Title: I Wonder What They're Doing Now
Warnings: Er..stuff =D *blinks* Find out for yourself ¬¬
Disclaimer: I do not own the pilots or anything related to Gundam Wing ¬¬ *mumbles about injustice* If Duos Pikachu plushie were to suddenly appear somewhere in this fic, that is mine ^^
Two fogged violet eyes looked at the person in front of him. He wanted to cry, to laugh, to shout, so much in one turn. He was so torn between feelings he didn't know what to do, and simply stood there, staring. Time was back on track. And he didn't know what to do. He felt a surge of self- hatred blaze through him as he watched the cold blue eyes staring blankly at him from the bed. He looked so hurt…and weak…he looked…he looked…
Scared…
/=/What have I done…Destroyed and deserted…I left him to die…Bastard is me…/=/ Duo was overwhelmed by heartbreaking scene before him. One that he felt responsible for.
The other entity watched with an equal feeling stirring through him. Was he going to be angry? Would he cry, laugh, what? He didn't know… He too could do nothing more than let his own eyes lock onto the ones who watched him from the door. The same eyes which had hid behind laughter and jokes, and were now revealed in their true nature. Devastated. Destroyed. He could see the flashes of pain cross those eyes, too many options of pain to count, badly hidden behind a brittle façade.
/=/…and I did that…/=/ He thought blankly, judging by the hurt radiating from Duo's face, /=/ I did that to him…/=/
They weren't aware of it now. But they were on two sides of the same road. Sharing the same feelings and emotions. Both felt as guilty and horrible for betraying the other. It was all so simple… there was only one problem… Indeed both fought the same battle against their own minds…
…but they didn't know it. Yet.
It took a lot of courage from Duo's part to not turn and flee out the door as he'd done last time. It felt safer, running. Running from war, he didn't do. Running from the enemy, he didn't do. Running from his friend…or someone who he thought of more highly than someone of friend level would ever reach, he did.
Heero? Turning around was the hardest thing he'd had to do for a long time. Harder than the testing he had to endure during the first months of paralysis, harder than the endless nightmares plaguing his sleep. And here he was now, with no way out of the situation.
Surprisingly, it wasn't Duo who spoke first.
"Déjà vu." Heero said quietly in a fairly cold voice, which he'd been preparing since he'd seen Duo's shadow and gotten himself under some form of control. Duo smiled sadly, a glaze covering his clouded eyes.
"Heh…yeah…" Duo shifted uncomfortably where he stood, doing his best to mask up his feelings with his never changing smile. But it didn't work. It just made him look sadder. He ran a hand down his braid subconsciously, trying to distract himself in any way possible.
Heero remained silent, and decided to remain that way. He didn't know how to react to the jumble of emotions without turning himself into a mess of anger and rage.
Another throaty rumble from outside storm formations prompted Duo to say something. He'd never dealt well with silence, and usually filled it with his incessant chattering – not that people didn't appreciate it, they just wouldn't say so. And the spattering of cold rain on the window, the growls of thunder, time impatient with him and wanting him to take a course of action, made him even more nervous.
And Heeros continous stare…
He couldn't tell whether it was angry, sad, betrayed, happy…he couldn't tell. The mask seemed slightly worn now, but it was still there. And as usual, he couldn't see through it.
"Heero…" he managed to croak, surprised that his voice was catching in his throat every time he tried to speak. Heero didn't shift his gaze, and it made Duo further uncomfortable, as if he was expected to do something else. He had subconsciously backed up against the door and was watching the ghostly boy as if he'd been sent from somewhere deeper than hell to haunt his conscience.
But he still wanted to touch him…to feel his skin beneath his fingers…
"I…I'm…" His gaze trailed down Heero's thin body, bony and pale as his face was. He looked so sickly and fragile…not at all like the Heero Yuy he'd known before. It was almost disgusting, what the once proud soldier had been degraded to. And still he kept his head up.
Duo felt lower than a sewage rat. He tilted his head slightly to the side and slid down to the floor, crumpling into a shivering heap there, fighting to keep himself from crying. He never took his grief filled eyes off Heero. It felt as if there was a barrier keeping him from the boy, and words didn't seem large enough to show how sorry he was.
And the barrier was identical on the other side of the room.
A time of painful silence passed between them both, sitting in their own secluded areas of the room, battling with their minds. Heero was staring straight up at the ceiling, watching it light up and fade with crackles of thunder following. The atmosphere inside the room was so tense and uneasy. It almost made him feel nauseous.
