Thanks to everybody who stuck with me through this story.  It's been a long road, and I really appreciate all your reviews and feedback.

EPILOGUE

OK, I lied again.  But I always think when I write this stuff that I know something, and then I find out later that I was wrong, but I'm too lazy to go back and change it because then everything else after it doesn't make sense either.

Anyway – there's one more first I have to talk about, even though I promised I was done with those.  But this is a big one:

Going home.

Going back to Mainframe was just as big a deal as leaving it – because I'd gone through 13 hours or so without ever doing it.  I'd always been there, and you can't go back to someplace you've never left.  There were so many sprites in Mainframe that were burrowed so deep inside my heart that going back to them for the first time was unbelievably huge – it felt stranger and stranger as we got closer and closer in our mostly quiet little ship.  Mouse knew I had stuff going on inside and she didn't try to push me to talk much.

I thought about each of their faces in turn, and all of them made me smile a little and brought different emotions up to the surface.  I wanted to tell them everything, all of it, all at once – especially Dot.  But then I thought about it and realized that there was a lot of stuff I wasn't sure I'd be able to tell them when the nano came – especially Dot.  And there was still a little part of me that was worried I'd lost something – that when I saw Dot and the others again some part of our bond would be missing, and I'd never get it back.  I definitely wasn't the same boy I'd been six minutes earlier – I just wasn't.  What if it really did matter?  Could you grow up and still be just as close to the sprite that had raised you almost since you were a baby?

"There it is!  Ow!"  I spotted Mainframe through the viewscreen, just as blue and pretty as I remembered it.   Unfortunately I was so excited to see it that I tried to jump out of my seat and forgot that the belt was buckled tight, right across my middle.

When the stars faded and my eyesight came back, Mouse was looking at me with her hand over her mouth, shaking from the effort to keep her laughter inside.  "You…  You OK… Kiddo?"

"Yeah." I winced.  I had some serious doubts that my voice was ever gonna change now, though.  I shook my head a couple times and Mouse tittered softly.  Mainframe was still out there, filling up almost the entire screen.  "Wow.  It's so beautiful…"

"Prettiest system I ever seen, and I been to a lot of 'em.  Now give me a nano here, Pumpkin – even the Mouse needs to concentrate when it's the Mouse's security protocols she has to disable."

"Right."  That was fine with me – I had plenty on my processor when I looked at that blue sphere outside the window.  Any doubts I had about whether it would still feel like home were gone the nano I saw it – I knew, looking at it, that I could never really be home anywhere else.  It was a part of my code and it always would be.  I might be happy being a visitor somewhere else, but only if I knew Mainframe was out there waiting for me to come home.

"There she goes!" Mouse grinned.  "We're through, Sugar – I must say, I do damn fine work.  You about ready for some home cookin'?"

"Oh, yeah!"  Best energy shakes in the net, no doubt about it – and Dot's applet sundaes… 

"Hey down there!  I got a special express shipment here for Dot's diner – you accepting deliveries?"

I felt a little thrill as I heard Phong's voice on the communicator.  "Ah, Mouse – it does my old heart good to hear your voice again.  And young Enzo is with you, safe and well?"

"Hi, Phong!"

"Hello, Young One!  Welcome home.  Shields are down and docking pad nine is prepared.  We will meet you there in a few nanos."

"Pad nine, roger Old Timer.  See ya there."  Mouse eased Ship downwards and the Principal Office dome came into view.  And Floating Point, and Kits, and a tiny little speck over on Baudway that I knew instantly.  User, it felt weird to see all of it again!  "Wow.  Sure looks pretty down there."

"Sure does."  I leaned closer to the viewscreen, taking in every detail I could.  Everything looked the same.  I mean, duh – why should it have been different?  But I was still a little surprised by just how much the same it was.  "I can't even believe I'm home.  Feels strange."

"It'll pass, Honey.  You ain't never been gone before. You just found out the world is about a billion times bigger than you thought it was, that's all.  Hang on tight, now – I'm touching this baby down."  And she did – Mouse is a phenomenal pilot in addition to everything else.  Her landing was as soft as Lisa's hair.

Once we were down I started feeling really nervous again.  I still had this nagging fear that I'd be a stranger now – that my family wouldn't really be my family anymore.  I'd played this nano in my head a thousand times since I left home, but now that it was happening I realized I had no idea how it was actually gonna launch and run.  And then the door opened and my hands were unbuckling my harness and my feet moved towards the door, one after the other, and I felt like I was in a dream.

Mouse hopped down to the ground and smiled back at me.  "Gimme your hand, Honey – best we mind that ankle."

"K."  As she helped me down I got a glimpse over her shoulder of familiar faces walking towards us and my heart swelled up about ten times its normal size.  Then before I had time to say a word I was on my back and a huge weight was on my chest.  "Oof!  Get down, Frisket!"

"Someone's glad to see you, looks like."  It was AndrAIa's voice, and it was one of the sweetest sounds I ever heard.

"Take is easy, Boy!"  Frisket licked me all over my face and made me giggle and I just wrapped myself around his neck and held on tight.  "I missed ya, Boy.  I missed ya.  Did you miss me?"  He responded with a woof and there was a chorus of laughter.  I always figured Frisket understood stuff a lot more than a dog is supposed to, but I wonder if he'd thought I was never coming back.

I wrestled with him and laughed for a few nanos, then I pushed myself upright and the first face I saw was Bob's.  "Hey, Cadet."

"Bob!"  I was on him in two steps and I almost bowled him over like I used to when I was a kid, but I just wrapped myself around him at the last nano and put my head on his chest.  "Bob, I missed you!"

"You too, Tiger."  He lifted me up and swung me around and we grinned at each other and laughed some more  "Welcome home."

"Thanks."  We hugged each other and then he sort of handed me to Matrix and he kinda tossed me up in the air.  "Hey, Big Guy!"

Matrix perched me on his arm like I was a Guardian doll and smiled an actual smile.  "Little Brother – look at you.  Just hasn't been the same around here without you making a pest of yourself."

"End file!"  I giggled.  He set me down and I popped him on the shoulder and then I turned to AndrAIa.  That's when it hit me for the first time that I felt a little weird seeing her – guilty or something.  "Hi Andri."

"C'mere."  We hugged each other and I sighed and just sort of fell against her and it was OK again.  "I missed you so much Sparky.  I was so worried about you."

"Thanks.  But I'm fine."  I gave her a little kiss on the cheek and she laughed her amazing musical laugh and kissed my forehead.  "I missed you too."

"Sparky…"  User, she was beautiful – maybe I'd changed, but the part of me that thought she was beautiful and amazing definitely hadn't.  "We heard about what happened.  You're all right?"

"Yeah – fine.  Just a little sore ankle, that's all."  I saw Phong hovering behind AndrAIa and bridging his spindly fingers.  "Hey, Phong!"

"Greetings, Child.  Ah, the return of the young Guardian – it is a wonderful cycle in Mainframe when a Guardian returns home on his own terms.  Did you have a pleasant journey?"

"Great!  Where's Dot?"

"She's back at the diner." Bob said, his arm around Mouse's waist.  "She's getting a big old party ready for you – baking, the whole thing.  She wanted to come-"

"It's OK." I smiled.  I knew exactly why Dot had stayed behind – and she knew I'd know the reason.  She knew me better than anyone else in the net.  "But let's go over there right now, OK?"

"Yeah!" Bob laughed.  "You're the boss, Tiger."

"Cool."  I grinned at everybody and everybody laughed and I managed to hug everybody at least once more, even Phong, and we all hopped on our zip boards and had a little parade over to Baudway, Bob giving Phong a lift and Frisket running along next to us, barking.  It felt like a party to me already – I knew the nano I saw them that these sprites didn't care that I'd been gone and maybe even changed a little.  They were my family, and as soon as we were together I just fit, somehow – like I'd never left.

Matrix hovered over next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.  "Everything go OK, Kid?  With what we talked about?"

"Sort of.  A lot of bad stuff happened, but it's OK now – I'll tell you guys all about it.  You were right about everything, Matrix – thanks for being there for me."

"Just being a big brother."  Matrix blushed.  I couldn't help but smile a little at his discomfort with this stuff.  He caught my grin and scowled and leaned over towards me.  "How's your girlfriend?"

"Matrix – shhh!"

"Is she pretty?"

"Yeah!" I whispered.  "But don't, OK?  Please?"

