Disclaimer- If you haven't figured out I don't own em by now, we need to sit down and have a long talk. The Song is once more by the Goo Goo Dolls.
Author Notes- It continues from Amigone. Special thanks to Ari and MC for helping to calm me down the other day. I appreicated that you guys. Don't ask me where all this sudden writing is coming from, the inspiration hit so I wrote. Lets see if this can actually keep up or if I'm gonna go into another writing slump......I guess we'll see.
Sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
**************************************************
Jamie hadn't really said anything since he'd asked for Pizza, but he was no longer catatonic, that much was obvious in his eyes. Caitie hadn't budged from her spot on the bed, even when Peter had come in. The encounter between Jamie and Peter had actually been a little on the tense side, Caitie and the EMTs sensed the two brothers would be having a long talk about whatever happened to Jamie later. Jamie shifted on the bed beside her.
"I'm sorry." He muttered softly.
"Hey, Jamie, its okay. We're just glad your back now." Val said, hugging him gently. She couldn't help but notice how painfully thin he was becoming.
"She's right, you don't have to explain anything to us." Tyler agreed.
"But if you need to talk to someone, we'll listen." Hank jumped in. He couldn't help but think back to what Brooke told him. Jamie nodded, refusing to meet their eyes.
"Maybe we should go so you can talk to your brother..." Val began.
"Yeah, I think we should...I'll call you later." Caitie said as she rolled off the bed. Hank and Tyler both bid a weak goodbye as the teens shuffled out of the room. Jamie shut his eyes and held his breath, it would only be a matter of time before Peter would come in.
***************************************************
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
****************************************************
After talking with Peter, and not really getting anywhere, Jamie was left to his own devices. He had taken a shower and eaten a little, and now he stood in his room, looking around. The acoustic guitar his mother had given him for his thirteenth birthday lay in the corner, catching his attention. He glared at it, suddenly furious. Striding over to it in a fitful rage, he swooped it up by the neck and slammed it into the wall. It splintered and cracked, landing in pieces at his feet. Momentarily feeling better, he strode to the wall and ripped down a poster, shredding it into pieces. He grit his teeth and tried to fight back the tears. The feeling that he couldn't breath became overwhelming and he had to get out. He flung open his bedroom door, grateful for once that Peter wasn't home, and fled out into the cool night air.
****************************************************
Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was
****************************************************
Hank and Tyler were walking in the brisk air, laughing about a assignment in school, when Hank's smile melted away.
"Hank?" Hank pointed and Tyler followed his gaze and saw Jamie running full speed away from his house. From they're advantage point, it looked like he was heading right for the road.
"Shit." Hank swore before taking off in a full run after him. Tyler joining him moments later. Jamie was fast, maybe to fast, and both boys began to wonder if they would be able to catch him. Suddenly Tyler bolted forward and caught Jamie by the waist, both falling in a heap on the ground.
"Please go away." Jamie pleaded, his voice muffled by Tyler.
"Can't do that." Hank replied.
"Please, I won't do anything stupid. I promise."
"What's that mean?" Tyler asked worriedly, already kind of knowing what he meant.
"Please.." Jamie's voice cracked and Hank glanced at Tyler.
"Do you think you could let me talk to him alone?" Tyler's glance flickered up to Hank's and nodded in understanding.
"Sure. Holler if you need me." He released Jamie who, stayed crumpled on the ground, and headed back towards the sidewalk.
"I know about what you tried to do." Hank said. Jamie slow sat up so he was facing Hank. The tears in his eyes didn't go un-noticed by Hank.
"Yeah, so?"
"I just wanna know why."
"There is no why."
"There is always a why."
"There is not, and you know it." Jamie argued.
"Okay, there always isn't, but in this case there is one. I just wanna know why you wanted to kill yourself." Jamie looked up at Hank with tear filled eyes.
"Does it matter now? I didn't do it."
"You say you didn't like its a bad thing." Hank said, worry creeping into his voice. Jamie didn't reply. "That's not a bad thing Jamie, you know that right?" Jamie finally looked up at it and it was obvious by the look in his eyes, he did not.
****************************************************
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
****************************************************
Hank had gone to Alex, Alex had gone to Peter, and now all three were standing outside of Jamie's bedroom door. Hank, who wasn't suppose to be involved in what was about to happen, had insisted and neither man was able to convince him not to come, seemed pale. With one hard warning rap, Peter opened the door. Jamie was in the process of cleaning up his now destroyed possessions.
