Note: I hope no one ever has to get The Talk from Psymon...ever! Scary.
Anyhow, the "Sweet sneaky Jesus" line is credited to my best pal TPITMS who
came up with it after watching a certain skit on Late World With Zach (we
hate you, VH1!). Now, on with the fic!
Psymon was sitting in the lodge's dining hall, wolfing down a hamburger. He looked up at the figure in front of him, and smiled around a mouthful of food. Kaori plunked down in front of him and sat there watching him for a bit, then snatched up one of his french fries and popped it in her mouth.
"You come by to steal my fries?" Psymon grumbled, pulling his plate closer to him.
"Psymon," Kaori said quietly, "did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt Kaori?" Psymon asked, taking another bite of his hamburger.
"The piercing," Kaori replied. Psymon began choking on his lunch. Kaori looked at him. "Psymon? Are you okay?"
"Sweet sneaky Jesus, Kaori," Psymon finally gasped out, coughing. "What the hell is your problem?"
"Ashikarazu," Kaori replied quietly. She looked up at Psymon through her bangs. Psymon sighed.
"First time seeing a guy, kid?" he asked, looking her over. The girl nodded quietly, blushing. Psymon just groaned and settled back in his chair. "Not what you thought, eh?"
"It's...no, it's not," Kaori softly. Great, Psymon thought, now he had to be guilty about the kid seeing his jimmy.
"Kaori, um, you okay?" Psymon asked. The girl just shrugged. Psymon knew he was going to regret having The Talk with her, but since she brought it up and no one else seemed to have discussed it with her. "You want to talk about it?"
"I don't know what to ask or what to say," Kaori answered. She looked up at him, embarrassment clearly showing in her dark brown eyes. "I should not be bothering you with this."
"Look, you sorta saw something I don't think you should've, but what's done is done," Psymon answered, taking a bite of his hamburger. He figured she didn't want to talk afterall. Good, it got him off the hook.
"What is sex like?" Kaori blurted out, causing Psymon to choke again. He glared at Kaori.
"Are you trying to kill me on purpose?" Psymon barked, then felt instantly bad as the girl shrunk back from him. He sighed. Why him? "Sorry, Kaori, I didn't mean to yell. Why do you want to know about sex? You and Mac aren't thinking about it, are you?"
"Oh, no," Kaori answered a bit too quickly, eyes wide. Gotcha, Psymon thought. Kaori looked down, then took another one of his fries.
"Hey, either talk to me, or go get your own damn fries," Psymon said gruffly. Kaori sighed.
"I..we are not thinking about sex," she said. "But I've heard you and Zoe sometimes when I walk by your bus at night. It sound like it hurt."
"Well, sorry to keep you up at night," Psymon replied, smirking. "No, it doesn't hurt. It feels good. I just don't recommend doing it with people you really don't care for."
"Like you and Marisol?" Kaori asked. Psymon glared at her, pounding his fist on the table.
"Dammit, I wasn't with Marisol. Fuck what she said," the Canadian growled, making Kaori shrink back from him again.
"Sorry, I did not mean to upset you," Kaori replied quietly. Psymon sighed, pushing his plate away and laying his head down on the table, cover his head with his arms. He was hoping Kaori would just go away. "I just want to know how you do sex."
"Can't you just go get a book?" Psymon asked, not looking at her. He groaned softly, really regretting having this conversation now. He felt Kaori poke him.
"What can I learn in a book that you can't tell me?" she asked. Psymon sighed, still not moving. So much for his quiet lunch. He sat up and looked at her.
"Okay, how do have sex...um...well," Psymon started, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. "First get someone you really care about that you won't regret being with later, then get naked with them. There's a lot of kissing and touching...you sure you don't want a book for this? No, eh? Well, um, then one of you gets on top...usually the guy, and you sorta go at it. Kaori, I really don't know what exactly you want to know."
"I'm not sure," Kaori replied, blushing furiously. "What do you mean 'go at it'?"
"I am not having this conversation," Psymon grumbled. He sighed, looking at Kaori. "Um, well, the guy...um..I'm not really good at explaining this."
