Ryoko had left the rooftop and was now pacing the living room with her chin in her hand. She knew this was a trick. It had to be. Washu would never give up on her…would she? Has she finally become tired of waiting for Ryoko to make up her mind? Ryoko let out a growl in spite of herself and stomped her foot down in irritation. She was so…jumbled and this definitely wasn't helping her situation. She felt guilty for how she had spoken to Washu earlier that day when she told her the truth, but what was she suppose to think? Washu should've expected that.
"Calm down, Ryoko. Just…think about this," Ryoko told herself before disappearing from sight. She found herself standing in front of the cave where she would have some privacy and started to pace back and forth again, clearing her thoughts.
"Okay. Let's start at the beginning and work our way down. I was born in a Kingdom far away and my mother has no memories of what happened that night, so I was, in a way, an unwanted child. Yet, I've come a long way in dealing with my emotions, so I can handle that to a point. She told me a lie about my past because she knew that back then, my emotions were too unstable to handle that idea, and she was right. Okay, so maybe it had been a good idea for her own safety that she lied, but it caused a lot of pain I didn't need to go through. She then gives in and now that she's told me…I've pushed her away again. That's why she feels she has to start all over. I don't hate her, but I'm not saying I think what she did was right. True, she tried to make up for it by protecting me…but I'm still confused about that. If she was so protective, than how did Kagato capture me? Why didn't she try harder to make sure I was safe? And just why was she so mad at me for having to start over? She should've known how I was going to react to all this," Ryoko told herself. She then wrinkled her brow and let out a huff before disappearing to go find her mother.
***
Washu typed at her laptop, trying once again to find out about these gems. Unlike the past, she didn't have them with her to do any tests, but she still had old records that held some information about them. She knew they were her goddess powers, but it didn't explain why she had given it up, which is what she wanted to know.
"I could use a little help here," she said into the darkness of her lab. She then licked her lips in thought and smiled to herself as she remembered someone who might be able to help. Now would be the perfect time, too, seeing Sasami was in bed and the tree, Funaho, wasn't far away.
***
Ryoko appeared in the lab and cautiously looked around but saw the redhead nowhere.
"Washu?" she called. She then tilted her head in thought before slumping her shoulders when no response came. She was probably still mad and either in her room, or off doing something in the depths of her lab. Either way, Washu was ignoring her.
"Washu? Mom? Please answer me," Ryoko called again. She felt a throb of sadness as she failed to see her mother appear. Sure, she was upset at Washu, but found that she could deal with the past and everything that Washu had done with given time, but all she wanted right not in her life was someone who cared about her, knowing that they would be there for her. She wanted a mother, now that she really thought about it. Washu had always told her that she loved her and Ryoko had learned to accept that in the past and had always taken it for granted, but now that she didn't have it anymore, she felt empty and wanted it back. Ryoko never knew just how much she really cared, but now she did.
…I'm through with trying to be the mother I was forced into being…
Washu's words rang through Ryoko's head and caused the slight throb turn into a gut-wrenching pain that caused her to almost hunch over. It wasn't only because of Washu's harshness towards her, but because she was being pushed away by the one who always told her she loved her.
"Don't hate me mom. I'm sorry," Ryoko said to herself with a jittery sigh. She then tried the link, but found that as useful as using a fork to eat a bowl of soup. She let out a sigh and decided that a trip to Funaho and back might be a trip worthy of taking up enough time for the scientist to return.
***
Washu stared up at the leaves of the Jurian tree and let out a low sigh as she smiled to herself.
"Tsunami, are you there? Can you hear me or does it need to be Sasami calling out for you?" Washu asked in a barely audible voice. She was asking herself more than calling out for Tsunami, but let out a breath of relief as her younger sister appeared in an astral form above the water.
"Washu. I sense something isn't right," the goddess said as she stared at the small scientist. Washu let out a long, loud sigh and looked up at the goddess.
"Tsunami, I have a few questions and I want you to answer them. I know it's most likely against you're rights, but I have to know," Washu started.
"It's about your gems, is it not?" the goddess asked with a small, sly smile. Washu chuckled and looked down at the ground.
"How did you know?" she asked idly.
