Title: I Wonder What They're Doing Now
Warnings: Er..stuff =D *blinks* Find out for yourself ¬¬
Disclaimer: I do not own the pilots or anything related to Gundam Wing ¬¬ *mumbles about injustice* If Duos Pikachu plushie or Heeros cat Shinigami were to suddenly appear somewhere in this fic, that is mine ^^
Duo couldn't move from where he'd sunk down against the wall in the bathroom. He was shaking too much, from post-nausea, from cold, from having just learnt that Heero had tried committing suicide. And strangely, he felt it was all his fault. He hadn't the faintest idea why. /=/ It's not… is it?/=/ Heero hadn't seen or spoken to him in over four years. He'd probably gone on fine without Duo, but Duo still felt responsible.
Still shaking, and having a hard time controlling his breathing, Duo rose to his feet. He had to keep on hand firmly against the wall for support, and pulled the door open slowly. He staggered out and collapsed onto a chair, burying his head in his hands. His hair was in wet tangles around his face, drenched in sweat.
"I made him paralysed… I virtually killed him… He's a soldier, what is paralysis in a soldier…"
He shuddered to think what thoughts of hatred were surging through Heero's mind at this very moment, painfully reminding himself that he was only a half a hospitals distance away.
"Crippled…"
A low rumble of thunder echoed his empty words. He didn't know how to put emotion into his words at the moment, and they came out blank and monotonous as his mind fought in turmoil, tossing ideas to and fro. He was so confused, lost between guilt and fear, pity and anger, so many feelings that he was torn.
"And it's all, my, fault…" He repeated the same words he'd said before leaving Heero's bedside, in a hospital not much unlike this one.
~Four years ago, a stormy night at the hospital~
Rain crashed down on the moonlit window, adding trailing liquid pearls to the display of shadows cast onto the shiny floor. Heero's back was turned to the door, and his blank eyes were watching nature reflecting his thoughts. Uncertainty.
He was aware of another presence behind him, and another blast of lightning etched a long braid against the wall he was watching. He didn't turn around. He bit his lip firmly to keep the building sobs inside. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to appear pathetic and weak before Duo.
Duo watched Heero's turned back for over two hours. He didn't move for two, whole, long, hours. Now and then, his braid would flick when a gust of air reached it from the fan, but that was it. Both entities were fighting civil wars with their own minds, and neither had the courage to find out whether the two of them were enemies, or allies. When in doubt, always assume it's an enemy. Many years of war had taught them both that.
It seemed as if fifteen eternities had passed before one of them did anything. As was usual, it was Duo, who took a few slow steps towards Heero's bed. The Perfect Soldier, hurt in more ways than one, remained immobile.
Quietly, Duo reached his thin hand over to Heero's face. His soft fingers caressed Heero's cold cheek for a few seconds, and ripped back as if he'd been electrocuted. Heero had shivered at his touch, repelling it. It wasn't his intention, but he was buried in so many different kinds of pain and hatred, that connection with the world outside his own alternate reality startled him.
Duo hastened to pull out a slightly crumpled note with his email address printed sloppily on it, erased a few times over. He'd hesitated as to whether he would leave it or not. It was cowardly to do so, but even more cowardly to leave straight away.
So he left the note there, on the bedside table. It shone eerily as he backed slowly to the door, as if wanting to remind him how pathetic he was. Had it a voice, it would be criticizing him for leaving Heero unprotected, alone…and scared. Duo assumed Heero was angry as hell with him, hurt beyond any chance of repair. He'd decided to withdraw, and let Heero sort it out on his own. Because he was scared too. Of facing someone who he'd practically taken the life out of.
When he reached the doorframe, he paused slightly, surveying the scene before him. Heero, the once strong soldier, now collapsed on a white hospital bed in total silence, still not giving Duo as much as a glance. As if he was dead. And the remorse enveloped him again, forcing his eyes to sting with salty tears.
