Chapter 4 -- the Talk
Mel regarded Cole anxiously as he sat, silently searching for words. Cole was so seldom at a loss for words, and, even when he was, it seldom slowed down his efforts to explain things. The awkward silence was incredibly uncomfortable for her.
Finally, she took a deep breath. "So, what's going on?" she asked, trying to sound casual. She was not entirely sure that she wanted an answer, but she needed one.
In his search to find words to explain Mel's perplexing condition, Cole had almost forgotten that he was keeping her waiting. She looked nervous and more than a little afraid. "Mel..." he began slowly, deciding to approach the matter in a more roundabout way. Hopefully, the words would come more easily once they were discussing the actual reasons for her condition. "How well did you know your grandfather? The one who was married to the grandmother who lived here..."
Mel frowned, surprised by the question. "Um, I didn't know him. He died before I was born." She stared at him uncertainly for several minutes before cautiously asking, "Why?"
Cole inhaled deeply. His chest felt oddly tight. "Mel, he was Cirronian..." Cole began cautiously.
There were many issues involved here, not the least of which was the racial purity that so many species seemed to hold so dear. Cirronians, who, it was believed, were not genetically compatible with any other species, had never considered it a very important thing, but Cole knew from his travels that many species did. How would a human who had only recently learned of the existence of other species react? He watched her closely, wondering how to calm her if she grew upset.
Mel stared uncomprehendingly at him. "What?" she finally managed. Her head was swimming. "How... how is that possible, Cole?"
"I don't know, Mel." He shook his head uncertainly. Why Cirronians should be compatible with humans when they were not compatible with any of the species in their own solar-system was puzzling.
Mel took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "How did this happen? I mean... how could a human... and a Cirronian..."
She did not seem upset, only confused. Cole was relieved. "Well, if he had taken on the outward... appearances of a human..." He paused, not really sure how these things worked with humans. "The... exchange of genetic materials would be the same as if he were truly human." He shrugged uncomfortably. They were once again getting into territory that Mel would not be entirely comfortable with. Cole suddenly found himself quite uncomfortable with it as well.
Mel glanced up, startled. Was he actually embarrassed. Why was he embarrassed talking about human sex? In the past, he had told her about Cirronian mating without the least sign of discomfort, and he had never seemed embarrassed by talk of the human way of doing things before. So what had him embarrassed? She dismissed this curiosity from her head, turning her attention to more pressing concerns.
"Whatever's wrong with me, Cole, is it because of this? Because I'm part Cirronian?" she asked, assuming that this was why he had brought it up in the first place.
He nodded slowly, searching for the words. "Medically, Mel, it's... incorrect to say that there's anything wrong..." he began uncertainly. She seemed to be taking the fact that she was part Cirronian fairly well, but he was not entirely certain that she would take the rest of his news as well. Humans were funny that way.
Mel stared at him uncomprehendingly. It was not hard to believe that she was not truly sick, especially since she did not feel at all unwell. What troubled her was Cole's reaction to the news. She had never seen the Cirronian so flustered over anything. Something else was going on here. She leaned towards him and took his hands gently in hers and saw him stiffen slightly. That was a strange response, too.
"Am I contagious?" she asked nervously, letting go of his hands and leaning away.
Contagious? Cole considered this for a moment before shaking his head. "No. You aren't sick, Mel."
"Then what's happening to me? Is it... normal?"
Cole nodded quickly. "Very normal, Mel. It... happens a lot to... young women."
"Then what's the problem?" Mel asked, staring at him. "Cole, talk to me..." she said firmly.
"Mel..." he began slowly, searching for words to explain the concept. "You are... reacting to the... proximity of another Cirronian."
He nodded, relieved to have at least partially expressed it. Why was this so hard for him? It was one of those perfectly normal things that happened all the time and that Cirronian children were born with an almost instinctive knowledge of. Yet here he was, stumbling and grasping for words.
Mel stared at him dubiously, suspecting that he was trying to express a lot more than he had in that halting phrase. "I don't understand, Cole."