"I am a goddess, after all, and no, it's not against my rights," Tsunami said as she floated towards the water's edge. Washu met her there and looked up at her before opening her mouth to speak, but she stopped and closed her eyes as she realized a better approach. She called upon her adult form and opened her eyes to see Tsunami on a more level ground.
"Tsunami, why did I give it up?" she asked bluntly.
"Why are you so eager to know?" the goddess asked.
"Because it's been plaguing me since before Ryoko was born," Washu said as she lowered her gaze at her daughter's name. Tsunami gave her a sympathetic look and smiled at her sister.
"Your daughter…" Tsunami said.
"It's been a while. That's why I want to know," Washu said, continuing with why she was there and not wanting to talk about Ryoko.
"You're not mad at her…are you, Washu?" Tsunami asked.
"No, I'm not. I never was mad at her, but that is not what I came to ask you," Washu said as she looked back up at Tsunami.
"I may be the Goddess of Light, Washu, but I am still a goddess, all the same. I'll do something for you if you do something for me," Tsunami said, trying to force Washu into spilling her guts. Washu stared at her sister for what seemed like hours before her lips started to quiver with how utterly trapped she now felt by the goddess's proposal.
"Don't do this to me, Tsunami. Ask anything of me but that," she said as she swallowed her tears and closed her eyes, knowing what topic this conversation was going to end up on.
"Washu, I think you are having trouble in dealing with everything that had happened in the past. How are you suppose to tell Ryoko if you can barely tell yourself?"
"Anything but this, Tsunami..." Washu whispered as she closed her eyes.
"You're mad because you feel you've lost everything. You had a child, Ryoko, and at the time she had been unwanted, but you took her in anyway. You became very protective of her but it wasn't enough, was it, Washu?" Tsunami said, ignoring Washu protests.
"Please…" Washu whimpered.
"Ryoko was an intelligent child, but it wasn't enough to save her from Kagato. He had not only used the pendant you had created for Mikollious against you, but your gems as well. Your own gems containing your own goddess powers were used as a weapon to get your daughter who came to be because of him. He was the one who damaged the link, he was the one who controlled Kotuku that night, and he was the one that had taken Ry-"
"Stop!" Washu screamed, letting the tears of anger, hate, guilt, and every other emotion she could possible feel, fall to the ground. Yet Tsunami was reluctant to let Washu out of her grasps so easily. She knew what this would cause if Washu didn't come to terms with it herself and sometimes hearing it out loud from someone else's mouth was the best way to help her come to terms.
"He was the one who had taken Ryoko, and forcibly," Tsunami repeated.
"Why are you doing this?" Washu whimpered as she fell to her knees.
"He knew you were too strong to be controlled, so he had controlled Kotuku and created a child that would have the abilities of a Clav as well as the ability to handle the gem's power. Too bad you blocked Ryoko's Clav side. That aggravated him to no end," Tsunami said. By then, Washu was shaking like a leaf as she tried to forget what had happened that day Ryoko was taken, as well as how right on Tsunami was. She hated Kagato for everything he had done and that hate burned like an inferno in her chest, causing her heart to race and her blood to boil.
"Sometimes I wonder if you're as forgiving as the Jurians think you are," Washu snapped.
"You hate Kagato, I know. Ryoko hate's Kagato and that we both know, but now she thinks you hate her too, Washu," Tsunami said finally. Washu looked up at her and stared for a moment before letting out an anguished sigh and hanging her head.
"But I don't hate her. I could never hate her. I hate myself…" Washu said in a soft voice. She couldn't take it any more and buried her face in her hands and wept like a newborn babe. All Tsunami could do was watch, feeling like dirt for what she had just put her sister through, but she knew it had to be done. She wouldn't have even considered torturing her sister like this if she had known that Ryoko had stayed in the lab to wait for her instead of coming out here and hearing the story from the tree line she was currently sitting in.
***
Ryoko's eyes were wide while her mouth hung open as she watched her mother weep at the feet of Tsunami. Kagato had been the reason Ryoko was here. He had used Washu's gems against her and then gave them to Ryoko so that he could use their power through her. She now knew that her mother didn't hate her, and that made the painful throbs in her stomach die to a certain extent. Enough to give her slightly clearer thoughts. So, she now knew why she had been born, and why she had been kidnapped, but how did it happen? What had happened on that day that caused Washu so much grief? Ryoko let out a sigh and looked up to Tsunami before her breath caught in her throat. The goddess was staring at her as her mother wept with her face in her hands. She knew Ryoko was here, so the pirate took her leave back to the lab where she waited for her mother to return.