"I'm sorry, Heero…this is all, my, fault…" he stumbled out of the room, running through the dark halls until he could run no further, and his footfalls had faded.
Heero never saw Duo after that.
~End of Flashback~
It would have made all the difference if Heero had heard what Duo had said, just before he left.
It would have made all the difference, if he'd turned around…
If he'd just turned around…
He'd felt betrayed and deserted ever since Duo had fled from his room that night. And Duo, had been scared, because Heero had said nothing to him to indicate he didn't blame him for what had happened. One stupid mission, and two lives were submersed in haywire internal chaos, slowly eating the soul with monstrous greed.
Gathering what courage remained in him, Duo opened the door out of his office. The corridor was still deserted, and darker now. Ghostly shadows crept over the floor, mocking his slight fear of storms. Taking long slow steps, Duo made his way through winding corridors and rooms, every one of them seeming cold and deserted, despite there being people at work in them. He was lost in his own world, as he usually was. But this world was what one would call a nightmare of sorts.
It took him only ten minutes to complete a walk that had taken him four years to start. As he walked down the last corridor, his legs started objecting to carrying him. He wobbled slightly, and steadied himself against the door.
"You can do this Duo…don't be so pathetic…" he recollected himself somewhat, though far from completely and inched his way towards the door at the far end of the corridor.
It hit him how much of a coincidence this was. He'd left him at a hospital, when the skies were clouded black and grey. And he'd meet him again, at a hospital, and the skies were still darkened. It was as if time had stopped for four years, and resumed now that he had a chance to change what he'd done then. He smiled feebly at the thought of nature twisting and winding its way up to a moment like this, where time could be continued from where it left off.
He grasped the handle weakly in his hands, and pushed it down. Soundlessly, the door opened, casting a shadow over the moon-bleached floor. Duo's eyes trailed across the floor and focused on the hospital bed in the corner. Outlined with every flash of lightning from outside, was a fairly small and pale figure, looking frail and weak. Duo's stomach pitched again as the thought of what the pause in time had done to his companion.
And at that moment, time started up again. The four years in which it had been mercilessly paused ended. The gap had taken its toll on them both, but here they were again. In the same position as they'd been so long ago. And Duo had no note to use as an excuse.
Heero had seen a figure enter in the drenched window and sighed quietly to himself. Another ignorant doctor, he guessed. His wrists were tightly bandaged but red liquid still seeped out through the deep slits in his veins. His dream had left him perplexed and confused, yet so much was clearer now than it had been before. Still, he was Heero. It would take a lot more than a dream to override his set determination to remain indifferent no matter what. He said in a low-key monotonous voice to the wall, intending his voice for the doctor that had just entered the room.
"Wells, I presume."
He waited for the typical cheerful and business-like voice of your common doctor to answer him with some form of scolding about his suicide attempt. But he heard nothing of it. And as most things associated with the God of Death are presented, the lightning took its place in the scenario. It lit up the room so brightly it might have been a clear cloud-less day, and flashed white in rage several times.
Just as Duo had done previously, Heero froze. Completely. He stared at the shadow looming up against the wall opposite him. His eyes trailed down the long braid as the shadow faded, and was sharply carved out again with another impressive blaze of lightning, showing the full lean figure against the white paint. And a soft clear voice graced his ears, so quiet and frail in reality, but occupied all space and time for the moment it was sounded in his mind.
"Not Wells…Maxwell…Duo Maxwell…"
History halted as it waited for the heavy decision resting on Heeros shoulders. Such simple an act, so great an impact, as is often the case in time.
And Heero chose this instance to undo history when he had the chance. There would be no more painful waiting. There would be no more agonizing pause. He couldn't bear to go through the same torturing years he'd barely survived through once over. Time recommenced its endless course…
…when Heero turned around.
