DISCLAIMER: Don't. Own. Gundam. Wing.  Period.

Part one (or possibly the only part) in a new series we're working on…

WARNING: Shounen ai, Yaoi, 1+2, 3+4.  Um…lots of butter ^_^ Relena bashing, not friendly to Dorothy either.

Wufei's obsession

"Psssst…" Wufei whispered; shaking the sleeping braided boy.

"Mmmm," Duo mumbled and curled up into a ball and started sucking his thumb.

"PSSSST!" Wufei shook Duo harder, getting anxious.

"Mmm! Not now Heero, sleep now, sex later…" his voice trailed off as he waved his hand in Wufei's direction.  Wufei's eye started to twitch as he got disturbing mental images.

"MAXWELL!  I don't wish to know what you and Yuy get up too!"

Duo sat up fast and looked at Wufei.

"You aren't…what did you hear?" he asked, falling off the couch.

 Wufei smirked, before remembering why he was waking up the baka in the first place.

"Maxwell, I-I-I wants…"

"Yeah, Wu-man?" Duo smiled angelically.

"MAXWELL!  It's Wu-FEI!" the black-haired youth growled, "and I want to know where the *mumble* is."

"Where the what what?"

"The *incoherent mumbling*?"  Wufei looked at him expectantly.

"It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word your saying Wu-chan."

Wufei fumed, "I WANT TO KNOW WHERE THE DAMNED BUTTER IS!"

"Butter?"

"I'm making toast."

Duo sniffed the air with his extra "sensitive" nose, "I don't smell toast, and I don't know where the butter is, try the fridge."

"Um- I'm making bread, not toast."

Duo sniffed the air again, "I don't spell bread either."

"Wha-WHAT?!  MAXWELL, you cannot smell bread."

Duo pouted, "When it comes to food, I can smell anything.  Ohh, next door made a strawberry shortcake earlier." He sniffed the air again, "And…on…Mars…Zechs is eating…chocolate…with Noin."

"Maxwell, don't be ridiculous!"

"Fine," Duo crawled back onto the couch and curled up, his back to Wufei.

"Psst, Maxwell, MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX-WELL!"

"What?" Duo mumbled, trying to ignore the solitary dragon.  How he wished Wufei would be solitary now.

"I don't know where the fridge is," Wufei poked Duo in the back, making him squirm.

"WU-FEI, do you have no consideration for those who are TRYING to sleep," Duo screeched, looking very pissed off.

"I don't know where the fridge is."

"Try the kitchen," Duo groaned.

"It's not in there, and I need butter for my sore throat."

"Of course the fridge is in the- WHY DO YOU NEED BUTTER FOR A SORE THROAT??!"

"Shhh!" Wufei hissed, "You'll wake Winner and Barton!"

"And?"

Wufei blushed, thankful for the living rooms darkness, "I don't want them to know I have a sore throat?"

"Oh, goodie, go find the fridge then, Wu-man," Duo turned to go back to sleep.

"I DON'T KNOW WHERE IT IS!"

Duo blinked. "Wufei, you said you had a sore throat…"

"I DO, DAMMIT, NOW TELL ME WHERE THE DAMN FRIDGE IS!!"

"I don't know" Duo looked thoughtful, "Oh, yeah, it's under the couch."

"UNDER THE-?"

"Yup."

"WHY," he paused, "the hell is it under the couch?"

"Midnight snacks! It's too far for me to walk."

"Midnight----Maxwell, you baka," Wufei looked under the couch for the fridge, finally finding it, he opened it.  The only thing left in there was…the butter.  "Maxwell, there's nothing here."

"Now do you see why it's too far to walk?"

Wufei groaned in exasperation and took the butter out of the fridge.

*SNORE* Duo lay face up, sprawled out on the couch, sucking on a thumb.

"Nnn, Heero, look at me!"  He smiled and continued to dream.

Wufei's eye twitched again and he scurried out of the living room, the tub of butter clutched to his chest.

***

'DUO!' Quatre screamed.

'Wha-? Nyurgh!'

Quatre was hovering behind the couch and had been yelling at the slumbering braided boy for the past hour.  He sighed, "What have you done to the fridge?"

Duo groaned and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, "Under the couch," Duo mumbled, before going back to sleep.

