Ranma and Akane enter the courtyard of Furinkan, to see their way blocked by Gosunkugi standing in the middle of the path, wearing an oversized kendo uniform, carrying a bokken over his shoulder like a bayonette, obviously with no idea how to use it. Upon seeing them, he takes from his keikogi a paper list, and reads aloud "Lets see. Fair Akane ... Foul sorceror Saotome ... Grace of heaven ... Divine Retribution ... Come to me, my love ... None but the brave deserve the fair ... Impermanence of all things ... I would date with thee!" Gosunkugi looks up from the list to find an empty courtyard.
* * *
Upon entering their classroom, they can't help but notice that Tatewaki is sitting at a desk in the back of the classroom. He's wearing an ordinary school uniform that's at least 1 size too small, and has raccoon-like splotches around each eye. He sits forlornly, staring off into space. Akane and Ranma walk over to Ukyou's desk. "Ucchan, what's up with Kuno?"
"I've no idea. He was here when I arrived."
Akane comments, "He's been acting wierder than usual. I hope this isn't the beginning of some problem we'll have to deal with. I wonder if we should get a priest in here to try an exorcism before this gets serious. Maybe we could nip this in the bud before something else from feudal Japan uses him."
Ranma answers, "Nah, doesn't look like possession to me. I think Nabiki's just bored, and having fun
* * *
Class continues uneventfully all morning, until it is almost lunchtime, when Kuno leaps up, overturning his desk. "How could any man with blood in his veins sit through class quiet and contented, saying nothing, while the fair Akane sits here? The very stones of the school would be moved to poetry at her beauty, and yet we're supposed to sit here able to see her beauty and talk not? Truely this were the Christian purgatory where one may see heaven but enter it not, were it not for our teacher whose droning makes this garden of learning a sulphurous pit of the damned! If only I could be Virgil for one hour, and lead Beatrice back to Paradisio, then..."
At this point, Kuno's solilloque is cut short by Akane's hammer to the head, driving him once again through a closed window. "Sorry sensei, for the interruption."
* * *
"Sasuke, learning humility is harder than I thought. Lets try despair for now. But how will I, the great Tatewaki Kuno ever experience despair? As I am blessed by the gods, how could I fail? Without the possibility of failure how can I despair? I'm born to succeed at everything!"
"But sire! That's a classic conundrum. Can an omnipotent being create a task even its creator couldn't do."
"Of course, the answer is so simple. I must use my skill to counter my skill until I have no hope for success!"
"Most people feel that the puzzle rests with the definition of omnipotent; I, however, think Goedel's comment that any sufficiently complex system gives rise to problems that can't be solved within the system ..."
"Enough, Sasuke. we need chains, canvas, locks, concrete, a flail, and maybe an arc-wielder."
* * *
Some of Akane's friends found her in the classroom as their lunch period was nearly over. They had found and recognized Akane's pet P-chan wandering on the schoolgrounds, and brought him to Akane to take care of.
"So the royal pain comes to school as well." Ranma complains.
"Don't pick on P-chan, Ranma!"
"It's not like a pig can understand me, is it?" At this point, P-chan leaps and chomps down on Ranma's fingers. Ranma swats him away, and of course, raises Akane's fury. Akane tries to hit Ranma, but he manages to dodge her. "Aww, man. I'm not in the mood to deal with this." The next time Akane overextends her attack, Ranma runs out the door.
Akane, of course, gives chase. "Ranma, you jerk, get back here!"
Ukyou follows them out. "Wait! Akane! Ranma!"
* * *
Sasuke has a worried look on his face. "I'm not sure that this is a good idea"
"That is why I am doing the planning here. We need to circumvent my genious, so we'll use a test of strength. We need to circumvent my skill, so we've bound my arms securly to my torso with the canvas, and set my legs in these two containers of cement. We need the task to be monsterously difficult, thats why I had you lower that two ton weight into that ten foot pit, and connect it by chains to this metal belt that girds my chest. To avoid escape, we've had everything wielded together. Now all that remains is for you to act like the Furies, and force me to raise that weight."
"But all you'd have to do is ask me to release you, and I'd have to immediately obey."
"Then plug your ears, man. You are not to let me out until I have succeeded. Give me food and water and lashings until I have achieved this."
"But isn't this impossible?"
"Nothing's impossible for the great Tatewake Kuno."
"Forgive me for doubting you."
* * *
Another high speed tour of Nerima.
The fourth and fifth members are added when Shampoo and Mousse spot the chase. Shampoo persues Ranma, while, of course, Mousse alternates begging Shampoo to stop, and Ranma to release his Shampoo
* * *
"Sasuke! have you gone mad? What are you doing to my brother?"
"Mistress Kodachi! I didn't hear what you said. Your brother ordered me to plug my ears whenever I might hear him."
