The Wait
by Rien
Standard disclaimers apply
Chapter 17: The Promise
Everything went on smoothly from that day. I dind't see Koshino again unless there's a game between Ryonan and Shohoku. I'm keeping an eye for Rukawa though. Sendoh's pretty sneaky and I won't forgive myself if Sendoh will have another throphy of a boyfriend. Rukawa and I are still friends but the thing that bothers me is my depression. I can't get it out of my sytem. I still keep torturing myself, still slashing and punching the walls in frustration that I can not throw that feeling away. The depression of being alone, being lonely, being nothing at all but a nuisance to other people. The only thing that keeps me fuelled now is the game and Rukawa. I still love him with all my heart and I'm still waiting for him to return to me and I'll still accept him. I hid my wounds on my wrist by wristbands.
"What is that?" he asked pointing at my wrist.
"Nothing" I said hiding the wound behind my back. Of all the time I forgot my wristband, that's when Kaede notices it! He raises his eyebrows. He obviously didn't believe that it was nothing.
"Don't tell me you did it again, what is your reason now? Do you know that self-mutilation is a psychological disorder?" he stated.
I didn't react to that, I just bowed my head sighed. Well, I can't lie to him anymore, and besides, he knows my problem.
"Don't do it again" he whispered. I only nodded and he smiled for me once again, I wonder if the rukawa shitenai have seen him smile.
"And stop punching walls as well..." he said as he walked away from me.
"Kitsune! Matte yo!" I screamed after him.
"Hayaku do'aho, we're going to be late for practice!"
By that time, my heart and my soul is entagled in that request from the man I truly love. That simple request became a promise that I need to fullfill... until the day I die. I didn't slash my wrist even if my body needs pain and I didn't punch the walls. I didn't do anything to hurt myself anymore. Kaede noticed that the wounds on my wrist are healing, he siled even more. I was pleased with myself that time but something is not right inside me. I can not tell it to Kaede becaue I can not understand it myself.
The practice game between Ryonan and Shohoku was intense and ended with us losing. I felt broken. Did I practice enough? Didn't I do everything I can?
"I lost..." I whispered to myself. I didn't know that someone was listening to what I just said.
"Yes, you lost, and you are just Kaede's... let just say... 'burden'" he said, giving the emphasis on the last word. I looked at the smiling face of the Ryonan player and smiled. I already know that I was a burden but Rukawa as well? I walked towards our locker room in silence. He's right you know, you're only a burden to the people around you, you are nothing, you should've died when you supposed to have died not to be alive to give people a burden. Now I know what was bothering me. The demons in my head and my depression are teaming up. I was outnumbered. A hand on my shoulder snapped me back to reality.
"Hana, let's go..." he said and I smiled.
The next day, I quitted basketball and didn't go to school anymore. I didn't want to see anything or anyone. I'm just a burden. I cried again in my sleep. The team went and knocked on my door but I didn't answer them. i didn't answer my calls. I retreated to myself, not eating, not doing anything. Just curled up, crying, sleeping if it comes and remembering everything that happened. For days, I stayed like this, not caring to the world , not caring for myself.
I woke up one ay wanting to eat again. I guess everyhing became alright after sulking around. I guess that's the next best thing I can do than slashing myself and breaking a promise.
Then I decided to get away from everything. Basketball, Rukawa, everything. I wanted to tell the team but they would just try to persuade me not to go. I didn't want to be persuaded to these things. I wanted to go. Then I remembered him. What would happen if I go? I guess I need to tell him though. I don't like to betray him just like that.
I went outside to find Kaede and tell him of my plans. I'm going to Europe and I'll be staying there for a while, I need peace... that went on in my head as I practice what I'm going to say to him. I turned to the corner of an alley and saw him with... Sendoh.
Everything came into place. Sendoh suceeded in taking his heart away from me. I smiled and turned around to walk the other way. I was happy for Kaede, at least he founded happiness.
"Hana!" I heard someone shout. I turned around and saw Kaede running towards him and Sendoh running behind him. I just watched. He approached me with uncertainty. Sendoh had his smirk on and placed his arm on Kaede's shoulders. Kaede shrugged it off and walked towards me once more. I smiled.
"It's not what you think.."
"Come on Kaede, you'll have to say one word you'll have me!" the smiley said. He looked at m with those eyes that said "he's mine now, you're nothing!"
"How do you know what I think Rukawa?" I asked and smile once again. "I wish for your happiness... don't worry about me, I'm fine..." with that statement, I turned around and walked away from them. Kaede didn't follow me after that. I walked around aimlessly for hours until I decided to return home and pack my things. I saw someone standing infront the door of my house. Oh no, not again. That Koshino guy is giving me headaches! But apparently, it's not Koshino, it was Kaede waiting for me.
"Hana..." he said.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. He smiled sadly and walke toward me. He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me. When the kiss ended, we were gasping for breath.
"Why did you do that?" I asked. my mind is slightly dazed with the experience of the kiss.
"Because I love you..." with those simple words, everything came back to me. I need to get away or my demons will eventually kill me. Everytime I see him, they react and it gives them enough power for me to do something drastic.
