, I'm not exactly sure because the memories don't start getting really vivid until later.  I know I said "Hey." To a kid I didn't know and he said it back and no one said anything about 'the incident' and everything seemed fine and then I saw Helix – the kid who showed me around on the first day – and waved at him and he waved back.

They had a lot of high-end simulator type stuff in there, but I really liked the 3D pinball games, which they only had two of.  One of them was open so I took a seat back there and started playing and hoped that the other machine would free up by the time Linux got there so we could hang out together.

I hadn't been playing for very long – maybe a millisecond – when something hit me on the back of the head, right in the same deleted spot where I had the bump from before.  "Ow!"

"I'm ready to use this machine, Soft-boy.  You can get up now."

I shook my head, feeling a little woozy.  Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly, that might be why I did it.  "Byte me, Zip."

"Maybe you didn't hear me.  Get out of here and don't let me see your sorry ascii in here again, Meat.  This is for cadets."

"I got here first!  Wait your turn."

"Yeah, that's it – keep talking."  He grabbed me and started to wrestle me out of the way.

"Hey!"  I wriggled out of his grasp and shoved him.  "Stop it, you son of a null!  I was here first!"  Unfortunately I saw Calisto was there too, grinning like the moron he clearly was.

"This just keeps getting better." Zip smiled.  "I'm giving you one more chance to leave, Soft-boy – and not come back.  I suggest you take it."

I should have, maybe – there's something to be said for picking your fights.  But I didn't, for some reason – I stood my ground, trying not to show the fear that was grinding my insides up.  "I'm a cadet – this is my rec room.  I'll use it whenever I feel like it."

"Having a few friends get you into the Academy doesn't make you a cadet.  You don't deserve to be here and you never will."  And then he did something which shocked me and really boiled my code – he spit on me.  No one had ever done that before, and if I have anything to say about it no one ever will again.  I was shocked at first – I stood there with my mouth open for a few nanos.  Then I wiped my face and without a word I flew at Zip.

Well, that was a mistake, obviously – like Matrix said it was dumb to try and overpower somebody bigger than you.  I got the drop on him for a nano, 'cause I think he was surprised – he stumbled backwards and I managed to get a good grip on his neck – but once he had his balance he threw me off pretty easily and we stood there facing each other for a nano.  By this time no one in the rec room was paying any attention to the games.

"You're going to be very sorry you did that, Boy." Zip smiled.

"Infant needs his ascii kicked!" Calisto laughed.  "Cool!"

"Come on then, Puppy.  You wanna go, let's go."  I just scowled at him, panting pretty hard.  I wasn't sure if this was what I wanted, but it was beginning to look like I wasn't gonna have a choice.  When it came down to it, though, I was really scared to fight Zip.  He towered over me and his arms were as wide around as my legs, seemed like.  "Come on!  What's the matter, Gutless?  You scared of me?"

I growled and lunged at him with my right, but he slipped out of the way.  It was stupid – I was angry and out of control, and I lost my balance.  He popped me a good one right on the mouth and I staggered back.  I tasted blood and spit it out on the floor, trying to ignore the rising pain.

By now everyone who was in the room had gathered around us, some of them cheering us on.  But they all seemed to fade away as Zip and I circled each other, and all I saw was his ugly face.  And then a funny thing happened.

The rec room wasn't a rec room any more – it was an arena, a stadium.  My processor flashed back, way back, almost all the way to the reboot.  I saw Zip, but in my head I saw Zaytan – the demon that took Matrix' eye.  I'd been a little sprite when I faced him – still 0.1, scared and lonely and in awe of how much bigger and stronger he was than me.  He almost deleted me that cycle, with Matrix watching – and I'd seen Matrix face and I knew he didn't think I had a chance.  Just like all these cadets didn't think I had a chance now.

I probably didn't have a chance back then – but I didn't delete that cycle.  I faced Zaytan and I refused to die – I looked at him and I saw his weaknesses, just like Mouse said to do.  I didn't have green fire shooting out of my feet and fists now, but Zip didn't have a trident that shot magma either and I was pretty sure no matter how bad it got, he probably wasn't gonna crush my skull.   That'd get him expelled for sure.

