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I ran to his apartment, which I knew very well. There were good times and of course, bad, all scrunched together in one apartment. As I ran, I thought of Seiya. If only I knew how to explain all this to him; I don't even know how to explain this to myself. But right now, I have to worry about what I am going to say to Mamoru…
I finally arrived to the apartment building and raced up the stairs. I stood in front of his door, wondering what he was doing and feeling at that moment. I placed my hand against the door. I felt the sorrow and pain he was feeling. I loved him so much, but I also loved another.
I built up enough courage and lightly knocked on the door. My heart stopped as I waited for the door to open. Thousands of emotions ran through my body as I waited for those minutes that seemed like hours.
Finally, the door opened. And Mamoru stood in the doorway. I leaped onto him and kissed his lips, and then backed away.
"What was that for?" he asked, in shock.
"One last kiss of lying to you."
"What did you lie to me about?" he asked.
"Can I come in?" I asked.
"Sure," he said, and then backed away. I slowly walked inside. Surprisingly, it was clean, but then this was Mamoru and he was always neat. He shut the door and walked behind me as I entered the living room. I sat down on the couch and he sat next to me.
"Mamoru… I lied to you," I said softly.
"About what?" he asked.
"About having to think about if I wanted to marry you or not. I lied Mamoru," I replied. "I want to marry you, but I have mixed feelings about someone else."
I could feel his pain radiating from his body. I wish I didn't have to say anything, but I had to. It was the only way I'll fully be honest to him and to myself.
"I knew there was someone else," he stated. "So who is it?"
His name was at the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't say it. I swallowed and looked away from his eyes. "Seiya," I said, and then looked into his eyes. His eyes filled with sadness and depression. I disappointed him, I know I did.
"One of the Three Lights?" he asked.
"Yeah…Why?" I asked.
"Just wondering, because from what I hear, you are very good friends with them," He replied.
"Mamoru…" I started.
"You never call me Mamo-chan anymore. It's like when I left Tokyo it's like I left your heart, too."
"You're still in my heart, you've always been. It's just that since you've been gone I've gotten close to someone else."
"I thought I could trust you. But I guess I can't."
"Mamoru! Can you actually tell me that you have not looked or for once even flirted with a girl since you've been gone?"
"That's besides the point," he replied. "Sure I looked and flirted, but I have not done anything more. I swear I didn't."
"No, it's the point exactly! In a relationship it involves two people and what they both do determines the whole relationship, not just one. So what you're saying is that it's all my fault that our relationship is loosing its passion. But it's not! It takes two people to screw it up, not one!"
"It's not all your fault. Half of it is mine, too," he said. "But, what I'm more pissed at is you not telling me this before when I asked you to marry you."
"I couldn't, Mamoru," I replied. "I wasn't strong enough then. But, now I am and I just wanted you to hear the truth."
"What do you want me to do? Pretend like noting happened? Well, I don't think I would be able to forget," he said.
"Please forgive me," I replied. "I just need for you to forgive me, and then I'll promise to leave you alone."
"I don't think I can, Usagi."
Ok this was bad. I knew it was because he didn't call me Usa-ko. And whenever he didn't call me that I knew it was bad.
"All right," I said, trying to hold back the tears that were ready to fall from my eyes.
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't apologize," I said and then stood up. "I have to leave you now, Mamoru."
I started to walk to the door. "Wait, Usagi!" he said, but I ignored him and kept walking to the door. I opened it and left. I rested my back against it and fell to the floor. I cried. It was like Mamoru left all over again and I was left alone to fend for myself. My heart was ripped in half when he said no. I heard him coming to the door, so I got up and ran out of the building.
Tears rushed from my eyes and caressed my cheeks as they ran down my face. I needed to talk to somebody. So I ran to the closest house I knew. And that was Minako. I arrived at her house and knocked on the door.
The door opened and Minako stood in the doorway. "Usagi-chan?" she said, and then noticed the tears. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"
"Mina-chan!" I said, and hugged her. "I messed things up with Seiya and Mamoru, and now they hate me!"
"It's okay," she said, trying to calm me down. "Here, let's go inside and you can tell me everything."
"Okay," I said, following her into the living room and then sat down on the couch.
"Usagi-chan, what do you mean you messed up things with Seiya and Mamoru?" she asked.
"First, Mamoru popped the question, and I said I had to think about it. Second, Seiya practically blew me away, and told be he wanted to be friends. And then…" I said.
"There's more?" she interrupted, gaping.
"Yes, but if you're going to keep interrupting me I can't finish it," I replied.
"Okay then, I'll be quiet until you're through," she said.
"All right, so as I was saying. I went back to Mamoru's apartment, to apologize and tell him what I feel for Seiya. And he totally blamed our dishonest relationship on me! So I left him and I came here. Now, I don't know what to do. One side of my heart says go back to Mamoru, but the other side wants Seiya."
"Usagi-chan, what do you want me to say? I can't actually tell you who you should be with."
"Why not? Mina-chan you're one of my best friends, why can't you tell me who I should have?" I asked.
"Because, it's not my choice, it's yours. Only you can choose the person you want," she said. "It's not like picking straws or a random drawing. These are feelings, Usagi-chan, not prizes."
"But, what if I want both?"
"You can't have both, it doesn't work that way," she replied. "Who do you love more? That's who you should pick."
"I love…"
"Don't tell me, tell yourself. Then you will know it's true, because you can't lie to yourself, or lie to your heart for that matter."
I can't lie to my heart, and my heart can't lie to me. If only I really knew who I loved more… My heart was separated into two even parts, one for Seiya and one for Mamoru. They were both equally divided like a straight line cutting a circle in half.
"Usagi-chan, do you think you're ready do that?" Minako asked.
"Is anyone ever ready?" I said, fidgeting with my hands. "I have to be ready, if I'm not now, I'll never be."
"Go to him," Minako said.
"I will," I answered. "Thank you so much!"
I hugged her and ran out of her house. I knew exactly what to do, and I was ready, at least I think I am. I understand my destiny and I know whom I want to share it with. I just hope he does, too.
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To Be Continued… Please Review!