"Yeah, yeah." He snickered.  "Just yanking you, Kid."

"What're you guys whispering about?" AndrAIa asked mischievously.

"Nothing – Matrix is just giving me a hard time, that's all…"

"Hey – I'd never!" Matrix protested.

"Never stop, you mean."

"Quit it you two!" AndrAIa laughed.  "Good to see some things never change, I guess."

"Yeah."  I grinned up at Matrix and he winked at me, and then we were there – it was right in front of us.  The diner - my whole life up until about six minutes earlier, pretty much.  "Wow."

The others started filing in and I felt Bob's arm go around my shoulder.  "Welcome back.  Does it feel funny?"

"Yeah." I whispered.  "Like I'm dreaming it."

"It's real enough.  There's no place like home, is there?"  I looked up at him and he smiled.  "Hasn't felt like home without you here, though."

"Bob…"

"C'mon – let's go."  He led me inside and the diner was packed with people – Specky and Gavin and Bula and Mr. Christopher and even Mike the TV – about the only one not there was Mister Pearson, and I guess he just about never left the data dump.  When I walked in there were shouts and laughter and hands clapping my back and all of it made me feel warm and happy and about as tall as the Principal Office.

"Ladies and gentlemen – what an auspicious day in Mainframe as we welcome home Guardian Cadet…Little Brother…Uncle…and all around good egg Enzo Matrix, Mark II.  But rumors have reached this reporter's ear of… Scandal!  Scandal at the Academy!"

"Mike!!!"

"Where's Dot?" Bob asked, before I had a chance to ask it myself.

"She's gone downstairs to put the wee nipper down for his nap, Lad." Gavin said in his normal half-shout.  He clapped me on the shoulder with his good hand and grinned.  "By Gar, young Enzo – 'tis good to see you, Me Hearty!  Your adventure has served you well, I can see it even with me one good eye!"

"Thanks, Cap'n!  Great to see you too."

"I'm looking forward to hearing tales of your exploits, M'Lad – nothing serves the soul better than a hearty meal and a stirring yarn.  But that can wait – go to her, Boy.  I know ye want to."

"Yeah." I nodded.  I shook Gavin's hand and turned and caught Bob's eye.  He smiled and nodded and I headed for the kitchen, through the doors and down the stairs towards our apartment.  I was nervous again, now more than ever.  Everything was fine, so far – I could see it when I looked into everyone's eyes and saw the smiles on their faces.  But it was different with Dot – it always had been, and it always would be.

My heart was pounding as I opened our door and stepped inside, and that dream sense was stronger than ever before.  Six minutes might not seem like a long time but it is – and right now it felt like six days, not six minutes.  This place was my whole life, I'd never left it for so much as a cycle since we'd moved in, and six minutes away from it was a pretty big deal.

"Enzo?"  I heard a voice call as I closed the door.  I started to reply, but I couldn't make my voice work – I opened my mouth and nothing came out.  I just stood there and stared at the hallway silently, feeling light-headed.  Then I heard a footstep, and another, and there she was.  Our eyes locked for a nano and then she smiled.  "Enzo."

I still couldn't make my a sound, so I teetered a couple steps towards her and she walked towards me and opened her arms and then I was 0.1 again and she was holding me tight.  "Enzo.  Sweetie…"

"Dot.  Crash, I can't believe it.  It feels so weird."  I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around her and felt a few warm drops on my cheeks.  "Dot…"

"My baby's home!  I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

"Come here, let me look at you."  She took my face in her hands and smiled and she was crying a little, too.  "Oh, my beautiful Enzo.  Sweetie, I missed you."

"Dot, I can't believe I'm really home.  It feels like forever."

She kissed me on the forehead, over and over.  "I thought this cycle would never come, Enzo.  That's what it felt like.  Not knowing what was happening, if you were OK…"

"I'm OK."

"Let me be the judge of that!" she chuckled and wiped her eyes.  She looked me up and down carefully.  "You're thin.  Aren't you eating well?  Is the food no good?  You haven't been feeling sick, have you?"

"No!  I'm fine, the cooking's good.  Well, it's OK – not like yours.  I've been exercising and training a lot more, that's all."

"Losing your baby fat too, I suppose." She sighed.  She gave me a squeeze and kissed my head.  "Your shoulders feel bigger, I admit.  You've been weight training?"

"A little.  Not like Matrix or anything."

That made her laugh.  "Oh, Enzo…  Enzo, I missed you so much."  She knelt a little, so we were eye-to-eye.  "This is me now, Sweetie – are you really OK?"

That brought a little sob to my throat for some reason.  "Yeah.  I get lonely sometimes and I think about you all the time but I really am OK."

"Honey, Laser said you were in an infected game.  He said some boys had fixed it so you'd be in there without a teacher because they wanted to hurt you."

"Oh."  That was one word for it.  I looked down at my feet and Dot stroked my hair slowly.  "They won't bother me any more – they're gone."

"Why were they bothering you, Enzo?"

I wiped my eyes.  "Because…   I don't know.  'Cause I'm little.  And 'Cause I know Bob…  And Mouse."

"Oh, Sweetie."  She hugged me and I closed my eyes and let myself feel whatever I was going to feel, for the first time in minutes.  "Are you really OK?  Did they hurt you?"

"Yeah.  They… They hurt me a little but I'm OK now."

Dot held me while I sniffled and didn't say anything, just smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead.  "Enzo, Laser said you were almost infected.  He said you were in the Med Unit for two cycles."

"Yeah.  But I'm OK."

"Enzo-"

"You can't make me come home, OK?  You c-can't-"

"Sweetie, I didn't say I was."

I wiped my eyes again but it was still like I was looking at her through a data storm.  "I know some bad stuff happened but it wasn't my fault and it wasn't Laser's fault, either.  Those guys are gone and I'm better now and you just can't make me quit, please!"

"Take it easy.  Just take it easy.   I'm just worried for you, that's all.  I just want to know you're all right."

"I am.  I have a couple friends and I'm doing OK in my classes and I just can't give up now."

"I know you won't give up." Dot smiled.  "Here." She handed me a tissue and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose.  "Laser promised me that what those boys did in that game won't happen again and I want to believe him.  But it did happen once…"

"I know!  But Mouse made sure it'll never happen again.  Those guys were really bad, that's all.  No one figured they'd do something like that.  And an infected game could happen anywhere!"

"I know it could." She sighed.  "Of course, Daemon might know where the Academy is now, too-"

"No!  Laser doesn't think she does.  And Mouse is protecting us, anyway.  Please don't make me quit!"

"Oh, Enzo…"  Dot stared at me for a long nano.  She brushed the hair out of my eyes and a tear off my cheek.  "You understand that I have a responsibility to keep you safe and protected?  That it's my number one responsibility to you?  Remember what I said - you're my little boy no matter how big you get!"

"I…  I know."

"I also want you to be happy.  And I know you want this very much, don't you?"

"Yeah." I nodded.  "When I come home from the Academy I want to be a Guardian.  It's all I ever wanted to do, Dot."

"Sweetie."  She smiled and pulled me close again.  "Bob thinks you'll be all right, and Laser certainly does.  I suppose there's bad people everywhere but spammit, I want to be there when you need to be protected!  Do you understand that?"

"Sure." I rasped.  "So move to the Academy!"

"You!"  She tweaked my nose and tickled me under the chin, getting a giggle or two out of me.  "All right, My Angel – I suppose I'll just have to delete every cycle for the next two hours, give or take six minutes…"

"Oh, Dot!  No…"

"It's rough, Sweetie - there's no way around it.  You're my boy and I can't be there for you and then something like this happens-"

"I promise I'll be OK!"  I wrapped my arms around her neck and held on tight.  Most of the time I didn't think about what all this was like for Dot – only for me. "I'll be OK.  And you'll be there with Bob for six minutes and you'll see it's all right."

"I know, Angel.  I know."

"Nothing like this is gonna happen again.  I really am OK, I promise." 

"I know you are.  I'll do my best and you do yours, all right?"

"Yeah."  Poor Dot – I could see now that this was worse for her than it was for me, really.  I had Lisa and Linux and pixels to distract me, and I more or less knew Dot was OK – she could take care of herself.  But she'd been taking care of me almost my whole life and now she had to trust it to people she didn't really know.  Well, and me.  "Dot, I swear to you that I'll be smart and careful and take good care of myself and you don't have to worry about any of that.  I promise."

