Legend Of Zelda: The Five Shiekah
Chapter 4: It's war!
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am in any way affiliated with the Legend Of Zelda series, nor it's characters and owners. The Legend Of Zelda: The Five Shiekah takes place after Ocarina of Time. It can and probably will contain violence, harsh language, and suggestive dialogue. It also contains what might possibly be the longest run on sentences and filled with the most commas ever in a story. Oh, and all that doesn't belong to the creators of Zelda belong to me. So you can't have them
A Placebo 'I made it up in the shower productions'©
Link surveyed the horizon. Nothing. Maybe Impa was wrong. Perhaps they where getting worried about nothing. Link patted Epona, who was armored in plates to guard her in the upcoming battles.
He sighed, and patted his only companion. "Must be annoying for you, huh? Yeah, this stupid chain mail makes me irritated to. I should give more credit to those guards. How are they not scratching their asses every two minutes? Well, you wouldn't be worrying if you where me, would you? I mean, everything's very nice and defended. Let's just get you back to…"
He paused, and then recalled something.
"Ah bHORSE SHIT!/b" At that, Epona neighed loudly.
Boarding his steed, Link hurried over to Lon Lon Ranch. Cursing himself at his own absent mindedness. Who was to defend the ranch?
"Come on girl, take us home! Faster, faster!"
Impa kicked the ground with frustration. Another dead end. She was tired, dirty, and more then irritated. She also had this paranoid feeling that she was not alone in these tunnels. Worse yet, she was lost. The very walls where imbued with such chaos that it was impossible to find her way back.
Impa amused herself knowing she could probably just blow a hole through the roof and escape that way, but she had no idea where she was, and might blow up the Farmer and his daughter.
"Wait a second… where did I come from?" Impa looked about her, and saw several different passages.
Losing her calm, strong posture she constantly demanded from herself and those around her, she cursed, and cursed… and then she cursed some more.
"GODDESS DAMN MOTHER FU--
Malon looked around. She could have sword she heard frantic cursing about her, but decided it was just some strange echo. Besides, she had to find her way out of this place. It was pretty cold, and the ground was strangely soft for dirt and rock. It felt like air under her.
Besides, she had a strong feeling about where she was going. It was as if someone… or thing… was guiding her through the endless passages, telling her exactly where to go.
She stopped.
"Wait a minute… is this thing guiding me to the exit?"
Link arrived at Lon Lon ranch.
The sun began to lower. All was quiet in Hyrule. Too quiet. It was like one of those cheesy stories, at least it wasn't set in a creepy house on a dark and story night, Link told himself.
Link surveyed the ranch. It was surprisingly… empty. He supposed some super cliché evil bad guys where going to show up to slit his throat. He decided to look into the barn, but before he did, he decided it best to unsheathe his sword…
The screams of horror quickly filled the stable.
"Stop!" the Captain ordered, "We set camp here!"
It was almost eerie how quickly all the caravans stopped, how quickly the men set camp, fire, tents, and arranged guards.
The Captain sighed a breath of relief. No one was ordering each other around (being the "best" of their kind, they where all used to giving the orders, not taking them) or trying to slit each other's throats. Finally. He got off his horse, and leaned against a large pole that was conveniently there for his leaning needs.
Following the poles as Daruban ordered, they quickly guided themselves through the desert. It was just common sense, really. I mean, follow the big poles so you don't get lost in the big desert of doom that eats all life. Not a big deal, really.
The captain lay low, took a drink from his canton, ignored the sounds of fights behind him, and prepared to sleep.
From the high dunes of the desert, a fair distance away from the mercenary camp, a pair of hawk-eyed women lay watch.
"My goddess, what pathetic men." Came the voice of Nabooru, "They probably think no one knows they're coming…"
Nabooru didn't have to turn around to tell her second in command was also smirking, "Yes, they are indeed weak and stupid," she spat, "how typical of men."
Nabooru grinned, "Look at that camp. Barely a tenth of their men stand guard, and even those are already nodding off, from too much beer probably."
"Like sheep to the slaughter." Replied the other Gerudo.
"Do it."
Without a word, the other woman alerted the women behind her and made a loud, clear wolf call.