OK, so…  Mouse said to look for weaknesses.  Matrix said to use my quickness and wits.  I had something else, too – experience.  I was sure I'd been in more games than Zip had.  Yeah, Bob had been there for most of them but I'd never lost one yet – I was still here, processing.  That had to count for something.

The only glaring weakness I saw in Zip – who, unfortunately, had a whole hour of Academy training under his belt – was overconfidence.  Clearly he expected to kick my butt without any trouble.  I was also pretty sure I was quicker than he was, just like I had been with Zaytan – there was a lot less of me to move from one place to the other.  Zip had long arms and legs – he was taller than Bob.

He waited back for a little bit, expecting me to make another wild lunge at him like I had before, which I wasn't about to do – I wanted to see him come at me so I could try and figure his style out a little.  I didn't and he finally got tired of it.  He feinted with his left hand and swung his right towards my face.  Like I said he had long arms, and it was a looping kind of punch that I could see coming.  I ducked it and rolled to my left, giving him a quick two handed shove in the ribs under his swinging arm.

Zip grunted and teetered back a step, but he regained his balance pretty quickly.   He was breathing a little harder now but still grinning.  He came at me sort of sideways, leading with his left, not giving me a clear shot at the area Mouse had exposed in Hal's defenses – not that I'm sure I would've attacked it anyway, even though I would've enjoyed it.  He still wanted me to go at him and I still wouldn't play along – I wanted him in motion as much as possible.

Next he tried a quick jab with his left hand, which I barely deflected with my right and it kinda bounced off my ear, stinging just a little.  He tried to follow it up with a right but I bounced back out of the way.  "Come on, Chickenshit – you wanna fight or run away?"

That worked on me once – it wasn't gonna work again.  Bob's voice was playing in my head, repeating all the calming exercises he'd taught me.  I started to move my feet a little, dancing from side to side, waiting.  I knew his reach was a lot longer than mine, which was gonna make punching him tricky.  But I got my first chance – he kinda separated his fists, looking for an opening, and I jabbed my left out quickly right between them and caught him on the nose.  He growled and immediately threw a big roundhouse  punch with his right, which I'd have walked right into if I'd jumped back – but I followed my quick punch closer to him and his looping one went behind my head.  I pushed him hard in the chest and he was already off balance, so he fell right back on his bitmap. 

There were a few hoots and hollers from the onlookers then, and I had to fight hard not to smile.  I was still in deep trouble, and I knew it, but at least I had his attention now.  "Did you like that one?"

Zip snarled and bounced up to his feet, and he was seriously pissed off now.  "You're gonna delete, Soft-boy."  He charged right at me with his fists flying, but I slid out of the way again and slapped his ear.  More hoots.  The longer it took for him to bust my ascii the madder he got, but that wasn't a bad thing for me.  He was mad, I was calm.  You don't have to be big to stay cool – you just have to be smart.  Another weakness exposed.

I had that sensation that I'd felt way back when I was 0.1 and facing Zaytan – that my muscles were springs, that I was faster, quicker than I'd ever been.  All of a sudden I knew I could run token rings around Zip – he could chase me all cycle and he'd never catch me.  I think he saw the confidence in my face and that steamed him even more – he growled and launched a big overhand punch towards me and even tried to kick me, but I dodged out of the way.

"Keep coming.  Let's do it." I said softly.  Now he was the one breathing hard, even though I'd really only hit him once.  I figured he wouldn't be expecting me to go after him now, since all I'd done is wait for him and react – so I guessed if I was ever gonna gamble, this would be the time.  I feinted a jab towards him with my left, and he brought his fists in tight over the middle of his face to protect his nose.  As soon as he did that I put everything I had into my right and launched it towards the side of his face, which was unguarded.

Everything seemed to slow down.  Zip couldn't see too well from behind his fists so he was slow to react, and by the time he saw the punch coming it was too late.  My fist pounded into his face, right below his left eye.  I felt the impact all the way up my arm and into my shoulder, and I went numb for a nano.  He let out a yell and fell backwards, banging up against a wall.

If we'd switched places I'm pretty sure I woulda been knocked out – Zip is a whole lot stronger than me.  Even so he was definitely stunned – the side of his face was turning red and I could even see it start to swell up a little.  The room got pretty loud – I heard some cheers and some laughter.  He straightened up and steadied himself, and he looked madder than I've ever seen anyone.