Kodachi drags the poor ninja away from his refreshing job of tanning his master's hide, so he can explain.
"So how long will he be chained there?"
"Until he can pull the weight out of the pit."
"But didn't he design it so that he couldn't do that?"
"Yes mistress. I wondered about that too."
"Well this is a novel way to try to cure delusions of grandeur."
"I believe he's hoping to understand despair."
"I do believe I can help there. Sasuke, take this bag of powder. Wait, I need a pinch first. In fifteen minutes, shake this all over my brother, but make sure he doesn't breath in any, or get any in his eyes. Now put your earplugs back in, I want to talk to my brother in private."
"Brother, dear, I heard about your efforts. I think this will help."
"Kuno tries to block Kodachi's attack, but his bound arms prevent him. Luckily the attack is merely a rose, with the powder on it, and the rose merely brushes the underside of Tatewaki's nose."
"Imoto, your attack seems less effective than most."
"This is a new experiment. The powder is based on a cosmetics base, so it doesn't come off without soap or cleanser. Although I highly suggest not breathing in a cloud of it, this isn't a gas attack. The powder's too dense for that anyway."
"Then what have you done to me?"
"The bottom of the nose is extremely sensitive, and without hands would be nearly impossible to rub." Kodachi begins to leave, and before she disappears in a cloud of rosepetals and laughter, calls out, "Don't worry, it's only itching powder."
* * *
Somehow Ryouga had managed to reaquire his humanity, his clothes, and his umbrella. He joined in the persuit of Ranma. Kodachi, spotting the fun, also joins in, pursuing her Ranma-sama.
* * *
Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinken, was in excelent shape. The physical tortures that he, himself, had devised were merely an annoyance. The blows of his manservant were nothing compared to the shows of affection he usually sought from his two true loves. But for what seemed an unthinkably long time he'd been suffering from an itch he couldn't scratch. He was deeply involved in his third favorite hobby (I won't try to guess which of his other two, Kendo and pursuing girls, he prefers more). Kuno was imploring the heavens with the cruelty of his fate.
"Curse my sister and her vile concoctions. How the gods must weep to see me this way. Sasuke! For the love of god, stop whipping me and scratch my nose!"
As Sasuke hadn't paid the least attention to all of Kuno's previous entreaties, Kuno was surprised when Sasuke actually stopped. "At long last. Quickly man. Scratch the bottom of my nose!"
Sasuke, ears still plugged, ignored Kuno's cries, and while standing before Kuno, while Kuno's eyes widened in horror, upended Kodachi's bag of itching powder over his master.
* * *
Tour Nerima had collected all of the loose martialartists in the area. Ranma was going from depressed to angry. He'd even been splashed with water, leaving his shirt clammy and plastered to him. "How can I get out of this? I haven't been able to lose them, and none of them will listen to me when they're like this. I'll have to try to startle them. Then they'll either listen, or I can start running again."
Ranma rounds another blind corner, gets out of the way of the approaching stampeed, and lets the crowd run past him. Just as the startled crowd realize that Ranma is just Standing there, he screams "Enough!"
Ranma approaches the crowd. "Let's get this handled right now. Everybody divide up. Everyone who wants to attack me step to the right. Everyone who wants to hug, glomp, or date me step to the left." Shampoo, Ukyou, and Kodachi seperate from Mousse, Ryouga and Akane. Ranma continues, "Nobody else? Nobody here who doesn't want to attack or hug me? Nobody chasing me because you just wanted to talk? Why am I not surprised. Ok, you three." he says as he turns to the three women who want to hug him, "Go home. All of you. I'm not in the mood. If you want to beat each other up, do me a favor, and do it far from here."
They start to interrupt, "But Ran-chan," "Ailen" "Ranma-sama" "Enough!" Ranma shouts. "Go away, you can do this some other time. If you care about me at all you'll leave now and leave me alone" The three of them start walking away, looking back at Ranma every few seconds.
Ranma turns to the other three. "Now you. I can keep running all day, but what you really want is to beat my head in. I'll give you each a chance to convince me to stay and fight you. You first, Ryouga. What did I do to you."
"You've made my life hell!"
"Bullshit. I've done what I can to make your life pleasant. I've guided you from place to place. I've invited you to the Tendos. I've sparred with you whenever you wanted. I've even covered for you way too many times. If you want me to fight you instead of just trying to lose you, you've got to do one of two things. Promise that if you lose this match you'll never strike me again."
"I'll keep fighting you 'till your dead."
"Then you'll want my other option. Tell Akane or my mother about why you hate me, or release me to do it for you."
"You wouldn't."
"I insist on it. That's the price I'm charging you to spar. If you're not willing to pay, then leave me alone. If you attack me, I'll assume you are willing to pay. Next. Mousse. Why are you chasing me?"