"It's okay, Psymon," Kaori answered, laying a hand on his arm. Psymon just smiled at her. He realized this was embarrassing for both of them. Man, is this what it would be like if he ever had to sit down with his own kids one day?
"Okay, Kaori. I'm just going to go through this once," Psymon replied. Without thinking about it, he made a few hand gestures to get his point across as he explained. "The guy takes his...erm...thing and he puts it in the girl. There a lot of moving and moaning and stuff, then they come and that's about it. The guy usually falls asleep afterwards."
"Does it hurt?" Kaori asked. Psymon shrugged.
"It doesn't hurt the guy, but it hurts a girl sometimes," he answered. "Especially during her first time. Kaori, really, you shouldn't be thinking about it right now. Go be a kid, please. Get married and then have sex. Just don't screw up you life the way I did."
"You screw up your life over sex?" the Japanese girl asked. Psymon just smirked.
"No, I screwed up 'cause I was stupid, but yeah, I had sex before I was ready," he answered. "Believe me, I wish I'd waited."
"Why didn't you?" the girl asked, her hand rubbing along Psymon's arm.
"I didn't know what love was. I was a stupid kid," he answered. "Now, I'm a stupid man that regrets a lot of stuff he did when he was younger."
"You are not stupid, Psymon," Kaori said. "Crazy, maybe, but by no means stupid."
"Mmm, well, I hope this little talk helped," Psymon said, getting up. He picked up his plate and walked around to her side of the table and kissed her cheek, then said softly in her ear, "Next time you want advice, look somewhere else. This is the last time."
Psymon walked off, leaving a very stunned Kaori sitting there, rubbing her cheek. He left his plate with the kitchen staff and walked to the lounge, but decided against walking in when he saw Marisol there. He walked back outside toward his winnebago instead. He figured maybe he could get some time in at the indoor heated pool before anyone started looking for him.
Zoe looked up as Psymon walked up. She'd been sitting on the steps to the winnebago, waiting for him to come home. Psymon just shook his head and knealt down in front of her, pulling her into a hug. He nuzzled her neck gently.
"Are you trying to catch a cold, love?" he asked softly, pulling back from her and getting up.
"No, I forgot my key," Zoe answered, letting Psymon help her up. She waited as he unlocked the door, then walked in behind him, taking a moment to admire his back, the muscles showing underneath the thin material of his t-shirt. She walked to the bedroom and laid down, laughing as Psy sat down at the foot of the bed and started removing her shoes for her. "What are you doing?"
"You're not laying on the bed with muddy shoes," Psymon answered. "Besides, you might be more comfortable just in stocking feet."
"Thanks," Zoe said, curling up. Mackerel strutted in and hopped up on the bed, then curled up with her. She just pet the cat, listening to his purring, while watching Psymon get undressed. "What's up, Psy?"
"I was going to go swimming at the lodge's pool. Want to come along?" he asked, pulling off his pants. Zoe sighed.
"Much as I'd like to, I'd rather just rest a bit. I'm feeling kind of tired," she answered, closing her eyes as not to be tempted by his body. She felt extra weight on the bed and opened her eyes, to see him sitting down on the bed. He leaned down and kissed her. Zoe just pulled him closer, kissing back. Well, he certainly was in the mood, but Zoe wasn't. She pushed him back, when his hands began wondering a bit too much.
"What?" Psymon asked, sitting up. Zoe just shook her head and rolled over, facing away from him. She went on petting the cat, listening to Psymon getting dressed. She felt a quick kiss from him on her shoulder. "I'll be back after awhile, okay?"
"Alright," Zoe said, looking back at him. She laid back down when he left, curling up. She poked the cat. "Hey, Mackerel, you still love me, right?" The cat didn't answer, aside from purring. "Yeah, well, I hope Psymon does too when I finally tell him what's wrong with me."
Psymon swam lazy laps around the pool, his mind floating elsewhere. What was up with Zoe anyway? First she was all over him, then it was cold. They'd been living together for months now, but he got the vague impression she really didn't want to be with him. He wished he knew what he had done wrong so he could make it right, but Zoe didn't seem to want to tell him. What was happening to their realtionship?
