Jason unlocked the door and let his wife step through before him. Shoving the keys into his pocket, he followed her in, shutting the door behind him, and turned to face her.
Elizabeth hadn't spoken since they'd left the cemetery. She held his hand as they walked towards their home, but ignored his attempts to draw her into conversation. He didn't know what was on her mind, but he could guess. Abby's death. Stryker. Taggert. Isabelle. Them.
Elizabeth shrugged out of the leather jacket and slung it over the back of the sofa. Jason followed suit. He still couldn't read what she was thinking, but inside he knew what she was feeling.
"Are you okay?" he asked softly.
"I'm fine," Elizabeth automatically answered.
"Elizabeth-"
"What Jason?" She spun around, her body taking on a defensive stance. "What do you want me to say?"
"I don't want you to say anything. But I don't want you to lie to me either." He covered the ground between them in two steps and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Look at me," he coaxed. "I know you're not fine, but I won't push you to tell me what's wrong." He held her gaze for a moment, then moved to the kitchen to fix her a cup of hot chocolate, extra powder, with whipped cream.
When he returned to the living room, he found her standing in front of the fireplace, a picture of Abby in her hand. He watched her for a moment, wishing he could take away her pain, knowing that if he had just been a man and stayed with her two years ago, things would never have come this far.
"Here."
Elizabeth jerked when he spoke, looked up to find him mere inches from her, a steaming mug of hot chocolate in his hand. She gave him a grateful smile, one that might've belied the tears glistening in her eyes. "I can still remembering the way it felt to hold her for the first time, Jase." She took a noisy sip of the hot chocolate as her eyes dropped back to the picture. "The look in your eyes when you held her. Kissed her. Loved her."
Jason took the hot chocolate and placed it on the mantel. Then, he carefully wrapped her in his arms, like she was made of the most precious porcelain. At first, Elizabeth resisted his embrace but then her arms went to his chest and she curled her fists into his t-shirt.
"Shhh," he whispered into her hair as he held her. Her body wasn't shaking, she wasn't crying, and he didn't know what was wrong. But she clung to him like he was the last man standing.
"What's wrong?" he asked again.
Elizabeth pulled out from the hug and pulled Jason towards the couch. She sat and tucked a foot underneath her, facing him. Elizabeth nervously pushed a lock of hair behind her one ear, then clasped her hands in her lap. Because of her nervous energy, she started playing with her engagement ring, but she wouldn't look at him.
Taking her hand in his, he waited until she looked at him. "Talk to me." he tried. Elizabeth was never like this and it worried Jason. She was never quiet. He knew she couldn't keep her feelings hidden for very long and she always talked them out. Even if she was the only person to hear them.
"I miss her," she said softly. "I miss Abby, Jason."
"I do too." Jason ran the back of his hand down the side of her cheek in a caress. "It consumes every part of me, Elizabeth. Every decision I make for the rest of my life will be tainted with the loss of our daughter."
Elizabeth nodded in understanding. Slowly, she moved so that she was leaning against his side, one of his arms wrapped around her waist holding them together. Elizabeth clasped onto his left hand and her finger absently traced the pattern of his wedding band. "Sometimes I feel like I'm forgetting her," she admitted. "When I'm with Isabelle, I feel like I'm being untrue to Abby's memory. Does that make any sense?"
"It does. But you don't have to feel like that, Elizabeth. Loving Isabelle doesn't take away from how much you love Abby. I loved Isabelle before I even knew her, before I held her. I loved her because she was a part of you. Does that take away from the love I have in my heart for Abby?"
Elizabeth turned so she was facing him. She couldn't have this conversation with him and not see his face. She kept a hold of his hand and pulled it into her lap. "It doesn't. Abby was the result of our perfect love, Jason. She was created because two people loved each other more than life. Two people who never wanted anything but each other."
"And Isabelle? She was created because we were hurting so much we forgot to use protection one night, Elizabeth. I don't think that makes her any less special. Honey, I don't claim to know everything about God, but I think Isabelle was sent to us so we would heal. There was this great, big gaping hole in our life—our marriage—and then one night, we made Isabelle."
"You hurt me so much the next morning," she admitted. Elizabeth's eyes glazed over with memory of that morning. "We'd made love and we'd finally connected. We finally got back to what we were and then you pushed me away. You slipped out of bed, showered, and went over to Sonny's."