I figured I'd never have a better chance than right now, when the memory of that punch was still right in the front of his processor.  I put my guard up and took a couple steps towards him, and then Zip looked away from me – up, over my shoulder.  I was confused for a nano.  Then the first of two really surprising things happened.

Someone grabbed me from behind, right over the elbows, and pinned my arms back at my sides.  "Hey!  Lemme go!"

I could see Zip's shoulders relax, and he took a step towards me, smiling.  I heard Calisto's voice, right in my ear.  "You're dead now, infant."  His breath stank, I remember that.

"No!  Lemme go!"  I tried hard to bust free but Calisto was just too strong – I couldn't move my arms at all, just flail my legs a little bit.  Zip advanced on me, still smiling.  He stood in front of me for a nano and I stared right back at him.  Then he reared back and punched me, right in the gut, as hard as he could.

I can say for sure that it was the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life.  I felt all the breath shoot right out of my body and if Calisto wasn't holding me I definitely would have gone down.  I just couldn't believe anything could hurt that much.  I felt like I was gonna throw up for a couple of nanos, but I didn't – when that passed I just had waves of nausea rolling up and down and I could feel tears in my eyes and sweat running down my face and User, did my gut ache.

I stood there wheezing, trying to get some air back in my body, and my senses slowly began to come back to me.  Zip didn't hit me again right away – I guess he wanted me to be fully aware of what was coming.  As I slowly started to feel human again I got madder and madder, but more then anything I was just totally amazed at what a worthless piece of shit Zip was.

When I finally shook the sweat of my eyes and looked up at him, I was smiling.  I gathered as much breath as I could I could and whispered up at him.  "It's a good thing for you this null is holding me."

His eyes widened a little and he grabbed me by the chin.  "I think it's time I messed up that pretty little face now, Soft-boy."  He drew his arm back and I squeezed my eyes shut and cowered against Calisto's chest, bracing myself.

That's when the second really surprising thing happened – while I was waiting to get my face bashed in, I heard a voice shouting "Hey!" and the punch never came.  After a couple of nanos I opened my eyes and saw Quantum walking towards us.  "What the codeswap are you doing?"

Zip looked a little nervous, all of a sudden.  "Stay outta this, Man.  This is my fight."

"If it's your fight, why is he holding the kid?"

"Back off!"

"What in the net is wrong with you?" Quantum pushed Zip in the chest.  It was the minute-end and he hadn't shaved, and I swear he looked as tough as Matrix right then.  "You got a kid half your size, and when you can't take him on your own you get somebody to hold him for you?"

"I can take him just fine!"

"Nullbrain!" He slapped Zip on the forehead, and a few people laughed.  Quantum swung around to face us.  "Let him go.  Now!"

"Whatever."  Calisto tried to sound casual, but his voice was trembling.  He let me go, though.  I was still a little too shaky to stand up and I went down to my knees.

"You OK, Little Man?"

"Yeah." I whispered.  "Gimme a nano."

"User - I can't believe this crap!  Two guys beatin'on a kid small enough to step on.  What in the code were you thinking?"

"He had it coming!" Calisto protested.  "He-"

"Shut up before I shut you up." Quantum scowled, emphasizing his point by boxing Calisto on the ear, hard.  He squealed and backed off.  Quantum stood there with his hands on his hips for a couple of nanos.  "Just get out of here.  Get out before I really get mad.  Crash…"

"Look-" Zip started to interrupt.

"Did I hear something?" Quantum took a step towards Zip.  "I thought I heard something…"

"Fine!"  Zip slithered towards the door, Calisto a couple strides behind him.  He glared at me.  "This isn't over, Soft-boy."

"What're you, basic?  What part of 'get out' don't you understand?"  Quantum moved towards them and they scurried out.  He stared after them for a nano, shaking his head, and no one else in the room said a peep. I just stayed on my knees, slowly getting my breath and thinking I must have dreamed the whole thing.  It sure didn't seem real.

Finally Quantum walked over and stared down at me.  "Sure you're OK, Sprout?"

"Yeah…  Fine."

"I dunno what you're waiting for – I ain't gonna help you up."