"I'm leaving, Kaede.." I said and walked pass him. I opened the door and close it tightly behind me. He knocked, calling my name but I didn't listen. It's better this way....
by Rien
Standard disclaimers apply
Chapter 17: The Promise
Everything went on smoothly from that day. I dind't see Koshino again unless there's a game between Ryonan and Shohoku. I'm keeping an eye for Rukawa though. Sendoh's pretty sneaky and I won't forgive myself if Sendoh will have another throphy of a boyfriend. Rukawa and I are still friends but the thing that bothers me is my depression. I can't get it out of my sytem. I still keep torturing myself, still slashing and punching the walls in frustration that I can not throw that feeling away. The depression of being alone, being lonely, being nothing at all but a nuisance to other people. The only thing that keeps me fuelled now is the game and Rukawa. I still love him with all my heart and I'm still waiting for him to return to me and I'll still accept him. I hid my wounds on my wrist by wristbands.
"What is that?" he asked pointing at my wrist.
"Nothing" I said hiding the wound behind my back. Of all the time I forgot my wristband, that's when Kaede notices it! He raises his eyebrows. He obviously didn't believe that it was nothing.
"Don't tell me you did it again, what is your reason now? Do you know that self-mutilation is a psychological disorder?" he stated.
I didn't react to that, I just bowed my head sighed. Well, I can't lie to him anymore, and besides, he knows my problem.
"Don't do it again" he whispered. I only nodded and he smiled for me once again, I wonder if the rukawa shitenai have seen him smile.
"And stop punching walls as well..." he said as he walked away from me.
"Kitsune! Matte yo!" I screamed after him.
"Hayaku do'aho, we're going to be late for practice!"
By that time, my heart and my soul is entagled in that request from the man I truly love. That simple request became a promise that I need to fullfill... until the day I die. I didn't slash my wrist even if my body needs pain and I didn't punch the walls. I didn't do anything to hurt myself anymore. Kaede noticed that the wounds on my wrist are healing, he siled even more. I was pleased with myself that time but something is not right inside me. I can not tell it to Kaede becaue I can not understand it myself.
The practice game between Ryonan and Shohoku was intense and ended with us losing. I felt broken. Did I practice enough? Didn't I do everything I can?
"I lost..." I whispered to myself. I didn't know that someone was listening to what I just said.
"Yes, you lost, and you are just Kaede's... let just say... 'burden'" he said, giving the emphasis on the last word. I looked at the smiling face of the Ryonan player and smiled. I already know that I was a burden but Rukawa as well? I walked towards our locker room in silence. He's right you know, you're only a burden to the people around you, you are nothing, you should've died when you supposed to have died not to be alive to give people a burden. Now I know what was bothering me. The demons in my head and my depression are teaming up. I was outnumbered. A hand on my shoulder snapped me back to reality.
"Hana, let's go..." he said and I smiled.
The next day, I quitted basketball and didn't go to school anymore. I didn't want to see anything or anyone. I'm just a burden. I cried again in my sleep. The team went and knocked on my door but I didn't answer them. i didn't answer my calls. I retreated to myself, not eating, not doing anything. Just curled up, crying, sleeping if it comes and remembering everything that happened. For days, I stayed like this, not caring to the world , not caring for myself.
I woke up one ay wanting to eat again. I guess everyhing became alright after sulking around. I guess that's the next best thing I can do than slashing myself and breaking a promise.
Then I decided to get away from everything. Basketball, Rukawa, everything. I wanted to tell the team but they would just try to persuade me not to go. I didn't want to be persuaded to these things. I wanted to go. Then I remembered him. What would happen if I go? I guess I need to tell him though. I don't like to betray him just like that.
I went outside to find Kaede and tell him of my plans. I'm going to Europe and I'll be staying there for a while, I need peace... that went on in my head as I practice what I'm going to say to him. I turned to the corner of an alley and saw him with... Sendoh.
Everything came into place. Sendoh suceeded in taking his heart away from me. I smiled and turned around to walk the other way. I was happy for Kaede, at least he founded happiness.
"Hana!" I heard someone shout. I turned around and saw Kaede running towards him and Sendoh running behind him. I just watched. He approached me with uncertainty. Sendoh had his smirk on and placed his arm on Kaede's shoulders. Kaede shrugged it off and walked towards me once more. I smiled.
"It's not what you think.."
"Come on Kaede, you'll have to say one word you'll have me!" the smiley said. He looked at m with those eyes that said "he's mine now, you're nothing!"
"How do you know what I think Rukawa?" I asked and smile once again. "I wish for your happiness... don't worry about me, I'm fine..." with that statement, I turned around and walked away from them. Kaede didn't follow me after that. I walked around aimlessly for hours until I decided to return home and pack my things. I saw someone standing infront the door of my house. Oh no, not again. That Koshino guy is giving me headaches! But apparently, it's not Koshino, it was Kaede waiting for me.
"Hana..." he said.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. He smiled sadly and walke toward me. He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me. When the kiss ended, we were gasping for breath.
"Why did you do that?" I asked. my mind is slightly dazed with the experience of the kiss.
"Because I love you..." with those simple words, everything came back to me. I need to get away or my demons will eventually kill me. Everytime I see him, they react and it gives them enough power for me to do something drastic.
"I'm leaving, Kaede.." I said and walked pass him. I opened the door and close it tightly behind me. He knocked, calling my name but I didn't listen. It's better this way....