2: The Hellmouth Committee Reconvenes

An emergency meeting of the 'Hellmouth Committee' was called in Josh's office - the only place they could be reasonably assured of not being interrupted. The five of them who were in the know about vampires, Donna's ex-slaying activities and Sam's werewolf side were Donna, Josh, Sam, Toby and CJ.

"So, you're telling me Roger Tribby... isn't Roger Tribby?" asked CJ disbelievingly.

Willow nodded earnestly. "He's the Mayor of Sunnydale! Trust me."

"Um... are you sure you're not mistaken?" suggested Sam gently. Donna reflected that those kinds of statements sounded so much less offensive when they weren't coming from Josh.

Willow shook her head emphatically. "He did my graduation day speech. Also turned into a giant snake. Not something you'd forget."

"A giant snake?" Josh shifted nervously in his seat. "How big is giant, exactly?"

"About sixty feet long." Josh paled, and Donna nudged him.

"Don't worry, Josh. I'll protect you." He shot her a look.

"And it's the same guy?" asked CJ.

"Yeah! Positive. Which is, I'll admit, a little bit weird - given that we kind of blew him up."

"Blew him up?" asked Josh, eyebrows raised.

"With dynamite," Willow nodded. "Giles set the explosives in the library - I mean, it was his library, after all. Although I suppose the rest of the school wasn't his. But the principal got eaten, so I guess it doesn't matter so much." She frowned. "We have kind of a bad track record with the principals getting eaten."

"Track record?" yelped Josh.

"Well, okay. Two. Out of two. For the years I was there, anyway."

They contemplated that for a moment. Finally, Donna said "If you blew him up, how can he be Roger Tribby?"

Willow frowned. "See, that's exactly what I want to know. I mean, he had this whole immortality deal going, but that wore off when he turned into the snake. Hence, extra-crispy Mayor-meat."

"Euw," said CJ, succinctly.

"Couldn't our guy be, like, his long lost twin brother or something?" suggested Sam.

Willow shrugged. "Maybe. But Mayor Wilkins was over a hundred years old, so I'm thinking that won't help much."

"Tribby?" Josh shook his head disbelievingly. "Now, Lionel Tribbey, yes. You look at him, and you can see 'megolomanical-about-to-turn-into-a-snake-guy'. But Roger Tribby? He's so..."

"Boring?" Donna supplied helpfully. He flashed her a grin.

"Does he have this kind of weird hygiene fetish going?" Willow asked.

"With the germs? Yeah," agreed Sam. He frowned. "But you can never be too careful with personal hygiene, you know," he added sternly.

Toby, silent until now, rolled his eyes expressively. "All this is very interesting, I'm sure, but it's really not the point. The fact is, however he came to be here, this 'Mayor Wilkins' of yours has infiltrated the highest levels of government. I think we should probably be doing something about that, don't you?"

"He's only Agricultural Secretary," CJ disputed. "It's not like he has his finger on the button or anything."

Josh had suddenly gone very, very white. "He nearly did," he said in a sick voice.

"What?"

Donna knew this story, too. She always remembered matters of state better when she and Josh had been bantering over them. "When you were all at the Capitol Building. We had to pick somebody to stay behind... and Josh picked-"

"-Roger Tribby, 'cuz all the other secretaries are more easily recogniseable on camera," Sam finished for her.

"But if he was gonna do anything, he would have done it then, right?" asked CJ.

Willow frowned. "When was this?"

"'Bout a year and a half ago?" said Josh, with a shrug. He glanced across at Donna as if half expecting her to have the answer at her fingertips. She shrugged back at him.

"A year and a half?" Willow looked shocked. "We only blew him up two years ago!"

"Tribby joined us at the same time as everybody else," Sam pointed out. He frowned. "Although... I'm not sure any of us ever actually saw him when he first arrived."

"And nobody queried this?" Toby demanded scathingly. "A high-ranking government official, and nobody thinks it at all odd that he's never been seen by any of the President's senior staff?"

"He's agriculture, Toby," CJ pointed out. "Why would we want to?"

Josh frowned. "That's true. Which begs the question... why was he hanging around the West Wing today?"

They all looked at Toby, who looked grave. "He's been petitioning people to get on the speaker's list at the ambassadorial reception next month."

There was a moment's silence.

"Anybody else thinking about sixty-foot snakes?" asked Josh nervously.