"What happened to your guitar?" Peter asked surprised at its condition.
"I broke it." Jamie replied flatly.
"We have to talk about something, and your not gonna like it." Alex said. Jamie watched the three warily.
"What do you want?"
"Jamie, I think it would be in your best interest if you spent some time at the Glory institution."
"I can't believe this! After everything you still want me to go!? I told you I wouldn't do anything stupid! I promised!"
"But you still think about it." Hank said. "Its obvious."
"And if I refuse to go?"
"You don't get a choice, it can go two ways. Either you go up there with me tomorrow in the car, or I'll have some people come down here and force you into their van." Jamie looked like a trapped animal.
"N-No! Please...I-"
"I'm sorry Jamie, but we all think it would be in your best interest." Alex spoke up.
"So its in my best interest to send me somewhere I don't want to go, its in my best interest to force me into something?" Jamie snapped.
"Try to understand Jamie." Peter pleaded.
"No, I won't try to understand!" Jamie cried. "Your sending me away for my 'benefit.' How is it beneficial?"
"They'll be able to monitor you there Jamie, make sure you don't try to hurt yourself." Hank spoke up softly.
"But I won't!" Jamie was losing his composure.
"Jamie I know this must feel-" Alex began.
"You have no idea!" Jamie shouted, "Get out, everyone get out!"
"Jamie, I'm sorry, but your leaving first thing in the morning." Peter said as he herded Hank and Alex out of the door. The door slammed behind them.
"Are you sure that was the right thing to do?" Hank asked. The sound of Jamie's muffled crying met there ears and Peter squeezed his eyes shut.
"God, I hope so, because if I can't help him, maybe they can."
****************************************************
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true
****************************************************
"What?!" Caitie exclaimed.
"They left this morning." Hank said quietly.
"Let me get this straight." Tyler began slowly. "Peter, Alex, and yourself, figured it would be best for Jamie, if he went to Glory for a while, because he has suicidal thoughts?"
"Its more than just that." Hank sighed. "That night, when he had to chase him down, He was saying he didn't kill himself, but he said it like he'd somehow failed everyone...I can't explain it, but we can't let him stay, he could end up really hurting himself."
"I had no idea things were that bad." Caitie murmured.
"None of us can really empathize what he's going through." Tyler said with a sigh. "We haven't lost parents."
"I almost lost my dad, but its not the same." Val said.
"Even if we did I don't think we could. Jamie's mom was the most important person in his life. He doesn't remember his dad, and from what Peter has told me, its better that he doesn't. His mom was always there for him, and now she's gone. We can't possibly know what that's like." Caitie said, drawing in a deep breath.
"I'd say all we can do now is show our support for him, but this time, that doesn't really seem like it'll be enough." Val said, and the others nodded silently.
****************************************************
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was
****************************************************
Jamie sat in the car staring out of window.
"I know you don't think so now, but one day, you'll realize I did this because I wanted to help you, because it's the best thing for you right now." Peter glanced at Jamie out of the corner of his eye.
"Keep dreaming." Jamie muttered.
"You can hate me all you want Jamie, I know this will be for the best."
"You mean it'll get me out of your hair so you don't have to worry about me anymore." Jamie snapped.
"Jamie, that's not true and you know it!"
"Do I? This seems like you just don't wanna talk to me, so your shipping me off!" Peter pulled into the long driveway and slowly proceeded up to the gate.
"One day you'll see, this is probably harder for me than it is for you." Jamie snorted.
"Yeah, I see your all broken up about it." The two proceeded on to the gate in silence.
****************************************************
Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
*****************************************************
Check in had been fairly quick and Jamie had settled into his new room. It was a pale yellow and looked far to cheery for his liking. Peter had gone, claiming he'd come back to visit in a day or two. The sharpest thing he was allowed to have in his possession was a ball point pen. when he asked how he'd be allowed to shave, he was informed someone would come to help him. Jamie had changed into the uniform they insisted be worn, and now sat on the bed holding the ball point bed in one hand and a thick pad of paper in the other. They trusted him with paper at least, they apparently didn't seem to think he'd paper cut himself to death. Jamie was pouting and he knew it. He didn't care. They had no right to treat him this way. His thoughts began tumbling through his mind, rushing around so fast that he began to feel sick. Peter had put him here. He had decided he wasn't fit to be alone, that he couldn't be trusted. Jamie flung the pad of paper and the pen on the floor in a violent motion and flopped down on the bed, covering his eyes with one arm.
