The Wait
by Rien
Standard disclaimers apply
Chapter 15: Fighting a Lost Battle
I practiced when the stiches are dry. I practice in silence and when it ends, I still practice until everyone is out of site. But one particular day, I was shocked to find that Koshino was waiting for me outside with Sendoh in tow. Kaede's eyes blazed with anger. Koshino took me and left Sendoh behind. I don't know what happened that time and I don't care, until Micchy told me about what happened.
*flashback*
"Oi, Hanamichi, can I talk to you for a moment?" I looked at him for a moment and nodded. "Where do you want to talk anyway?"
"Let's go to Danny's"
We walked to Danny's in silence. I don't understand why Micchy wanted to talk to me. Maybe it's because of Megane-kun, maybe something is wrong with the two of them. We sat down the restaurant.
"So, what do you want, Micchy?" I asked.
"Is Koshino you're boyfriend now? I thought you love Kaede?"
I was caught off guard with the question. I thought he's going to ask about Megane-kun but I uess I was wrong. There's no point in telling lies.
"Yes and yes..." I said calmly.
"Then why?"
"I don't know and I don't care... Everything is empty in me, do you know that? Empty. The only thing that's making me live is the fact that some people still cares about me that it's not right..." I looked at his expression. I can tell that he was surprised.
"But you love him..."
"Yes... I do.."
"Did you know that Sendoh's been planning something?"
"Nani?"
"I heard him say to Kaede that you and Koshino are together. I overheard their conversation. He said that if he has a boy like Kaede, he would have taken care of him...."
By that time, anger flared inside me then died down. Hey, I don't have anything to do with Kaede anyway. I love him but I don't have a place in his life anymore. It's all my fault, everything....
"....but Keade said that if he didn't love someone else, maybe he could have taken Sedoh's prposition afterall, but he loves someone. e walked away without turning back. Then I heard Sendoh said that Kaede's his and then he grinned."
"Why are you telling me this anyway?" I asked.
"Because.... you said that you loved him right and maybe you can straighten things out with him..."
"I don't have a place in his life anymore and neither does he... It's true that I love him but he has is own life and his own identity to protect..." At that instant, I regretted saying those things to Micchy. i didn't mean it. The anger that flared inside me, mixed with jealousy that fuelled my hate and depression led me to say those things that I don't mean. I clamped my mouth shut and ran away leaving Micchy in the restaurant.
*end flashback*
I went home and called Koshino to say that everything was over between us. I stated that there was no us at all, everything is a game, everything is nothing. He tried to make it the fact that he loves but I said that you don't know me at all and I'm tired for having these arguments. I still love him and othing could change that. I hung up and went to bed but sleep didn't apprach me as I wanted. Instead of sleeping, I found myself in the bathroom once again with the razor on my wrist, ready to slash it. The blood stained my arms and my clothes but I don't care, nothing does anymore....
by Rien
Standard disclaimers apply
Chapter 15: Fighting a Lost Battle
I practiced when the stiches are dry. I practice in silence and when it ends, I still practice until everyone is out of site. But one particular day, I was shocked to find that Koshino was waiting for me outside with Sendoh in tow. Kaede's eyes blazed with anger. Koshino took me and left Sendoh behind. I don't know what happened that time and I don't care, until Micchy told me about what happened.
*flashback*
"Oi, Hanamichi, can I talk to you for a moment?" I looked at him for a moment and nodded. "Where do you want to talk anyway?"
"Let's go to Danny's"
We walked to Danny's in silence. I don't understand why Micchy wanted to talk to me. Maybe it's because of Megane-kun, maybe something is wrong with the two of them. We sat down the restaurant.
"So, what do you want, Micchy?" I asked.
"Is Koshino you're boyfriend now? I thought you love Kaede?"
I was caught off guard with the question. I thought he's going to ask about Megane-kun but I uess I was wrong. There's no point in telling lies.
"Yes and yes..." I said calmly.
"Then why?"
"I don't know and I don't care... Everything is empty in me, do you know that? Empty. The only thing that's making me live is the fact that some people still cares about me that it's not right..." I looked at his expression. I can tell that he was surprised.
"But you love him..."
"Yes... I do.."
"Did you know that Sendoh's been planning something?"
"Nani?"
"I heard him say to Kaede that you and Koshino are together. I overheard their conversation. He said that if he has a boy like Kaede, he would have taken care of him...."
By that time, anger flared inside me then died down. Hey, I don't have anything to do with Kaede anyway. I love him but I don't have a place in his life anymore. It's all my fault, everything....
"....but Keade said that if he didn't love someone else, maybe he could have taken Sedoh's prposition afterall, but he loves someone. e walked away without turning back. Then I heard Sendoh said that Kaede's his and then he grinned."
"Why are you telling me this anyway?" I asked.
"Because.... you said that you loved him right and maybe you can straighten things out with him..."
"I don't have a place in his life anymore and neither does he... It's true that I love him but he has is own life and his own identity to protect..." At that instant, I regretted saying those things to Micchy. i didn't mean it. The anger that flared inside me, mixed with jealousy that fuelled my hate and depression led me to say those things that I don't mean. I clamped my mouth shut and ran away leaving Micchy in the restaurant.
*end flashback*
I went home and called Koshino to say that everything was over between us. I stated that there was no us at all, everything is a game, everything is nothing. He tried to make it the fact that he loves but I said that you don't know me at all and I'm tired for having these arguments. I still love him and othing could change that. I hung up and went to bed but sleep didn't apprach me as I wanted. Instead of sleeping, I found myself in the bathroom once again with the razor on my wrist, ready to slash it. The blood stained my arms and my clothes but I don't care, nothing does anymore....