March 3rd, 2005
I slowly made my way towards the bedroom shutting the door behind me with more forth than I intended to. It was pitch black even the streetlights weren't bright enough to shine through, and I liked it that way. I needed a dark place to hide and waste in until I became invisible. Everything was silent even the consist hum of the semi-broken air conditioner had stopped. Leo and Chad were staying with their girlfriends for the night properly doing anything but sleeping. Thomas was up in the attic acting like a psychopath watching the world on the nearly dead city below. He'd be up there all night and perhaps till pass sun up. Leaving me alone to confront my anger and inward jealous head on. Something I had to do but feared more than anything.
Marc had started it all. I clinch my fists in rage trying hard to contain myself from breaking everything and everything around me. I have come across my share of asshole but no have the honor of working me up into frenzy such as this. And to think I called that guy my friend, one of my best friends. I suppose we all have our moments of idoiticy. I can picture his smock filled expression that image will forever be sketched on my brain. What pisses me off the must is I should have seen it coming.
I want to know at what point did I become so trusting with everybody? The classic Pollyanna approach isn't foreign to me, seeing something good in even the worth scenarios. I just never thought I'd become Pollyanna and allow goodness and positive thoughts invade my life. Maybe the blame lies in the fact I hate to argue and will happily agree with anyone and anything to avoid even possible altercations. No actually, it's completely Marc's fault. That bastard! I couldn't hold the anger in any more; I take a swing in the darkness making contact with the cds sitting on the dresser. Having everything in the world just wasn't enough for him. He need more. Even it belonged to me.
I don't blame Shannon even though apart of me knows I should. We weren't meant for each other and I was planning on breaking the relationship off soon anyways. But under civil and polite situations. Like during a nice dinner at one of those semi-fancy restaurants. Not by catching her and Marc fucking on the living room couch. What makes me the must anger is the fact they didn't even try to hide by at least going to a bedroom.
The only thing that night I was grateful was Thomas agreeing that Marc had to leave the band immedially. We already had Chad, Leo's cousin we knew the songs better than any of us. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months. And just when I think that chapter titled Pure Hell is over for me, another paragraph is begun.
Shannon had a baby. With two possibilities for the father. Since she was sleeping with us during the same time frame and Marc and myself have similar looking features a blood test would be needed. On the one hand I don't want kids at least not at this point of my life. The other hand is the idea of Marc having kids now or even 20 years from now makes me nearly sick. I guess this is what they call the real world.