/=/ Can't say anything…/=/ floated through Heero's mind.
/=/Bastard, Maxwell…you're a bastard…/=/ Duo repeated over and over to himself in silent thought, still curled up against the door.
/=/ Can't change it now…he wouldn't accept any excuses…and there aren't any…/=/
/=/ Bastard, bastard, bastard…Bastard…/=/
And the war front raged on like that. Two separate battles against an illusion of the mind, an assumption made on the few scattered pieces of facts that were far from the reality of the situation. Heero was slightly startled to hear a choked sob echoing off the walls. He shifted his eyes from the ceiling to Duo, who was in a miserable heap at the door. The shadows of raindrops trailing down the windowpanes were clear on his skin. A tear-stained violet eye opened to meet his own. And a thought drifted across both of them simultaneously.
/=/I'm sorry…/=/
And Duo chose to voice it. He didn't know what else to do. He steadied his breathing somewhat, and looked with sorrowful eyes at Heero. Heero was still watching him blankly, waiting…so it seemed.
He stood up shakily, and took a few uneven steps towards the bed. Stopping every few feet to let his trembling subside, and starting again. He halted approximately a foot away from the bed and his knees gave way and he sank down onto the floor. He looked a wreck, with tears brimming his eyes, forcing themselves down his slender cheekbones in streams.
Heero looked away, pained. Why was Duo crying? Why did he have to cry? Couldn't he shout? Yell? Anything, but why did he have to cry…
The steady stream of tears increased when Duo saw Heero turn away from him. To him, it looked like Heero didn't want him close…as if he hated Duo.
/=/And he's every right to…/=/
"Heero…" his voice caught in his throat again, and he had to pause while taking hacking breaths. Heero closed his eyes tighter, not aware of the salt stinging at his own eyes.
Duo bit back his sobs. The rain had subsided a little, but black clouds were still swirling outside. In a voice barely able to be heard over the falling raindrops, he whispered
"I'm sorry…" He bowed his head down, clenching the bed sheets between his fingers, and let his tears fall freely onto the white material. It relieved some pain to say the words. But they were only words. And Heero rarely listened to words.
But this time he did. Heeros eyes snapped open.
/=/What? Sorry? I'M the one who's supposed to be sorry! I…deserted him…/=/
He looked down at the creature at his bedside, who was now crying. He looked pathetic…
"Duo…" Duo's sobs stopped abruptly, and his face rose at a slight angle to look at Heero fearfully.
"I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry." The stoic boy said in a quiet voice, not hiding his twisted emotions very well in it.
/=/Huh? I turned him into a cripple and ruined his existence, and he's apologizing!?/=/ Duo's mind swam, and his eyes widened in slight shock as he saw a single tear make it's way down Heero's cheek as the ex-soldier stared hard at the ceiling. Slowly he reached out and wiped it off with his palm, and felt the weight of Heeros head rest upon his hand. It felt so comforting, to be close to him again. After four years of excruciating waiting.
A silent understanding grew between the two of them, and Duo could feel the tension built up in the room drop slowly. He stood up, hosting himself onto the bed and taking Heero into his arms, encompassing him, hugging him tightly. The perfect soldier tensed up in his arms, but started to settle, bit-by-bit.
"I'm still very, very sorry…" Duo said quietly, resting his chin on Heeros head, fighting back a new wave of tears that were rapidly building. The weaker pilot buried his face in Duo's chest, silent as a mouse for a few seconds, letting Duo's graceful hand caress his back softly. It felt like he'd finally been released after years of endless torture.
Relief.
He didn't have to say anything. Duo could read it through his actions that Heero was just as confused as he was. The soldier hugged Duos waist like a lost child, and curled up close to him. He was shivering and shaking, taking uneven breaths of air.
Heero was crying.
And it didn't take long before Duo was too, letting his tears flow from his eyes. They stayed, embracing each other, for the worth of fours years. They were both so confused and scared. Men didn't cry. But that didn't matter to them now. Both masks lay forgotten in the shadows cast by the rain outside.
And for a night, they were the lost children they'd always been inside.
A/N: One more chapter, and I think that's it…^^ Wheeeeee…*blinks and skips off*
Shinigami: She…drank too much chocolate milk *shifty eyes* ¬¬ Or too much mocha..dundunDUN!!