"Thank you Sweetie – but I'm going to worry about all of it anyway.  I guess it just can't be helped.  But I know you'll be OK.  You're a tough kid – you always were."  She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and kissed my cheek one more time.  "Come on – we're supposed to be having a party already!  I made you pizza and binary brownies and all kinds of good stuff."

"Thanks Dot.  You're awesome."

"We'll get some fat on you yet!" she giggled and tickled my belly.  "Skinny boy!"

"Stop!" I squealed.  We both giggled for a few nanos and leaned against each other and she handed me a tissue again, because I still had tears on my cheeks and she knew me better than I knew myself, so she knew I wouldn't want anybody to see that.  "Can I see Mac?"

"I'll bring him up to the party in a little bit – I just put him down for him nap.  He was getting cranky."

"I know the feeling." I sighed, and we giggled again.  We went downstairs and the party was in full swing, and everybody shouted out when they saw us come in except Mike, who was being very quiet and I wondered why till I saw Bob was holding a screwdriver.

I'll always remember that party.  One thing that was different for me about being at the Academy is that there were always expectations – in class, in the games, dealing with other kids.  That was good – it was nice to have responsibilities and to be challenged, but what happened was that I was always trying to prove myself.  Back home everybody pretty much accepted me as I was, and that drove me crazy a lot before I left – because it meant they were mostly happy looking at me as a cute little kid.  But after having been away it felt pixelacious – I could totally relax and be myself and know that whatever happened, these sprites would be OK with it.  They were here together because they cared about me, liked me or loved me, whatever.  And feeling all that affection from all those sprites during that party was one of the greatest experiences I've ever had.

The only kinda awkward thing for me was AndrAIa.  I know it sounds dumb but I felt really guilty, like I'd betrayed her or something.  To her I was just a kid – a kid she really loved, yeah – but still a kid.  Her baby brother, almost.  But to me AndrAIa was the only girl I ever loved – the only girl I ever could love, I thought.  Almost since before I even knew what it meant to be in love I was totally in love with her.  And not long after that I knew it was silly – AndrAIa was twice my age and she loved Matrix and she could never feel about me like I did about her. 

That didn't make the feelings go away, though.  I really loved having Andri as a friend – she's one of the nicest, smartest people I know – but a part of me always dreamed of what it'd be like to be in love with her and have her love me back.  I was as sure as I could be that I'd never meet another girl I felt that way about – that she was the only girl meant to be with Enzo Matrix.  And she already was.  Then when I met Lisa and realized I could feel that way about someone else, it felt like I'd tarnished the beautiful, impossible dream I had about Andri.

When I saw Andri sitting by herself for a nano during the party I went over to be with her.  I didn't really have any idea what I wanted to say but I knew I wanted to be there – it felt like something I needed to happen, even if she'd never understand why.  I wasn't ready to tell her about Lisa – I didn't really want to tell anybody and have to deal with the questions and the comments and the patronizing smiles.  But I needed to be next to her, anyways, I knew that much.

"Hey."  She flashed one of her amazing smiles at me as I sat next to her in the booth.  "Having fun?"

"Yeah – it's awesome.  It feels really weird to be home."

"It's felt really weird not to have you home.  You dug yourself right into my heart and there's a great big hole in it when you're not here."

"Thanks."  I couldn't look at her, I just stared at the table and blushed. 

"You wanna play some jetball tomorrow?  Maybe go circuit racing?"

"Yeah – that'd be cool.  Come over for breakfast and we'll go from here, K?"

"Cool."  She took my hand in hers and squeezed it.  "Now - what's the matter, Little Sparky?"

"What?  Nothing!"

"Come on." She smiled.  "I know you better than anyone here, in a way – I'm the only one who was with your brother when he was your age, remember?"

"Yeah – I guess that's true…"

"So – what's up?  You've been acting funny around me all night."

"Have I?"  I smiled at her.  "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry.  What's wrong?  Aren't you happy to be back?"

"Yeah!  I missed you guys like crazy.  It was deleting me."

"Are you worried about what happened at the Academy?  The game and those bullies I heard about?"

"No.  I just…"  I guess everyone knew about it.  Oh, well – it's not like any of it was really my fault.   I came pretty close to spilling the java beans about Lisa, but I didn't quite jump off the cliff.  "I just kinda forgot how much I love you guys and being here reminds me, you know.  How much I miss you.  How much I'll miss you when I go back."

"Oh." She said softly.  She might have been with Matrix when he was 1.3, but I'm pretty sure he never had the problem I was having now so she didn't guess what was bothering me. "Well, you know we miss you too.  We all love you."

"I know."

She wrapped her arm around me and I let my head rest against her shoulder.  "I think you feel guilty."

"What?"  All of my alarm bells went off at once.

She smiled down at me.  "Maybe you feel a little guilty about growing up, you know?  About leaving us behind and becoming a new person."

She was close – uncomfortably close.  I thought maybe she was more right than I'd even realized, and I guess she thought that was why I looked the way I did when she said it.  "Maybe.  A little."

"You don't have to.  You're not leaving us behind, Sparky – you're still Enzo, and we all still love you and we always will.  And you'll always love us, too – that's all that matters."

"But – what if I change?"

"So what?  Matrix changed a lot and I never stopped loving him."

"But you were with him!"  Not to mention, I didn't really want to change in all the ways Matrix did.

AndrAIa sighed.  "You don't think you've changed anyway, since the reboot?  You don't think you're different than Matrix was when he was 1.3?  Of course you are!  We all change, Enzo – that's what keeps life interesting.  We just have to keep finding new ways to love each other and help each other.  They're not any better or worse than the old ways – just different.  And they're always changing."

"You think?"

"I know.  I came from a place where things never changed when I was a little girl.  I wasn't really alive there – I knew it, but I didn't know I knew it till you showed up and opened my eyes.  Change is life, Sparky.  We grow all the time – we have to.  And you're growing now by meeting new people and doing new things and doing stuff for yourself more.  You don't have to feel guilty about it – we miss you, but we'll love you just as much when you come home.  Understand?"

"I think so.  Thanks, Andri."  I kissed her cheek and she giggled.  "It's just hard sometimes not to feel sad, you know?"

"I know."

"But AndrAIa, I-"

"Don't think so much."  She kissed me softly on top of the head.  "You always did that  - that's one thing you and Matrix have in common.  He likes to act like he doesn't anymore, but he does – he analyzes everything he does and looks for something wrong with it."

Ouch.  That hit pretty close.  "Maybe I do that sometimes…"

"We all do it sometimes.  Now - I want you to do something else for me, OK?"  She lifted my chin with her hand.

"Sure.  What?"

"Go back to the Academy and don't be afraid to grow up, OK?  We're your family and nothing you do will ever change that.  No one expects you to stay a kid forever – not even Dot.  I promise.  So live your life and don't be afraid, whatever happens.  And when you come home, we'll be waiting for you with pizza and jetball and all the hugs you can stand.  Sound good?"

"Yeah." I smiled.  User, AndrAIa is amazing – it still hurt, knowing that she wasn't the girl I was destined to be with.  I'd always known it, but somehow I'd managed to not think about it very often.  It was cool, imagining there was only one utterly alphanumeric girl in the entire net – I knew that wasn't true, now, and it made me sad.  But I was starting to realize that knowledge didn't make AndrAIa any less special.  "How about one of those hugs now?"

"A down payment?" she grinned. 

"Yeah."  I put my arms around her and smelled her mermaid smell and dreamed one last time about what could have been, if things had been different.  "Thanks.  I love you."

"Love you too, Little Sparky.  You ready to party now?"

"You bet!"  I held onto her for a few nanos, just 'cause when Andri hugs you it isn't easy to let go.  And then we went back to the party.

And it was a good party – like I said, one of the best nights of my processing.  We had some incredible food and we talked and Bob played guitar and sang a couple of songs and Dot rolled her eyes at how terrible his voice was.  Everyone wanted to know about my adventures at the Academy, of course, so I told them about Mouse's combat class and some of the stuff she did, and that made everybody laugh.  I talked about the games and the dorm and Linux and I even talked about the fight with Zip in the rec room, and even though I saw Dot wince everyone else seemed pretty impressed, especially Matrix.  There was some stuff I didn't talk about, though – stuff that was mine and no one else's and I just wasn't ready to share yet.  Maybe ever.