Gerald, a great adventure, a world-renowned "treasure hunter" and deadly mercenary, couldn't believe he was standing guard. Not to mention the fact that he was so damn full of beer he thought he would sleep on his feet. "I mean, come on!" Gerald thought to himself, "I'm great! Why do I have to stand guard!?"
His thoughts of that huge treasure Daruban personally showed to him (well, that's what he said) and promised to him made him not really give a damn about the whole guard thing anymore.
"God, I'm so drunk. Hell, I'm seeing beautiful women run at me on elegant stallions… taking out bows…" Then he heard the horn- the emergency one. Then he realized this was no mirage.
Then he wet his pants.
"Dear goddess, Ingo, you scared the living crap out of me!"
"I scared the crap out of bYOU/b!? You don't think some stranger running in with a big sword isn't scary!? Because let me tell you…"
Link just waved him off. "Look, where's Malon and Talon?"
"The fat lazy one is sleeping… as usual. The pretty sweet one was tending to the horses last I saw." Ingo looked out at the sky, "Say, it's pretty late. Why hasn't she brought the horses in yet?"
Link looked at him. "Ah HORSE SHIT. There's a war coming on and she's missing. Well, that's just great."
Ingo's eyes widened (something like from this: -_- to this: 0_0) largely, "A WAR!? WHAT WAR!? ARE YOU JOKING AROUND ELF!? BECAUSE I'LL HAVE YOU BY YOUR EA-"
"Shut your ugly face and help me find her!" screamed Link.
With that, they roamed about the ranch calling out "Malon! Maaaaaaaaallllllllllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn! Where are you!?" like idiots.
Talon, meanwhile, was sleeping and none the wiser.
"YOU!" the Captain cried, "ORDER THE RETREAT- NOW!"
He stopped in his tracks, as he noticed the man he was yelling orders to now had 4 or 5 arrows sticking through his head and crotch.
"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!"
And so they did. But running was fruitless for the entire legion. Hell, they just died tired. Worse, a desert storm had picked up, and they didn't know how many or who they where fighting.
He looked back (they always do. Why, why, why?) Only to see his men become impaled with a barrage of arrows or a spear.
The captain cursed these riders. How in hell did they know they where coming!?
"STAY TOGETHER MEN, DO NOT STRAY!" He screamed, for those who did became hopelessly loss in the foreign grounds, and killed or left to die a miserable death in the desert, lost and alone.
Then, he saw a large fortress in sight. They didn't know about the war, did they? Oh well, they didn't have much of a choice. He prayed to the goddesses that they would not be met with giant gruff warriors but instead a beautiful harem.
Dreams come true, blade of dreams was double sided.
Nabooru, Queen of the Gerudo, laughed amidst the fight on her steed, then took several arrows, aimed, and loosened them in the throats of the stronger men, and those armed to fight.
"Like lamb to the slaughter…"
The other Gerudo warriors did similar tactics on their horses. Who knew a desert would be the perfect place for Guerilla warfare?
Nabooru ordered the leader to be saved… for last.
A little girl stood at the gate, sucking her thumb, looking as innocent as an angel. (An angel of DARKNESS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA)
A small, wounded army came into sight.
As soon as they came closer… well. It would not be pretty.
"LET US IN, LITTLE GIRL!" cried what appeared to be the leader.
"I'd have to ask my mommy, mister." Came the small, squeaky, innocent voice.
"HURRY! PLEASE!" The frantic man looked back, and saw his men fighting a battle they never had a chance with. They where stricken like lightning, completely unprepared. Some had to fight with sticks their weapon and cloth as their armor.
In the most sickeningly cute and sing song voice, "Oh moooommmmmyyy, we have some visitors!"
With that dozens upon dozens of archers came out of their hiding places amongst the rocks and buildings, bows cocked, aim steady.
The Captain looked behind him, to see his men with their arms raised in the air. Their captors finally showing themselves. He chuckled to himself, he did get a harem of women. A harem of bloodthirsty war hungry savage merciless women.
"WE SURRENDER."
A rider came forward, obviously the leader.
"I am Nabooru. Queen of the Hyrulian Gerudo. Why are you here!?" she spoke softly, but sternly.
A man answered, "We are just but mercenaries! Hired by the Gerudo King!"
