"Aragorn!" Frodo slapped the Ranger's face gently several times, and he groaned, then sat up. "Aragorn, what happened?"
"Oh, Frodo.." he breathed, looking up to the tower where Arwen leaned over with a look of concern on her face. "I can't believe it…I'm in love.."
Frodo rolled his eyes. "I can. Get on your feet, you don't want to make a fool of yourself, do you?" He pulled the Ranger to his feet (well, pushed, sort of…) and dusted him off. "Now, let us get back to trying to figure out how to get this tart out down from there!"
Aragorn held a hand up, his head turning to the side ever so slightly. "Do you hear that?"
Frodo's ears perked up. "Now that you mention it…it sounds like hoofs…" he frowned in concentration, then brightened. "Perhaps Legolas has returned with Baegol!"
"I do not think so, friend Hobbit." Aragorn said gravely, looking down to meet Frodo's eyes. "Don't you hear those sobs? It must be Legolas."
"Well yes, but just because he is crying…again, does not mean he did not capture Gollum." Frodo shrugged and shaded his eyes as Silver approached. His saddle was empty. He trotted up to Aragorn and whined, then snorted.
"Silver, what is it?" Aragorn inquired of his beloved mode of transportation. "Where is the Elf?"
The sobs grew louder in his ears, but suddenly ceased and became only soft whimpers here and there. Then, along the path of the separated trees, a new horse trotted up to them. It carried Legolas, who was seated infront of the another man. Tied up.
Aragorn suddenly drew his sword and prepared himself for battle, but approached cautiously. "What is this you have done to my Elf friend? Speak!" Legolas choked out a sob once again, his head hanging low and in shame. He did not meet Aragorn's eyes.
Boromir just looked at Aragorn and then to Legolas, then to Aragorn again. "We…mean no harm to your Elf friend, my good man. He crossed out Red Rivers and we did not know if he was working with the darker forces or not."
Boromir gathered Legolas' bound form in his arms and passed him down to Aragorn, who just stood there with the Elf in his grip. "I thank you for returning him, so we may continue our quest."
"My pleasure.." Boromir said, rather distantly. His gaze was still on Legolas (who, believe it or not, was crying again), and he absently scratched the back of his head. "Interesting chap…is he alright?"
Aragorn nodded. "Of course. You see he has lost his self esteem, and for joining my quest I have sworn to help him get it back." he placed Legolas on the ground and cut the ropes, then sheathed his sword and turned back to Boromir. Legolas shook the ropes off and stumbled away from them.
Aragorn bowed slightly. "I am Aragorn son of Bob. And who might you be?"
"Boromir of the Red Rivers. Well…actually, I am from Gondor, but my brother and I got bored and decided to come down here and guard the Red Rivers."
"Why?"
Boromir shrugged, then looked behind Aargorn. "Who is that, friend?"
Aragorn suddenly remembered the Hobbits, and turned to introduce them. "This is Frodo, Samwise, Merry and Pippin. They are a starving boy band called 'High Places' and they have also joined my quest. The Elf you captured is Legolas, the finest archer in all the land."
"Not anymore!" Legolas called from his slumped position next to the tower Arwen was in. He had another bottle of some kind of alcoholic beverage in his hand, and was taking long, thirsty swigs. Seconds later he became strumming his guitar again, putting his sorrows in words and music.
Aragorn's eyebrow quirked again, and he turned back to Boromir. "My good Boromir, you are strong and valiant. Why not join my quest, like these others have?"
"What quest are you on, Aragorn son of Bob?" Boromir yawned slightly and hopped off his horse. He was tall and manly, and for a minute, Legolas was overtaken with the influence of alcohol and found Boromir…extremely attractive. The Elf blushed and took another swig of booze.
"I am on a quest for the lost deoderant." Aragorn began, and once again he looked out to the sky with the same distant look, and the wind picked up his hair. The cliché hero music twirled into play and danced with the swirling leaves as the Hobbits, Legolas, and Boromir looked around in an attempt to figure out just what was happening. "I have sworn to find this deoderant and destroy it, and all who use it for evil purposes. Death itself, a pierogi, and the Lady Arwen would have to pull me from this valiant quest."
Boromir raised an eyebrow, feeling a little relieved when the music stopped. "Who is the Lady Arwen?" Boromir saw visible stars shine in the eyes of the Ranger, and Aragorn dreamily pointed a figure into the sky. The Lord of Gondor and the Red Rivers tilted his head back to see Arwen waving to the two of them. His jaw dropped.
"That is the Lady Arwen?"
"Yes.." Aragorn sighed.
Boromir whistled. "She's cute!"
There was a sudden kick in the back of the knee to Boromir from Pippin, who dragged the man down far enough to whisper to him, "You're out of character, fool!" Boromir blinked, then nodded and gave the Hobbit and thumbs up and cheesy grin. He looked back up at Arwen with a gaping jaw.
"That is the Lady Arwen?"
"Yes.." sighed Aragorn, and Frodo smacked a hand over his forhead. The poor man was head over heels in love.
"I see…but why is she up there in that dreadfully high tower?" Boromir asked, and Aragorn shrugged his broad shoulders.
"Actually we don't know."
"We're just trying to think up a way to get her down!" Frodo called from somewhere; he had to project over Legolas' sweet song. "Perhaps you could help us so we could move on!"
Boromir shrugged once again and paced around the tower, tapped his chin with his forefinger and made little "hmm" noises every now and then. Finally, "Why don't you just use a ladder?"
Pippin made a face at Merry, and Merry slapped a hand over his little face.
