Disclaimers : The SD characters are copyrights of Inoue Takehiko.
Chapter 7 ; Memories
She locked herself in bathroom, washing herself for as long as she could
after returning from the hospital – until Mrs. Akagi called her out. The
siblings were squirming uncomfortably, trying to figure to best way to
talk to her. She walked away, and hid herself under the blanket. She wanted
them to accompany her, she wanted it badly, but she could not talk. Not
that she was lost for words. She could not find her own voice. She wanted
to confide to the siblings, to borrow a shoulder for comfort, but her body
went against her will, her command. She felt like a robot, as if an unknown
force controlled her body. Her mind was blank, and she could not think.
Yet, fear continued to dwell in her mind and soul, overpowering her.
She felt discomfort in the silence. Every tick of the clock stirred her
tension. Every sound sent her jumping. Queasiness surrounded her. The feeling
of being watched, being preyed after. As if every move she made would attract
danger. As if she could be attacked again, anytime. Memories from her past
haunted her. Horrid visions fogged her mind. Then, the image of Mitsui
confessing his feelings popped out, superior to other visions. It calmed
her slightly. Before long, another vision took form, sending her to serenity.
An unclear vision of a person (guess who), with his ever charming eyes
and soothing smile.
Finally, she found the strength and courage. She uncovered herself from
the blanket, surprised when she saw the two of them sitting near her. Seeing
the way she reacted, they looked at her with concern. She was deeply touched
by their warmth, something she was deprived of since birth. "Sorry," she
apologized sincerely. For once, Haruko was wise enough to handle these
tensed situations. She kept quiet as the taller girl continued, "Haruko-chan,
Takenori-kun, let us talk. I can't stand the silence."
That night, the three of them stayed up late, joking and talking about
anything under the sun, with a few exceptions. Perhaps that was running
from reality, but Ling-Er did not mind. She could try anything to forget
about the incidents. Every try was worthwhile.
Ling-Er woke up in fright, sweats damping her body; Akagi and Haruko were
soundly asleep beside her. No matter how hard she tried, the memories refused
to leave her alone. They continued to haunt her, even in her slumbers.
She knew she could no longer hide nor escape reality, so she gave in. Slowly,
the complete memory of her dark past was formed, pieces by pieces.
*FLASHBACK*
"Mother, don't leave me!" the eight-year-old girl was crying her heart
out, but her cries were completely ignored. She was just being admitted
to an orphanage, watching her only relative in the world leaving with another
man. The man who gave her ill treatments every since he met her. The sight
never left her memory. It stayed with her, haunting her sleepless nights
for years to come.
Living in the orphanage was not easy. She was frequently the item of mockery
of other orphans. She was left all alone in the world to face its challenges.
She soon learnt that her family name had been cancelled, she did not know
if her mother had done it, or perhaps she never had one. She never had
a father, for according to her mother, he had left them before her birth.
As she grew older, she realized only by being better than others would
she be noticed. She longed for the slightest attention, for the slightest
sign of concern. She worked hard. She relied on no one but herself. She
had no one to rely on. She knew no games and fun. Her whole life was of
hard work, striving to be the best, until after she was adopted by a couple
of successful businesspersons. Her adoptive parents supported her financially,
but never emotionally. They were never home. Though they gave her the best
education money could buy, the best food to eat, the best situation to
live in, they were never there for her when she was down. She knew they
cared, a smallest sign, as in a birthday card from overseas enlightened
and strengthened her.
In primary school, she was much named the model student. She was a straight
A's athlete. A state-level badminton player, as well as the composer of
the song their school's choir team had sang in their state debut and won.
She herself won a few national-level competitions in drawing and song composing.
She grabbed every chance she could, not wanting to disappoint her 'parents'.
To everyone, she was much admired. She was their role model, a natural
genius. They envied her for her many talents, yet none knew her beneath
her masks. None knew of her life, all work no play, never knowing what
entertainment is. No one to celebrate her achievement with, no one to confront
during failures and times of need. True, her 'parents' sent her checks
for her success, but never a word of praise. In fact, she had never seen
them for more than 5 minutes each time they returned home.
All her life, she had to be perfect in everything she did. She could not
afford any mistakes. A small stain would ruin her whole life. Perfection
was the only thing that matched her to the world, which made her worthy
to be in the society.
She entered the best secondary school. She was a hit in school although
she was only a newbie. Everyone heard of her. The rich and pretty model
student. The girls longed to be one of her crowd and the boys wanted to
make her theirs. She was rather pretty; looking matured for the age. Perfectly
curved and with a standard height, her pretty features only added to her
population. It did not matter to everyone that she seldom smiles.
Even with all the attention, she was lonely, thirsting for love and concern.