Warnings: Er..stuff =D *blinks* Find out for yourself ¬¬
Disclaimer: I do not own the pilots or anything related to Gundam Wing ¬¬ *mumbles about injustice* If Duos Pikachu plushie were to suddenly appear somewhere in this fic, that is mine ^^
Two fogged violet eyes looked at the person in front of him. He wanted to cry, to laugh, to shout, so much in one turn. He was so torn between feelings he didn't know what to do, and simply stood there, staring. Time was back on track. And he didn't know what to do. He felt a surge of self- hatred blaze through him as he watched the cold blue eyes staring blankly at him from the bed. He looked so hurt…and weak…he looked…he looked…
Scared…
/=/What have I done…Destroyed and deserted…I left him to die…Bastard is me…/=/ Duo was overwhelmed by heartbreaking scene before him. One that he felt responsible for.
The other entity watched with an equal feeling stirring through him. Was he going to be angry? Would he cry, laugh, what? He didn't know… He too could do nothing more than let his own eyes lock onto the ones who watched him from the door. The same eyes which had hid behind laughter and jokes, and were now revealed in their true nature. Devastated. Destroyed. He could see the flashes of pain cross those eyes, too many options of pain to count, badly hidden behind a brittle façade.
/=/…and I did that…/=/ He thought blankly, judging by the hurt radiating from Duo's face, /=/ I did that to him…/=/
They weren't aware of it now. But they were on two sides of the same road. Sharing the same feelings and emotions. Both felt as guilty and horrible for betraying the other. It was all so simple… there was only one problem… Indeed both fought the same battle against their own minds…
…but they didn't know it. Yet.
It took a lot of courage from Duo's part to not turn and flee out the door as he'd done last time. It felt safer, running. Running from war, he didn't do. Running from the enemy, he didn't do. Running from his friend…or someone who he thought of more highly than someone of friend level would ever reach, he did.
Heero? Turning around was the hardest thing he'd had to do for a long time. Harder than the testing he had to endure during the first months of paralysis, harder than the endless nightmares plaguing his sleep. And here he was now, with no way out of the situation.
Surprisingly, it wasn't Duo who spoke first.
"Déjà vu." Heero said quietly in a fairly cold voice, which he'd been preparing since he'd seen Duo's shadow and gotten himself under some form of control. Duo smiled sadly, a glaze covering his clouded eyes.
"Heh…yeah…" Duo shifted uncomfortably where he stood, doing his best to mask up his feelings with his never changing smile. But it didn't work. It just made him look sadder. He ran a hand down his braid subconsciously, trying to distract himself in any way possible.
Heero remained silent, and decided to remain that way. He didn't know how to react to the jumble of emotions without turning himself into a mess of anger and rage.
Another throaty rumble from outside storm formations prompted Duo to say something. He'd never dealt well with silence, and usually filled it with his incessant chattering – not that people didn't appreciate it, they just wouldn't say so. And the spattering of cold rain on the window, the growls of thunder, time impatient with him and wanting him to take a course of action, made him even more nervous.
And Heeros continous stare…
He couldn't tell whether it was angry, sad, betrayed, happy…he couldn't tell. The mask seemed slightly worn now, but it was still there. And as usual, he couldn't see through it.
"Heero…" he managed to croak, surprised that his voice was catching in his throat every time he tried to speak. Heero didn't shift his gaze, and it made Duo further uncomfortable, as if he was expected to do something else. He had subconsciously backed up against the door and was watching the ghostly boy as if he'd been sent from somewhere deeper than hell to haunt his conscience.
But he still wanted to touch him…to feel his skin beneath his fingers…
"I…I'm…" His gaze trailed down Heero's thin body, bony and pale as his face was. He looked so sickly and fragile…not at all like the Heero Yuy he'd known before. It was almost disgusting, what the once proud soldier had been degraded to. And still he kept his head up.
Duo felt lower than a sewage rat. He tilted his head slightly to the side and slid down to the floor, crumpling into a shivering heap there, fighting to keep himself from crying. He never took his grief filled eyes off Heero. It felt as if there was a barrier keeping him from the boy, and words didn't seem large enough to show how sorry he was.
And the barrier was identical on the other side of the room.
A time of painful silence passed between them both, sitting in their own secluded areas of the room, battling with their minds. Heero was staring straight up at the ceiling, watching it light up and fade with crackles of thunder following. The atmosphere inside the room was so tense and uneasy. It almost made him feel nauseous.