"Tsk…Duo how many times have I told you not to put it there?" He asked, now realising the couch was stacked on top of the refrigerator and he had to stand on a chair to look over the back of it.  He rolled his eyes and went to get Trowa for help.

Three hours later:

*SNORE* Duo sucked on his thumb and was still dreaming of all the fun things he and Heero would do, when his koi got back from his mission.

"Tro-WA, you gotta help me get the fridge back in the kitchen now."

Quatre's girlish squeal was heard throughout the house.

"Whadda-?" Duo's eyes opened and he blinked dumbly.

"TROOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WA!"

Duo smirked and rolled off the couch… forgetting it was raised about three feet off the floor.

"Ow."

He rubbed his butt and got up.

"TROWA!"

Wufei scampered downstairs at Quatre's second girlish squeal, eye twitching and nose starting to bleed.

"Hey, Wu-chan, like your toast or bread?  Is your throat better?"

Wufei glared and stalked out to the back garden to play in his 'special' shed.

"Wha-?  Why is it everyone glares at me…I don't do anything!"

Wufei popped back, "Cuz you're a baka!"

And then he was gone again.

***

"Hehe, mmm, nummy, I'll have to get a new tub now! Ohhh all melted and…drool."

A clatter of plastic was heard as an Utterly Butterly tub landed on a huge pile of other Utterly Butterly tubs.

The dark figure grinned and looked at his almost finished creation, eyes gleaming.

Wufei passed out in happiness.

***

Quatre was shambling around in the empty fridge.  "Duo, I know you love to eat, but really, must you consume a whole tub of butter in one night!  I only went grocery shopping yesterday…we're going to be starved soon at the rate you eat…I mean, honestly, a whole tub of-"

"HEY, Q-man, why do I ALWAYS get the blame?"

"Well er-"

"Leave Quatre alone Duo," Trowa monotoned, and wrapped his arms around Quatre's waist from behind.

In despair, Duo left the kitchen.

And bumped into someone, falling on his butt for the second time that day.

He heard someone mutter "baka" before he was hoisted to his feet by his braid, and slung over someone's shoulder.

"Welcome home Heero," he sighed happily.  He was going to be busy today.

***

"Oh, stay still Dorothy."

The fork browed girl sighed and almost toppled over.

"Yes, miss, I never realised you were so heavy miss."

"Oh, Heero, you get your tongue out of that place, it's evil. Oh, good Hee-chan…no, no, no, DON'T DO THAT!"

Dorothy's left eyebrow twitched and she giggled. She really wanted to see what was going on.

"Heeeeeerooooo!  Oh, dammit, he's...ewwwwwwwww!"  Relena fell off her perch (Dorothy's shoulders) and landed with a crack on her head.

"Oh, Heero, what a ride."

Dorothy fell over laughing.  "Miss Relena…"

"Oh, shut up, Dorothy, I'm going to go round the back and surprise my Hee-chan."

Dorothy blinked, still sniggering, as Relena rounded the safe houses' corner and disappeared.

Finding a conveniently placed chair, she dragged it over to the window and peeped in.

Again, her eyebrows did a funny little twitch and she gaped.

"Why…Mr. Yuy, Mr. Maxwell, I never knew…"

***

Wufei peeped his head out of his 'special' shed's door, wondering if it was safe to go and get more butter from the fridge.

He sweatdropped when he saw Relena and hid, watching her just walk into the house…his house.

"Onna, get out, no onna's allowed."

He ran after her.  Leaving his precious creation behind.

Dorothy stumbled after him, dragging the conveniently there chair, wondering if Quatre ever did the stuff Heero and Duo had been doing.

All peace was shattered when:

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

A loud shot was heard and a Relena-ish squeal after it.  "Heero!  Hee-chan!" Another gunshot.

Dorothy and Wufei poked their heads into the living room.

Heero was in his boxers, his very nice PINK boxers, chasing the ex-Queen of the world, turned Vice Foreign Minister slash stalker of the Perfect Soldier, around the couch, weapon in hand, yelling "O mae o korusu" left, right and centre.

Relena was giggling happily and Duo was laughing too.  Well, except for when Relena said, "Oh, I knew you loved me Heeeeeeeeeeeeeroooooo".

"Kill the bitch!"

