Chapter 4
I sat on the couch long after the three voices faded. Imagining all sorts of scenarios I was completely frozen in my thoughts. I considered bursting through the door and venting every piece of anger I had ever felt on Brady. I even considered talking loudly as though there were a man in my apartment so that maybe he would feel a twinge of jealousy. None of those plans seemed to strike the right chord, nor did they seem any better for my sanity. I didn't even know if that was Brady or if my mind was just playing tricks on me. It was confusing, I had never understood the reason for Brady's sudden departure and neither had Belle. We had spent many a late night gossip fest skirting around the issue. Yet still it remained.
Then it dawned on me. If it was Brady that I had heard in the hallway it meant he was back in Salem. It meant I might have to face him and all the demons that he would surely bring with him. My mind ran rampant with the possibilities. What if he was married now? What if he was really an axe murderer? What if….
I shook the thoughts from my head as I snuggled further into the plush cushions of the plaid couch. Although the evening was warm, I burrowed under a light throw. I always felt safer and more at home with a cover over me. Staring at page 157 of my novel, I realized I had not even turned the page for 15 minutes. Laughing I forced myself to read through the chapter, hoping that the words would take me to a world where I was not as unsure of as this one. However, the contentment I had felt earlier from having some time alone to read was now diminished. I knew that in the morning I would have no recollection of what I had just read.
Then I heard the voice again, this time directly outside my door. It was his voice. It had to be. I could not just be imagining it. His voice was the same and resonated with the confidence I had always considered his trademark. "I'll be right back Tink just let me get my bag."
That did it. I knew that Brady was the only one that called Belle "Tink." Not only was it him, but he was only feet away from me. If I ran I could catch up with him, but my feet remained immobile. Instead of doing something dramatic and letting my presence be known, I closed my eyes and waited to see if I heard his voice again. I cursed and thanked the builders of the apartment building at the same time. The lack of insulation made private conversations hard. I knew I should go to bed, but sleep was not going to come easily knowing that the man who still ruled my dreams and desires was so close by. My bedroom shared a wall with Mimi and Belle's living room where they would surely be talking to Brady.
A small noise of the sheets rustling in my daughter's bedroom caused my mouth to go dry. Jocelyn. How was I going to explain Jocelyn?
I awoke in the morning hunched under the light throw and my book dangling in my hand over the edge of the sofa. Light crept through the blinds and made my eyes hurt with its thoughtless intrusion. I had a few minutes of peace before I remembered my reason for being on the couch. I had not wanted to be any closer to Brady. Staring at the coffee pot, I urged myself to get up and get ready for the day before Jocelyn woke up. I had promised her a trip to the zoo for being so good during my graduation and the party after.
I knew that the moment her eyes popped open and her feet hit the floor she would be ready to go. I stretched my arms in front of me considering my predicament. While it was true that Brady was back in Salem, I had no idea of what his plans included. I didn't even know if he wanted to see me. I knew that I had to take Jocelyn out that day and wanted to avoid him at all costs. My mind began to work through plans when a loud knocking came to my attention.
Mimi stood in my doorway. Her hair was tousled and her make-up was off. The look on her face was one of trepidation as she tried to figure out what to say to me. I invited her in and began preparing coffee while she rambled about the previous day. The ceremony. The party. The announcement of the engagement. Then with a sigh she said that Belle got a surprise when she returned home last night. Standing outside of her door was Brady. Mimi assured me that neither Belle nor herself had told Brady of me living so close with Jocelyn. I was silent during her ramblings, nodding and smiling at appropriate times. Then she asked me the question I dreaded. "Do you want to see him?"
I didn't know the answer. I knew that part of me was very angry with the man who had promised me the moon and then disappeared. There was another part of me that would always love him but I didn't know how strong that love was. I only knew that I wanted answers. Mimi's eyes implored an answer from me. Somehow I got the strength to nod my head yes again. I didn't know what seeing Brady again would do to me but I did know that it would be easier to have the answers than play the what if game.