He flushed and nodded. He was obviously going to have to do better. There was no real point in being embarrassed anyway, he reminded himself firmly. "Your body, Mel, is in a state of... readiness." The word felt wrong, but he was unsure how else to express it.
"Readiness?" Mel repeated, staring. At his slow nod, she asked, "Readiness for what exactly?"
How to say it without unduly embarrassing her as well? Was that even going to be possible? "Mating, Mel..." he said quickly without looking at her.
"Mating..." Mel repeated. She let out a strangled laugh that had nothing to do with mirth. "I'm in heat?" she gasped, staring at him. God, no wonder the poor guy was so flustered.
Cole looked up, startled. Frowning, he shook his head. "Animals go into heat, Mel. This is very different."
"Different how, Cole?" Mel pressed, still trying to wrap her head around the two bombshells that Cole had just dropped on her.
Cole glanced up at her. "If you had been raised on Cirron, I would not have to explain this to you..."
"But I wasn't, Cole..." Mel pointed out. "So start talking." Realizing how harsh that sounded, she amended. "I'm trying very hard to understand all of this, Cole. Please help me."
He nodded and slowly began to explain to her. "When a male and female Cirronian care about each other..." he began, stopping when Mel let out another laugh, this one definitely amused. "What?" he asked in confusion. He could not see any humor in the situation.
"Cole, you're giving me the Talk!" Mel giggled helplessly, shaking her head.
"What talk, Mel?" Cole repeated uncertainly. Laughter had been the last response he would have expected from her.
Mel buried her face in her hands. His perplexed look was only making her laugh harder. Composing herself, she explained, "The Talk... When humans reach physical maturity their parents sit them down and explain sex to them." She frowned curiously as his expression became even more uncertain. "Not like that where you come from?" she asked.
He shook his head. "It's commonly understood, Mel. By the time a Cirronian is ready to take a mate, there's no need to explain it."
"God, no wonder you're so embarrassed..." Mel muttered, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Cole." She pulled her knees under her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. "I'm sorry, Cole. Please tell me what's happening to me." She glanced at him. "And why..." she added slowly.
She was not entirely sure why she added that, except that something was nagging at the back of her mind, telling her that there was more going on here than what Cole had already expressed.
Cole's voice was quiet and halting as he struggled with both the words and his own humiliation at having gotten Mel into such a condition. "When male and female Cirronians care about each other very deeply, Mel, they... release pheromones."
"Like animals?" Mel asked, frowning.
He shook his head. "Not really. Animals mate because they want to have children. Cirronians mate because they care." He looked up at her with an almost guilty expression. In assuming that she was human, he had also assumed that caring about her, that the involuntary release of pheromones that came with caring, would not affect her in the least.
"Then why is this happening?" Mel asked quietly. "Just... explain the biology first and then we'll deal with everything else." She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. A little of the initial shock at being part Cirronian was starting to wear off, leaving in its wake an even greater degree of shock at her condition.
Cole stared at his feet as he spoke. "There are two different pheromones involved, Mel, that indicate... receptiveness." He shook his head. "I guess you would call it love, Mel. Cirronian mates release pheromones to indicate that they are in love with each other. They are... specific to the people involved, and the male's pheromones change once they are exposed to the appropriate female ones, which, if she is producing the correct pheromones at the same time... triggers a change in the female's physiology." He indicated Mel.
Mel considered this for a moment before its implications set in. "So, this is happening to me because of you?"
He nodded weakly.
"Because you care about me?" Mel asked, staring. Another weak nod. "Because you love me, Cole?"
He nodded again and looked up at her with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, Mel..." he said softly. From the very beginning, he had noticed the unique nature of her life-force, but he had always failed to assume that she was anything other than human. If he had realized the obvious, this whole situation could have been avoided.
"For what?" Mel asked gently, shaking her head. "It's not like you meant for this to happen... Did you?"
"No!" He glanced up cautiously. "So you aren't... angry with me?"
Mel laughed and shook her head. "Come here, Cole." She beckoned to him and patted the edge of the couch.
Cole slowly rose and sat down next to her, eyeing her cautiously. "It will pass, Mel..." he assured her quietly.
