a/n: Chapter five is finally here! Yay! Took me long enough…anywho, I thought it was about time I thanked everyone that has reviewed so far. It's much easier just to read a fic and then leave rather than review it, so that's why I'm thanking you guys for taking the time to review. Those of you who are authors know it's very encouraging (especially when your fic is just a mound of silly nonesense).

Thanks to Legoego, Bokhi, helm, SapphirePhoenix, Daylight, Bob (aragorn's mom), tuuls, Sam (yes, this is one of those 'believe in yourself fics' ^.^ ), kitsune, Rubi Granger, Jim Morningstar, ThePet, Fiona Bunny, Yibble Legnets, Shepherdess, Lil Loki Puck, Endomiel,  and last but not least Amanfalathiel. Phew! Lotta people ^.~

and onto the fic…

Chapter Five

"We have an unconcious Elf, a fair maiden in dire need of being rescued and about six hundred Orcs waiting for the sun to go down so they can kill us. How do we proceed?" Aragorn called from his high position climbing up the tower to meet Arwen.

Frodo shrugged, then jabbed a thumb at Boromir. "And what do we do with him?"

Pippin latched onto Boromir. "Can we keep him?" The human of Gondor frowned slightly and began to shake the hobbit off, but found he couldn't.

"I suppose we could keep him!" Aragorn's fingers suddenly slipped and he would have fallen to his death had he not been the extremely attractive and heroic main character-ish person. He resumed climbing with caution. The ranger was almost three quarter's of the way there! He could already see Arwen's fair face in the dimming light; she was smiling again, and the sight of her beauty sent a rack and a tremor through his body. Which of course made him lose his grip and slide almost all the way down the tower until he caught himself at the halfway point.

"Really, Aragorn, this is impossible!" Boromir called up him, sword in hand. "At least allow me to go find a ladder of some…kind…" Boromir yawned and swayed a little, then fell over completely. Aragorn looked over his shoulder curiously, then looked at Sam and Frodo, bewildered.

"Did he just fall asleep?"

"Let's check." Sam marched over and whipped out two frying pans. He slammed them together right over Boromir's head, and the man of Gondor sat straight up, eyes wide and blinking absurdly. Sam looked over his shoulder and gave Aragorn a thumbs up. "Asleep!"

Boromir frowned and got back to his feet, straightening his hair and brushing himself off. He noticed that all four of the hobbits and Legolas were staring at him. "What…?"

"You just…randomly fell asleep, friend Boromir." Legolas said, Elven eyes now blue and bright – the liquor's effect had worn off at last and he had regained conciousness. After a minute, the curious and beautiful features of the Elf crumpled into sobs, and he let his face fall into his hands. "It was me, wasn't it? I made you fall asleep!"

Sam, now wearing wire rimmed spectacles and a stethoscope, began walking around Boromir and nodded and 'hmmed' every now then. After a minute, he said, "I have come to the conclusion that Boromir is narcoleptic."

"And what do I have..?" Legolas sobbed, once again huddled in a little ball while his entire body shook with his sobs. "Chronic Ugliness or something?"

Sam walked over to Legolas and moved the stethoscope over his chest a little, nodded as though he were doing something that actually made sense, and pulled the Elf's mouth open. "Say ahh Legolas."

"Ahhh.."

Sam nodded once again and pushed his jaw back up. "No. Chronic depression."

Frodo grinned brightly at Sam. "You're very talented. What do I have?"

"Umm…do correct me if I am wrong, Hobbit friends, but are we not supposed to be finding a way to get the Lady Arwen down from this awful tower?" Aragorn's voice filtered down, and they all suddenly realized that he was farther up than before. He had finally made it to the top of the tower and was now in there with the fair maiden.

Legolas wiped his eyes and peered through the blur of tears to see Aragorn and Arwen both waving down at them. Having Elven vision, he could see smears of red all over Aragorn's mouth and chin that was strangely the same color as Arwen's berry colored lips. He creased his brow in wonder.

"You made it up, friend Aragorn!" Legolas said happily, though his voice still held a flat note from having the sniffles. Crying would do that to an Elf… "What now? Ask it of me and I'll do anything to help you two down as soon as possible!"

Aragorn was silent for a minute and strayed a glance to Arwen, then smiled sheepishly. "Why don't you go with the others and find the best ladder you can!"

"Yes, and take your time!" Arwen called down, her voice sounding like music sweeping through the plains of Aragorn's soul, and his knees felt weak. But he was the manly hero and kept his footing.

Boromir snorted. "Very well, Aragorn. We will return in the morning with the means to bring the two of you down safely. But may I suggest you stay in that tower through the night, for the Orcs will certainly return." he threw another shrug to them. "And at least try to keep your guard up, Aragorn."

The man of Gondor grasped Legolas' arm and pulled him along, the Hobbits just followed. Legolas picked his guitar up on the way there and a few other things, while Boromir made sure his weapons were all intact. The hobbits took the role call.

"Gamgee!"

"Here."

"Brandybuck!"