"Because of Shampoo, of course."
"I sent her home. Shouldn't you follow her instead of wasting time fighting me? Next. Akane. Why should I fight with you."
"You hurt my pet P-chan."
"Not good enough. He attacked me, and you didn't stop him."
"You're a perverted freak who got me angry."
"Still not good enough. You want to beat me up, challenge me like our parents did."
Akane's composure is startled. "Challenge you?"
"You're supposed to be the heir to the Tendo Dojo. If you're a martial artist, challenge me. If you're a bully, attack me because you're angry. I'll make it easy for you." Ranma lies down on the ground on his back, with his arms pinned beneath him. "I won't dodge. You want to beat me up because your angry, go right ahead. Just don't claim to be a martial artist. You've beaten me up hundreds of times before. Go ahead and pound me."
"Damn you Ranma!" Akane runs off crying.
"How dare you make Akane cry!" Ryouga pounces towards Ranma and throws a punch.
Ranma dodges and says "I dare alot. Do you dare tell Akane your secret?" Ryouga hesitates. "Don't bother me until you are willing to take responsibilities for your own mistakes." Ranma walks away, leaving Ryouga standing there.
* * *
Kuno's excessive cries to the heavens haven't pierced the earplugs that Sasuke wore. Kuno has tried rolling on the ground, and over his chains in an effort to scratch the constant full-bodied itch his sister had inflicted on him. He was back to trying to budge the weight he was attached to, so that he could end his torment, and scratch. The repetitive blows that Sasuke rained down on his back provided a slight distraction from his itching torture.
Clearly this was a bad day for Kuno. Sasuke couldn't hear his complaints, entreaties, and commands. Unfortunately for him, his father did.
Unlike Kodachi, the principal didn't waste time talking with Sasuke. He just shaved his son bald, and dropped an exploding pineapple at his feet.
The pineapple was a blessing in disguise. It cracked the concrete holding his feet, and severed the chain connecting him to the weight.
Still bound, and itching, but no longer held in place, Kuno decided to run for it. Sasuke didn't have instructions for this eventuality, so he tried to guess what Kuno would have wanted. Sasuke kept to Kuno's heels, and whipped his master to still greater speed.
* * *
Instead of going back to school, Ranma decided to call it a day, and see his doctors. His first stop was Dr. Tofu, where he proceeded to tell Tofu about Cologne's observation about his motorskills and reasoning. Tofu points out that he had noticed Ranma's fluctuating energy levels, but has no idea what causes the changes.
"Ranma, when was the last time you felt listless or tired? When did you first notice your usual energy return?"
"I guess it was when I was chased through the streets today. Before that I was exhausted, but after that, I was filled with energy."
"Well it might have been the sudden exertion, or a burst of adrenalin. We could try having you exercise heavily on a regular basis, and then have you refrain for a few days, and see if there's a correlation. Otherwise I still have nothing to reccommend but getting alot of sleep and food. Suggest the exercise regimen idea to Cologne, and see what she thinks."
* * *
A quick trip through the furo on the men's side of a public bath proved that Kodachi's itching powder wouldn't be washed of with merely water. While the residents of Nerima were used to many bizarre sights, a wealthy kendoist being chased in broad daylight by a diminutive ninja intent on flagelation was a new one.
* * *
Cologne was surprised at the change in Ranma in just one day. Today he was faster at the Amaguriken than he'd ever been before.
"Impressive, son-in-law. If I didn't know you so long, and if this weren't such a serious situation for you, I'd suspect you either were intentionally holding back yesterday, or you had received extra speed training last night from some other teacher. Your father hasn't the speed or the knowledge. Is Happosai still missing?"
"Yep, I haven't seen him since he found out I was cured."
"I think you'd better regard him as a hidden enemy then, he's surely plotting something. What he's plotting is probably based on what he thinks the situation is. You didn't explain the coin to him, did you?"
"No way. I didn't want him to have any advantage over me. He might have seen the coin, but I doubt it. He didn't comment on it, and while I was fighting him, my hand was closed."
"Well there's not much we can do about him until he acts. Dr. Tofu's excercise suggestion sounds like a good one. Keep in mind you want a constant level of exertion without straining yourself."
"Can you show me any ways to increase my speed still further? Even if you have had more practice than me, I still don't like being so slow compared to you."
"Well you're too slow to learn the next speed kata I know..."
"Just show me, and I'll master it!"
"That's just what you mustn't do. If you did master it, you'd be stressing yourself more than would be safe while you are wearing the coin. No, it's better if you work on just improving what you have for now. There is something I tried in 1930 that might help you. I don't have the parts here, but by now the parts are pretty cheap, and easy to buy. The bigest problems with the Amaguriken training are precision, and speed. You are well past the point where you can see your own fists, and if you weren't watching my muscles and stance, you couldn't block me at the speed we've been using. Get a photographer's strobe with a variable speed, and practice punching a target only when the strobe is off. When it's on, have your hands back. You can also use it to accurately measure your speed. Don't go overboard, remember you don't want to push yourself too far. You're in the unique position of being strong to outside attacks, yet fragile in health."