"screw this, I don't need Peter, I can go home after this and he can leave for all I care. I can take care of myself." Jamie muttered as the events of the past couple of days caught up with him, he eventually drifted off to sleep.
*****************************************************
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah
*****************************************************
Jamie sat outside, an orderlies by the name of Mike stood a little ways away. Mike watched as the pen the young man held moved at rapid speed. Curiosity finally getting the better of him, he sat down next to the dark haired young man.
"Hi Jamie."
"Hello." Jamie muttered.
"You don't like it here do you?"
"No." Jamie replied flatly.
"Its not so bad here you know. You get a lot more freedom than you do at a lot of other places."
"I guess." Mike sighed, this kid obviously was going to be tough. He shifted a little.
"Can I see what your drawing?" Jamie seemed startled at the request and eyed Mike warily for a moment. Mike smiled gently to show he was only curious and Jamie handed the pad of paper over to him. "Wow...Jamie this is really good."
"Thanks." Jamie shrugged. Mike was dually impressed. In a mattered of a minutes the young man had done a remarkable sketch of one of the large weeping willows on the grounds.
"How long have you been working on this?"
"Ten minutes or so."
"That's it?"
"Yeah." Jamie shrugged again.
"Your art teacher must love you."
"Don't take art." Mike blinked in surprise.
"Your really good, where'd you learn?"
"Didn't learn, just can." Jamie while not voluntarily speaking was at least answering questions.
"Anyone else in your family draw?"
"My mom did." Mike cringed, probably not the thing to have said.
"Sorry kid." Jamie put out his hand and Mike put the sketch back into his hand. He watched concerned as Jamie tuned him out and went back to his sketches. He had a long way to go, and Mike sincerely hoped the young man would be okay.
*****************************************************
stranger than your sympathy
stranger than your sympathy
Okay, done with this part, lemme know if you guys want me to write more, cause if your losing intrest, I won't do this series anymore.
Author Notes- It continues from Amigone. Special thanks to Ari and MC for helping to calm me down the other day. I appreicated that you guys. Don't ask me where all this sudden writing is coming from, the inspiration hit so I wrote. Lets see if this can actually keep up or if I'm gonna go into another writing slump......I guess we'll see.
Sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
**************************************************
Jamie hadn't really said anything since he'd asked for Pizza, but he was no longer catatonic, that much was obvious in his eyes. Caitie hadn't budged from her spot on the bed, even when Peter had come in. The encounter between Jamie and Peter had actually been a little on the tense side, Caitie and the EMTs sensed the two brothers would be having a long talk about whatever happened to Jamie later. Jamie shifted on the bed beside her.
"I'm sorry." He muttered softly.
"Hey, Jamie, its okay. We're just glad your back now." Val said, hugging him gently. She couldn't help but notice how painfully thin he was becoming.
"She's right, you don't have to explain anything to us." Tyler agreed.
"But if you need to talk to someone, we'll listen." Hank jumped in. He couldn't help but think back to what Brooke told him. Jamie nodded, refusing to meet their eyes.
"Maybe we should go so you can talk to your brother..." Val began.
"Yeah, I think we should...I'll call you later." Caitie said as she rolled off the bed. Hank and Tyler both bid a weak goodbye as the teens shuffled out of the room. Jamie shut his eyes and held his breath, it would only be a matter of time before Peter would come in.
***************************************************
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
****************************************************
After talking with Peter, and not really getting anywhere, Jamie was left to his own devices. He had taken a shower and eaten a little, and now he stood in his room, looking around. The acoustic guitar his mother had given him for his thirteenth birthday lay in the corner, catching his attention. He glared at it, suddenly furious. Striding over to it in a fitful rage, he swooped it up by the neck and slammed it into the wall. It splintered and cracked, landing in pieces at his feet. Momentarily feeling better, he strode to the wall and ripped down a poster, shredding it into pieces. He grit his teeth and tried to fight back the tears. The feeling that he couldn't breath became overwhelming and he had to get out. He flung open his bedroom door, grateful for once that Peter wasn't home, and fled out into the cool night air.