Nabooru immediately made a quick gesture, and an a few arrows where loosened into the man's throat. She hated mercenaries enough, but to claim that Gerudo hired them was pure insult. And claiming that it was a Gerudo King… well…
Gerudo looked back to the sniveling cowards, "Can any of you tell me anything he did not!?"
Silence.
Nabooru made a slight gesture, and said "Leave the leader."
The Captain stared wide-eyed. He gulped as the archers all raised the bows. He closed his eyes.
Immediately, he felt air whoosh by his neck, head, and crotch areas. He heard screams of men, and cries of pain. He heard his entire troop fall in mere moments. Not even in battle, not even honorably. He even heard the very arrows destined to kill his comrades pass his head.
He didn't dare move. He didn't dare open his eyes. He felt his pants become moist.
Nabooru put a spear next to his throat. "I'll say it again- WHY ARE YOU HERE!?"
She would have normally pressed him against the gate and threaten to snap his neck, but she didn't want to get any of his filth on her.
"Tell me, or die a horrible death filled with torture. And lots of it."
"W-We… where hired."
Nabooru moved the spear closer, "I know that already. Why where you hired!?"
He gulped, "We where to take control of the area."
"For what purpose?"
"So that he can release the Dark Lord!" he trembled uncontrollably, and his life flashed before his eyes. All he wanted to do, all he would miss…
Whispers grew among the Gerudo.
Nabooru, annoyed, sighed. "Well, I guess they where right. Go, tell your boss that you failed miserably."
He nodded vigorously. He through down a seed and a black raven grew, made entirely of magic, and flew off to the East.
"What was that?" asked Nabooru.
The man's eyes widened. He realized his mistake. These women did not know of the sign failure.
"That was the message, wasn't it? You stupid fool, you could have just run off right here."
The Captain nodded.
"Well, I do have a little respect for you… even though you are a man… and idiot… and countless other things… I'll give you one chance. One arrow, and one chance to run. I will not fire until you pass that pole," Nabooru pointed to a far off pole 150 yards away.
The man nodded and ran for his life.
100 yards
50 yards
20 yards…
10 yards…
5 yards…
2 yards…
The arrow was shot. A man fell.
Author's Notes:
Check out the first chapter, totally redone. 100%
My oh my. Homework is weighing in heavily, and right now writing ain't lookin' so good :D
Leave reviews and I might be convinced to finish this damn thing. Reviews would do a world of good right now. Hey, you may not know but I do read them, and I do take advice from em.
Also, I'm thinking of just making the entire next chapter just battle scenes. Plot needs to stop, war needs ensue! WAR! FIGHT! BLOOD! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Chapter 4: It's war!
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am in any way affiliated with the Legend Of Zelda series, nor it's characters and owners. The Legend Of Zelda: The Five Shiekah takes place after Ocarina of Time. It can and probably will contain violence, harsh language, and suggestive dialogue. It also contains what might possibly be the longest run on sentences and filled with the most commas ever in a story. Oh, and all that doesn't belong to the creators of Zelda belong to me. So you can't have them
A Placebo 'I made it up in the shower productions'©
Link surveyed the horizon. Nothing. Maybe Impa was wrong. Perhaps they where getting worried about nothing. Link patted Epona, who was armored in plates to guard her in the upcoming battles.
He sighed, and patted his only companion. "Must be annoying for you, huh? Yeah, this stupid chain mail makes me irritated to. I should give more credit to those guards. How are they not scratching their asses every two minutes? Well, you wouldn't be worrying if you where me, would you? I mean, everything's very nice and defended. Let's just get you back to…"
He paused, and then recalled something.
"Ah bHORSE SHIT!/b" At that, Epona neighed loudly.
Boarding his steed, Link hurried over to Lon Lon Ranch. Cursing himself at his own absent mindedness. Who was to defend the ranch?
"Come on girl, take us home! Faster, faster!"
Impa kicked the ground with frustration. Another dead end. She was tired, dirty, and more then irritated. She also had this paranoid feeling that she was not alone in these tunnels. Worse yet, she was lost. The very walls where imbued with such chaos that it was impossible to find her way back.
Impa amused herself knowing she could probably just blow a hole through the roof and escape that way, but she had no idea where she was, and might blow up the Farmer and his daughter.