After a while Dot went down and got Mac and of course he was the center of attention for a while then, but that was OK – babies are always the center of attention and I'd had an awful lot of it already that night so I was feeling a little tired.  Mac wasn't, though – he was rested and ready and putting on a show.  You wouldn't think a kid could change that much in six minutes but he was definitely taller, and he was crawling better, and he even had more hair.  It was starting to get a little kink in it just like Bob's.  Even I had to admit it was really cute.

I didn't really notice it happening but at some point in the evening most of the food was gone, and the conversations were getting softer, and there were less people in the diner and finally it was just my family and Mouse and Cecil – Phong said something about being too old a program to stay up so late.  We left Cecil whirring around and complaining about the mess and went downstairs, the five of us, Mac in my arms and Frisket trailing along behind us.  And then we were sitting on the couch in the living room and Mouse was in the easy chair and Mac was on my lap, giggling, and Frisket put his head down on my feet.

"Anyone for a cup of cocoa?" Dot asked.

"Can I have java?"

"Not unless I've lost my mind and they forgot to inform me.  So – five cocoas, then?"

"Thanks a lot." I muttered.  Dot disappeared into the kitchen amidst a chorus of giggles at my expense.  Even Mac giggled when he heard everyone else do it, and that just made them laugh more.  Oh, well – it was hard to stay too grumpy with a giggling baby on your lap.

"Hey, Macster!"  Mac really was an amazing little spud – he had these big eyes and he was always looking around and squinting and smiling and frowning and fidgeting and trying to figure stuff out.  I admit I don't have a lot of experiences what with being the only little sprite in town and all, but I'd never seen anything remotely like him.  I just couldn't get over how quick he changed. 

"He's happy to see you." Bob said.

"He doesn't have a clue who I am.  No idea."

"Oh, Enzo!" Dot scowled, walking back in with a tray and five mugs.  "Of course he does.  He adores you!  He's not gonna forget you in six minutes."

"That's like half his life!"

"Not quite!  Believe me, his eyes lit up the nano he saw you.  You're his favorite playmate."  She settled down in an easy chair and sipped her cocoa.

"Me?  Me?  Is that right?"  I held him up under his arms and he kicked his little feet and giggled.  Mac had something I would never have – he was Bob and Dot's son.  I'd be lying if I said I never felt jealous of that, but I think I'd come to accept it – mostly because of Dot and how amazing she was.  I tried to think of Mac as my little brother, and that helped.  I set him down on the floor and Frisket picked his head up and Mac shot straight towards Matrix and slammed into his feet, and that made everybody laugh, even Matrix.  He picked Mac up and turned him around, like he was aiming a missile.

"So Enzo." Bob said, leaning over towards me.  Bob and Matrix and Andri and I were packed pretty tight on the couch.  "Tell me about this fight.  What's the real story?"

I shrugged.  "Uh – not much of one.  Pretty much what I said before."

"I don't recall anyone mentioning anything to us about this at the time." Dot said, looking straight at Mouse.

"Sugar-"

"It's not Mouse's fault." I interrupted.  "I asked her not to tell you guys."

"Why, Enzo?  Don't I deserve to know about things like that?"

I fidgeted.  This sort of attention wasn't my favorite thing – it reminded me of being a little kid and getting in trouble.  "What could you have done about it, Dot?"

"What?  I… I would have talked to Laser, made sure it didn't happen again!"

"That would have been terrible." I sighed.  "Those guys were giving me a bad enough time – if I'd ratted them out it would've been even worse."

"But-"

"Dot, you just would have been worried!  And I'd still have had to deal with it myself anyway.   So why tell you?"

"How did it happen?" Bob asked. "Why was this Zip kid on your case?"

"I dunno.  He just was.  He's a jerk.  He and his friend Calisto – they're the ones who bothered me, right from the beginning."

"Why, Enzo?" AndrAIa frowned.  "Why would they want to do that?"

"I don't know.  Because they thought I was just a little kid who only got into the Academy 'cause he knew Bob.  'Cause it's easy to pick on somebody little.  How should I know?"

"It's all right." Dot sighed.  "We understand, Enzo."

"You didn't start the fight, did you?"

"No, Bob!  I never started a fight.  I was just defending myself, I promise!"

"Easy, Tiger – I believe you." Bob smiled.

"The kid's right, Sugar – he never started any of this stuff, he just had to deal with it.  This kinda thing goes on at the Academy, always has – you know that, Bob.  Big guys haze the little guys.  Little guys have to fight for respect."

"Sounds wonderful." Dot scowled.  "I can really understand why Enzo loves it so much."

"Life can be tough, Honey.  Your boy stood up for himself and he's a better man for it, far as I'm concerned.  'Course, those kids took things to a whole new level by messin' with the game rosters, but they paid the price – they're out.  But it ain't none of it Enzo's fault."

"I know.  I never thought for a nano it was.  It's just so hard for me to think about him being in trouble and not be able to do anything about it."

"I'm sorry, Dot." I said softly.  I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Dot, Enzo has to learn to fight for himself." Matrix said, breaking a long silence from him.

"He's only a child, Enzo.  I don't know that I want him fighting anybody."

"That's not what I mean."  I know Matrix doesn't care much for talking in front of more than one sprite, so this wasn't easy for him, but he kept talking.  "Dot, you're the most incredible sprite I know – you protect him from everything.  You're a great- Well – a great mom to Enzo.  Just like you were to me.  But Enzo has to find out what kind of sprite he is without you there to do all that."

"Like you did, you mean?"

Matrix scowled.  "I think this is a little better way for him to learn than the way I did – don't you?"

Dot sighed, and no one said anything for a few nanos.  AndrAIa grabbed Matrix' arm and stroked it slowly.  Dot finally fell back in her chair with a sad smile.  "I understand what you're saying.  All of you.  But Enzo and I have already talked about this and I'm just going to have to deal with it as well as I can.  I knew it wouldn't be easy and User, was I right – it's a thousand times harder than I ever dreamed it could be."

"It's not easy for me either, you know." I said softly.  Mac had wandered back over to me and I picked him up and cradled him on my lap.

"I know, Sweetie.  We'll be all right – both of us.  It'll get easier with time, I think."

"You'll feel better once we've spent some time at the Academy." Bob smiled.  "So you can see for yourself why Enzo wants to be there – and how well he's doing."

"I'm sure you're right."  She reached across and squeezed my knee.  "He's right about you doing well, too – Laser and Mouse both told me how proud they are of you.  You're a hero, Sweetie."

"No I'm not.  I just didn't want to be infected."  And there was a little matter of protecting Lisa, too.  I sure didn't think of myself as a hero – but that didn't mean I wasn't a little proud.

"I never doubted you for a nano."  Dot came over and hugged me and I sighed and hugged her back, over Mac's head.  "It was never about doubting you, Enzo – don't ever think that.  It's only about missing you with all my heart."

"I know, Sis."

"We're all proud of you, Enzo." AndrAIa said.  "But none of us are surprised."

"Yeah." Matrix winked.  "Maybe you got some good advice on the way, huh?  But when push came to shove you had to do it on your own – and you did.  Not bad, Kid."

"Thanks.  You guys rock."  I looked around the room and felt totally grateful to everyone in there.  "But I didn't do it by myself – you have to let people help you whenever you can, y'know?  You're lucky if you've got people who want to."

"No problem there." AndrAIa smiled.  "Just try and stop us!"

Dot clapped her hands once.   "All right, Gang – I think our young cadet needs to get some rest now.  He's had a big cycle."

"C'mon Dot – I'm not tired."  That was a reflex, I guess – I was pretty exhausted.

"Not from where I'm sitting – you look worn out.  You need your sleep."  Right on cue I yawned, just like if Dot were pushing a button or something.

"About time for us to head out anyways.  We're on for jetball tomorrow, right?"

"Sure AndrAIa.  Cool!  See you at breakfast."

"Cool.  Night Sparky."

"Night, Gang.  I'm gonna make an early start and meet Phong over at the P.O. – may as well update the system files while I'm here, check up on AndrAIa and old Phong's handiwork."  Mouse and Dot hugged, and she winked at me and followed AndrAIa outside.

"Night, Kid."

"Night, Matrix.  You wanna play jetball with us tomorrow?"

"We'll see.  It's a work cycle, you know."

"Jeez…"

"We'll see, Kiddo." He chuckled.  I stood, still holding Mac, and Matrix ruffled his hair and then threw his big arm around me.  "Good to have you home."

"Thanks, Matrix.  Thanks for being there for me, OK?  I wouldn't have made it if you weren't."