* * *
Those people still at school were treated to the sight of a bald, soaking wet, bound Kuno, being chased by his manservant through the coridors. Kuno's cries of "Alchohol! Acetone! Get Me Turpentine!" were oddly mixed with Sasuke's cries of "Please master, slow down. I'm having trouble whipping you at this speed."
* * *
"Nabiki," Ranma started, "Do you have any good ideas for me to make cash? I need to buy some equipment for training. I dont want our parents to know about it, so that leaves earning it or borrowing it. I don't feel like watressing, and I figure you'd know of some method that wouldn't involve exploiting my figure, or my fiancees."
"Well, there's one idea I had, when you faced the Gambling King, but I rejected it, because you wouldn't do something so dishonest, but with a little modification, you could make a good living honestly from it. You'd need to train in something that isn't martial arts, although knowing you, you'll find a way to encorporate it into your fights. How'd you like to learn to be a card shark? It's basically learning to manipulate small objects with speed and control."
"I don't want to swindle people, the Gambling King was a special case."
"Ranma, the world is filled with special cases. But I was thinking about the performance you gave when you fought Mousse under the cat-toungue shiatzu point. Develop a magic act based on sleight of hand, and chi attacks. Too bad you no longer transform, or you could add real magic to the act, and charge rates for 2 people."
"Maybe I can get Mousse to help me. We have a sort of truce going, and he could do an act right now. The two of us should be able to make a professional act. I assume you'll get us the jobs and take a percentage?"
"I've always done my best work with enlightened self-interest. Check out the local libraries tomorrow for books on sleight of hand and buy a few decks of cards, and find out how much the equipment you need for training costs. If you're willing to push on with this, I can advance you some of your future earnings, especially as I know you'll have the money to pay it back.
* * *
As Ranma prepares to leave the house, he spots his mother. "Mom, here's the revised list you wanted."
"Thanks Ranma, before you leave, please sign it at the bottom, and date it."
"OK mom."
Ranma signs it, and leaves. He's halfway to the Nekohanten before it strikes him as odd that his mother asked him to sign it.
* * *
Ranma ducks into the Nekohanten, and is immediately hugged by Shampoo, "Airen! You came to see me?"
"Actually, I came to see Mousse."
"Why Mousse? Why not me? Are you still mad about this afternoon?"
"No, no. I was just in a bad mood this afternoon. I wanted to talk with Mousse about an idea Nabiki had."
"Are you planning to date Nabiki and Mousse this weekend?"
"No! What made you think of that?"
"Well, you spent the last two Saturdays with 2 other people. You haven't said anything about next Saturday, but you want to talk to Mousse about something to do with Nabiki."
"No, no. Although I might spend Saturday on this, I'm not trying to spend time with Nabiki. Spending time with her takes too much concentration to be fun all day. Where is Mousse?"
"He's in back, washing dishes. He's hopeless as a waiter. If he takes too long, the water gets cold, and grandmother makes jokes about Peking duck."
"Thanks, see you later."
* * *
"Mousse, Do we still have a truce, or are you mad at me?"
"Not right now. What did you want?"
"I thought I'd offer a trade. I want to improve my speed and agility handling small objects. If you'll train me in that, I'll show you how to improve your close-range aerial fighting. Most of your aerial attacks are distance attacks."
"You want me to teach you some of my kata and secrets?"
"Hey, I'm offering a trade. Besides, I'm not likely to start throwing knives at you. I usually fight weaponless."
"Then why would you want this?"
"Nabiki thinks i can use my speed to put on a magic act, using sleight of hand, so I can raise some cash. If I had something like that to fall back on, travelling with Pop would have been much easier. You travelled with a circus for a while using your skills to do a magic act. So I thought I'd ask you. If you feel it is too much of an imposition, I'll do it the hard way with library books."
"OK, sounds good. I don't get much time off here, though. Until you get the basics down, you'll want to practice with the same items, until you get that down. If you are going to do a magic act, the five traditional items are cards, balls, coins, cigarettes, and silk scarves. Which will you start with?"
"I was going to start with cards. I've had some practice when I faced the Gambling King. Could you teach me coins? Then I could practice nearly everywhere, like in class."
"Ok, start with a 100 yen coin and hold it like this. Use a 100 yen coin, because it's shiny, the 10 yen coin would work as well for practice, except that it's harder to see, and you should practice with the coin you're going to use when you perform. Now you have several goals. You want your hand to look as natural as possible while your palming the coin, but you want to make it appear suddenly like this. And then dissapear like this. Get this one down, and I'll show you the next way to palm a coin."
