Disclaimer-don't own them or the songs Sin and Tumble in the Rough by Stone Temple Pilots
"Holy water clouds my thinking
Sinking low now
Keep on drinking
Down you go, suffer long
Down you go, sin make me strong"
I used to be strong. I was king of my world, now I'm nothing, nothing because I didn't have her. She
became my holy grail, the unattainable. She clouded my vision until all I saw was her. I loved her and
hated her all at once and that remained the way of things for years. I found solace in the arms of others,
in my mind seeing her face, holding myself back lest I call out her name. I wanted to forget. Forget her,
her smile, her eyes, the way she looked at me with a hate and loathing, and as if it wasn't evident that
she was the only caring person I knew, concern. Imagine she hates me, but still worries. And so I forgot,
each drink letting more an more slip out of my mind until she was just a blur, a fuzzy image in my
peripheral vision. I hated what I became, and hated her for making me the way I was. I was suffering
and so wished she was suffering as well. I wished her all the unhappiness in the world. I didn't care that,
that wasn't the way to love someone. With alcohol I had lost all ability the think clearly. Love was hate,
pleasure was pain, sin was my redemption.
"You control me, soul you stole, mine
Wishful thinking
Six feet under
Down you go, suffer long
Down you go, sin make me strong
Dead by dreaming, sleep you steal, mine
Pools of cold sweat
Hatred burns me
Down you go, suffer long
Down you go, sin make me strong"
I forgot for awhile. A long while actually. Those days were days of drunken stupors, an alcohol induced
haze. It couldn't last, nothing could keep her from my ming forever. She had my heart, my mind, my
soul. She had me from the first time I laid eyes on her. It was wishful thinking ever imagine that I could
have her, I knew I would be dead before that happened, and I hated her for it. I began to thrive on this
hatred. It made me strong again, when for so long I had been weak. Once again I was king of my world,
nothing was stronger than me, not even her. But then every night I would dream of her, waking up in a
cold sweat, wishing for her to be next to me. I could present any front to the world, make a conscious
effort to not think of her, but I couldn't control my dreams. She had stolen my heart and soul, now she
had my sleep as well. I hated her all the more for it, a hate which at the same time was my sick,
perverted love.
"Sinking low now
Keep on drinking
Feel what were my eyes
Sink into the holes in my eyes
My sins have made me blind
Sink into the holes in my eyes
Still shackled to the shadow
Still shackled to the shadow
That followed you..."
When I gave up drinking, the price I paid for forgetfulness was sleep. And so once again I hit the bottle
hard. The high position I had once again gained, slipped from my fingers but this time I didn't care.
Nothing could rid me of, ever. I didn't care anymore. I was blind to what I was, blind to everything, she
had stolen my vision. Slowly bit by bit, piece by piece she was tking me and would continue until there
was nothing of me left. There was nothing I could do to stop her, nothing I would do. I slipped farther
and farther from the world.
"I can't eat
I can't sleep
I can't live
I can't cry
I can't die
I can't walk
I can't talk.."
She toook everything until there was only 3 things left. Love, hate,
.."Booze"