***
Washu had calmed her tears after a few moments but remained on her knees, unable to find the strength to stand up. Tsunami stared at her, knowing that she had just helped Washu's pain greatly, even if the scientist didn't know it herself. Ryoko had left after hearing the tale and Tsunami now left it up to Washu to bring things to a close with her daughter.
"Washu, do you know why Kagato believed you to be too strong to control?" Tsunami asked slowly. Washu looked up at her through blurred eyes and once again swallowed back the tears.
"I don't know if I want to know," she said in a trembling voice.
"You do and we both know it," Tsunami said.
"What does that have to do with what I asked you, Tsunami? I asked about my gems, not what Kagato was thinking!" Washu shouted.
"Oh, but it does, Washu. You ask why you gave up your powers, but in all honesty, you didn't give them up," Tsunami said. Washu remained silent for a moment before looking up at Tsunami with a curious look on her tear-streaked features.
"I don't understand," Washu said as she wrinkled her brow.
"Washu, you were forced to give them up," Tsunami explained.
"Forced?"
"Yes."
"By who?"
"Who do you think?"
"…"
"Tokimi," Tsunami said in a grave voice.
"So, Tokimi forced me to give up my goddess powers? Why?" Washu asked, her curiosity returning to her.
"Because you are the Goddess of Chaos. Each of us goddesses have a strength. Mine is the power of Light and Tokimi's is that of the Dark, but your strength resided in both qualities. You had the ability to terrify with your destructive strength, but comfort with your abilities to create, which made you a very confusing and touchy goddess. Thus the name, Chaos. Your power was so advanced that Tokimi became jealous and cast you out, but only by sheer luck," Tsunami explained.
"Luck. It only seems fitting that she would get it and use it against me," Washu said to herself.
"You use to have a habit of meditating for years on end, according to the Earth's calendar, but the catch was that you never told where you'd be because of how deep you would venture into your own mind. She just happened to stumble upon you and thought it best to force you into giving up your powers," Tsunami said.
"Figures," Washu said dryly.
"She had used her own abilities to force your mind into believing it was human and thus forcing you to, one, contain your powers in your gems, two, forget your life as a goddess, and three, store the leftover power in a single form th-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa…wait," Washu said as she held up her hands to silence Tsunami. "Leftover power? Single form? What are you talking about?" Washu asked.
"You really have no memories of it, do you?" Tsunami asked in a slightly disappointed voice.
"No, I don't, so please explain this to me," Washu insisted.
"Your mediation was used to balance out your powers and rid yourself of what you didn't need. You spent your existence around Tokimi and myself and you were persuaded quite often by either one of us. You were smart and saw when this was happening because of your actions that ultimately gave you your title of Chaos. Therefore, you would meditate to right it and in this particular case, it was because of Tokimi that you were meditating. She had forced you to give up your powers, but there was too much energy you had yet to rid yourself of, so you had created a vessel that would contain that power," Tsunami said.
"…"
"Washu, that vessel you stored your excess powers in was none other than Kagato himself. That's why he couldn't control you, seeing you were his creator," Tsunami said after a short hesitation.
"You're joking. Please say you're joking, Tsunami," Washu said, hoping this wasn't true, but knowing the goddess had no reason to lie to her about it.
"I'm sorry, sister. You had unconsciously created Kagato upon giving up your powers and I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but it's the truth. Unlike you, he had remembered where he had come from and had gone after you, planning on stealing your gems and using them himself. He had found out that this was impossible for him to achieve, seeing he was only a shadow of your leftover powers, so he had planned on using you as a slave. He had come to find, however, that he couldn't control his creator, so he had Kotuku sire a child with you so that he could take her and use her as a scapegoat, which is what he did," Tsunami explained. Washu's face went stark white and she stared at her sister in disbelief before she cupped her face with one hand, feeling another breakdown on the way. Everything in her life seemed to be falling apart and it was all because of her. First, she tells Ryoko the truth about her past and gives up on her, and now she finds out that she hadn't given up her powers as a goddess, but had been forced. What took the cake, however, was that Kagato was her own creation.