"Great. I'll ask for pointers after my daily meeting with Cologne, and when you have time, come by the dojo, and I'll tighten up your aerial attacking."
* * *
Upon entering their classroom, they can't help but notice that Tatewaki is sitting at a desk in the back of the classroom. He's wearing an ordinary school uniform that's at least 1 size too small, and has raccoon-like splotches around each eye. He sits forlornly, staring off into space. Akane and Ranma walk over to Ukyou's desk. "Ucchan, what's up with Kuno?"
"I've no idea. He was here when I arrived."
Akane comments, "He's been acting wierder than usual. I hope this isn't the beginning of some problem we'll have to deal with. I wonder if we should get a priest in here to try an exorcism before this gets serious. Maybe we could nip this in the bud before something else from feudal Japan uses him."
Ranma answers, "Nah, doesn't look like possession to me. I think Nabiki's just bored, and having fun
* * *
Class continues uneventfully all morning, until it is almost lunchtime, when Kuno leaps up, overturning his desk. "How could any man with blood in his veins sit through class quiet and contented, saying nothing, while the fair Akane sits here? The very stones of the school would be moved to poetry at her beauty, and yet we're supposed to sit here able to see her beauty and talk not? Truely this were the Christian purgatory where one may see heaven but enter it not, were it not for our teacher whose droning makes this garden of learning a sulphurous pit of the damned! If only I could be Virgil for one hour, and lead Beatrice back to Paradisio, then..."
At this point, Kuno's solilloque is cut short by Akane's hammer to the head, driving him once again through a closed window. "Sorry sensei, for the interruption."
* * *
"Sasuke, learning humility is harder than I thought. Lets try despair for now. But how will I, the great Tatewaki Kuno ever experience despair? As I am blessed by the gods, how could I fail? Without the possibility of failure how can I despair? I'm born to succeed at everything!"
"But sire! That's a classic conundrum. Can an omnipotent being create a task even its creator couldn't do."
"Of course, the answer is so simple. I must use my skill to counter my skill until I have no hope for success!"
"Most people feel that the puzzle rests with the definition of omnipotent; I, however, think Goedel's comment that any sufficiently complex system gives rise to problems that can't be solved within the system ..."
"Enough, Sasuke. we need chains, canvas, locks, concrete, a flail, and maybe an arc-wielder."
* * *
Some of Akane's friends found her in the classroom as their lunch period was nearly over. They had found and recognized Akane's pet P-chan wandering on the schoolgrounds, and brought him to Akane to take care of.
"So the royal pain comes to school as well." Ranma complains.
"Don't pick on P-chan, Ranma!"
"It's not like a pig can understand me, is it?" At this point, P-chan leaps and chomps down on Ranma's fingers. Ranma swats him away, and of course, raises Akane's fury. Akane tries to hit Ranma, but he manages to dodge her. "Aww, man. I'm not in the mood to deal with this." The next time Akane overextends her attack, Ranma runs out the door.
Akane, of course, gives chase. "Ranma, you jerk, get back here!"
Ukyou follows them out. "Wait! Akane! Ranma!"
* * *
Sasuke has a worried look on his face. "I'm not sure that this is a good idea"
"That is why I am doing the planning here. We need to circumvent my genious, so we'll use a test of strength. We need to circumvent my skill, so we've bound my arms securly to my torso with the canvas, and set my legs in these two containers of cement. We need the task to be monsterously difficult, thats why I had you lower that two ton weight into that ten foot pit, and connect it by chains to this metal belt that girds my chest. To avoid escape, we've had everything wielded together. Now all that remains is for you to act like the Furies, and force me to raise that weight."
"But all you'd have to do is ask me to release you, and I'd have to immediately obey."
"Then plug your ears, man. You are not to let me out until I have succeeded. Give me food and water and lashings until I have achieved this."
"But isn't this impossible?"
"Nothing's impossible for the great Tatewake Kuno."
"Forgive me for doubting you."
* * *
Another high speed tour of Nerima.
The fourth and fifth members are added when Shampoo and Mousse spot the chase. Shampoo persues Ranma, while, of course, Mousse alternates begging Shampoo to stop, and Ranma to release his Shampoo
* * *
"Sasuke! have you gone mad? What are you doing to my brother?"
"Mistress Kodachi! I didn't hear what you said. Your brother ordered me to plug my ears whenever I might hear him."
Kodachi drags the poor ninja away from his refreshing job of tanning his master's hide, so he can explain.
"So how long will he be chained there?"
"Until he can pull the weight out of the pit."
"But didn't he design it so that he couldn't do that?"
"Yes mistress. I wondered about that too."