"We do not have one." Aragorn said simply, looking up at the tower. "I am prepared to climb up myself." There was a boom in the distance, and before the seven of them could think of what was happening, a wild mob of Orcs trampled through the trees and snarled, waving their weapons around and making other kinds of screaming noises.
"Orcs!" Legolas cried, fumbling for his bow. "Aragorn, look! Orcs!"
"I can see that Legolas!" Aragorn shouted back, gathering two of the Hobbits and getting onto Silver. Boromir had drawn his sword and looked about as manly as possible, preparing to do some damage. But Aragorn had something else in mind. "Boromir, grab the other Hobbits and follow me! We cannot fight them now, we're only three men!"
Boromir looked a little disappointed, but kept his sword out and scooped up Merry, then Pippin. He jumped back onto his horse and galloped past Aragorn, who was gazing up at Arwen. Frodo and Sam were shaking him and begging him to ride away, but he was waving to her.
"My dear lady, I will return!" he shouted, reaching an arm up to her as if he could touch her. "Fare thee well!"
"My dear Ranger, ride on! The Orcs are almost on you!" Arwen called, waving him away. "You will die if you stay longer!"
"I will stay until you say you love me!" he cried, and Sam and Frodo began writing their wills. "For without those words, I am as good as dead already!"
Arwen's heart fluttered. "Well then, I love you!" she called, and Aragorn smiled broadly. "Now go! Run, or you shall not return in one piece!" Aragorn, still grinning like christmas, dug his heels into Silver and the horse galloped behind Boromir's. The other man looked at him with almost sympathy, but kept riding on.
"We have lost them!" Boromir cried, with Pippin infront of him with his little arms locked around his waist and Merry behind him in a similar position. Both Hobbits looked terribly discouraged. "I still say we need to fight them. What if they return? Better to face the music!"
"I disagree with that!" Frodo shouted.
"Well nobody asked you!"
Frodo did the thing with the eyes and Boromir groaned. "Alright, we wont fight them. But…wait…where is your Elf friend?"
Aragorn blinked out of his Arwen trance, then paled. "We left him behind!" he cried as Boromir turned his horse around and looked outward, down the hill and over to the tower where the crowd of Orcs were now a blur. Merry was hiding under the shield that was strapped to the warrior's back, and Pippin was having a debate in his mind on whether or not it Boromir kept rocks in his pants, or he was just constantly…
"He was a nice lad.." Boromir said softly, and Aragorn sided his horse up to Boromir's. "I would have liked to get to know him better."
"Well.." Aragorn said, a little choked up. "He was always so sad, though." Aargorn lightly dropped the Hobbits from his horse, and Boromir followed his example. "You may get your wish, yet, Boromir." he drew his sword. "Let us go avenge our Elf friend!"
Boromir, who's sword was still drawn, galloped after Aragorn. Both men were whooping and hollaring like battle raged…men and swinging their swords above their heads. Pippin walked next to Merry and Frodo.
"I suppose it was nice of them not to drag us into battle."
Frodo shrugged. "Sure, why not."
"Psychos.." Sam muttered.
--- --- ---
Meanwhile, back where Legolas had been abandoned, the Orcs were crowding around him.
"Look, an Elf!"
"We can see it's an Elf, idiot!"
"I thought it was a woman."
"Me too."
"Women are yummy."
Legolas had his bow bent and his arrows drawn, aiming at a couple Orcs. He was holding his breath, trying not to start crying again. The Orcs laughed at him and sneered and dared him to shoot, but Legolas simply held his threat. Finally, he dropped his bow and arrows and huddled against the bottom of the tower, sobbing.
"Why can't you just leave me alone?" he bellowed, tears running down his fair face and his arms crossed over his chest. He choked on a few sobs and picked up his once forgotten bottle of booze and started swigging again. "They left me here because they don't care about me! Now you have to be rude as well..."
The Orcs watched in confusion, just kind of standing there and scratching their heads.
Legolas, still drinking his booze, picked his guitar up and started strumming whistfully, singing and sipping until all the Orcs sat down with their legs crossed (indian style!) and swayed to the breezy notes. Legolas did not seem to notice.
The sound of pounding hoofs and shouts roused the Orcs, and they looked up. Boromir and Aragorn had now leapt from their horses and were slaying Orcs left and right. Legolas still did not notice. The Orcs, though still greatly outnumbered the two men, picked up their weapons and ran screaming into the woods.
Boromir and Aragorn blinked and exchanged looks of confusion, then shrugged. As if taken by magic, Aragorn's ears perked up to the sound of Legolas' music. They turned around to see the Elf still strumming and singing. Aragorn cried loudly with joy and ran to Legolas, pulling the drunken Elf up in a tight embrace.
"I thought we had lost you, friend Legolas!" he squeezed tighter and Legolas' squeaked, losing his grip on his now empty booze bottle. Boromir picked it up and sniffed the inside, then tossed it to the side.
"He's been drinking.."
"He always does that." Aragorn assured Boromir, still holding Legolas. The Elf sniffled a little, and Aragorn felt his body go limp in his arms. He pulled back and gave him a light shake, but the Elf did not stir. "He has lost conciousness.." the ranger said, rolling his eyes. He picked Legolas up bodily and began walking back to the horse.
"What about your lady friend?" Boromir asked from behind, gathering Legolas' bow, quiver, and guitar. "Does she still wait in the tower?"
Aragorn suddenly stopped and dropped Legolas' prone body onto the ground. He gasped and looked up. "You are right, Boromir! My lady awaits me." he looked around, then shrugged. "Well, since there is no ladder around then I shall climb."
He immediately jogged to the base of the tower and gripped the cracks of the bricks with his finger tips, pulling himself up slowly. Boromir let out a sigh and shrugged, hopping on his horse to go back and fetch the Hobbits.