I sat on the couch long after the three voices faded. Imagining all sorts of scenarios I was completely frozen in my thoughts. I considered bursting through the door and venting every piece of anger I had ever felt on Brady. I even considered talking loudly as though there were a man in my apartment so that maybe he would feel a twinge of jealousy. None of those plans seemed to strike the right chord, nor did they seem any better for my sanity. I didn't even know if that was Brady or if my mind was just playing tricks on me. It was confusing, I had never understood the reason for Brady's sudden departure and neither had Belle. We had spent many a late night gossip fest skirting around the issue. Yet still it remained.
Then it dawned on me. If it was Brady that I had heard in the hallway it meant he was back in Salem. It meant I might have to face him and all the demons that he would surely bring with him. My mind ran rampant with the possibilities. What if he was married now? What if he was really an axe murderer? What if….
I shook the thoughts from my head as I snuggled further into the plush cushions of the plaid couch. Although the evening was warm, I burrowed under a light throw. I always felt safer and more at home with a cover over me. Staring at page 157 of my novel, I realized I had not even turned the page for 15 minutes. Laughing I forced myself to read through the chapter, hoping that the words would take me to a world where I was not as unsure of as this one. However, the contentment I had felt earlier from having some time alone to read was now diminished. I knew that in the morning I would have no recollection of what I had just read.
Then I heard the voice again, this time directly outside my door. It was his voice. It had to be. I could not just be imagining it. His voice was the same and resonated with the confidence I had always considered his trademark. "I'll be right back Tink just let me get my bag."
That did it. I knew that Brady was the only one that called Belle "Tink." Not only was it him, but he was only feet away from me. If I ran I could catch up with him, but my feet remained immobile. Instead of doing something dramatic and letting my presence be known, I closed my eyes and waited to see if I heard his voice again. I cursed and thanked the builders of the apartment building at the same time. The lack of insulation made private conversations hard. I knew I should go to bed, but sleep was not going to come easily knowing that the man who still ruled my dreams and desires was so close by. My bedroom shared a wall with Mimi and Belle's living room where they would surely be talking to Brady.
A small noise of the sheets rustling in my daughter's bedroom caused my mouth to go dry. Jocelyn. How was I going to explain Jocelyn?
I awoke in the morning hunched under the light throw and my book dangling in my hand over the edge of the sofa. Light crept through the blinds and made my eyes hurt with its thoughtless intrusion. I had a few minutes of peace before I remembered my reason for being on the couch. I had not wanted to be any closer to Brady. Staring at the coffee pot, I urged myself to get up and get ready for the day before Jocelyn woke up. I had promised her a trip to the zoo for being so good during my graduation and the party after.
I knew that the moment her eyes popped open and her feet hit the floor she would be ready to go. I stretched my arms in front of me considering my predicament. While it was true that Brady was back in Salem, I had no idea of what his plans included. I didn't even know if he wanted to see me. I knew that I had to take Jocelyn out that day and wanted to avoid him at all costs. My mind began to work through plans when a loud knocking came to my attention.
Mimi stood in my doorway. Her hair was tousled and her make-up was off. The look on her face was one of trepidation as she tried to figure out what to say to me. I invited her in and began preparing coffee while she rambled about the previous day. The ceremony. The party. The announcement of the engagement. Then with a sigh she said that Belle got a surprise when she returned home last night. Standing outside of her door was Brady. Mimi assured me that neither Belle nor herself had told Brady of me living so close with Jocelyn. I was silent during her ramblings, nodding and smiling at appropriate times. Then she asked me the question I dreaded. "Do you want to see him?"
I didn't know the answer. I knew that part of me was very angry with the man who had promised me the moon and then disappeared. There was another part of me that would always love him but I didn't know how strong that love was. I only knew that I wanted answers. Mimi's eyes implored an answer from me. Somehow I got the strength to nod my head yes again. I didn't know what seeing Brady again would do to me but I did know that it would be easier to have the answers than play the what if game.