Torn
By: Manigault
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Crime Lab
7:00 am
The evening was consumed with processing evidence from the multiple victims, leaving no time for Sara to broach the topic of the Monroe case with Grissom. In fact, it was pushed to the back of her mind as she concentrated on identifying a latent print on a possible murder weapon, only seeing Grissom as she shared the information with him and Catherine. The case was relatively open and shut, which allowed the night shift to shut the file by shift change. Such swift resolution was unusual, but convenient, as Sara was anxious to continue her unfinished conversation with Grissom. She found him in the break room speaking with Brass who did not appear happy with what he was being told. Grissom pinched the bridge of his nose and turned to Sara who appeared by his side, her expression hopeful.
"I don't like this, Gil." Brass was saying, his face pensive. "I got an earful from Ecklie when I came in today, and now this?"
"I thought Ecklie wasn't going to spread rumors." Sara felt ill. If Ecklie started talking, it would only be a matter of hours before she and Grissom would be held under suspicion by everyone.
Sara's dismal tone gave Brass pause, but he attempted to reassure them both. "If you take Ecklies' reputation into account nobody will believe him, not to mention the fact that several officers witnessed his humiliation when the witness claimed to not recognize either one of you." He did not ask them to deny or explain the situation to him, only repeated what he had told Grissom about not appreciating having to relay the additional information to Gibbes. "What excuse am I supposed to give them as to having an alias for Bryan Thompson?"
"You could tell them the brother, Marc, called you and gave you the information." Sara suggested. It was plausible, she told herself, averting her gaze from Grissoms.
"I'll think of something." Brass muttered. He walked towards the door, turned half way around, and motioned in an off hand way. "You want to walk out with me, Gil?"
Grissom frowned; he wasn't about to start avoiding being seen alone with Sara in the lab because of a possible risk of exposure. Aware of the strain etching Sara's face, he waved Brass on, waiting for him to leave before speaking.
"I think that we should put this behind us and continue on in our normal fashion."
This had this desired affect on Sara, who broke into a wide smile. "Normal?" She teased. "Since when have either of us ever been normal, Gris?"
Blue eyes twinkled back at her smiling face. "Why don't you meet me at my place and we will find out how normal we can be." The teasing air did not go unnoticed by Sara.
With a laugh, Sara flirted back. "You can do better than that, Gris."
Grissom made no response, but simply pointed to the door.
Grissoms Town home
12:30 pm
Sara could not sleep. She rolled over to face Grissom, only to be confronted with his back. Scooting towards him, she peered over his shoulder to see the alarm clock-12:30 p.m. glared back at her in an angry red blur.
"It's twenty minutes since you last checked, Sara." Grissom murmured into his pillow. "I would be glad to change places with you so that you can stare at the fascinating numbers."
Sara leaned over and kissed his ear. "I'm sorry, Gil. Maybe I should go to my place so that you can get some sleep."
Rolling onto his back, Grissom studied Sara through partially closed lids. She stared back, propping herself on her right elbow while running her left hand over his chest.
"What is it, Sara?" He remembered her declaration in his Tahoe that they would continue their conversation and now he wondered if she was ready to talk.
She did not look into his eyes, but kept running her index finger down the length of his torso, and on to his navel where she made slow circles. How did she broach the subject? She could see his chest moving softly as he breathed in and out, patiently waiting. She leaned over and kissed the spot where she had made the circle. Then she said with a nervousness that surprised him.
"If that witness had identified us as being at the casino, where would that have led us?"
"Jail." Grissom regretted the lame attempt to make light of the situation almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He quickly tried to amend the words as her hurt eyes stared back at him. "I don't know, Sara, if you want to hear the truth."
She shifted her weight, until she was back at eye level with him, her mind spinning. "So, if we faced a tampering with evidence charge, our relationship would be over."
"I didn't say that." Grissom brushed a lock of hair from her eyes. "I'm saying that our careers would have been on the line, not our relationship." He kept his hand on the side of her face. "It didn't happen so there is nothing to talk about."
"If people suspect that we are sleeping together will it change your opinion of working with me?"
"No." Grissom tried to reassure her, but he could sense there was more to her discomfort. "What is the real issue here, Sara, what is bothering you?"
Sara turned onto her back, stared at the ceiling, and asked herself the same question. What was bothering her? The fact that she was deeply involved with her supervisor and he had yet to make any attempt to bring the relationship out into the open with his closest friends? The fact that he had never whispered the words I love you to her even when they were making love. What if she did find herself pregnant, what would happen to their relationship? He told her he would stand by her, and she did not doubt that, but would they drift apart? She berated herself for not pressing the issue with him, but then what good was speculation? She turned to face him again, "I keep hearing a baby cry." She stated flatly, answering the unspoken question in his eyes with a partial truth of her own.
Grissom could think of a number of things that she could have admitted to him; a baby crying was not anywhere close.
"Sara."
"Don't." Sara placed her fingers on his lips, her expression asking him to listen. "I know that it is Valerie. I just don't know how to tune it out."
Grissom took a deep breath, reached for the fingers that still rested against his lips, gave them a light kiss. "I hear them sometimes."
Stunned, Sara gaped at him before leaning closer to his face while her eyes searched his troubled eyes. "Tell me how you keep them out of your dreams."
She felt his heart, slow and steady, his pulse meeting her own.
"I comfort them."
Raising quizzical eyes, Sara shook her head slightly.
"I assure them that they will be okay." Grissom added as he tried to clarify the obtuse statement.
"That isn't..." Sara protested. "That isn't possible. It doesn't help them."
"It helps me proceed with my life, Sara." He ran his finger along her forehead. "Otherwise the cries consume you until you hear nothing else."
This was not the conversation she had planned on having with Grissom, but it was healing in a way that only Grissom could provide. Pressing her cheek against his chest she let the steady rhythm of his heart soothe her; felt his strong arms wrap around her, holding her close.
She was determined to drift back into that sleepless nightmare where she could comfort Valerie Monroe and then hope desperately that it would tune out the terrible cries, when the peal of the doorbell resounded along the hallway to the bedroom. Groans escaped from each of them as Grissom slid from the bed, pulled on his khaki slacks, and reached for a white undershirt.
"I'll be right back." He said to her over his shoulder. The doorbell echoed again and he could not help but wonder who was leaning on it. An image of Catherine changed to one of Gibbes before he reached the door and peered through the peep hole. With much hesitation he pulled open the door.
tbc