"Sorry!"  I pushed myself to my feet and wavered a little bit, and he grabbed my elbow and held me steady.  "Uh…  Thanks."

Quantum shook his head again.  "I don't like to get involved in somebody else's business – but I got limits.  If he was kicking your ascii that'd be one thing, but holy schneikies – getting' his buddy to hold you while he hit you…  That's just level one BS."

"He started it." I said softly.  "He's been torturing me ever since I got here, practically."

"Well – maybe.  But you gotta stand up for yourself."  He looked me over thoughtfully.  "I got to give it up, Little Man – you've got marbles, standin' up to him the way you did."

"Uh…  Thanks." I smiled a little.  "He didn't give me any choice, though.  After what he did to me in the showers-"

"Yeah, I know about that."  He chuckled.  "You're not the first kid that's ever happened to, believe me."

"Really?"

"Listen, Kid – I probably would've just let those nulls do whatever they wanted, except you showed me somethin' in that game the other cycle.  Like I said – you've got marbles.  And you got in a damn good right today, too – he's gonna have a hard time seein' out of that eye for a couple cycles."

"I hope so."

He laughed.  "Stay outta trouble, Sprout – I'm not your mother so don't expect me to kiss it and make it better every time you scrape your knee."

"No – I won't."  I grinned – painfully – and stuck out my hand.  "Thanks, though."

Quantum laughed again and shook my hand.  "Fair's fair.  I can't let crap like that go on in my Academy.  See ya around."  He tousled my hair and left.  Once he was gone and I started to relax, I realized just how beat up I was – my hand hurt from where I'd punched Zip (OK, so I could deal with that one), my stomach was still killing me, and my mouth was bleeding a little from his first punch.  All in all, a good cycle's work.

"Enzo!  That was amazing!"  I didn't even know Linux was in the rec room till he put his arm around my shoulder.

"Oh – thanks." I smiled weakly.  "How long you been here?"

"Dude – I saw the whole thing.  Before that other kid held you back you were kicking Zip's butt!"

"Not really.  I got in a lucky punch."

"You were high density – it was so cool!"

"Thanks."  A couple other guys came over and patted me on the shoulder and shouted out congratulations.  Even Helix pointed at me from across the room before he went back to playing his simulator.  I won't lie – that felt really good.  I was in pain but it was definitely worth it.  I'm sure I had a pretty big smile on my face.

"Are you OK?  Maybe you should go to the infirmary."

"Can't Dude – then they'd know I was fighting."

"They'll know if you've got a broke hand, too."

I looked down – my knuckles were black and blue and a little swollen, and they hurt when I flexed my fingers.  "I don't think anything's broken, Linux.  Just bruised a little bit."  To be honest the pain in my hand wasn't a patch to the ache in my gut – knowing how I'd acquired each probably had a lot to do with that.

Linux still sounded worried.  "OK – if you say so.  You've got some blood on your chin, by the way."

"Really?"  I wiped my sleeve across it and was surprised to see a streak of red, and I spat blood on the floor, feeling more grown-up than I ever had in my life.

Linux had the same sort of look on his face that he had when he found out I'd been a Guardian since I was 1.0.  "Man, I still can't believe it – that was really alphanumeric.  Weren't you scared?"

"Uh… Yeah, actually.  Scared shitless."  We both giggled.  "But I'll take getting punched over having to run through the halls naked any cycle."

"I guess."

"Besides – you gotta stand up to these nulls or they'll push you around forever, y'know?  Someone once told me that…"

"Yeah." He smiled.  "You're amazing, Enzo.  I don't think I'd have been able to fight him like that."

"Well – I'd be amazing and unconscious if Quantum hadn't bailed me out."

"Dude!  How weird was that?  I figured he was one of them."

"Maybe he is, who knows?  I'm just glad he was there today or I'd be mulch."

"Yeah…  So – you wanna do something?  Pixels, maybe?"

"Maybe."  A thoughtwindow suddenly popped open in my head.  "Crash – what time is it?"

"Uh – fourteen-ten.  Why?"

"Dude – I gotta go!"  I winked at him and headed for the exit.

"Wait!" he called after me.  "Why?  Where are you going?"

"I got a date!"

"A date?"

"Yeah!" I grinned.  "C ya, Linux. Stay frosty!"