24: A New Definition of Rambling

They all stared at Leo for a moment, then Toby snorted. "Important government business? Leo, it's a booze-and-schmooze."

Leo scowled. "It's important if I say it's important. You think the press corps aren't gonna notice three-quarters of the senior staff gone missing? They're gonna know there's something going on."

"Yeah, but there, um, actually isn't," Josh pointed out.

"Exactly. Which means they'll get inventive, and I'm gonna open up my paper tomorrow and find we're plotting a bombing run on Switzerland!"

"Well, someone's gotta get revenge for the cuckoo clocks." Leo gave Josh an unamused look.

"Guys, what's everybody doing out here?" he asked, exasperated.

"We followed Tribby," Sam volunteered.

"Roger Tribby?"

"Yeah," Josh nodded. "He took off suddenly in the middle of a conversation."

"Took off?" demanded Leo loudly.

"Yeah. Something came up - personal stuff, I guess. I don't think he was expecting it." All things considered, Josh did a fairly admirable job of keeping a straight face.

"Not expecting it? I'll say! He's supposed to be giving a speech in-" Leo checked his watch "-now."

"Well, that would be why we followed him," Sam pointed out.

"And he just ran off?"

"Pretty much."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Boy, this evening just gets better and better." His gaze fell on Giles and the others, standing silent on the sidelines. "Geez, did everybody come along for the ride?"

"Um, no, we were just, um-" Giles flailed for an excuse.

"Following me," finished Buffy quickly. She gave Leo her most winning smile. "I was looking for Donna. I needed her help with a major... dress... fashion... crisis... thing." She quickly turned to her fellow Slayer. "It looks okay now, right?" she said, indicating her outfit.

Donna quickly chimed in on the cover story. "It doesn't show at all." She nudged Josh. "It doesn't, does it?"

Josh was the perfect choice for playing vaguely clueless. "I don't even know what I'm looking for."

"See?" she said, and Buffy grinned.

Leo watched all this as if not quite sure what planet they were all from. "Whatever." He turned back to the senior staff. "Is it too much to ask that we take this back inside?"

"Sure." Everybody trooped back in, with a few last backwards glances to make sure there weren't, say, any magical portals spontaneously reopening. There was a reassuring lack of giant snake demon, and they went inside.

Sam turned to Leo. "What about the speech?"

"Well, Tribby doesn't look like he's coming back," he observed caustically. "We'll have to let the president take the floor." There was a chorus of groans.

"Leo!"

"You're letting him loose on a bunch of potential supporters without a script?" Toby demanded.

"Well, unless you want to write him one in the next ten minutes-?" Leo pointed out. Toby rolled his eyes heavenwards.

"I quit."

"Too late, you're here for life. Now behave yourselves," Leo ordered the three men sternly, as he ducked off into the crowd to find the president. CJ came over to join them.

"Sorry, guys, he slipped away while the president was lecturing me on eucalyptus trees," she apologised. "Did you get Tribby?"

"Yes, the, uh, the portal spell worked exactly as we, as we desired." She and Giles exchanged smiles.

Toby looked pained. "And now we have to have the president speaking in his place. Without a prepared script."

CJ smirked. "Well, I just hope the audience is ready for the Josiah Bartlet treatise on the properties of Australasian foliage. Let me tell you, that one's a real blockbuster."

"I'll bet," nodded Josh.

Wesley looked faintly surprised. "I must say, you're all very... cavalier... talking about your country's leader."

"We mock because we love," CJ smiled.

"We mock because we've learned to fear the application of random trivia," Josh added. Donna elbowed him. "Ow."

Toby made a beeline for the remainder of the food. "Hey, where do you think you're escaping to?" CJ demanded.

He turned back. "I have fought vampires. I have taken part in a spell to distort the fabric of reality. I have seen off an oversized snake demon. I am about to hear the President of the United States for whom I craft speeches give a large number of party supporters a new definition of 'rambling'." He paused infinitesimally, and raised a finger to make his point. "I need pie." He walked off.

Somebody called for silence, and the president got up to speak. "Good evening, good evening. Ladies, gentlemen, I've just been informed that the Agricultural Secretary has been unavoidably detained, and will not be able to give his speech." The crowd didn't sound exactly devastated by the news. "So, looks like you're stuck with me." There was a ripple of polite laughter. "I'm sure I'll be able to rise to the occasion, and I'll try not to go on too long..."

Under the cover of more laughter, Josh turned to glare at Giles and Wesley. "We could've gone with the giant snake ripping people's heads off, but nooo..."