Heero chased Relena unto the kitchen and shot at her again.

"AIE!  HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Everyone followed, Duo cheering Heero on and Dorothy trying to save the Minister.

"What's going on?" Quatre asked.

"Quatre!"

"Aie!"

Dorothy chased after the scantily clad blonde boy.

"…" Trowa glared.

A sheep ran into the kitchen, but no one noticed because of the Heero/Relena and Dorothy/Quatre situations.

The next gunshot sent everyone outside, as the kitchen's ceiling started to collapse.  Heero calmed down enough to get a good aim at object of his anger.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  Heero, you shot me!  YOU SHOT ME!"

"Relena-san!"

Relena staggered back into the shed, and Wufei watched in horror, as his special place collapsed under the weight of the Vice Foreign Minister.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOO!  My secret shame!"

 A large tub stood among the ruins of the shed, filled with a yellowy type substance.

"Wu…fei?" Quatre looked worriedly at the Chinese boy and then the tub of…stuff?

"Errr…sorry Duo I guess you didn't eat all the butter. Duo!! Stop eating my COOKIES!" Quatre snarled as he looked at the nearly empty tub of cookies that should be stacked away in the cupboard.

Wufei fell to his knees as he stuck his head in his lap and started to sob.

"My baby. My poor, poor baby!" The sheep slowly made its way over to Wufei and patted him on the shoulder before it started to munch at his hair.

"MISS RELENA!" Dorothy ran over to Relena as fast as she could before tripping over Wufei, and flying through the air.  She landed face first in the tub of…stuff? slowly sinking into…it.

"…MY BUTTER!!"

Everyone turned to Wufei as he stared longingly.

"*Blob…blob*." Dorothy drowned.

Creaks could be heard coming from the…it. Suddenly it collapsed leaving a drowned Dorothy upside-down, and the yellow stuff?  spilling over the grass.

"MY BUTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!" Wufei moaned.

"Butter?" Duo said, remembering why Wufei had been poking him in the back last night.

"BUTTER?!"  Quatre spluttered, "so that's where it's been going…"

Relena sobbed a clutched her wounded arm, butter seeping into her clothes.

Heero laughed like a maniac and went back inside, pulling Duo with him.  Duo sobbed as he dropped his cookies, but smiled when he realised where he was going.

The sheep paused from eating the now half bald Wufei, it looked at the butter-covered grass, Wufei, the butter covered grass, Wufei. It got off its feet and went over to the grass and sampled a bit. It looked at the butter-covered grass, Wufei, the butter covered grass, Wufei, it walked back over to Wufei, knelt down, and started to eat at the matted mess (Wufei's hair), again. Dorothy regained consciousness slowly and muttered to herself.

"Err…Relena…shot…save…fall…go boom, boom…!"

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWYYYYYYYYYYY! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YYYYYYYUUUUUUY!" Relena bellowed.

Heero gulped as he rushed into the bedroom as he dragged the ecstatic braided boy behind him.

Dorothy staggered over to Relena but missed and tripped over Wufei again and fell into the wool of the sheep, never to come out again.

The sheep looked round /I'm sure I felt something! / The sheep shrugged.

Quatre and Trowa shrugged and went back inside to resume their previous activities.

Wufei just sat there and sobbed.

Relena died of blood loss.

Two weeks later:

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!*

"WUFEI! STOP IT!"

"YEAH, WU-WU, SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO *ahem* SLEEP!"

"Sleep my ass!  And it's not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"WUFEI!"  Three people screamed at the Chinese boy.

"…" Trowa groaned.

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"WUFEI!"

Four half naked boys slammed out of their respective bedrooms and stormed down the hall to Wufei's' room.

"What the fuck are you doing in there, Chang?!"

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"Is Sally in there with you?"

"Pervert." Wufei muttered, "shh."

"Wufei-" Quatre started, but was cut off by a long, loud 'meh'.

"That's it," Heero monotoned and broke down the door.

Wufei sat on the floor, a Shenlong model next to him.

And the mysterious sheep that had become his new obsession.

*Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

"Man, some weird stuff goes on in this house."

****

Well, what do you think?  Review, or flame.  Yes, I know it was stupid and pointless, but it was funny/weird rite?!

Okie, review, review, review!