A/N: ^_^ Muahahaha! Love cliffhangers, love 'em, love 'em, love 'em. @_@ I'm going to get a good nights sleep now *nods* I think I've deserved it..=D Geography coursework AND fanfiction in one night. 'tis not bad ^_^
Warnings: Er..stuff =D *blinks* Find out for yourself ¬¬
Disclaimer: I do not own the pilots or anything related to Gundam Wing ¬¬ *mumbles about injustice* If Duos Pikachu plushie or Heeros cat Shinigami were to suddenly appear somewhere in this fic, that is mine ^^
Duo couldn't move from where he'd sunk down against the wall in the bathroom. He was shaking too much, from post-nausea, from cold, from having just learnt that Heero had tried committing suicide. And strangely, he felt it was all his fault. He hadn't the faintest idea why. /=/ It's not… is it?/=/ Heero hadn't seen or spoken to him in over four years. He'd probably gone on fine without Duo, but Duo still felt responsible.
Still shaking, and having a hard time controlling his breathing, Duo rose to his feet. He had to keep on hand firmly against the wall for support, and pulled the door open slowly. He staggered out and collapsed onto a chair, burying his head in his hands. His hair was in wet tangles around his face, drenched in sweat.
"I made him paralysed… I virtually killed him… He's a soldier, what is paralysis in a soldier…"
He shuddered to think what thoughts of hatred were surging through Heero's mind at this very moment, painfully reminding himself that he was only a half a hospitals distance away.
"Crippled…"
A low rumble of thunder echoed his empty words. He didn't know how to put emotion into his words at the moment, and they came out blank and monotonous as his mind fought in turmoil, tossing ideas to and fro. He was so confused, lost between guilt and fear, pity and anger, so many feelings that he was torn.
"And it's all, my, fault…" He repeated the same words he'd said before leaving Heero's bedside, in a hospital not much unlike this one.
~Four years ago, a stormy night at the hospital~
Rain crashed down on the moonlit window, adding trailing liquid pearls to the display of shadows cast onto the shiny floor. Heero's back was turned to the door, and his blank eyes were watching nature reflecting his thoughts. Uncertainty.
He was aware of another presence behind him, and another blast of lightning etched a long braid against the wall he was watching. He didn't turn around. He bit his lip firmly to keep the building sobs inside. He wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to appear pathetic and weak before Duo.
Duo watched Heero's turned back for over two hours. He didn't move for two, whole, long, hours. Now and then, his braid would flick when a gust of air reached it from the fan, but that was it. Both entities were fighting civil wars with their own minds, and neither had the courage to find out whether the two of them were enemies, or allies. When in doubt, always assume it's an enemy. Many years of war had taught them both that.
It seemed as if fifteen eternities had passed before one of them did anything. As was usual, it was Duo, who took a few slow steps towards Heero's bed. The Perfect Soldier, hurt in more ways than one, remained immobile.
Quietly, Duo reached his thin hand over to Heero's face. His soft fingers caressed Heero's cold cheek for a few seconds, and ripped back as if he'd been electrocuted. Heero had shivered at his touch, repelling it. It wasn't his intention, but he was buried in so many different kinds of pain and hatred, that connection with the world outside his own alternate reality startled him.
Duo hastened to pull out a slightly crumpled note with his email address printed sloppily on it, erased a few times over. He'd hesitated as to whether he would leave it or not. It was cowardly to do so, but even more cowardly to leave straight away.
So he left the note there, on the bedside table. It shone eerily as he backed slowly to the door, as if wanting to remind him how pathetic he was. Had it a voice, it would be criticizing him for leaving Heero unprotected, alone…and scared. Duo assumed Heero was angry as hell with him, hurt beyond any chance of repair. He'd decided to withdraw, and let Heero sort it out on his own. Because he was scared too. Of facing someone who he'd practically taken the life out of.
When he reached the doorframe, he paused slightly, surveying the scene before him. Heero, the once strong soldier, now collapsed on a white hospital bed in total silence, still not giving Duo as much as a glance. As if he was dead. And the remorse enveloped him again, forcing his eyes to sting with salty tears.
"I'm sorry, Heero…this is all, my, fault…" he stumbled out of the room, running through the dark halls until he could run no further, and his footfalls had faded.