/=/ Can't say anything…/=/ floated through Heero's mind.
/=/Bastard, Maxwell…you're a bastard…/=/ Duo repeated over and over to himself in silent thought, still curled up against the door.
/=/ Can't change it now…he wouldn't accept any excuses…and there aren't any…/=/
/=/ Bastard, bastard, bastard…Bastard…/=/
And the war front raged on like that. Two separate battles against an illusion of the mind, an assumption made on the few scattered pieces of facts that were far from the reality of the situation. Heero was slightly startled to hear a choked sob echoing off the walls. He shifted his eyes from the ceiling to Duo, who was in a miserable heap at the door. The shadows of raindrops trailing down the windowpanes were clear on his skin. A tear-stained violet eye opened to meet his own. And a thought drifted across both of them simultaneously.
/=/I'm sorry…/=/
And Duo chose to voice it. He didn't know what else to do. He steadied his breathing somewhat, and looked with sorrowful eyes at Heero. Heero was still watching him blankly, waiting…so it seemed.
He stood up shakily, and took a few uneven steps towards the bed. Stopping every few feet to let his trembling subside, and starting again. He halted approximately a foot away from the bed and his knees gave way and he sank down onto the floor. He looked a wreck, with tears brimming his eyes, forcing themselves down his slender cheekbones in streams.
Heero looked away, pained. Why was Duo crying? Why did he have to cry? Couldn't he shout? Yell? Anything, but why did he have to cry…
The steady stream of tears increased when Duo saw Heero turn away from him. To him, it looked like Heero didn't want him close…as if he hated Duo.
/=/And he's every right to…/=/
"Heero…" his voice caught in his throat again, and he had to pause while taking hacking breaths. Heero closed his eyes tighter, not aware of the salt stinging at his own eyes.
Duo bit back his sobs. The rain had subsided a little, but black clouds were still swirling outside. In a voice barely able to be heard over the falling raindrops, he whispered
"I'm sorry…" He bowed his head down, clenching the bed sheets between his fingers, and let his tears fall freely onto the white material. It relieved some pain to say the words. But they were only words. And Heero rarely listened to words.
But this time he did. Heeros eyes snapped open.
/=/What? Sorry? I'M the one who's supposed to be sorry! I…deserted him…/=/
He looked down at the creature at his bedside, who was now crying. He looked pathetic…
"Duo…" Duo's sobs stopped abruptly, and his face rose at a slight angle to look at Heero fearfully.
"I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry." The stoic boy said in a quiet voice, not hiding his twisted emotions very well in it.
/=/Huh? I turned him into a cripple and ruined his existence, and he's apologizing!?/=/ Duo's mind swam, and his eyes widened in slight shock as he saw a single tear make it's way down Heero's cheek as the ex-soldier stared hard at the ceiling. Slowly he reached out and wiped it off with his palm, and felt the weight of Heeros head rest upon his hand. It felt so comforting, to be close to him again. After four years of excruciating waiting.
A silent understanding grew between the two of them, and Duo could feel the tension built up in the room drop slowly. He stood up, hosting himself onto the bed and taking Heero into his arms, encompassing him, hugging him tightly. The perfect soldier tensed up in his arms, but started to settle, bit-by-bit.
"I'm still very, very sorry…" Duo said quietly, resting his chin on Heeros head, fighting back a new wave of tears that were rapidly building. The weaker pilot buried his face in Duo's chest, silent as a mouse for a few seconds, letting Duo's graceful hand caress his back softly. It felt like he'd finally been released after years of endless torture.
Relief.
He didn't have to say anything. Duo could read it through his actions that Heero was just as confused as he was. The soldier hugged Duos waist like a lost child, and curled up close to him. He was shivering and shaking, taking uneven breaths of air.
Heero was crying.
And it didn't take long before Duo was too, letting his tears flow from his eyes. They stayed, embracing each other, for the worth of fours years. They were both so confused and scared. Men didn't cry. But that didn't matter to them now. Both masks lay forgotten in the shadows cast by the rain outside.
And for a night, they were the lost children they'd always been inside.
A/N: One more chapter, and I think that's it…^^ Wheeeeee…*blinks and skips off*
Shinigami: She…drank too much chocolate milk *shifty eyes* ¬¬ Or too much mocha..dundunDUN!!