Psymon was sitting in the lodge's dining hall, wolfing down a hamburger. He looked up at the figure in front of him, and smiled around a mouthful of food. Kaori plunked down in front of him and sat there watching him for a bit, then snatched up one of his french fries and popped it in her mouth.
"You come by to steal my fries?" Psymon grumbled, pulling his plate closer to him.
"Psymon," Kaori said quietly, "did it hurt?"
"Did what hurt Kaori?" Psymon asked, taking another bite of his hamburger.
"The piercing," Kaori replied. Psymon began choking on his lunch. Kaori looked at him. "Psymon? Are you okay?"
"Sweet sneaky Jesus, Kaori," Psymon finally gasped out, coughing. "What the hell is your problem?"
"Ashikarazu," Kaori replied quietly. She looked up at Psymon through her bangs. Psymon sighed.
"First time seeing a guy, kid?" he asked, looking her over. The girl nodded quietly, blushing. Psymon just groaned and settled back in his chair. "Not what you thought, eh?"
"It's...no, it's not," Kaori softly. Great, Psymon thought, now he had to be guilty about the kid seeing his jimmy.
"Kaori, um, you okay?" Psymon asked. The girl just shrugged. Psymon knew he was going to regret having The Talk with her, but since she brought it up and no one else seemed to have discussed it with her. "You want to talk about it?"
"I don't know what to ask or what to say," Kaori answered. She looked up at him, embarrassment clearly showing in her dark brown eyes. "I should not be bothering you with this."
"Look, you sorta saw something I don't think you should've, but what's done is done," Psymon answered, taking a bite of his hamburger. He figured she didn't want to talk afterall. Good, it got him off the hook.
"What is sex like?" Kaori blurted out, causing Psymon to choke again. He glared at Kaori.
"Are you trying to kill me on purpose?" Psymon barked, then felt instantly bad as the girl shrunk back from him. He sighed. Why him? "Sorry, Kaori, I didn't mean to yell. Why do you want to know about sex? You and Mac aren't thinking about it, are you?"
"Oh, no," Kaori answered a bit too quickly, eyes wide. Gotcha, Psymon thought. Kaori looked down, then took another one of his fries.
"Hey, either talk to me, or go get your own damn fries," Psymon said gruffly. Kaori sighed.
"I..we are not thinking about sex," she said. "But I've heard you and Zoe sometimes when I walk by your bus at night. It sound like it hurt."
"Well, sorry to keep you up at night," Psymon replied, smirking. "No, it doesn't hurt. It feels good. I just don't recommend doing it with people you really don't care for."
"Like you and Marisol?" Kaori asked. Psymon glared at her, pounding his fist on the table.
"Dammit, I wasn't with Marisol. Fuck what she said," the Canadian growled, making Kaori shrink back from him again.
"Sorry, I did not mean to upset you," Kaori replied quietly. Psymon sighed, pushing his plate away and laying his head down on the table, cover his head with his arms. He was hoping Kaori would just go away. "I just want to know how you do sex."
"Can't you just go get a book?" Psymon asked, not looking at her. He groaned softly, really regretting having this conversation now. He felt Kaori poke him.
"What can I learn in a book that you can't tell me?" she asked. Psymon sighed, still not moving. So much for his quiet lunch. He sat up and looked at her.
"Okay, how do have sex...um...well," Psymon started, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. "First get someone you really care about that you won't regret being with later, then get naked with them. There's a lot of kissing and touching...you sure you don't want a book for this? No, eh? Well, um, then one of you gets on top...usually the guy, and you sorta go at it. Kaori, I really don't know what exactly you want to know."
"I'm not sure," Kaori replied, blushing furiously. "What do you mean 'go at it'?"
"I am not having this conversation," Psymon grumbled. He sighed, looking at Kaori. "Um, well, the guy...um..I'm not really good at explaining this."