"Well this is a novel way to try to cure delusions of grandeur."
"I believe he's hoping to understand despair."
"I do believe I can help there. Sasuke, take this bag of powder. Wait, I need a pinch first. In fifteen minutes, shake this all over my brother, but make sure he doesn't breath in any, or get any in his eyes. Now put your earplugs back in, I want to talk to my brother in private."
"Brother, dear, I heard about your efforts. I think this will help."
"Kuno tries to block Kodachi's attack, but his bound arms prevent him. Luckily the attack is merely a rose, with the powder on it, and the rose merely brushes the underside of Tatewaki's nose."
"Imoto, your attack seems less effective than most."
"This is a new experiment. The powder is based on a cosmetics base, so it doesn't come off without soap or cleanser. Although I highly suggest not breathing in a cloud of it, this isn't a gas attack. The powder's too dense for that anyway."
"Then what have you done to me?"
"The bottom of the nose is extremely sensitive, and without hands would be nearly impossible to rub." Kodachi begins to leave, and before she disappears in a cloud of rosepetals and laughter, calls out, "Don't worry, it's only itching powder."
* * *
Somehow Ryouga had managed to reaquire his humanity, his clothes, and his umbrella. He joined in the persuit of Ranma. Kodachi, spotting the fun, also joins in, pursuing her Ranma-sama.
* * *
Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinken, was in excelent shape. The physical tortures that he, himself, had devised were merely an annoyance. The blows of his manservant were nothing compared to the shows of affection he usually sought from his two true loves. But for what seemed an unthinkably long time he'd been suffering from an itch he couldn't scratch. He was deeply involved in his third favorite hobby (I won't try to guess which of his other two, Kendo and pursuing girls, he prefers more). Kuno was imploring the heavens with the cruelty of his fate.
"Curse my sister and her vile concoctions. How the gods must weep to see me this way. Sasuke! For the love of god, stop whipping me and scratch my nose!"
As Sasuke hadn't paid the least attention to all of Kuno's previous entreaties, Kuno was surprised when Sasuke actually stopped. "At long last. Quickly man. Scratch the bottom of my nose!"
Sasuke, ears still plugged, ignored Kuno's cries, and while standing before Kuno, while Kuno's eyes widened in horror, upended Kodachi's bag of itching powder over his master.
* * *
Tour Nerima had collected all of the loose martialartists in the area. Ranma was going from depressed to angry. He'd even been splashed with water, leaving his shirt clammy and plastered to him. "How can I get out of this? I haven't been able to lose them, and none of them will listen to me when they're like this. I'll have to try to startle them. Then they'll either listen, or I can start running again."
Ranma rounds another blind corner, gets out of the way of the approaching stampeed, and lets the crowd run past him. Just as the startled crowd realize that Ranma is just Standing there, he screams "Enough!"
Ranma approaches the crowd. "Let's get this handled right now. Everybody divide up. Everyone who wants to attack me step to the right. Everyone who wants to hug, glomp, or date me step to the left." Shampoo, Ukyou, and Kodachi seperate from Mousse, Ryouga and Akane. Ranma continues, "Nobody else? Nobody here who doesn't want to attack or hug me? Nobody chasing me because you just wanted to talk? Why am I not surprised. Ok, you three." he says as he turns to the three women who want to hug him, "Go home. All of you. I'm not in the mood. If you want to beat each other up, do me a favor, and do it far from here."
They start to interrupt, "But Ran-chan," "Ailen" "Ranma-sama" "Enough!" Ranma shouts. "Go away, you can do this some other time. If you care about me at all you'll leave now and leave me alone" The three of them start walking away, looking back at Ranma every few seconds.
Ranma turns to the other three. "Now you. I can keep running all day, but what you really want is to beat my head in. I'll give you each a chance to convince me to stay and fight you. You first, Ryouga. What did I do to you."
"You've made my life hell!"
"Bullshit. I've done what I can to make your life pleasant. I've guided you from place to place. I've invited you to the Tendos. I've sparred with you whenever you wanted. I've even covered for you way too many times. If you want me to fight you instead of just trying to lose you, you've got to do one of two things. Promise that if you lose this match you'll never strike me again."
"I'll keep fighting you 'till your dead."
"Then you'll want my other option. Tell Akane or my mother about why you hate me, or release me to do it for you."
"You wouldn't."
"I insist on it. That's the price I'm charging you to spar. If you're not willing to pay, then leave me alone. If you attack me, I'll assume you are willing to pay. Next. Mousse. Why are you chasing me?"
"Because of Shampoo, of course."
"I sent her home. Shouldn't you follow her instead of wasting time fighting me? Next. Akane. Why should I fight with you."
"You hurt my pet P-chan."
"Not good enough. He attacked me, and you didn't stop him."