"Yeah, well…"  He blushed a little bit.  "What're big brothers for, y'know?  I'm just glad you got something out of it."

That was the understatement of the hour.  "You're a pretty smart guy, Matrix."

"Why can't everyone else figure that out?"  He winked, tousled my hair and followed AndrAIa and Mouse outside.

"What was that all about?" Bob asked suspiciously.

"Nothing. I just asked him about some stuff, and he helped me out."

"Hmmm…"

"You know those two – always plotting something.  Can't trust any of those Enzos." Dot grinned.  "Give me the little boy, Big Boy – it's time for him to go to bed, too."

"OK.  Night, Macster."  I gave Mac a kiss on the head and handed him to Dot.  I waved at him, but that was a skill he hadn't quite mastered yet – he just looked at me like I was basic.

"Night, Daddy's Little Man." Bob grinned, frazzling Mac's hair with both hands until he started giggling.

"Get to bed, Enzo.  I'll be in there in a little while."

"OK if I talk to Bob first?" I sighed, loud enough for Dot to hear me.

"For a few micros.  But I want your bitmap in that bed when I come to check on you, got it?"

"Fine!"  Dot disappeared down the hall with Mac and I sat next to Bob on the sofa, shaking my head.  "She's trying to catch up on six weeks of nagging in one night…"

"Go easy on her.  She's really missed you around here, you know.  She just wants to feel like you're her little boy again."

"I know."  Bob ruffled my hair a little and put his arm around me and I leaned my head on his chest and closed my eyes.  Cursors and crashes, I'd missed that – we used to sit together on the couch before I went to bed almost every night and it was one of my favorite parts of the cycle.  And when I was done with the Academy I'd be too old for it.  That made me sad.  But that nano it was like nothing had changed, and it felt as natural as anything in the net.  "I missed you, Bob.  I missed you like crazy."

"I know." He said softly. 

"Sometimes I could forget for a while but crash, it's gonna be hard to leave again…"

"Yeah, I know.  When you love somebody you want to be with them all the time, but sometimes you can't.  That first time leaving home is the worst, though – User, I remember like it was yesterday."

"I'll be OK, I guess.  It really is getting better over there.  If I try not to think about you guys every nano I'll make it."  The weird thing was, sometimes I did forget about them – I'd get wrapped up in Lisa and games and whatever and Dot and Bob and everyone would fly out of my processor.  But that was almost worse in a way – it scared me that I could forget people I loved so easily, even for a little while.  But I don't know if Bob guessed any of that. 

"You'll be fine."  I felt him smoothing my hair softly.  "All roads lead home, so they say.  It's just that some of them are longer than others."

"Two hours is a long one." I whispered.

"Seems like it.  But it's not so long when you think about your whole life – Matrix was gone for eleven hours, by his reckoning."  He was quiet for a nano, breathing slowly and deeply, and I let the rising and falling of his chest relax me.  "Enzo, if you have real problems – serious stuff – I want you to tell me about it right now, OK?  You're growing up but that doesn't mean you have to be a grown-up all at once.  If you need help, I want to help you."

I opened my eyes and lifted my head a little, so we could look at each other.  It was amazing how much Bob looked like Laser, at just the right angle.  "I'm OK, Bob.  I really am.  It was bad for a while but now it's better.  Honest."

"You being straight with me, Tiger?  You don't have to be proud right now – just honest.  If it weren't for me you wouldn't be at that Academy and if anything happens to you, I'll-"

"It really is all right, Bob." I smiled.  "The parts I like are great, and I'm learning to deal with the other stuff.  I'm OK."

He stared hard at me for a nano or two, then smiled.  "OK.  But if you ever need me, you tell me.  Got that?"

"Got it, Bob."

"Good.  Now c'mere."  He pulled me close to him and hugged me tightly.  "Gotta make up for lost time, right?"

"Yeah."  I just wanted to soak up as much affection as I could, like recharging my internal batteries.  User, I felt safe right then – it'd always seemed like it was impossible for me to be really afraid whenever Bob was with me, and as we'd gotten closer and closer over the hours that feeling had gotten stronger and stronger with each passing cycle. 

"You're a credit to that uniform, Tiger.  What you did in that game is what 'To Mend and Defend' is all about.  That girl needed you, and you came through for her.  For the whole Academy.  You've even impressed the hell out of my father – and believe me, that's the biggest compliment of all.  That's almost impossible to do!"

"He's not so bad." I whispered.  "He even reminds me of you, sometimes."

"I never thought I'd hear anyone say that." He chuckled.  "Well, he thinks the net of you now, Enzo – and you know how I feel.  You're gonna be a great Guardian."

"Thanks."  The whole notion of me being a real Guardian still seemed days away to me, but it couldn't hurt to know Bob and Laser thought I was doing OK.

"How's your buddy Linux doing?  I liked him – he's a good kid."

"He's OK.  He's doing pretty well in his classroom stuff, and I'm helping him with some of the games stuff.  We're even trying to get him a girlfriend!"

"We?"

"Oh, uh…  Me and another friend.  You don't know them."

"Oh."  That was a close shave - I'd never have slipped that one past Dot so easy.

"Linux is kinda shy.  But he's a really good kid."  Bob laughed softly.  "What's funny?"

"Nothing.  Just hearing you talk about Linux like that.  Remember what I said to you the cycle I left Gallifrey – how the next time I saw you, you were gonna be a different sprite?  Well – there you go."

"What?"  I opened my eyes and looked at his smiling face.

"When I left you, you were calling yourself a freak and saying how you weren't gonna be able to deal with other kids.  Now here you are getting together with friends to help out another friend 'cause he's shy…winning infected games on your own…  Seems like you left a lot of that little boy behind you in the last six minutes, Kiddo."

It sounded funny, hearing it like that…  "I…  I'm just trying to fit in.  Mostly I was just trying to survive, for a while!  It's not like I was thinking about growing up or anything…"

"I know.  That's how it works."  He gave me a good squeeze.  "You find a little more of yourself every time you look.  It's a little sad, but it's a part of growing up.  I loved that little boy, but I love the young man just as much.  I guess that's the best thing about having a kid – you get to watch them grow and change and no two cycles are ever the same…  I'm a pretty lucky guy."

"Bob…"  I squeezed him back, giving as good as I got.  "It's gonna be so great having you at the Academy for six minutes.  I wish it could be for the whole two hours!"

"Yeah – gonna be fun.  Bring back a lot of memories.  Don't think I'm gonna take it easy on you in my class though, Shorty!"

"I know."  I grinned.  "You never did before.  I wouldn't want you to."

"Monkey."  He got me in a headlock and we wrassled for a few nanos, laughing, until he got my shirt halfway up over my head.

"Give!  I give!"

"You sure?"

"Yeah – give!"

"Who's the boss around here?"

"You are." I panted.

"Smart kid."  Finally he slapped me on the back hard enough to rattle my ribs.  "Better get you docked before your sister finds out I'm keeping you up.  I don't need that kind of trouble."

"OK." I sighed.  I stood and helped Bob up and gave him one more big hug.  "Night, Bob.  You're the coolest."

"Don't you forget it!  I'll see you at breakfast.  Sleep tight."

"Night."  Knowing I was gonna see Bob when I woke up in the morning was one the greatest memories I had – I loved the feeling, like something you always hoped for but never expected would come true.  Like going to breakfast expecting bytemeal and getting pizza instead.

I walked slowly towards my room – my room! – really savoring the idea that I was gonna be sleeping in my own docking bay again.  I was surprised to see Dot sitting on it when I got there.  "Sis!"

"Hi Little Brother.  Ready for bed?"

"Yeah.  Sorry I took so long with Bob, I know you said-"

"It's all right." She smiled, patting the bed next to her.  "You guys have a lot of catching up to do."

I booted into my shorts and T-shirt and sat down next to her.  "What're you doin' in here, anyway?" I asked, taking off my boots and socks.

"Nothing much." She sighed, looking around the room.  "Just thinking."

"About what?"

She didn't say anything for a few nanos.  "I didn't spend much time in this room while you were gone, you know?  You left it in quite a mess – naturally! – but I didn't much feel like being in here."

"Why?"  I noticed for the first time that the room was kinda messy, pretty much like I'd left it.

"Too sad."  She looked at me and smiled, and then away, somewhere far off.  "I thought about the last time this room was empty.  Every time I came in here I cried and cried – I couldn't help it.  I know things were very different this time, but you can't help where your mind goes."