"Wait a second… where did I come from?" Impa looked about her, and saw several different passages.
Losing her calm, strong posture she constantly demanded from herself and those around her, she cursed, and cursed… and then she cursed some more.
"GODDESS DAMN MOTHER FU--
Malon looked around. She could have sword she heard frantic cursing about her, but decided it was just some strange echo. Besides, she had to find her way out of this place. It was pretty cold, and the ground was strangely soft for dirt and rock. It felt like air under her.
Besides, she had a strong feeling about where she was going. It was as if someone… or thing… was guiding her through the endless passages, telling her exactly where to go.
She stopped.
"Wait a minute… is this thing guiding me to the exit?"
Link arrived at Lon Lon ranch.
The sun began to lower. All was quiet in Hyrule. Too quiet. It was like one of those cheesy stories, at least it wasn't set in a creepy house on a dark and story night, Link told himself.
Link surveyed the ranch. It was surprisingly… empty. He supposed some super cliché evil bad guys where going to show up to slit his throat. He decided to look into the barn, but before he did, he decided it best to unsheathe his sword…
The screams of horror quickly filled the stable.
"Stop!" the Captain ordered, "We set camp here!"
It was almost eerie how quickly all the caravans stopped, how quickly the men set camp, fire, tents, and arranged guards.
The Captain sighed a breath of relief. No one was ordering each other around (being the "best" of their kind, they where all used to giving the orders, not taking them) or trying to slit each other's throats. Finally. He got off his horse, and leaned against a large pole that was conveniently there for his leaning needs.
Following the poles as Daruban ordered, they quickly guided themselves through the desert. It was just common sense, really. I mean, follow the big poles so you don't get lost in the big desert of doom that eats all life. Not a big deal, really.
The captain lay low, took a drink from his canton, ignored the sounds of fights behind him, and prepared to sleep.
From the high dunes of the desert, a fair distance away from the mercenary camp, a pair of hawk-eyed women lay watch.
"My goddess, what pathetic men." Came the voice of Nabooru, "They probably think no one knows they're coming…"
Nabooru didn't have to turn around to tell her second in command was also smirking, "Yes, they are indeed weak and stupid," she spat, "how typical of men."
Nabooru grinned, "Look at that camp. Barely a tenth of their men stand guard, and even those are already nodding off, from too much beer probably."
"Like sheep to the slaughter." Replied the other Gerudo.
"Do it."
Without a word, the other woman alerted the women behind her and made a loud, clear wolf call.
Gerald, a great adventure, a world-renowned "treasure hunter" and deadly mercenary, couldn't believe he was standing guard. Not to mention the fact that he was so damn full of beer he thought he would sleep on his feet. "I mean, come on!" Gerald thought to himself, "I'm great! Why do I have to stand guard!?"
His thoughts of that huge treasure Daruban personally showed to him (well, that's what he said) and promised to him made him not really give a damn about the whole guard thing anymore.
"God, I'm so drunk. Hell, I'm seeing beautiful women run at me on elegant stallions… taking out bows…" Then he heard the horn- the emergency one. Then he realized this was no mirage.
Then he wet his pants.
"Dear goddess, Ingo, you scared the living crap out of me!"
"I scared the crap out of bYOU/b!? You don't think some stranger running in with a big sword isn't scary!? Because let me tell you…"
Link just waved him off. "Look, where's Malon and Talon?"
"The fat lazy one is sleeping… as usual. The pretty sweet one was tending to the horses last I saw." Ingo looked out at the sky, "Say, it's pretty late. Why hasn't she brought the horses in yet?"
Link looked at him. "Ah HORSE SHIT. There's a war coming on and she's missing. Well, that's just great."
Ingo's eyes widened (something like from this: -_- to this: 0_0) largely, "A WAR!? WHAT WAR!? ARE YOU JOKING AROUND ELF!? BECAUSE I'LL HAVE YOU BY YOUR EA-"
"Shut your ugly face and help me find her!" screamed Link.
With that, they roamed about the ranch calling out "Malon! Maaaaaaaaallllllllllloooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn! Where are you!?" like idiots.
Talon, meanwhile, was sleeping and none the wiser.
"YOU!" the Captain cried, "ORDER THE RETREAT- NOW!"