Mel sighed and stared at him. "Wow..." she muttered. "This is... this is a whole lot to absorb, Cole." She lightly touched his chest, then pulled her hand away as it occurred to her that she had been all over the poor man lately. At least now she knew why. "Please, Cole, don't be sorry. It's not your fault." She smiled faintly. "You say this will go away? How long will that take?"
"Not more than a few weeks."
"A few weeks..." Mel repeated with a sigh. She felt like crawling out of her own skin, could not tolerate anybody but Cole touching her, could not stand clothes, was, in fact, starting to get irritated by her silk bathrobe, and it was going to be weeks before she got better? She shook her head. How was she supposed to tolerate this for that long? "It'll pass in few weeks... or when I mate?" she guessed.
Cole nodded slowly, wondering if she was actually suggesting what she seemed to be suggesting. Joining with Mel would be... wonderful beyond words. "Yes, Mel..." he told her softly. "A few weeks or when you mate."
"Oh, God..." No wonder he was so freaked. She stared thoughtfully at him, wondering if that was something that he wanted or not. "Cole, I'm not going to ask you to do anything that you don't want to..."
He stared up at her with wide eyes. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath before speaking. "If we didn't both want... this... you would not be in readiness now, Mel."
Mel inhaled deeply. If they didn't both want it? "God..." she whispered. "You being there and loving me... that by itself isn't enough to cause this, is it, Cole?"
He shook his head. "No, Mel. To trigger this, we must care about each other."
"Physical proximity and love..." Mel muttered, sighing. "From both of us?"
He nodded mutely, waiting for her to react. Rejection or acceptance would be decided in the next few moments.
"Oh, God..." she whispered, rubbing her mouth.
"Don't be upset, Mel..." Cole told her gently, lightly caressing her throat and ignoring his own pain at the perceived rejection. "My presence here is making this worse. I'll go until you're better. It'll be easier for you. Your symptoms will be less." He rose and turned to leave.
Mel swiftly rose and moved between Cole and the door, doing her best to ignore the myriad of physical sensations that placing herself that close to the Cirronian caused. She took a deep breath. "What if I don't want you to leave?" she asked quietly.
Cole stared uncomprehendingly for a moment. "You... wish me to stay?" he asked uncertainly.
Mel sighed deeply. "I told you that I'm not going to ask you to do anything that you don't want to, Cole, and I'm not. But... if you stayed, I'd like that very much."
"If I stay, Mel, your symptoms will continue to get worse."
Mel sighed and nodded. "Can we just... talk for a few more minutes before you decide?"
Cole nodded. She seemed curious about something. "Of course we can, Mel." He followed her back to the living-room and sat down in the arm-chair again. When Mel had gotten as comfortable as she could on the couch, he asked, "Was there something specific that you wanted to know about, Mel?"
She nodded. "Yeah, I guess there is, Cole. You said that this is a two-way street." Noting his confused look, she explained, "That we're both actively involved in what's happening to me. Is that right?"
He nodded. "Yes, Mel."
"Okay. And are you... feeling any symptoms?" she asked softly.
"Only when you're close." He paused thoughtfully as something occurred to him about the strange feelings that he had been experiencing every time Mel got close or touched him. "I... in this body... I can't be sure, but I think that they might be indicators of receptiveness."
"Is that a good thing, Cole?" Mel asked gently.
He shook his head in confusion at the question. "I don't understand, Mel."
Mel inhaled deeply. "I know that in the past you've said that it wouldn't be a good idea for us to have a physical relationship, Cole. Is that still how you feel?"
He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I didn't feel that way when I said it, Mel. I was scared for you. I thought that it would be easier to protect you, but... I can't change the way I feel, Mel."
She rose and sat on the coffee-table in front of him. "Maybe it's time that we rethink the direction we want this relationship to take, Cole."
He touched her chest lightly, quickly pulling his hand away. "Mel, you may need time alone..." he told her gently. "My presence may be interfering with your thinking."