"You mean when Matrix…"

"I came in here a few times after you left for the Academy, planning to straighten things up, you know.  But I saw you in everything – the dirty clothes, the posters, the games, the bed…  I couldn't be in here without thinking about you and it was a little too sad, I guess."  She smiled and tweaked my nose.  "I did wash your dirty clothes though, you stinker!"

"Sorry about leaving it like that.  I wasn't thinking, I guess."

"It's all right.  You had other things on your mind."  She wrapped me up and kissed my head.  "But you're here now, so let's just be happy about that.  You'll be grown-up and cleaning up after yourself soon enough.  I think you've gotten bigger, even since you left!  I wonder if I can still carry you…"

"Dot, no!"

"Let's see.  Hang on." She giggled.  She got an arm under me and stood up, my arms wrapped around her neck.  "Oof!  Where are you hiding all that weight, Little Man?  They say muscle weighs more than fat…"

"Put me down!  C'mon, Dot."

"All right."  Grinning, she set me down in bed and wiped her brow dramatically.  "Either you're working out too much or I'm not working out enough!"

"Very funny!  I don't think I've grown at all, Spammit."

Dot pulled up the covers and I wriggled underneath, then she sat down next to me  "Sure you have.  Give me your hand."  I held up my hand, palm out, and she covered it with her own.  "Now your foot."  I kicked one bare foot out from the blanket and she held her foot next to it.  "See?  I've got shoes on but your feet are almost my size, now.  And your hand's almost as big as mine, too.  That means you're gonna have a growth spurt soon."

"Really?"

"Sure.  That's how it goes with boys."

"I hope so." I sighed.  "It's not easy being so much littler than everybody else all the time.  Here was bad enough, but at the Academy…"

"Don't worry – you'll grow soon enough.  Enjoy being a kid while you can."  Dot wrapped her arm around me and kissed my cheek.  "You must be exhausted – I'll let you go to sleep-"

"No!  No, please don't.  Stay a while."

"Really?"

"Please?"  I wasn't tired, all of a sudden – I was wide awake and I felt like I really didn't want to be alone.  "Let's stay up all night and talk!"

"I don't think so!" Dot laughed.  "I know what you'd be like tomorrow, believe me.  But I suppose a few micros couldn't hurt."

"Alphanumeric!"  I grinned and hugged her and she laughed.

"You always were a cuddler.  Ever since you were a baby…  You loved to hug me.  You'd do it for millis and millis until you feel asleep."

"I just miss you."  I knew I was acting half my age, but I couldn't help it – I'd been looking after myself for six minutes, and it felt pixelacious to let it all slide away and just let Dot take care of me for a little while.

"I know, Sweetie." She sighed.  "I miss you too."  We hugged for a while and she smoothed my hair.  "I thought you said you wanted to talk."

"I do.  So say something."

"Hmmm.  So – I heard you sang for Bob!"

"Oh, crash…"

"What's the matter?" she giggled.  "You have such a beautiful voice, you should be proud of it.  Bob said you sang wonderfully."

"He did?  Man…"

"Poor Enzo.  Your voice will change soon, I promise.  Don't worry – you're almost there."

"Really?" I whispered.  "You really think so?"

"You could ask your brother, if you're really worried.  I know it'll be soon.  But I'll miss your old one, you know."

"I won't!"

"Such a hurry.  You're in such a hurry…" she sighed.  "Don't worry, everything will change so fast none of us will be able to keep up with you – including you!  It'll all come in time."

"I guess."  I was in a hurry to grow up, that was true – Dot, as usual, could read me like a  - well, like a read-me.  But I was scared of it, too – and I have to confess there was a part of me that wanted to stay a boy that could still cuddle with Dot and not feel embarrassed.

"So – tell me all about the Academy.  What's it like?"

"It's OK.  I'm doing good."

"Talkative, aren't you?  How are the game-rosters?  Are you getting a lot of experience?"

I opened my eyes.  "You know about the game rosters?"

Dot laughed.  "I know more about the about the Academy than you do, I bet!"

"Dot!"

"I researched every little detail, Kiddo.  I talked to Mouse and Laser and I found out about the living arrangements, and the food, and the medical staff…"

"Really?  You did all that?"

She kissed my nose.  "You're my boy, Enzo.  I wasn't gonna let you go off somewhere unless I knew in my heart it was a safe place for you to be."

"Wow."  I was surprised – but the more I thought about it, the less surprised I figured I should have been.  This was Dot we were talking about, after all.  And it was really flattering, in a way.

"I had to be sure, Angel.  Even after all that I was still worried sick, but I don't think there's any way I could not be, unless I had you with me.  But I'm glad you're adjusting – even though I'm still worried sick, especially after that game and those awful boys."

"Don't worry.  I'll be all right – they're gone." I smiled weakly.

"Yeah." She sighed.  "Well, how are things otherwise?  How's the food?"

"OK.  There's lots of it.  But it's not like yours."

Dot smiled.  "And your dorm?  Your first 'place of your own'?"

I giggled.  "Fine.  Small, and I hate the shared showers – but it's OK.  We have a rec room with games and quicktimes and stuff."

"And fights, apparently.  You like your roommate?"

"Linux?  He's pixelacious.  We're totally friends."

"Good!  And how about classes – are you doing your homework?  Studying hard?"

I looked down at my feet and hoped I wasn't blushing.  "I'm doing good.  I got… I got distracted a few times, at the beginning. But I'm doing better now, and I'm doing OK in all my classes."

"Enzo…"

"Honest, Dot – I know it's important, I won't screw up!"

"Hmmm.  OK, then.  But be sure you work hard – there's no substitute for it, no matter what anyone says."  She lifted my chin with a finger.  "Meet any pretty girls yet?"

Every alarm I had went nuts right then, and total panic mode set in.  I tried to bite back on it but I'm pretty sure it must've showed on my face.  "Uh-"

"Hmmm.  Lots of pretty girls there, I'll just bet.  You kiss any of them yet?"  She smiled, like she was making a joke.  When I didn't answer right away, her mouth dropped open.  "Enzo!"

"No!  I didn't-"

"You did!  Enzo Christopher Matrix!"

"Oh, Dot!" I groaned.

"You did!  You got kissed, didn't you?"

"Matrix told you!  Spammit!"

"Wha-  Matrix?  He knows?  He didn't tell me anything!"

"Mouse, then!"

"Mou-  She knows, too?  I'm gonna delete that hacker, I swear to the User!"  She scowled and stared hard at me.  "No one told me, Enzo.  No one told me.  Isn't that nice…"

"Crash, how do you know, then?  I said I didn't!"

She laughed and shook her head.  "I know my boy, Kiddo.  It was obvious the nano I brought it up.  User, I can't believe it…"

"It's not that big a deal."  I couldn't believe she knew – I was talking about this with Dot!  And there was no escape!

"Oh, Enzo.  Enzo, Enzo…"  She hugged me so tight my ribs ached.  "Enzo…"

"Ow!  You're hurting me, cut it out!"

"Was it that girl you were in the game with?  Leslie?"

"Lisa."

"Lisa.  So it was her!"

"Oh, Dot!"

"Enzo."  She loosened her grip enough to hold my face in her hands.  "I'm missing so much, it's all happening so fast.  You had your first kiss and I wasn't even there afterwards!  Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"Dot, it's no big deal."

"No big deal, huh?  Is that how you felt when it happened?"

"Uh…  Well, no-"

"Crash.  I understand Mouse knowing, but how in the net did Matrix know?"

"Jeez." I sighed.  "When I first started having problems with those guys, I called and asked for his advice.  And it just sort of slipped out.  I told him he couldn't tell you."

"Oh Enzo – why?  Why did you tell him that?"

"'Cause I was embarrassed and I knew you wouldn't understand!  And it's none of your business!"

Her mouth popped open again.  "None…  None of my business?  It's none of my business?"

"Dot, I didn't mean it like that-"

"None of my business.  Wow."

This was going even worse than I'd dreaded, if that was even imaginable.  "I…  I just…  I don't know.  It's embarrassing and I thought you'd be upset and-"

"Upset?  Honey, why did you think I'd be upset?"

"Well – you are.  Aren't you?"

"Hmm!  Enzo, I'm upset because I wasn't there when one of the biggest moments of your life was happening.  I'm upset because you didn't want me to know about it.  But I'm not upset because it happened – it's exciting, it's wonderful.  I just want to share these things with you, don't you see?"