"You're a perverted freak who got me angry."
"Still not good enough. You want to beat me up, challenge me like our parents did."
Akane's composure is startled. "Challenge you?"
"You're supposed to be the heir to the Tendo Dojo. If you're a martial artist, challenge me. If you're a bully, attack me because you're angry. I'll make it easy for you." Ranma lies down on the ground on his back, with his arms pinned beneath him. "I won't dodge. You want to beat me up because your angry, go right ahead. Just don't claim to be a martial artist. You've beaten me up hundreds of times before. Go ahead and pound me."
"Damn you Ranma!" Akane runs off crying.
"How dare you make Akane cry!" Ryouga pounces towards Ranma and throws a punch.
Ranma dodges and says "I dare alot. Do you dare tell Akane your secret?" Ryouga hesitates. "Don't bother me until you are willing to take responsibilities for your own mistakes." Ranma walks away, leaving Ryouga standing there.
* * *
Kuno's excessive cries to the heavens haven't pierced the earplugs that Sasuke wore. Kuno has tried rolling on the ground, and over his chains in an effort to scratch the constant full-bodied itch his sister had inflicted on him. He was back to trying to budge the weight he was attached to, so that he could end his torment, and scratch. The repetitive blows that Sasuke rained down on his back provided a slight distraction from his itching torture.
Clearly this was a bad day for Kuno. Sasuke couldn't hear his complaints, entreaties, and commands. Unfortunately for him, his father did.
Unlike Kodachi, the principal didn't waste time talking with Sasuke. He just shaved his son bald, and dropped an exploding pineapple at his feet.
The pineapple was a blessing in disguise. It cracked the concrete holding his feet, and severed the chain connecting him to the weight.
Still bound, and itching, but no longer held in place, Kuno decided to run for it. Sasuke didn't have instructions for this eventuality, so he tried to guess what Kuno would have wanted. Sasuke kept to Kuno's heels, and whipped his master to still greater speed.
* * *
Instead of going back to school, Ranma decided to call it a day, and see his doctors. His first stop was Dr. Tofu, where he proceeded to tell Tofu about Cologne's observation about his motorskills and reasoning. Tofu points out that he had noticed Ranma's fluctuating energy levels, but has no idea what causes the changes.
"Ranma, when was the last time you felt listless or tired? When did you first notice your usual energy return?"
"I guess it was when I was chased through the streets today. Before that I was exhausted, but after that, I was filled with energy."
"Well it might have been the sudden exertion, or a burst of adrenalin. We could try having you exercise heavily on a regular basis, and then have you refrain for a few days, and see if there's a correlation. Otherwise I still have nothing to reccommend but getting alot of sleep and food. Suggest the exercise regimen idea to Cologne, and see what she thinks."
* * *
A quick trip through the furo on the men's side of a public bath proved that Kodachi's itching powder wouldn't be washed of with merely water. While the residents of Nerima were used to many bizarre sights, a wealthy kendoist being chased in broad daylight by a diminutive ninja intent on flagelation was a new one.
* * *
Cologne was surprised at the change in Ranma in just one day. Today he was faster at the Amaguriken than he'd ever been before.
"Impressive, son-in-law. If I didn't know you so long, and if this weren't such a serious situation for you, I'd suspect you either were intentionally holding back yesterday, or you had received extra speed training last night from some other teacher. Your father hasn't the speed or the knowledge. Is Happosai still missing?"
"Yep, I haven't seen him since he found out I was cured."
"I think you'd better regard him as a hidden enemy then, he's surely plotting something. What he's plotting is probably based on what he thinks the situation is. You didn't explain the coin to him, did you?"
"No way. I didn't want him to have any advantage over me. He might have seen the coin, but I doubt it. He didn't comment on it, and while I was fighting him, my hand was closed."
"Well there's not much we can do about him until he acts. Dr. Tofu's excercise suggestion sounds like a good one. Keep in mind you want a constant level of exertion without straining yourself."
"Can you show me any ways to increase my speed still further? Even if you have had more practice than me, I still don't like being so slow compared to you."
"Well you're too slow to learn the next speed kata I know..."
"Just show me, and I'll master it!"
"That's just what you mustn't do. If you did master it, you'd be stressing yourself more than would be safe while you are wearing the coin. No, it's better if you work on just improving what you have for now. There is something I tried in 1930 that might help you. I don't have the parts here, but by now the parts are pretty cheap, and easy to buy. The bigest problems with the Amaguriken training are precision, and speed. You are well past the point where you can see your own fists, and if you weren't watching my muscles and stance, you couldn't block me at the speed we've been using. Get a photographer's strobe with a variable speed, and practice punching a target only when the strobe is off. When it's on, have your hands back. You can also use it to accurately measure your speed. Don't go overboard, remember you don't want to push yourself too far. You're in the unique position of being strong to outside attacks, yet fragile in health."