For the first time in his life, he was ashamed of a decision he'd made. "I watched you sleep that morning. Which isn't unusual, because I watched you sleep a lot. But there was a smile on your face and you looked so peaceful." Jason reached up to wipe her silent tear away with his thumb. "And I couldn't remember why, Elizabeth. It was obvious that we'd made love, but I didn't remember it. It was in that moment I realized I'd turned into the rest of my family. Someone I couldn't stand to be around. I was destroying you and our marriage and I couldn't deal with that."
Elizabeth looked away from him in a futile attempt to hide her tears. She'd often wondered if she could ever meet another person who could make her feel this way. Her heart swelled until she was sure it would burst. When she turned back to him, Elizabeth witnessed as he lost the battle with his own tears and they spilled down his cheeks. As he'd done for her a million times, Elizabeth reached up to wipe Jason's tears away.
He hadn't even realized he was crying until her hand touched his face. Immediately, Jason's hand came up to hold hers there. Jason closed his eyes as he fought to regain control of his emotions.
"You are so beautiful," Elizabeth whispered, awe in her voice.
"Not as a beautiful as my wife," Jason said softly. It was his turn to again wipe her eyes.
"We're both a pair of ninnies," she joked.
"I can't think of anyone I'd rather be a ninny with," Jason teased. He could think of few moments he'd loved her more. Their wedding day, the night Abby was born, and the moment he stood in their bedroom telling her he needed to leave.
In spite of herself, Elizabeth laughed. All of her anguish and pain seemed to fade away as schoolgirl giggles too control of her body. Soon Jason's more masculine laughter joined hers.
When they'd finished, Elizabeth wiped away her laughter-induced tears. Jason's head was bowed as he fought to regain control. Finally he lifted his gaze to meet hers. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and Jason couldn't help but smile back.
"I haven't really laughed–" he started to say.
She reached up and pressed a finger to his lip, stopping his words. "Shhh," she ordered.
"Shhh?" Jason asked.
"Shhh," she repeated. Her tiny fist uncurled and she pressed four fingers against his lips. A spell was being woven between them as Elizabeth searched his eyes for answers. Except, for the first time ever, she didn't know the questions. Elizabeth only knew that his soul held the answers.
While they both got lost in a sea of blue, everything else seemed to fade away. There was no Stryker or Taggert. This wasn't the day marking their daughter's death. Nothing and no one else existed except Jason and Elizabeth. Two hearts that found each other on a road to nowhere. People who didn't matter to the other, brought together because of pain and loss. Bound together by a priest in front of God. One could not exist without the other.
"Jason," she sighed right before his mouth met hers.
For a moment, Jason let himself get swept up in the torrent of emotions. His hands rested on her hips, pulling her to him to press their bodies together. She tasted the same as he remembered; like ripe strawberries, warmed by the sun.
But when her hands slid underneath his shirt, he realized their mistake. "Stop, stop, stop." Jason went to move Elizabeth off of him. She straddled his lap and he moved to pull her hands away from his face. "Elizabeth, stop."
As soon as Elizabeth became aware of her surroundings, she moved off of him. The last thing she remembered was him softly kissing her. It had been a wonderfully delicious kiss, but that didn't explain how she ended up on his lap. Elizabeth looked down and saw that his t-shirt was pulled from his jeans. "Jason…I'm sorry." She looked away as her face flamed.
Her caught her chin and brought her gaze back to his. "Don't apologize. We're not ready for that, Elizabeth. There are so many problems that we need to work out."
Elizabeth nodded in agreement. "My heart and head are both in total agreement with you." She looked away again. "But my body is another story," she mumbled.
"What was that?" Jason grinned. He'd heard her loud and clear. And was going through the same thing, he added silently.
She turned to face him again, obviously flustered. "I said," Elizabeth repeated clearly, "my body is another story."
"Me too," he admitted.
"You too…" she repeated. Elizabeth was shocked as her next words tumbled out of her mouth. "I just thought…I mean, I thought that you know…"
"What?" Jason asked. "You thought what?"
"That…" she trailed off. "I thought…I mean, I assumed there must have been someone in the last two years."
"Someone," Jason repeated. "Another woman?"
"Well…yeah," she said softly. "You aren't exactly the type that goes for a man."
"No, I'm not," Jason agreed. "But I'm not the type that goes for another woman either."
"You mean–"
"We made promises, Elizabeth. Or at least I did. I vowed to love only you. For the rest of my life. I've screwed up a lot of things, Elizabeth. But I didn't screw that up."
"Jason," she whispered. What did this mean, she wondered. "For two years?"
"Two days, two months, two years, Elizabeth. Twenty years. Fifty years. There's no one else." Jason took her hand and pressed it to his heart. "Do you feel that? My heart beats for you. It beats because of you. No woman could ever take your place."
