22: Small Talk
"Mr. Mayor." Giles stepped up out of the darkness and smiled coldly.
"Ah, Mr. Giles." Tribby smiled pleasantly. "I do hope we're not going to have a repeat of that business with the fencing foil." He smoothed out his tux. "These things aren't cheap to hire, you know."
"You've moved up in the world, I see," Giles observed. Tribby shrugged easily.
"All good organisers remember to have a backup plan. Diligence is the mother of good luck."
"Welcome to the fortune-cookie factory," Buffy observed acerbically.
Donna couldn't help a flicker of a nervous grin. Like her friends and colleagues in the West Wing, Buffy and her friends were always ready to quip under pressure. Maybe it was a saving the world thing.
"Well, honestly, it's really quite delightful that you've all come to see me off, if a little misguided on your part. Still, I'm sure some of us will have fun." Tribby squinted into the dark and rubbed his hands together. "So, come on, don't keep me in suspense. Who else have you got back there?"
Wesley and Toby stepped up to join Giles.
"Ah, Mr. Ziegler! Sorry I had to miss our meeting earlier today - terribly rude of me." He looked at Wesley. "And Mr. Giles's associate from back in Sunnydale. I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive me, but I don't believe we were ever properly introduced."
"Wesley. Wyndham-Price," he said grimly.
"Of course, of course. Another Englishman. How very multicultural." He beamed around at them all. "Now, why don't we get to business? We don't want to keep the ladies and gentlemen in the White House waiting, so I suppose I'm just going to have to... well, kill you." He shrugged. "Ah well, these things are an inevitable consequence of political ambition, I suppose."
"We defeated you once - we can do it again," Giles reminded him.
"My, aren't we melodramatic?" Tribby smiled. "Now, as I recall, you weren't playing entirely fair last time, were you? All that nasty dynamite hidden about the place - most unsporting. Plus, you had me all het up about personal developments." He sighed and shook his head. "But why should I blame you? I really shouldn't allow myself to be distracted. Trying times, trying times, but we must rise above these things if we're going to aim for a higher glory."
Buffy clicked her fingers in feigned recollection. "Oh, that's right! Darling Faith. She didn't get to witness your moment of glory, did she? Maybe it's just as well, it would have ached her poor little heart to see her sugar-daddy go up in flames."
Tribby frowned. "Now, now, young lady, there's no call for that kind of insinuation, thank you very much. I'm a man of family values. Tell me, how is little Faith? Did she get my awakening present?"
"Oh yes." Buffy narrowed her eyes. "A nifty little gadget - shame she couldn't figure out what to do with it. Didn't take long to kick her back into her own body and out of town with her tail between her legs."
Back into her own body? Donna wondered. This was all going too fast to follow, and Tribby's cheerful exterior had her completely off-balance. He didn't sound like an evil dictator bent on ascending to demonhood, he sounded like President Bartlet when he'd taken a few too many back pills.
"Goodness gracious, my poor little Faith out on her own in the world?" Tribby tutted. "Dear me, the evils that can befall a young lady, I dread to think... tell me, is she doing all right for herself?"
"Oh, she did fine," said Wesley darkly, and Donna saw from the grim look on his face that there was some kind of history there.
"Yeah, she's really enjoying the inside of her jail cell," Buffy added with a smirk.
"Prison?" Tribby looked scandalised. "Oh my, we can't have that! Goodness knows what the jail system will do to my poor little girl."
"Yeah, she's a real delicate flower," snorted Buffy.
Tribby took a step backwards. "Well, really, it has been fascinating catching up with you all, but before I make the time to kill you, I really do have a speech to deliver. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to-"
He broke off and looked vaguely alarmed as his whole frame began to shudder. "It's the Ascension!" called Toby. "It's happening now!"
Well, that had always been the plan - but as the Agricultural Secretary's form began to melt into something scaly and huge, Donna couldn't help wondering if maybe they could have used a better one...