****************************************************
Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Where the hell did I think I was
****************************************************
Hank and Tyler were walking in the brisk air, laughing about a assignment in school, when Hank's smile melted away.
"Hank?" Hank pointed and Tyler followed his gaze and saw Jamie running full speed away from his house. From they're advantage point, it looked like he was heading right for the road.
"Shit." Hank swore before taking off in a full run after him. Tyler joining him moments later. Jamie was fast, maybe to fast, and both boys began to wonder if they would be able to catch him. Suddenly Tyler bolted forward and caught Jamie by the waist, both falling in a heap on the ground.
"Please go away." Jamie pleaded, his voice muffled by Tyler.
"Can't do that." Hank replied.
"Please, I won't do anything stupid. I promise."
"What's that mean?" Tyler asked worriedly, already kind of knowing what he meant.
"Please.." Jamie's voice cracked and Hank glanced at Tyler.
"Do you think you could let me talk to him alone?" Tyler's glance flickered up to Hank's and nodded in understanding.
"Sure. Holler if you need me." He released Jamie who, stayed crumpled on the ground, and headed back towards the sidewalk.
"I know about what you tried to do." Hank said. Jamie slow sat up so he was facing Hank. The tears in his eyes didn't go un-noticed by Hank.
"Yeah, so?"
"I just wanna know why."
"There is no why."
"There is always a why."
"There is not, and you know it." Jamie argued.
"Okay, there always isn't, but in this case there is one. I just wanna know why you wanted to kill yourself." Jamie looked up at Hank with tear filled eyes.
"Does it matter now? I didn't do it."
"You say you didn't like its a bad thing." Hank said, worry creeping into his voice. Jamie didn't reply. "That's not a bad thing Jamie, you know that right?" Jamie finally looked up at it and it was obvious by the look in his eyes, he did not.
****************************************************
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
****************************************************
Hank had gone to Alex, Alex had gone to Peter, and now all three were standing outside of Jamie's bedroom door. Hank, who wasn't suppose to be involved in what was about to happen, had insisted and neither man was able to convince him not to come, seemed pale. With one hard warning rap, Peter opened the door. Jamie was in the process of cleaning up his now destroyed possessions.
"What happened to your guitar?" Peter asked surprised at its condition.
"I broke it." Jamie replied flatly.
"We have to talk about something, and your not gonna like it." Alex said. Jamie watched the three warily.
"What do you want?"
"Jamie, I think it would be in your best interest if you spent some time at the Glory institution."
"I can't believe this! After everything you still want me to go!? I told you I wouldn't do anything stupid! I promised!"
"But you still think about it." Hank said. "Its obvious."
"And if I refuse to go?"
"You don't get a choice, it can go two ways. Either you go up there with me tomorrow in the car, or I'll have some people come down here and force you into their van." Jamie looked like a trapped animal.
"N-No! Please...I-"
"I'm sorry Jamie, but we all think it would be in your best interest." Alex spoke up.
"So its in my best interest to send me somewhere I don't want to go, its in my best interest to force me into something?" Jamie snapped.
"Try to understand Jamie." Peter pleaded.
"No, I won't try to understand!" Jamie cried. "Your sending me away for my 'benefit.' How is it beneficial?"
"They'll be able to monitor you there Jamie, make sure you don't try to hurt yourself." Hank spoke up softly.
"But I won't!" Jamie was losing his composure.
"Jamie I know this must feel-" Alex began.
"You have no idea!" Jamie shouted, "Get out, everyone get out!"
"Jamie, I'm sorry, but your leaving first thing in the morning." Peter said as he herded Hank and Alex out of the door. The door slammed behind them.
"Are you sure that was the right thing to do?" Hank asked. The sound of Jamie's muffled crying met there ears and Peter squeezed his eyes shut.
"God, I hope so, because if I can't help him, maybe they can."
****************************************************
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true
****************************************************
"What?!" Caitie exclaimed.
"They left this morning." Hank said quietly.
"Let me get this straight." Tyler began slowly. "Peter, Alex, and yourself, figured it would be best for Jamie, if he went to Glory for a while, because he has suicidal thoughts?"
"Its more than just that." Hank sighed. "That night, when he had to chase him down, He was saying he didn't kill himself, but he said it like he'd somehow failed everyone...I can't explain it, but we can't let him stay, he could end up really hurting himself."
