The Wait
by Rien
Standard disclaimers apply
Chapter 4: Numbness Within an Aching Heart
The weekend was more of a fight within myself rather than rest. I thought my depression was to leave me for a few moments but I guess I was wrong. The slash on my wrist that I myself created is still sore but I cannot feel the pain anymore. I need pain to cure me. Yes, pain...
It's a good thing that me and the Sakuragi Gundan decided to go out that night to celebrate. I don't know why they are celebrating but just joined in. They are my friends anyway.
I slipped on my mask before I got out. I need to fool them again that everything is alright. I don't want to worry them. Maybe one day, I would tell them, maybe, I thought.
The night was full of lovers. I secretly wished that another gang would show up. what a pathetic excuse to have a fight and feel the punches on my face. The pain would silently curse my depression.
My luck was on my side that night. Another gang was there ready to attack. I fought all my might. The pain of the punches and the kicks helped a lot, and I silently thanked the other gang. They relieved my depression and set it aside for a while.
Back to school. Back to world of the living. My so-called life. And I would see Rukawa again. The blue eyed devil that haunts my thoughts every night when I sleep.
The injuries I received from the previous night told everyone what happened to our gang. The whole team was shocked, even the ice king, that I appeared like that, as if nothing happened.
"Sakuragi, what happened?" Haruko asked, worry is printed on her face. She reminded me of my mother. I just shook my head and grinned.
"The tensai and the Gundan had a fight last night that's all. There's nothing serious in my condition..." I said and laughed. As I expected, they all groaned and smiled.
As usual, the mask I was wearing was perfect. Nobody could see my desperation. I'm the loud tensai that everyone knows. I laughed out loud, insulted everyone, received the "Gori Punch" and the fan slapping of Ayako, and I drooled over Haruko for cheering me up.
The team knows nothing that's why they do that to me. I would have laughed if they known what my situation was. In the brink of commiting suicide. Sakuragi Hanamichi is very unstable to be treated the same, they would say that.
The whistle is sounded for ending the game and snapped me out of my musings. I grinned and sang the tensai song once again. I see my other teammates cringe just listening to my off key tune.
"Hanamichi!!! Will you stop singing that infernal tune?" Ryota said while pluggging his ears with his fingers in an effort to quiet his surroundings. I obliged of course and went to the locker room to shower and change.
I let everyone leave before I got out of the shower stall and slowly dressed myself. I winced at the pain I received when my shirt brushes over my injuries, but it was all worth it. My depression didn't come back after that. It stayed away for a while while my mind is busy processing the pain I received from the fight.
"Do'aho"
I looked behind me and I stared to the blue-eyes of the kitsune. Those blue orbs shone and reflected anger.
"Teme kitsune!!!!" I shouted as if in anger.
He didn't budge, he only glared at me. He took a step closer to me and I instinctly moved back.
"Do'aho, who did this to you?"
I was shocked. The kitsune is capable of talking and I detected a hint of conern. He moved closer still. I wanted to move away but my body is not responding.
"Do'aho, answer me.." he asked again.
"I already told you and the others that we had a fight last night.."
"Sakuragi, what are you hiding?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
He raised an eyebrow in response and step closer. I was frozen in my place unable to move. I can smell his scent.
"I know that you hid behind your mask Sakuragi..."
"How..."
Too late, I've said the word, he heard it and smirked. He knows, he will know...
"I can help you... let me help you..." he said. His eyes were the shade of the midnight. His icy blues disappered and replaced by the warm ones I'm seeing.
"Let me help you..."
I shut my eyes. I can't look at him anymore. His eyes are drowning pools that will suck me to the oblivion. I suddenly felt his touch, his embrace. That's when I lost it. I cried in front of him. The tensai cried in front of th kitsune, but I didn't care anymore.
I told him everything. My suicidal tendencies, my pein, my desperation for hope and inner desires. Everything. I was stripped of all my secrets. I cried and cried. He only embraced me and consoled me. He didn't do anything to offend me.
"Let it go Sakuragi, let it go..." he whispered in my ear.
That wasthe first time I trusted someone with my secrets and become my true friend. Someone to share with. I'm not alone anymore.