"Here."

"Took!"

"Pippin…that's you."

"Oh. Here! Baggins..?"

"Present."

Pippin grinned. "Good."

"Let us make haste, hobbits." Boromir said, mounting his horse and allowing Legolas to get infront of him while the Hobbits all piled behind him. "Is everybody buckled up?"

"Yes." the hobbits lied.

"I am." Legolas chimed, fingering the strap that held him onto the horse.

"Good. Let's go."

Half an hour had passed and the sun was getting low in the sky, meaning the Orcs would soon be free to come out and start them to slabs of raw meat, so Boromir decided it would be good to find a place to sleep for the night. Prefferably a place with a sunlamp. Time passed slowly and not a sound was heard, but darkness had finally fell and Boromir grew nervous. Suddenly, as though appearing from nowhere, two lights began flashing over the horizon.

It was a man of short stature running on short legs with two short torches in his short hands and making ridiculous high pitched short (well, not really) siren wails. As it came closer, Boromir saw it to be a Dwarf.

"Halt there!" it ordered, and Boromir's horse came to a stop. The Dwarf examined the horse and then nodded, and Boromir narrowed his eyes at the plastic name tag on his tunic: Gimli. "Name, please." He pulled out a pen and a pad of familiar looking paper. "Oh, and I'll need to see your rider's liscense."

Boromir raised an eyebrow, then frowned. "What for?'

"No seat belts."

Gondor's captain frowned deeper and cleared his throat, holding up a neon arrow that pointed to the strap that went across his thighs and the strap that held the Elf infont of him. Gimli noticed but still shook his head and jerked a thumb at the Hobbits behind him. Boromir tried to whirl in anger at the Hobbits but ended up cracking his back.

"You little…pathelogical liars!" he growled, and the Hobbits all cringed behind one another. Boromir muttered a few curses and pulled the clasps of the leather strap apart, dropping heavily on his feet and off the horse. Gimli tapped his foot impatiently as Boromir removed his rider's liscense.

Gimli glanced at it and his brows went up. "Expired, I see.."

"What?!"

"Kidding."

Boromir grumbled and snatched it back, pocketing it. Then, as though just realizing it, he pointed to Gimli and stated, "You're half my size.."

The Dwarf folded his stubby arms and glared the tall man in the eye. A small growl seemed to eminate from deep in his throat as he prompted, "So..?"

The tall man grabbed the ticket and tore it in half then tossed it over his shoulder. "So I do not have to take this foolishness! Move, short one!" Boromir snarled, and Gimli immediately became enraged. He ground his teeth and unfolded his arms; curled his fists. Instead of launching himself at the human he quickly scribbled down a ticket with a fee of well over the usual one pound note and slapped it onto Boromir's horse. Then he looked at Boromir with a smug, ugly smile.

"See you in court!"

Legolas gave a heart broken sigh and dismounted and put a gentle hand on Boromir's writhing shoulder. "Boromir, please…settle down." the Elf's pleasant voice did not reach the human's ears, and with another snarl, Boromir dive tackled the Dwarf.

Legolas wailed in distress, gripping Boromir's heavy leather jerkin and pulling him off of Gimli. Unfortunately, the Dwarf had an ax head with him and clocked Boromir in the temple. Boromir crumpled to the ground, bringing Legolas with him. More sirens (or attempted sirens made by Dwarves) filled the night air, and eventually the horse and it's occupance were surrounded. More Dwarves pulled Boromir's prone form from Legolas and then disarmed and handcuffed the Elf.

They began to tow away the horse, and Legolas once again broke into sobs. The Hobbits were all tied together and hauled off, and the last thing Legolas saw as he was shoved into a carriage was nothing because his tears blurred his vision and he eventually began drinking again.

--- --- ---

"Where on Earth did you pick these six up?"

Gimli smiled with pride. "I do not remember."

Legolas, who now had his face buried in Boromir's shoulder, continued to sob while Gondor's captain patted his back with one hand and held an ice pack to his head with the other. They were in a cramped cell with no room to do anything but sit (and in Legolas' case cry all over Boromir). Finally, Legolas pulled away and sniffled a bit, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. Boromir rolled his eyes.

"You Dwarves do not understand." he snapped, and his head still throbbed painfully. "I am on a quest with Aragorn son of Bob to help save Middle Earth from the threat of the Deodorant! I cannot stay here in a cell with a sobbing Elf until I die of old age!"

Legolas whimpered a bit and moved to his side of the cell, tucking his legs beneath him and allowing an occasional sniffle and moan. The Hobbits were not being held captive, for they had made fast friends with the Dwarves and had become instant drinking buddies. Gimli marched back and forth infront of Boromir and Legolas' cell but did not reply to anything they said. Legolas eyed his guitar and bottle longingly while Boromir continued to complain, and the Hobbits resumed their drinking and laughing.

But suddenly, they all heard a terrible noise: a dreadful pounding on the doors. Gimli made his way over to the peep hole and shrieked.

"It's Lurtz!"