"Really?  I just…  I feel funny about it.  I don't know why."

Dot smiled and sighed deeply.  "Is she pretty?"

I closed my eyes and squirmed and blushed.  "I…  I don't know."

"Enzo, listen to me, all right?"  She was still holding my face in her hands, and she stroked my cheek slowly.  "Enzo, I've loved you unconditionally since the cycle you were born.  I've been with you through every nightmare, every celebration, every growing pain…  Please don't tell me you can't share something so important with me now."

I sighed and closed my eyes.  I really did want to talk to her about it – I wanted to tell everyone.  Thing was, I knew she wouldn't get it.  But this was Dot for User's sake – my mother and big sister and everything in between since I was a little baby.  "Is she pretty, Angel?"

"Yeah."  I opened my eyes and returned the smile I saw on her face.  "She's really beautiful, Sis."

Dot moved her hands down to my shoulders.  "I'll bet!  How old is she?"

"1.4."

"Too old for you…"

"Sis!"

"Sorry!" she chuckled.  "So - how many times have you kissed her?"

"Dot!" I gasped.  "I don't know.  Jeez!  Only a couple times or something."

"A couple times, huh?  Tell me about her!"

"Tell you what?"  If Dot didn't know about Avatar, I wasn't gonna be the one to upload the data.  That I could live with postponing as long as possible.

"Enzo, for 13 hours I can't shut you up and now you don't want to talk?  You'll be the deletion of me…"

"I'm sorry!  I just don't know what to say."

"Tell me about her!" Dot sighed, with exaggerated patience.  I knew that move all too well.  "How did you meet?  Why do you like her so much?"

"We met at lunch.  In the mess hall.  I…  I sorta saw her and I…I…"

"What, Honey?"

"I dunno.  I sorta knew right then that I wanted her to be my girlfriend.  I went over to her and we talked and the next cycle we talked a little more and pretty soon we were eating lunch together all the time."

"So – you just went right up to her – just like that? Because you knew?"

"Yeah." I shrugged.  "I was really nervous at first – well, for a long time.  But she was cool about it."

"Wow!  I'm impressed, Little Brother – that took guts." Dot smiled.  "And why were you sure?  How'd you know you liked her?  Why is she so special?"

"She just is."  I was discovering that being in love was one of those things that was hard to explain to someone else – I knew exactly why I was, but getting it into words was the hard part.  "She's nice.  She's really beautiful and funny and she didn't mind that I'm, y'know…  Still little and all."

"She sounds wonderful." Dot sighed, with a kiss to my forehead.  "What does she look like?"

"Um…  My height.  Well, taller - but not much.  She has teal skin and gold hair and Dot, she's just totally beautiful.  She's amazing!"

She laughed softly.  "There's nothing like your first love, Enzo.  You'll never forget her, I promise – no matter how many girlfriends you have.  She'll always be special."

"She is special.  But I'm not gonna have any more girlfriends.  Just Lisa."

"Honey, I'm sure you think that now, but trust me – lots of things will happen and you'll have plenty of girlfriends."

"No!"  I said it louder than I wanted.  "No - I won't.  Lisa is the only one I'll ever have.  I know it."

"Enzo, you're still a little boy, you can't know-"

I felt a boiling rage building up inside me.  How could anyone doubt Lisa and me?  What right did they have?  "I love her!  I do know!"

Dot's eyes widened in surprise.  "I'm sorry, Enzo.  I didn't mean to upset you – but you really are too-"

"See?" I fumed.  "See?  I said you wouldn't understand!  I knew it!"  What I really hated was, Dot was treating me like a little kid – and having her do it was making me act like one.

"Enzo-"

"I love her, Sis.  I know you think I'm a baby but I don't care – I really do love her and she loves me too – she told me so.  I'm not a baby and I don't care whether anyone else believes me or not."  That was a lie – I did care that Dot didn't believe me.  I desperately wanted her to understand.

"Goodness!" Dot whispered.  "Where did all this come from?  Six minutes ago you couldn't be bothered to comb your hair and now you're madly in love?"

"I'm sorry."  I wiped my eyes quickly.  "I didn't plan it or anything.  I just met her and I really liked her, and she liked me.  And she…  She understood what…  What stuff was like for me, and she didn't care about me being little or a copy and not knowing how to act around other kids or any of it – she just liked me.  She's just a really great person and she's nice and she needs me and I love her."

"Enzo-"

"And she loves me back." I whispered.  "And then we were in that game and…  And they tried to hurt her.  Bad.  And I knew I'd delete before I let anything happen, and I tried everything to save her and she was so brave, and then she had to save me, and she did, and the reason I got infected – almost – is 'cause Zip was trying to infect her and I had to stop him.  We helped each other and we saved each other and we love each other and I don't care if you believe me, we do!"

Dot stared at me for a nano, wide-eyed, as I sat there panting.  Then she hugged me and I let her, even though part of me didn't want to.  "I'm sorry, Angel.  I didn't know it meant that much to you.  I'm sorry I upset you."

This was better – I knew Dot felt bad, but it still wasn't right.  She still didn't take me seriously about Lisa, but I wasn't sure if she ever would – not for a long time anyway.  If she knew what they'd really planned to do to Lisa in that game maybe she would – but she'd be horrified, too.  I know I was.  And it wasn't my place to tell her anyway. "I…  Sorry I yelled."

"I'm sorry too, Angel."

I wiped my eyes on her shoulder and took a few deep breaths.  "It's OK that you don't believe me, Dot.  I know you think I'm just a little kid.  But you'll see – Lisa and I will be together forever.  We love each other and we always will.  I know it."

I looked up and Dot stared at me and smiled.  "Maybe you will.  You never were one to hold back your feelings.  Maybe it's the same now, with her."

"I love her, Dot." 

"Then she's a very lucky girl.  'Cause when you love somebody, you love them with all your heart – I know."

"Matrix…  Matrix knew he loved AndrAIa.  And he was even younger than me."

"Yeah." Dot chuckled.  "So he was, Sweetie.  Well, she must be a really amazing girl – and she's got herself one amazing boy."  She kissed me on the nose.  "I can't wait to meet her."

The picture that rendered in my head made me excited and terrified at the same time.  "You'll love her, Dot – she's awesome.  It'll be the best!"  I hoped…

"I know I will.  'Cause you do.  My User, I can't believe it.  My little brother with a steady girlfriend."

"Yeah."

"I just can't believe how much you've grown up in six minutes, Enzo – I just can't believe it." She sighed.  "I feel like I've missed so much…"

"That's what Bob said, too.  That I'd left-  That I'd changed a lot in six minutes."

"Well – Bob's pretty smart.  That's why I keep him around!" Dot grinned.

"It does seem like longer sometimes.  It really does."

"Speaking of Bob…  Enzo, well…  Did, um…"

"What?"

"Well – Did Bob-"

"Yes." I sighed.  "We had a talk."

"Good." Dot let out a big breath and sounded very relieved.  "Not that you need that talk yet!  And not that I wouldn't want to have that talk with you. Or-"

"Dot, It's OK.  Promise."

"Good.  Just… good."  She blew out a breath and smiled.  "What a boy you are, Enzo.  You always keep me guessing, don't you?"

"I don't try to.  I can't help it when stuff like this happens."

"I wouldn't want it any other way." She giggled.  "Come here, now."  She pulled me up and put my head on her shoulder.  "User, I've missed this.  And you're almost too old for it, now.  Where does the time go, Enzo?"

"Away." I whispered.

"Mmm."  Dot didn't say anything for a long time, and I couldn't think of anything to say myself.  I was thinking about how right she was – I was almost too old for this.  Wasn't I?  But I didn't want to be – did that make me a baby?  There was still nothing in the net that made me feel safer than being in Dot's arms.

"You've gone quiet all of a sudden."

"So have you." I whispered.

"So I have.  I'm just enjoying every nano, that's all."  She ran her hand through my hair slowly, just like she always had for as long as I can remember.

"What're you thinking about?"

"Mmm?  About that time you had Melissa virus when you were 0.4.  You remember."

"Yeah.  You told me."

"Yeah." Dot said softly.  "I was just thinking about that first night when I brought you home from the M.U., even though Phong wanted to keep you there.  I was holding you, like now.  User, you were so sick, and I was so frightened…  It was a terrible night.   But I just now thought how tiny you were – you looked so small and frail I was afraid you'd slip right through my arms.  And look at you now!  You've gotten so big and strong – it's like a miracle, when you stop and think about it.  A miracle."