* * *
Those people still at school were treated to the sight of a bald, soaking wet, bound Kuno, being chased by his manservant through the coridors. Kuno's cries of "Alchohol! Acetone! Get Me Turpentine!" were oddly mixed with Sasuke's cries of "Please master, slow down. I'm having trouble whipping you at this speed."
* * *
"Nabiki," Ranma started, "Do you have any good ideas for me to make cash? I need to buy some equipment for training. I dont want our parents to know about it, so that leaves earning it or borrowing it. I don't feel like watressing, and I figure you'd know of some method that wouldn't involve exploiting my figure, or my fiancees."
"Well, there's one idea I had, when you faced the Gambling King, but I rejected it, because you wouldn't do something so dishonest, but with a little modification, you could make a good living honestly from it. You'd need to train in something that isn't martial arts, although knowing you, you'll find a way to encorporate it into your fights. How'd you like to learn to be a card shark? It's basically learning to manipulate small objects with speed and control."
"I don't want to swindle people, the Gambling King was a special case."
"Ranma, the world is filled with special cases. But I was thinking about the performance you gave when you fought Mousse under the cat-toungue shiatzu point. Develop a magic act based on sleight of hand, and chi attacks. Too bad you no longer transform, or you could add real magic to the act, and charge rates for 2 people."
"Maybe I can get Mousse to help me. We have a sort of truce going, and he could do an act right now. The two of us should be able to make a professional act. I assume you'll get us the jobs and take a percentage?"
"I've always done my best work with enlightened self-interest. Check out the local libraries tomorrow for books on sleight of hand and buy a few decks of cards, and find out how much the equipment you need for training costs. If you're willing to push on with this, I can advance you some of your future earnings, especially as I know you'll have the money to pay it back.
* * *
As Ranma prepares to leave the house, he spots his mother. "Mom, here's the revised list you wanted."
"Thanks Ranma, before you leave, please sign it at the bottom, and date it."
"OK mom."
Ranma signs it, and leaves. He's halfway to the Nekohanten before it strikes him as odd that his mother asked him to sign it.
* * *
Ranma ducks into the Nekohanten, and is immediately hugged by Shampoo, "Airen! You came to see me?"
"Actually, I came to see Mousse."
"Why Mousse? Why not me? Are you still mad about this afternoon?"
"No, no. I was just in a bad mood this afternoon. I wanted to talk with Mousse about an idea Nabiki had."
"Are you planning to date Nabiki and Mousse this weekend?"
"No! What made you think of that?"
"Well, you spent the last two Saturdays with 2 other people. You haven't said anything about next Saturday, but you want to talk to Mousse about something to do with Nabiki."
"No, no. Although I might spend Saturday on this, I'm not trying to spend time with Nabiki. Spending time with her takes too much concentration to be fun all day. Where is Mousse?"
"He's in back, washing dishes. He's hopeless as a waiter. If he takes too long, the water gets cold, and grandmother makes jokes about Peking duck."
"Thanks, see you later."
* * *
"Mousse, Do we still have a truce, or are you mad at me?"
"Not right now. What did you want?"
"I thought I'd offer a trade. I want to improve my speed and agility handling small objects. If you'll train me in that, I'll show you how to improve your close-range aerial fighting. Most of your aerial attacks are distance attacks."
"You want me to teach you some of my kata and secrets?"
"Hey, I'm offering a trade. Besides, I'm not likely to start throwing knives at you. I usually fight weaponless."
"Then why would you want this?"
"Nabiki thinks i can use my speed to put on a magic act, using sleight of hand, so I can raise some cash. If I had something like that to fall back on, travelling with Pop would have been much easier. You travelled with a circus for a while using your skills to do a magic act. So I thought I'd ask you. If you feel it is too much of an imposition, I'll do it the hard way with library books."
"OK, sounds good. I don't get much time off here, though. Until you get the basics down, you'll want to practice with the same items, until you get that down. If you are going to do a magic act, the five traditional items are cards, balls, coins, cigarettes, and silk scarves. Which will you start with?"
"I was going to start with cards. I've had some practice when I faced the Gambling King. Could you teach me coins? Then I could practice nearly everywhere, like in class."
"Ok, start with a 100 yen coin and hold it like this. Use a 100 yen coin, because it's shiny, the 10 yen coin would work as well for practice, except that it's harder to see, and you should practice with the coin you're going to use when you perform. Now you have several goals. You want your hand to look as natural as possible while your palming the coin, but you want to make it appear suddenly like this. And then dissapear like this. Get this one down, and I'll show you the next way to palm a coin."
"Great. I'll ask for pointers after my daily meeting with Cologne, and when you have time, come by the dojo, and I'll tighten up your aerial attacking."