Maybe that was how she got into trouble. Maybe that was why she started
hanging out with Melvin, and it was the biggest mistake in her life. Melvin
was one of the hottest seniors in her school. He was the captain of the
school's football team, the star of the team. It was not a wonder that
he pursued her. After all, cute boys go after pretty girls. The most popular
boy goes after the most popular girl in school, which was how the circle
swirls round and round. However, it a wonder that she transferred three
months later and that he would never talk about her from then onwards.
What happened between Melvin and Riyula became a mystery to everyone. Well,
almost everyone.
When all was in darkness,
anguish and sorrow all I had,
your soothing words I acquired...
escorted me to the land
of serenity and jubilation.
For Riyula, Melvin was a dream come true. Finally, she had someone to love, someone to care for. Someone whom she could expect concerns from. He cared for her and helped her in every possible way. He rewarded her for her success with endless praises and sundaes (noticed that she loved sundaes? She even forced Mitsui to treat her sundaes ^_^). It was those little things she longed for, something everyone took for granted. Melvin was the first to give her those.
Faith and credence I place
on you with a doubtless trusting heart...
and the days of melancholy,
no longer parts of my life,
which I entrusted to you,
my crony.
She could never even dream that Melvin would betray her trust. That day,
Melvin offered to bring her out at night. She refused, but his upset expression
and several persuasive coos convinced her. As naïve as ever. No one
could blame her, a young girl at the age of 13 who was never exposed to
the cruel world outside the orphanage. A girl who had no parents to warn
her of the danger of trusting the wrong boys. She was eager to please Melvin,
so as he would not leave her. How immature she was.
He drove her to the pub. She was reluctant to enter, as she was underage,
but for Melvin, she entered. He introduced her to a 'friend', whom Riyula
immediately felt dislike for. He was probably at his late-twenties. He
looked at her with perverted looks, staring at her breasts and thighs.
He talks of dirty things and scolded Melvin for not making her put on sexier
clothes. Melvin looked rather uncomfortable.
you came for my salvation,
then left, and shattered my flawless dome,
you illuminated my heart,
only to leave it
in a ray of fading luminosity.
"Why don't you get us some drink?" he ordered. Riyula offered to, but he
insisted that Melvin should get the drinks for them. Melvin returned a
few moments later, handing them their drinks. He looked at her apologetically
as he handed her favourite drink –soya bean. "I bought this from the near-by
shop. I'm sorry for bringing you here, dear," he told her.
Innocently, she smiled and drank it. She immediately felt dizzy after drinking
it. She thought she heard Melvin's 'friend' laughed and praised him, telling
him he would clear his debt. Then she felt as if someone carried her. She
did not know where she was being carried to, but her head was too heavy
for her to care.
Hope you aspirations you gave me,
yet when my world was perfect at its peak,
you took away everything,
leaving my pulverized heart unmend,
waiting,
lingering...
She woke up crying. Her body was still nude, and she could still feel the
pain underneath. No one else was in the room, but she knew exactly what
happened. She was half-conscious when it happened, but she was aware of
the happenings. She was struggling and yelling for the whole thing to stop.
She watched helplessly as her clothes were taken off. Her inner cries were
totally ignored as she was being defiled. She watched and felt the whole
night, each second passing as if it was an hour. Yet, what hurt the most
was her heart. Her broken heart, broken by the one she trusted. She had
lost everything overnight. Dignity, self-respect, everything… including
her virginity. She could never forgive herself. She could blame no one
else but herself. Nothing could ease her pain.
She tried suicide twice, but failed. She could not disappoint her parents
anymore. She could never let them know of what happened. Never. She told
them of her wish to be studying in an all girl full-hostel school, and
they gladly approved. She thought she could start life anew there, keeping
her past a secret from everyone, pretending to someone she never was. Life
was hard for her. Talking to other girls made her feel filthy and unworthy.
She had many friends, but none try to understand her. Everyone liked
her for what she was, and not who she was. Her years in St. Jane, she took
up more sports and built up her body. No longer the girl with smooth curves,
but an athletic girl with firm muscles. A girl whom no boy would have interests
on merely judging her looks. Perhaps no boy will, with her behavior around
boys. For her, it was not a matter. She had lost trusts in guys totally.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
Ling-Er did not attend class the next day. Her classmates were worried.
Kaori, especially, for she knew what happened. She visited her straight
after school. Ling-Er was glad to see her. She told her and Haruko to visit
the Sundae Café (again!). As they were leaving, Akagi returned home,
bringing Mitsui and Fujima along. Mitsui tried to call her. Ling-Er ignored
him, but he held her arm as she was walking past him.
"I don't care what happened to you in the past, I still love you for who
you are," he told her, ignoring the fact that there were four other peoples
there. She pulled herself free and turned to him, "Come along, and I'll
tell you what happened to me before. After that, tell me all you want.
Say everything you want. I don't mind."
Author's Note : Erm... nothing much to say, sorry for rough contents.
Again, thanks to SyiveSe for helping me to edit this fic~ Also,
thanks again to who all those who reviewed. :)