"I remember."  I didn't like to think about that night – when Dot told me about it the last time it all came back, clear as yesterday.  But the memory of Dot telling me about it is one of the nicest ones I'll ever have, because she did it to show me how much she loved me.

"I've been lucky enough to live through some miraculous times, Little Brother.  But the biggest miracle of all of them was getting you back after the reboot, when I thought I'd lost you forever.  I never even let myself hope for that."

I knew it was my turn to say something then, but I really couldn't muster any words and I guess Dot heard me snuffling.  "What's wrong, Sweetie?"

"I feel sad."

"Why?"

"I…  I dunno.  I just do, for some reason."

"It'll be all right."  She rocked me back and forth slowly now, falling back on old habits I guess.  "Things aren't so bad, are they?  You're a Guardian Cadet, and you're doing great.  You've met a wonderful girl, made friends.  And we're together right now.  Things are pretty good, don't you think?"

"Yeah." I tried to smile but I didn't do a very good job of it.

"So why are you sad?"

"No reason."  I sighed.  "Just being basic."  I knew why I was sad – I was thinking about what Dot said, about me being too old for this.  And about how I'd thought the same thing when I'd sat with Bob on the sofa with my head on his chest.  Time did go away, and you never got it back, and when I was too old for those things I'd never get them back – never.  And the worst part of it?  I didn't even know who I was anymore.  I wanted more than anything to be able to let Dot hold me and make me safe and have that be all that mattered, ever.  I wanted to be Bob's kid, the one he played jetball with and wrestled with and fell asleep in front of a vidscreen with.  And someone who didn't have to think about big guys doing terrible things to little girls just because they could.  But I also wanted to be a man who took care of himself and defended systems and devoted his life to Lisa and, eventually, a man who married her and made love to her and even made a baby with her.  And I knew I couldn't be both of those sprites – even if I was lucky enough to be one some cycle, the other would slowly slip away until it was gone forever except in my long-term memory and even that would get dimmer and dimmer as I got older.  And all of that made me incredibly sad, but I couldn't tell any of it to Dot.

"Sweetie."  She kissed me on the forehead once, then again.  "What's wrong?  Why are you sad?"

"It's OK.  We're together.  I guess I'm just tired."

"I'm keeping you up-"

"No!  Don't go, OK?  Not yet."

"All right.  A little while longer, OK?  Then sleep."

"OK."  I managed a smile, and settled myself in more comfortably.  "Thanks, Sis."

"You're welcome."  I could see by her face that I'd managed to worry her, but the worst of the sadness was passing and when I concentrated on Dot's hug and her voice I managed to look – and feel – almost happy.  It did feel wonderful to be home and in Dot's arms.  "My poor Enzo.  You always did feel everything so deep, didn't you?"

"I dunno." I whispered.  "Did I?"

"It's because you don't close yourself off to people, I suppose.  I hope you never lose that when you get older."  She sighed.  "But it's selfish of me to wish that.  You'd spare yourself a lot of hurt if you did get a little more of a shell…" 

"What do you mean?"

"Never mind.  You're doing just fine as you are, Angel.  But try and be happy, OK?  You're home and we're together and in a few minutes the four of us will be together as a family."

"Yeah." I smiled.  "I can't wait.  You'll really like it on Gallifrey.  And you'll love Lisa."

"I bet I will."

"Dot…  Do you think you and Bob will ever have another baby?"

She raised her eyebrow.  "Why would you ask me that now?"

"Not sure.  I just wondered."

"Well…  I'm really not sure either.  We haven't discussed it very much."  She absently brushed my hair out of my eyes – old habits again.  "I think probably not, though.  Four seems like the right number somehow – you know?  Mac and you and Bob and me.  I think that's a good number."

"Yeah – I guess so."  I sat up and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks." She giggled.  "Would…  Would you feel OK if we did, Enzo?  Would it bother you?"

"No.  Anything you do is fine – I just thought about it for some reason.  I'll be happy whatever you decide."

"Good.  We'll see what happens, Enzo – you never know what the future might bring.  But right now I think things are pretty good as they are."

"Me too."

"Except I wish you were with us all the time." Dot sighed.  "But we can't have everything we want, I suppose…"

"I guess not."  That's what it was all about, really – You didn't get to have everything you wanted.  Sometimes you couldn't gain something without giving up something else.  "Dot?"

"What, Angel?"

"Promise me something?"

"Of course, Enzo!  Anything."

"It's nothing big, I…  Just promise me this and I can deal with everything and be OK."

"What?"  She frowned.  "What is it?"

"Don't forget me."

"Don't-…  What in the net do you mean, Enzo?"

"Don't forget me.  When you and Mac and Bob are here and you're playing with Mac or having dinner or whatever, and you're really happy and you're all laughing…  Don't forget about me."

"I could never forget about you!  None of us could!  How could you think that?"

"I know."  I smiled weakly and Dot stroked my cheek.  "I know…  I just think about you guys together and me not being there and…  And it's hard."

"Oh, Enzo."  She pulled me to her and squeezed me tight.  "Enzo, I'll never forget about you for a nano, you know that.  You're with me every cycle and you always will be.  Always."

"Don't let them forget either." I whispered.  "Mac's so little – he forgets stuff easy.  And don't let Bob forget me either.  None of you forget me."

"Never, Enzo."

"Especially you."

"Baby, that will never happen – I promise.  Whether we're happy or sad, we'll always be missing you.  All of us – Bob and Mac and Matrix and AndrAIa and Phong and Frisket…  Everybody."  She kissed me on the head, over and over.  "Especially me."

"K.  Sorry, I…  Sorry."

"Don't be sorry.  I understand, Enzo.  I'll always understand."  She held my face in her hands and smiled.  "There's not a boy anywhere in the net whose parents love him more than Bob and I love you – I promise.  Not even in this house."

Of course she understood – she always did.  As usual, I didn't even have to say what was in my processor.  And I knew then that she would understand about Lisa too, even if it took a little while – because Dot knew me better than anybody else did, even Matrix.  Even me, if there's a difference.  And anyone who knew me that well would see that what I felt for Lisa was as real and forever as anything any sprite had ever felt.  I kissed Dot's cheek softly.  "Thanks, Sis.  You're amazing."

"So are you, you little monkey." She giggled.  She reached out and tickled me under the chin and crash, I was still ticklish in that same deleted spot and I couldn't help squealing with laughter as soon as she touched me.  "Gotcha!"

"Stop!"

"What do we say, Little Brother?"

"Stop!  Please, stop!  Please please please!"

"There - that's how I taught you to be polite." She grinned.

"Don't do that!" I panted, and fell against her.  Both of us laughed softly and I loved the sound, it set off so many memories inside me that they overflowed my processor.

It's funny – so many things had changed in my life, in six minutes.  When I came home I felt like a new person, a totally different sprite.  And I was in a lot of ways.  But I was still ticklish in the same spot and I still loved it when Dot ran her hand through my hair like she always had and the sound of her laugh still filled me with so much happiness that it made me feel like I could fly.

I realized then that I could never get away from these sprites – they were all a part of me, deep inside at my very core.  I didn't have to totally leave them behind - I was growing, with new layers being added on to me all the time.  Surviving a fight against a bigger kid was a layer.  A friend like Linux that was more like a brother was definitely one.  A girl like Lisa that I'd kill or die for and love till the end of time – that was a big one.  All that stuff changed me.  I was growing as all these things became part of me too.  But if you peeled away the layers, one by one, you'd still find Mainframe and everyone there as you got deeper and deeper.  I knew I never really had to be alone, because all of them were part of me and they always would be, all of my parents in Mainframe.  And as you got down to the deepest layers, the very heart and soul at the center of who I was, you'd find Bob – so much of who I was and who I wanted to be, that was Bob.  And the deepest layer of all, so deep that it was where I began as a person – there was Dot.  She was there, whenever I looked for her or needed her.  She was there.  And if you got to know me well enough to see that deep inside me, you'd find her there and you always would.  She was my heart.

"You OK?" She whispered, running her hand through my hair slowly.

"Yeah." I smiled.  "Thanks to you."

"Time to go to sleep, now.  I'll see you in the morning, OK?"

"Yeah.  See you in the morning."  Thinking about just how pixelacious that was, I kissed her goodnight.