"It's okay, Psymon," Kaori answered, laying a hand on his arm. Psymon just smiled at her. He realized this was embarrassing for both of them. Man, is this what it would be like if he ever had to sit down with his own kids one day?
"Okay, Kaori. I'm just going to go through this once," Psymon replied. Without thinking about it, he made a few hand gestures to get his point across as he explained. "The guy takes his...erm...thing and he puts it in the girl. There a lot of moving and moaning and stuff, then they come and that's about it. The guy usually falls asleep afterwards."
"Does it hurt?" Kaori asked. Psymon shrugged.
"It doesn't hurt the guy, but it hurts a girl sometimes," he answered. "Especially during her first time. Kaori, really, you shouldn't be thinking about it right now. Go be a kid, please. Get married and then have sex. Just don't screw up you life the way I did."
"You screw up your life over sex?" the Japanese girl asked. Psymon just smirked.
"No, I screwed up 'cause I was stupid, but yeah, I had sex before I was ready," he answered. "Believe me, I wish I'd waited."
"Why didn't you?" the girl asked, her hand rubbing along Psymon's arm.
"I didn't know what love was. I was a stupid kid," he answered. "Now, I'm a stupid man that regrets a lot of stuff he did when he was younger."
"You are not stupid, Psymon," Kaori said. "Crazy, maybe, but by no means stupid."
"Mmm, well, I hope this little talk helped," Psymon said, getting up. He picked up his plate and walked around to her side of the table and kissed her cheek, then said softly in her ear, "Next time you want advice, look somewhere else. This is the last time."
Psymon walked off, leaving a very stunned Kaori sitting there, rubbing her cheek. He left his plate with the kitchen staff and walked to the lounge, but decided against walking in when he saw Marisol there. He walked back outside toward his winnebago instead. He figured maybe he could get some time in at the indoor heated pool before anyone started looking for him.
Zoe looked up as Psymon walked up. She'd been sitting on the steps to the winnebago, waiting for him to come home. Psymon just shook his head and knealt down in front of her, pulling her into a hug. He nuzzled her neck gently.
"Are you trying to catch a cold, love?" he asked softly, pulling back from her and getting up.
"No, I forgot my key," Zoe answered, letting Psymon help her up. She waited as he unlocked the door, then walked in behind him, taking a moment to admire his back, the muscles showing underneath the thin material of his t-shirt. She walked to the bedroom and laid down, laughing as Psy sat down at the foot of the bed and started removing her shoes for her. "What are you doing?"
"You're not laying on the bed with muddy shoes," Psymon answered. "Besides, you might be more comfortable just in stocking feet."
"Thanks," Zoe said, curling up. Mackerel strutted in and hopped up on the bed, then curled up with her. She just pet the cat, listening to his purring, while watching Psymon get undressed. "What's up, Psy?"
"I was going to go swimming at the lodge's pool. Want to come along?" he asked, pulling off his pants. Zoe sighed.
"Much as I'd like to, I'd rather just rest a bit. I'm feeling kind of tired," she answered, closing her eyes as not to be tempted by his body. She felt extra weight on the bed and opened her eyes, to see him sitting down on the bed. He leaned down and kissed her. Zoe just pulled him closer, kissing back. Well, he certainly was in the mood, but Zoe wasn't. She pushed him back, when his hands began wondering a bit too much.
"What?" Psymon asked, sitting up. Zoe just shook her head and rolled over, facing away from him. She went on petting the cat, listening to Psymon getting dressed. She felt a quick kiss from him on her shoulder. "I'll be back after awhile, okay?"
"Alright," Zoe said, looking back at him. She laid back down when he left, curling up. She poked the cat. "Hey, Mackerel, you still love me, right?" The cat didn't answer, aside from purring. "Yeah, well, I hope Psymon does too when I finally tell him what's wrong with me."
Psymon swam lazy laps around the pool, his mind floating elsewhere. What was up with Zoe anyway? First she was all over him, then it was cold. They'd been living together for months now, but he got the vague impression she really didn't want to be with him. He wished he knew what he had done wrong so he could make it right, but Zoe didn't seem to want to tell him. What was happening to their realtionship?