--part 11--
1 Learning to let go…
It was a horrid view. Shutting eyes won't help. The vision of it was already captured by the mind, and it'll keep on popping out again and again, ceaseless. No matter how hard he tried to shook his thoughts off, it'll still come back, it'll never let him escape. Wires, cables are everywhere, it's all over him. Afraid to take a step forward, Rukawa stood there, freezing. No! I musn't run away…! I've made up my mind!
He battled his mind and closen up the distance between the two. "Akira… You… This can't be true…" Repeatedly he rubbed his eyelids, and ordered himself to wake up. He thought this was a nightmare, an awful nightmare, but it's not. It's the reality. He then quit his foolish action and opened his eyes. Akira… How does it feel? Is it painful?
It must've been, it must've hurt. Sendoh Akira's suffering of pain from every inch of his body, his skin, his tendons. How can he hold back such pain that's so overwhelming. Akira… You don't have to stay this way, not at all…
Rukawa swallowed down his saliva and opened his mouth to talk. It moved but no sounds come out, only harsh air was heard. His lips began trembling, but he must speak, no matter what. So then he closed his eyes and began to spit out his words. "Akira… I don't know if you're listening to me or not… But I wanted to say all this things from the depth of my heart."
There was no response from him, he didn't even move a single bit. Rukawa hesitated to continue, but he knew he got to. So then he grabbed a wooden chair from the edge of the ward and placed it beside the bed. He sat on it and held Sendoh's hand in his, softly. "Akira… I'm sorry… All of this times I've locked myself in the sadness of my heart, I hid myself from the world. I didn't know you were still in alive, Akira… I'm sorry…" His grip on Sendoh's cold hand tighten.
"I've left you here alone, cold and lonely… I should've come to you, for you have been there for me when I was feeling cold and lonely… I'm sorry…" He bowed his head down. It felt so dumb, as if he was talking to a huge pile of rock in his garden, but he insisted to continue anyway. "Akira… I'm here to tell you all of the things that I couldn't say back then…" Rukawa smiled lightly. Something made him felt eased. He felt like Sendoh was paying attention to him. The atmosphere of the ward changed. Now it has become warm and pleasant.
"Akira… Since you came into my life, I felt like I was reborn. You make me feel brand new, I was so glad. I felt like I've finally found the person whom I could pour my feelings to…" He paused to take a deep breath before he continued. "I… Even though our relationship didn't last long enough, I feel like you've got a special place in my heart. You're always with me, like what you've promised, Akira…"
"You're here, still holding on, because you cared enough for your responsibility to take care of the promise you've given me, right, Akira? That was kind of you, for I know that it's not easy, and it takes a lot of pain… Thank you, Akira…" Rukawa stood up and knelt beside him, leaning his head against the sheets of the ward's bed, with Sendoh's hand in his. "And did you know? All of these times I've spent in grief crying for you, I always thought I was the one who's suffering the most. But now I know, I've realized how selfish I was. Now when I'm here in your presence, I now know, you're the one who's taking all the pain to bear, just because of me… because of me. How foolish I was…"
"Now I must confess, I need you, so much, so bad… Tell you the truth my world collapsed at that moment that occurred during the match. I feel like my future's hollow… I'm lost again without you. Now I know, I've finally realized, you've never leave me. You're there by my side…"
"And… I guessed… I loved you…"
"Akira… I don't want you to leave me… But I don't want you to suffer anymore because of me… Therefore, Akira… If it's better for you to go, just go… Even though it'll be hard for me, but I wont give up. I'll keep on trying hard and keep on struggling through my journeys of life."
Out of his control, Rukawa shed tears. It streamed down through his cheek, down to his chin, and stained the sheets. Crying making him hard to speak, but he forced to. "Once again, Akira… Thank you for all the things you've done to me. You make a great impact to my life. You're my best friend, you'll always be… I'm sorry for the days I've abandoned you and left you laying here wrapped in sheets of coldness and emptiness… Akira… Now go, to where you'll find eternal happiness, without pain and more sorrow."
Rukawa stood up, "I love you, Akira…" He bent down and kissed his forehead. The moment seemed so bliss and tender, just like a moment that will last forever in the frames of the heart. The shohoku ace looked down to him.
Tears welled up on the corner of Sendoh's closed eyes, and a single drop rolled down on his face. Just after that, the lines of peaks in the heartbeat indicator fades, and finally turned to a line. The alarm rang, outside the ward, nurses and doctors thrown into panic. They rushed around, trying to get to Sendoh's ward.
"Akira?" Carefully Rukawa reached out his palms and touched the trace of the tears on Sendoh's face, softly, as if it was fragile like a thin wall of crystal. The door slammed open, a few nurses, doctors and other hospital crews ran in, gathering around Sendoh's bed. Rukawa walked out, with his teary eyes and wet face. Haruko, who had been standing outside in patience, gasped and covered her mouth with her tiny, gentle hands.
"Rukawa-kun!" Rukawa threw himself to her and held her tight, crying hard, tears on her soft and sweet-scented dark hair. Haruko hugged him back, she was confused of the current situation, but she swallowed her questions, in order not to bother Rukawa who is now feeling broken.