She inhaled deeply and shook her head. "No, Cole, your presence is not interfering with my thinking." She shivered. "Although it does seem to be driving my temperature up..." she trailed off abruptly and rose. Shaking her head, she left the room at a half-run.
Alarmed, Cole followed. He found her in the kitchen, sitting at the table and shaking. She seemed to be crying. "Mel?" he asked, concerned.
She looked up at him and he realized that she was not crying at all, but laughing. "Oh, my God, Cole! I'm hot for you!" she exclaimed, howling with laughter. "I'm hot for you..." she gasped again, shaking her head.
Cole stared at her in momentary confusion, then smiled and nodded. "Yes, Mel. You are... hot for me." He grinned and shook his head. Put that way, it really was very funny.
She rose and hugged him, still laughing. Cole smiled and held her close. Both were shaking with laughter. "Cole..." Mel laughed, smiling up at him and touching his chest.
Cole held her close with one hand and caressed her throat with the other. "Mel, what do you want?" he asked gently.
He wanted to make it very clear to her that his own needs and desires were secondary to hers. Humans, he knew, were not like Cirronians where their relationships were involved. Not only did they sometimes let themselves get pressured into relationships that they did not want, but they also often regretted their relationships, even ones that they had entered into enthusiastically. He was unwilling to put Mel in a position where she might do something that she would later regret.
Mel looked up at him with wide eyes. She wanted him. But was he really ready for a physical relationship? Was it ethical to try to bring him into one now? Could she survive another two weeks like this without going crazy? Definitely not. So what did that leave?
She took a deep breath. "Cole, I have two questions that I need you to answer for me."
"Okay, Mel..." He nodded. Good, she was thinking this through. That made it less likely that she might later regret whatever decision she ultimately made.
"If we were to... change the nature of our relationship, Cole, would that change be a permanent one? Or would things just go back to the way they were before?"
"You mean would we remain mates?" he asked, wanting to be sure that he understood her clearly. When she nodded, he did as well. "I can't change the way I feel about you, Mel. This would only make that stronger. It would be wrong to pretend that nothing happened."
Mel nodded, relieved. "Okay. That's good. Good to know." She rested her head against his chest, not sure how to express her other question.
"There was something else you wanted to know?" he asked gently.
She looked up and nodded slowly. "Cole. Me, my body... I'm one-quarter Cirronian, right?"
He nodded. "Yes, Mel."
She closed her eyes. "Is that enough for us to mate the way that Cirronians do?" she asked haltingly.
Cole stared at her, surprised by the question. "Yes, Mel."
"And would you... would you like that?" she asked, too embarrassed to look at him.
He stared at her uncertainly for a moment, then nodded. "I'd like that very much, Mel."
She smiled, feeling like she might burst from joy. "Now, Cole?"
He stared again. "You wish to..." he began.
She nodded. "Yeah, Cole. I wish to." She approached him and gently took his hands in hers. "But only if it's what you want. I won't be upset if it's not what you want, Cole, okay? It's... it's got to be up to you." She dropped his hands and turned to leave. "Think about it. I'll be back later."
Cole stared after her with a shocked smile. He had always assumed that the difference in their species, coupled with his complete inexperience in such matters, would keep her from ever caring for him as deeply as he cared for her, but he had been wrong. She loved him. She loved him and she wanted to be with him. Not, he was surprised to discover, in the human way, but in the Cirronian one, as if she had sensed his confusion and uncertainty over the human ways.
He smiled, his eyes drifting shut, at the thought of his energy flowing into hers, becoming hers. It was something that he had long been disappointed to believe that he would never share with her. And now she was offering him the chance to show her how wonderful it could be. It was amazing.
Smiling, he went to find Mel. She was downstairs, sitting at the bar and reading her grandmother's diary. She had, Cole observed with some surprise, put her clothes back on, as though just knowing what was wrong had been enough to ease much of her discomfort. She looked up at him with a smile, knowing his answer without him having to tell her.
"You brought light to my darkness..." she muttered, putting the diary down and rising.
Cole walked to her and slid his arms around her, pulling her close. Holding her close, he smiled as he whispered, "And warmth to the most bitter of Chicago's winter nights..."