Not alone...
by Rien
Standard disclaimers apply
Chapter 4: Numbness Within an Aching Heart
The weekend was more of a fight within myself rather than rest. I thought my depression was to leave me for a few moments but I guess I was wrong. The slash on my wrist that I myself created is still sore but I cannot feel the pain anymore. I need pain to cure me. Yes, pain...
It's a good thing that me and the Sakuragi Gundan decided to go out that night to celebrate. I don't know why they are celebrating but just joined in. They are my friends anyway.
I slipped on my mask before I got out. I need to fool them again that everything is alright. I don't want to worry them. Maybe one day, I would tell them, maybe, I thought.
The night was full of lovers. I secretly wished that another gang would show up. what a pathetic excuse to have a fight and feel the punches on my face. The pain would silently curse my depression.
My luck was on my side that night. Another gang was there ready to attack. I fought all my might. The pain of the punches and the kicks helped a lot, and I silently thanked the other gang. They relieved my depression and set it aside for a while.
Back to school. Back to world of the living. My so-called life. And I would see Rukawa again. The blue eyed devil that haunts my thoughts every night when I sleep.
The injuries I received from the previous night told everyone what happened to our gang. The whole team was shocked, even the ice king, that I appeared like that, as if nothing happened.
"Sakuragi, what happened?" Haruko asked, worry is printed on her face. She reminded me of my mother. I just shook my head and grinned.
"The tensai and the Gundan had a fight last night that's all. There's nothing serious in my condition..." I said and laughed. As I expected, they all groaned and smiled.
As usual, the mask I was wearing was perfect. Nobody could see my desperation. I'm the loud tensai that everyone knows. I laughed out loud, insulted everyone, received the "Gori Punch" and the fan slapping of Ayako, and I drooled over Haruko for cheering me up.
The team knows nothing that's why they do that to me. I would have laughed if they known what my situation was. In the brink of commiting suicide. Sakuragi Hanamichi is very unstable to be treated the same, they would say that.
The whistle is sounded for ending the game and snapped me out of my musings. I grinned and sang the tensai song once again. I see my other teammates cringe just listening to my off key tune.
"Hanamichi!!! Will you stop singing that infernal tune?" Ryota said while pluggging his ears with his fingers in an effort to quiet his surroundings. I obliged of course and went to the locker room to shower and change.
I let everyone leave before I got out of the shower stall and slowly dressed myself. I winced at the pain I received when my shirt brushes over my injuries, but it was all worth it. My depression didn't come back after that. It stayed away for a while while my mind is busy processing the pain I received from the fight.
"Do'aho"
I looked behind me and I stared to the blue-eyes of the kitsune. Those blue orbs shone and reflected anger.
"Teme kitsune!!!!" I shouted as if in anger.
He didn't budge, he only glared at me. He took a step closer to me and I instinctly moved back.
"Do'aho, who did this to you?"
I was shocked. The kitsune is capable of talking and I detected a hint of conern. He moved closer still. I wanted to move away but my body is not responding.
"Do'aho, answer me.." he asked again.
"I already told you and the others that we had a fight last night.."
"Sakuragi, what are you hiding?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
He raised an eyebrow in response and step closer. I was frozen in my place unable to move. I can smell his scent.
"I know that you hid behind your mask Sakuragi..."
"How..."
Too late, I've said the word, he heard it and smirked. He knows, he will know...
"I can help you... let me help you..." he said. His eyes were the shade of the midnight. His icy blues disappered and replaced by the warm ones I'm seeing.
"Let me help you..."
I shut my eyes. I can't look at him anymore. His eyes are drowning pools that will suck me to the oblivion. I suddenly felt his touch, his embrace. That's when I lost it. I cried in front of him. The tensai cried in front of th kitsune, but I didn't care anymore.
I told him everything. My suicidal tendencies, my pein, my desperation for hope and inner desires. Everything. I was stripped of all my secrets. I cried and cried. He only embraced me and consoled me. He didn't do anything to offend me.
"Let it go Sakuragi, let it go..." he whispered in my ear.
That wasthe first time I trusted someone with my secrets and become my true friend. Someone to share with. I'm not alone anymore.
Not alone...