"It's my fault. My life has been a living nightmare because of my own actions," Washu whispered to herself as her voice cracked with oncoming sobs.
"It wasn't entirely your fault, Washu. You had created Kagato, yes, but it never would've happened if Tokimi hadn't interfered," Tsunami said, trying to reassure her sister.
"My daughter had been kidnapped by my own creation," Washu whispered again, sill in shock by this discovery.
"It doesn't matter anymore, Washu. It was in the past and Kagato was killed," Tsunami said with a small smile as Washu looked up at her.
"But I still have to live with the knowledge that I had created the one thing I hate most. Not to mention I have to live with this ungodly luck," Washu said in a trembling voice.
"Your luck is caused by your outlook on life, Washu. You were forced to resign your powers while meditating to rid yourself of unwanted dark energy, so you've always been a nasty woman in the depths of your subconscious," Tsunami explained.
"Just my luck, I suppose," Washu sneered dryly.
"That's exactly why you have such a hard time with everything, Washu. You now know why it's happening, so the only thing left to do is see and acknowledge it," Tsunami countered.
"To think, Ryoko was created because of Kagato as well as tortured by him for thousands of years and it was all because of me," Washu said with a spiteful snort.
"You hate him, yes, but he's gone. Ryoko's safe at the Masaki house, and you're together, so it shouldn't matter as much as you make it seem," Tsunami said.
"We may be together, but that doesn't mean anything. She doesn't consider me a mother and I'm tired of trying," Washu said.
"Talk to her again. I know she'll listen," Tsunami said before leaving Washu on her knees by the water's edge.
***
Tenchi tossed and turned in his bed, trying to fall asleep but found the he wasn't tired in the least. He sat up and let out a sigh as he stared at his covered legs before throwing off the blankets and heading for the kitchen. He mentally smiled as he let out a yawn and poured himself a glass of water. He stood by the sink and stared out the window into the yard and wrinkled his brow as he saw Washu walking towards the house form the direction of Funaho. Not to mention she was in her adult form too. Tenchi walked into the living room and met her at the front door with a curious look on his face.
"Washu? What are you doing out here at this time?" he asked.
"Thinking," she replied in a monotone sounding voice.
"Well, you should get some sleep. It's late," he said as he welcomed her into the house. She smiled weakly at him for his eagerness to help, despite how he knew she felt, and let out a slow sigh as she walked towards the lab before stopping in front of the stairs. She closed her eyes and for the first time since her and Ryoko's fight, she opened the link and found that her daughter was nervously waiting for her in the lab. Washu raised her gaze to the ceiling and bit her lip before turning to Tenchi.
"Would you like to hear the rest?" she asked, not wanting to talk to her daughter alone for fear of getting into another fight with her. Tenchi thought for a moment and smiled before shaking his head.
"I'll let you tell me tomorrow. I'm going to go back to bed," he said with a forced yawn. He then headed up the stairs and into his room before crawling under the covers once again and closing his eyes. He still wasn't tired, but knew that sleep would come faster now that his mind was settled a bit. Washu knew where Ryoko was and knew she had to finish the story despite their fight, so he figured he would give them this time to make up for what was said.
***
Washu hesitated for a moment before heading for the lab and felt that she was okay with telling
Ryoko about this. True, it was still hard, but after what Tsunami had done by telling her about it, she felt an urge to finish the story for Ryoko. Not to mention Tsunami's words had really made her think about this anger she felt. She wasn't mad at Ryoko and never was, but at the time, she was there and the perfect target for Washu to throw that anger at. Now, she was curious as to what another talk would accomplish. Hopefully not another fight. Washu walked into the lab and noticed Ryoko right away, pacing the room with her chin in her hand. Washu took a slow breath and walked in her direction, drawing her attention. Ryoko's eyes darted around the room before resting on Washu with an almost worried look.
"Do you hate me?" she asked quickly. Washu stared at her for a moment and saw the fear on her face as she waited for an answer.
"No, Ryoko. I don't hate you," Washu said with a mild chuckle. Ryoko smiled and snorted in spite of herself as she sheepishly scratched the back of her head.