Elizabeth expected to cry again. She'd been such an emotional wreck lately and was surprised when her eyes didn't blur at his admission. "I love you," she whispered. Elizabeth pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and began to worry it.
"I know," he whispered. Jason nodded his head at her reassuringly. "Which is why…I think we should call Alexis and make an appointment."
"An appointment?" she repeated.
"For the divorce." Jason stilled himself against the pain it caused him to say that.
"Di-divorce?" Elizabeth froze as all the wind left her lungs. Now Jason wanted a divorce? "I don't understand."
"I'm not going to fight you, Elizabeth. You say you want the divorce, I'll give you a divorce."
"But…what about Isabelle?"
Jason scrubbed a hand over his face and sighed. No matter how much he didn't want the divorce, she did. Her question hadn't been what about us? but what about Isabelle? "I want to stay here, until the Stryker stuff is taken care of–"
"Of course."
"I know you don't like it. It's just Stryker is dangerous, Elizabeth."
"I know," she agreed. "I know he's dangerous and I trust you with my life. And with the life of our daughter."
"I want to be in her life, Elizabeth. I want to be in both of your lives."
"Jason, I told you. I'd never keep you from her. Not ever. You are her father."
"After Stryker is handled, I might try to find a place of my own. An apartment or condo I could rent. Something. Sonny tells me AJ put some new apartments up on the other side of town."
"You're going to live on Quartermaine property?" Elizabeth couldn't suppress her giggle. "You want AJ as a landlord?"
"No," he said quickly. "And that was a joke. Guess I'm not as funny as I used to be. I'm sure I'll find something. Sonny's probably got another place in this building I could live. That way I'd be nearby."
"You could live here," she offered.
"Elizabeth–"
"No, no. You don't understand. After everything is taken care of, I'd actually like to move into my grandmother's house. Almost half of our stuff is in storage. This penthouse just isn't big enough for Isabelle and me. So we could move there and you could stay here."
Jason considered the idea for a moment. "Let me think about it. I'm not sure Sonny is going to let you move into some place so insecure."
"Hey, I lived in a house in Buffalo for almost two years by myself. Sure, I had a guard, but he didn't live in the house with us. And before that, you and I, we lived in a house."
"With bulletproof windows," he reminded her. "Out in the middle of nowhere. With a guard station at the end of our driveway. Do you want to live like that, Elizabeth?"
"I married you, Jason. I knew the risks when I said 'I do.' All that mattered to me was becoming Mrs. Jason Morgan and that's what happened. Is there danger because I'm your wife? Yes. Is there danger because we have a child together? Sure. But there's danger crossing the street, Jason. It's dangerous to drive a car. But those are risks that we have to take. There's no risk in the world big enough to make me regret marrying you."
"Even losing a daughter, Elizabeth?"
His words seemed to bring reality back to her. For awhile, she'd forgotten. Which amazed her, because she never thought she'd forget. "We both lost Abby, Jason. You and me. Not just me. She was our daughter."
"I know."
"Do you?" she questioned. "It wasn't just you and it wasn't just me, Jase. We lost our daughter three years ago on this day. I remember everything about that day. What you said, how you looked. I remember yelling out the door for Sonny. I remember fainting. I remember crying. And you were right there with me, Jason."
"When I was in Spain," he began. Jason stopped paused and asked, "Do you want to hear about the time I was away?" When Elizabeth nodded, he continued. "When I was in Spain, there was this man. A naval officer named Jim. I was with him the day before I left to come home. He had a daughter named Brenda and she was born on the day Abby died. As soon as he said the date, the memory flooded me. It was like I was back in that living room again, catching you before you hit the ground."
Elizabeth closed the distance between them again. She took his hand and wrapped both of hers around it. "Jason, it's time we start healing. Together. With Isabelle. As a family."
He nodded in agreement. "Then we'll call Alexis first thing Monday morning?"
"Yeah," she said, "we will. But for now…"
"Yes?" he asked.
"Will you kiss me?"
"Kiss you?"
"To signify the end?"
"Will it ever be over between us?"
"No," she answered truthfully. "But kiss me anyway."
Jason hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. His mouth descended upon hers and he smiled. She sighed beneath him and his tongue swept into her mouth. The kiss was familiar, but they were on new ground with each other. He delved into the sweet treasures she held there. Once, twice, three times. When he pulled back, he wiped the tear from her cheek. She reached up to do the same for him. The look in her eyes told him the truth.
They'd reached their end.