Heero never saw Duo after that.
~End of Flashback~
It would have made all the difference if Heero had heard what Duo had said, just before he left.
It would have made all the difference, if he'd turned around…
If he'd just turned around…
He'd felt betrayed and deserted ever since Duo had fled from his room that night. And Duo, had been scared, because Heero had said nothing to him to indicate he didn't blame him for what had happened. One stupid mission, and two lives were submersed in haywire internal chaos, slowly eating the soul with monstrous greed.
Gathering what courage remained in him, Duo opened the door out of his office. The corridor was still deserted, and darker now. Ghostly shadows crept over the floor, mocking his slight fear of storms. Taking long slow steps, Duo made his way through winding corridors and rooms, every one of them seeming cold and deserted, despite there being people at work in them. He was lost in his own world, as he usually was. But this world was what one would call a nightmare of sorts.
It took him only ten minutes to complete a walk that had taken him four years to start. As he walked down the last corridor, his legs started objecting to carrying him. He wobbled slightly, and steadied himself against the door.
"You can do this Duo…don't be so pathetic…" he recollected himself somewhat, though far from completely and inched his way towards the door at the far end of the corridor.
It hit him how much of a coincidence this was. He'd left him at a hospital, when the skies were clouded black and grey. And he'd meet him again, at a hospital, and the skies were still darkened. It was as if time had stopped for four years, and resumed now that he had a chance to change what he'd done then. He smiled feebly at the thought of nature twisting and winding its way up to a moment like this, where time could be continued from where it left off.
He grasped the handle weakly in his hands, and pushed it down. Soundlessly, the door opened, casting a shadow over the moon-bleached floor. Duo's eyes trailed across the floor and focused on the hospital bed in the corner. Outlined with every flash of lightning from outside, was a fairly small and pale figure, looking frail and weak. Duo's stomach pitched again as the thought of what the pause in time had done to his companion.
And at that moment, time started up again. The four years in which it had been mercilessly paused ended. The gap had taken its toll on them both, but here they were again. In the same position as they'd been so long ago. And Duo had no note to use as an excuse.
Heero had seen a figure enter in the drenched window and sighed quietly to himself. Another ignorant doctor, he guessed. His wrists were tightly bandaged but red liquid still seeped out through the deep slits in his veins. His dream had left him perplexed and confused, yet so much was clearer now than it had been before. Still, he was Heero. It would take a lot more than a dream to override his set determination to remain indifferent no matter what. He said in a low-key monotonous voice to the wall, intending his voice for the doctor that had just entered the room.
"Wells, I presume."
He waited for the typical cheerful and business-like voice of your common doctor to answer him with some form of scolding about his suicide attempt. But he heard nothing of it. And as most things associated with the God of Death are presented, the lightning took its place in the scenario. It lit up the room so brightly it might have been a clear cloud-less day, and flashed white in rage several times.
Just as Duo had done previously, Heero froze. Completely. He stared at the shadow looming up against the wall opposite him. His eyes trailed down the long braid as the shadow faded, and was sharply carved out again with another impressive blaze of lightning, showing the full lean figure against the white paint. And a soft clear voice graced his ears, so quiet and frail in reality, but occupied all space and time for the moment it was sounded in his mind.
"Not Wells…Maxwell…Duo Maxwell…"
History halted as it waited for the heavy decision resting on Heeros shoulders. Such simple an act, so great an impact, as is often the case in time.
And Heero chose this instance to undo history when he had the chance. There would be no more painful waiting. There would be no more agonizing pause. He couldn't bear to go through the same torturing years he'd barely survived through once over. Time recommenced its endless course…
…when Heero turned around.
A/N: ^_^ Muahahaha! Love cliffhangers, love 'em, love 'em, love 'em. @_@ I'm going to get a good nights sleep now *nods* I think I've deserved it..=D Geography coursework AND fanfiction in one night. 'tis not bad ^_^