"I didn't mean to upset you like that," she said as she looked away.
"Ryoko, you only told me how you felt and it was my own mistake for getting upset. Come on. I want to tell you the rest. I owe you that much," Washu said lazily as she called up her room once again. She had hoped her anger wouldn't return upon seeing Ryoko, but it did, and it took a lot to keep her voice in a calm tone. It wasn't because of Ryoko that she was mad, but because of her memories. Being forced to resign her position as a goddess, Kagato being her creation, and that creation taking Ryoko from her had held her anger firm.
"Why do you always tell me about my past in this room?" Ryoko asked as she took a seat on the bed while Washu walked over to the windows, trying to stall the story a bit.
"I don't know, honestly," Washu chuckled after a brief moment of thought. Ryoko snorted at her and shook her head with a smile.
"That's a first," she chuckled, trying to change the mood a bit. It wasn't a tense mood, but it was an awkward one. Ryoko felt extremely uncomfortable under Washu's gaze after what had happened on the roof.
"Ryoko…don't start. I'm really not in the mood," Washu snapped.
"You don't have to get so upset," Ryoko mumbled in a slightly angered tone. Washu closed her eyes and counted to ten while taking a deep breath and bit her tongue to try and keep it from spitting out more words that would only cause another fight, but failed.
"Ryoko, have you ever thought of why Kagato had wanted you?" Washu asked harshly.
"Why do you ask?" Ryoko asked after a slight hesitation. Washu looked over at her with anger in her eyes, but that anger still wasn't directed at Ryoko, yet her daughter didn't see that and shot her an apologetic look.
"You're too stubborn and ignorant to understand," Washu spat before turning away with anger written all over her face.
"Whoa! What did I do to deserve that?" Ryoko asked, slightly raising her voice as she stood up. Washu ground her teeth and tried counting to ten again, but out loud this time. Still didn't work.
"Ryoko, just shut up and sit down," Washu said in a soft voice.
"Why? So you can scream at me while I sit here and twiddle my thumbs?" Ryoko asked bitterly.
"Sit down!" Washu screamed as she clenched her hands into fists while staring at her daughter with wide, fury-filled eyes and bared teeth. Ryoko was already sitting by the time Washu had turned to her and was now sitting with her head down and an obedient look on her face.
"Why are you so mad at me? What did I do wrong?" Ryoko asked in a soft voice. Washu closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands before letting out a jittery sigh and sitting on the bed next to Ryoko, who still wouldn't look at her. If Washu didn't know any better, she would've thought Ryoko was scared to look at her.
"Ryoko, I'm not mad at you and I would never dream of hating you no matter what you do or how you act. You have to know the whole story in order to fully understand why I'm so upset. Just…listen. Don't say a word and just listen," Washu said in a less caring voice than she would've liked to use. She looked over and saw idle tears running down Ryoko's face at her mother's tone and let out a long sigh. Washu then felt her anger lift as she saw the tears her daughter was shedding and felt a pang of guilt flow through her. She stared for a long time at Ryoko and smiled before letting out a snort.
"You know, when you sat down like that, it reminded me of when you were first introduced to Ryo-Ohki. You were scared to death of her," Washu said in a soft voice accompanied by a tiny chuckle. Ryoko still didn't look at her and her face remained placid.
"I bet you didn't think that she was just a primitive animal when you first got her. Nothing more than a cross between a rabbit and a cat," Washu said. Ryoko finally looked over at her and wrinkled her brow.
"Than how can she transform into a ship and all that if she was just a normal animal?" Ryoko asked curiously. Washu stared out the window and felt her anger return as she thought of this.
"Kagato…" she said in a soft, displeased voice. Ryoko nodded her head and left it alone, seeing her mother's angered attitude was returning.
"So…what happened?" Ryoko asked after a short silence.
"Well, I started on Ryo-Ohki even though I had told you to wait…"
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Thank you for all your input and suggestions. I found them most helpful in brainstorming. I'm actually looking forward to writing the next couple of chapters. I'll finish up with the flashbacks so that I can return to the Ryoko/Tenchi thing. Suggestions are still welcome, if you want to give any. R&R