"I've done it… I've learned to let him go… Haruko-san…" He whispered to her ear.
a.n :: waiii.. it's so messy! I guess I wasn't focusing too much on writing this chapter :(… Anyway… This chapter was inspired by my substitute teacher! I took a few parts and words from her story of when her best friend was about to die. :) anyways… it's not over yet, minna~! It's still going on!! Next chapter's coming up…
1 Learning to let go…
It was a horrid view. Shutting eyes won't help. The vision of it was already captured by the mind, and it'll keep on popping out again and again, ceaseless. No matter how hard he tried to shook his thoughts off, it'll still come back, it'll never let him escape. Wires, cables are everywhere, it's all over him. Afraid to take a step forward, Rukawa stood there, freezing. No! I musn't run away…! I've made up my mind!
He battled his mind and closen up the distance between the two. "Akira… You… This can't be true…" Repeatedly he rubbed his eyelids, and ordered himself to wake up. He thought this was a nightmare, an awful nightmare, but it's not. It's the reality. He then quit his foolish action and opened his eyes. Akira… How does it feel? Is it painful?
It must've been, it must've hurt. Sendoh Akira's suffering of pain from every inch of his body, his skin, his tendons. How can he hold back such pain that's so overwhelming. Akira… You don't have to stay this way, not at all…
Rukawa swallowed down his saliva and opened his mouth to talk. It moved but no sounds come out, only harsh air was heard. His lips began trembling, but he must speak, no matter what. So then he closed his eyes and began to spit out his words. "Akira… I don't know if you're listening to me or not… But I wanted to say all this things from the depth of my heart."
There was no response from him, he didn't even move a single bit. Rukawa hesitated to continue, but he knew he got to. So then he grabbed a wooden chair from the edge of the ward and placed it beside the bed. He sat on it and held Sendoh's hand in his, softly. "Akira… I'm sorry… All of this times I've locked myself in the sadness of my heart, I hid myself from the world. I didn't know you were still in alive, Akira… I'm sorry…" His grip on Sendoh's cold hand tighten.
"I've left you here alone, cold and lonely… I should've come to you, for you have been there for me when I was feeling cold and lonely… I'm sorry…" He bowed his head down. It felt so dumb, as if he was talking to a huge pile of rock in his garden, but he insisted to continue anyway. "Akira… I'm here to tell you all of the things that I couldn't say back then…" Rukawa smiled lightly. Something made him felt eased. He felt like Sendoh was paying attention to him. The atmosphere of the ward changed. Now it has become warm and pleasant.
"Akira… Since you came into my life, I felt like I was reborn. You make me feel brand new, I was so glad. I felt like I've finally found the person whom I could pour my feelings to…" He paused to take a deep breath before he continued. "I… Even though our relationship didn't last long enough, I feel like you've got a special place in my heart. You're always with me, like what you've promised, Akira…"
"You're here, still holding on, because you cared enough for your responsibility to take care of the promise you've given me, right, Akira? That was kind of you, for I know that it's not easy, and it takes a lot of pain… Thank you, Akira…" Rukawa stood up and knelt beside him, leaning his head against the sheets of the ward's bed, with Sendoh's hand in his. "And did you know? All of these times I've spent in grief crying for you, I always thought I was the one who's suffering the most. But now I know, I've realized how selfish I was. Now when I'm here in your presence, I now know, you're the one who's taking all the pain to bear, just because of me… because of me. How foolish I was…"
"Now I must confess, I need you, so much, so bad… Tell you the truth my world collapsed at that moment that occurred during the match. I feel like my future's hollow… I'm lost again without you. Now I know, I've finally realized, you've never leave me. You're there by my side…"
"And… I guessed… I loved you…"
"Akira… I don't want you to leave me… But I don't want you to suffer anymore because of me… Therefore, Akira… If it's better for you to go, just go… Even though it'll be hard for me, but I wont give up. I'll keep on trying hard and keep on struggling through my journeys of life."
Out of his control, Rukawa shed tears. It streamed down through his cheek, down to his chin, and stained the sheets. Crying making him hard to speak, but he forced to. "Once again, Akira… Thank you for all the things you've done to me. You make a great impact to my life. You're my best friend, you'll always be… I'm sorry for the days I've abandoned you and left you laying here wrapped in sheets of coldness and emptiness… Akira… Now go, to where you'll find eternal happiness, without pain and more sorrow."
Rukawa stood up, "I love you, Akira…" He bent down and kissed his forehead. The moment seemed so bliss and tender, just like a moment that will last forever in the frames of the heart. The shohoku ace looked down to him.
Tears welled up on the corner of Sendoh's closed eyes, and a single drop rolled down on his face. Just after that, the lines of peaks in the heartbeat indicator fades, and finally turned to a line. The alarm rang, outside the ward, nurses and doctors thrown into panic. They rushed around, trying to get to Sendoh's ward.
"Akira?" Carefully Rukawa reached out his palms and touched the trace of the tears on Sendoh's face, softly, as if it was fragile like a thin wall of crystal. The door slammed open, a few nurses, doctors and other hospital crews ran in, gathering around Sendoh's bed. Rukawa walked out, with his teary eyes and wet face. Haruko, who had been standing outside in patience, gasped and covered her mouth with her tiny, gentle hands.
"Rukawa-kun!" Rukawa threw himself to her and held her tight, crying hard, tears on her soft and sweet-scented dark hair. Haruko hugged him back, she was confused of the current situation, but she swallowed her questions, in order not to bother Rukawa who is now feeling broken.
"I've done it… I've learned to let him go… Haruko-san…" He whispered to her ear.
a.n :: waiii.. it's so messy! I guess I wasn't focusing too much on writing this chapter :(… Anyway… This chapter was inspired by my substitute teacher! I took a few parts and words from her story of when her best friend was about to die. :) anyways… it's not over yet, minna~! It's still going on!! Next chapter's coming up…