"I had no idea things were that bad." Caitie murmured.
"None of us can really empathize what he's going through." Tyler said with a sigh. "We haven't lost parents."
"I almost lost my dad, but its not the same." Val said.
"Even if we did I don't think we could. Jamie's mom was the most important person in his life. He doesn't remember his dad, and from what Peter has told me, its better that he doesn't. His mom was always there for him, and now she's gone. We can't possibly know what that's like." Caitie said, drawing in a deep breath.
"I'd say all we can do now is show our support for him, but this time, that doesn't really seem like it'll be enough." Val said, and the others nodded silently.
****************************************************
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was
****************************************************
Jamie sat in the car staring out of window.
"I know you don't think so now, but one day, you'll realize I did this because I wanted to help you, because it's the best thing for you right now." Peter glanced at Jamie out of the corner of his eye.
"Keep dreaming." Jamie muttered.
"You can hate me all you want Jamie, I know this will be for the best."
"You mean it'll get me out of your hair so you don't have to worry about me anymore." Jamie snapped.
"Jamie, that's not true and you know it!"
"Do I? This seems like you just don't wanna talk to me, so your shipping me off!" Peter pulled into the long driveway and slowly proceeded up to the gate.
"One day you'll see, this is probably harder for me than it is for you." Jamie snorted.
"Yeah, I see your all broken up about it." The two proceeded on to the gate in silence.
****************************************************
Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
*****************************************************
Check in had been fairly quick and Jamie had settled into his new room. It was a pale yellow and looked far to cheery for his liking. Peter had gone, claiming he'd come back to visit in a day or two. The sharpest thing he was allowed to have in his possession was a ball point pen. when he asked how he'd be allowed to shave, he was informed someone would come to help him. Jamie had changed into the uniform they insisted be worn, and now sat on the bed holding the ball point bed in one hand and a thick pad of paper in the other. They trusted him with paper at least, they apparently didn't seem to think he'd paper cut himself to death. Jamie was pouting and he knew it. He didn't care. They had no right to treat him this way. His thoughts began tumbling through his mind, rushing around so fast that he began to feel sick. Peter had put him here. He had decided he wasn't fit to be alone, that he couldn't be trusted. Jamie flung the pad of paper and the pen on the floor in a violent motion and flopped down on the bed, covering his eyes with one arm.
"screw this, I don't need Peter, I can go home after this and he can leave for all I care. I can take care of myself." Jamie muttered as the events of the past couple of days caught up with him, he eventually drifted off to sleep.
*****************************************************
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah
*****************************************************
Jamie sat outside, an orderlies by the name of Mike stood a little ways away. Mike watched as the pen the young man held moved at rapid speed. Curiosity finally getting the better of him, he sat down next to the dark haired young man.
"Hi Jamie."
"Hello." Jamie muttered.
"You don't like it here do you?"
"No." Jamie replied flatly.
"Its not so bad here you know. You get a lot more freedom than you do at a lot of other places."
"I guess." Mike sighed, this kid obviously was going to be tough. He shifted a little.
"Can I see what your drawing?" Jamie seemed startled at the request and eyed Mike warily for a moment. Mike smiled gently to show he was only curious and Jamie handed the pad of paper over to him. "Wow...Jamie this is really good."
"Thanks." Jamie shrugged. Mike was dually impressed. In a mattered of a minutes the young man had done a remarkable sketch of one of the large weeping willows on the grounds.
"How long have you been working on this?"
"Ten minutes or so."
"That's it?"
"Yeah." Jamie shrugged again.
"Your art teacher must love you."
"Don't take art." Mike blinked in surprise.
"Your really good, where'd you learn?"
"Didn't learn, just can." Jamie while not voluntarily speaking was at least answering questions.
"Anyone else in your family draw?"
"My mom did." Mike cringed, probably not the thing to have said.
"Sorry kid." Jamie put out his hand and Mike put the sketch back into his hand. He watched concerned as Jamie tuned him out and went back to his sketches. He had a long way to go, and Mike sincerely hoped the young man would be okay.
*****************************************************
stranger than your sympathy
stranger than your sympathy
Okay, done with this part, lemme know if you guys want me to write more, cause if your losing intrest, I won't do this series anymore.