Disclaimer: Characters belong to Paramount.
Author's note:
Contains spoilers for the story
Ok... this isn't what you've come to expect from me (if there's still someone out there that remembers what I used to write) - I guess being thrown away like yesterday's paper can do that to a person. No happy ending, I'm sorry. Maybe later...
Slowly Fading
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I stand in the rain outside his door, trying to decide whether or not to ring the bell. What can I say? How can I explain these turbulent and contradicting emotions that rush through me with every heartbeat? Slowly, I lower the hand that's been hovering over the doorbell. I sigh and turn away, gently touching the door as I turn. I walk away slowly, watching my feet as I go. The rain is pouring down mercilessly, but the cold drops seem comforting somehow. As if it's momentarily subduing another, less tangible, pain. Left foot, right foot. I have no idea where I'm heading -- the transporter, I guess. Then suddenly, I hear a door open and I hear laughter. It's them. I tell myself not to turn around, not to look, knowing what it'll do to me. But I do it anyway. He's standing in the doorway, holding her tightly, lowering his head to kiss her. And I'm overwhelmed by grief again. The tears that I thought had dried fall down my cheeks yet again, blending with the rain as my vision blur. I turn away, continue to walk as my shoulders heave with each sob. I'm whispering "I hate you, I hate you both" like it's a mantra, even though I know I don't mean it. But oh, how I wish I did. Then suddenly my mantra changes. "I love you, Chakotay," I whisper to myself, knowing he'll never hear me say it. He'll just be a slowly fading memory.
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namelessensign@tiscali.no
http://go.to/nameless_ensign
Author's note:
Contains spoilers for the story
Ok... this isn't what you've come to expect from me (if there's still someone out there that remembers what I used to write) - I guess being thrown away like yesterday's paper can do that to a person. No happy ending, I'm sorry. Maybe later...
Slowly Fading
--------------
I stand in the rain outside his door, trying to decide whether or not to ring the bell. What can I say? How can I explain these turbulent and contradicting emotions that rush through me with every heartbeat? Slowly, I lower the hand that's been hovering over the doorbell. I sigh and turn away, gently touching the door as I turn. I walk away slowly, watching my feet as I go. The rain is pouring down mercilessly, but the cold drops seem comforting somehow. As if it's momentarily subduing another, less tangible, pain. Left foot, right foot. I have no idea where I'm heading -- the transporter, I guess. Then suddenly, I hear a door open and I hear laughter. It's them. I tell myself not to turn around, not to look, knowing what it'll do to me. But I do it anyway. He's standing in the doorway, holding her tightly, lowering his head to kiss her. And I'm overwhelmed by grief again. The tears that I thought had dried fall down my cheeks yet again, blending with the rain as my vision blur. I turn away, continue to walk as my shoulders heave with each sob. I'm whispering "I hate you, I hate you both" like it's a mantra, even though I know I don't mean it. But oh, how I wish I did. Then suddenly my mantra changes. "I love you, Chakotay," I whisper to myself, knowing he'll never hear me say it. He'll just be a slowly fading memory.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
namelessensign@tiscali.no
http://go.to/nameless_ensign