He stopped in his tracks, as he noticed the man he was yelling orders to now had 4 or 5 arrows sticking through his head and crotch.
"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!"
And so they did. But running was fruitless for the entire legion. Hell, they just died tired. Worse, a desert storm had picked up, and they didn't know how many or who they where fighting.
He looked back (they always do. Why, why, why?) Only to see his men become impaled with a barrage of arrows or a spear.
The captain cursed these riders. How in hell did they know they where coming!?
"STAY TOGETHER MEN, DO NOT STRAY!" He screamed, for those who did became hopelessly loss in the foreign grounds, and killed or left to die a miserable death in the desert, lost and alone.
Then, he saw a large fortress in sight. They didn't know about the war, did they? Oh well, they didn't have much of a choice. He prayed to the goddesses that they would not be met with giant gruff warriors but instead a beautiful harem.
Dreams come true, blade of dreams was double sided.
Nabooru, Queen of the Gerudo, laughed amidst the fight on her steed, then took several arrows, aimed, and loosened them in the throats of the stronger men, and those armed to fight.
"Like lamb to the slaughter…"
The other Gerudo warriors did similar tactics on their horses. Who knew a desert would be the perfect place for Guerilla warfare?
Nabooru ordered the leader to be saved… for last.
A little girl stood at the gate, sucking her thumb, looking as innocent as an angel. (An angel of DARKNESS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA)
A small, wounded army came into sight.
As soon as they came closer… well. It would not be pretty.
"LET US IN, LITTLE GIRL!" cried what appeared to be the leader.
"I'd have to ask my mommy, mister." Came the small, squeaky, innocent voice.
"HURRY! PLEASE!" The frantic man looked back, and saw his men fighting a battle they never had a chance with. They where stricken like lightning, completely unprepared. Some had to fight with sticks their weapon and cloth as their armor.
In the most sickeningly cute and sing song voice, "Oh moooommmmmyyy, we have some visitors!"
With that dozens upon dozens of archers came out of their hiding places amongst the rocks and buildings, bows cocked, aim steady.
The Captain looked behind him, to see his men with their arms raised in the air. Their captors finally showing themselves. He chuckled to himself, he did get a harem of women. A harem of bloodthirsty war hungry savage merciless women.
"WE SURRENDER."
A rider came forward, obviously the leader.
"I am Nabooru. Queen of the Hyrulian Gerudo. Why are you here!?" she spoke softly, but sternly.
A man answered, "We are just but mercenaries! Hired by the Gerudo King!"
Nabooru immediately made a quick gesture, and an a few arrows where loosened into the man's throat. She hated mercenaries enough, but to claim that Gerudo hired them was pure insult. And claiming that it was a Gerudo King… well…
Gerudo looked back to the sniveling cowards, "Can any of you tell me anything he did not!?"
Silence.
Nabooru made a slight gesture, and said "Leave the leader."
The Captain stared wide-eyed. He gulped as the archers all raised the bows. He closed his eyes.
Immediately, he felt air whoosh by his neck, head, and crotch areas. He heard screams of men, and cries of pain. He heard his entire troop fall in mere moments. Not even in battle, not even honorably. He even heard the very arrows destined to kill his comrades pass his head.
He didn't dare move. He didn't dare open his eyes. He felt his pants become moist.
Nabooru put a spear next to his throat. "I'll say it again- WHY ARE YOU HERE!?"
She would have normally pressed him against the gate and threaten to snap his neck, but she didn't want to get any of his filth on her.
"Tell me, or die a horrible death filled with torture. And lots of it."
"W-We… where hired."
Nabooru moved the spear closer, "I know that already. Why where you hired!?"
He gulped, "We where to take control of the area."
"For what purpose?"
"So that he can release the Dark Lord!" he trembled uncontrollably, and his life flashed before his eyes. All he wanted to do, all he would miss…
Whispers grew among the Gerudo.
Nabooru, annoyed, sighed. "Well, I guess they where right. Go, tell your boss that you failed miserably."
He nodded vigorously. He through down a seed and a black raven grew, made entirely of magic, and flew off to the East.
"What was that?" asked Nabooru.
The man's eyes widened. He realized his mistake. These women did not know of the sign failure.
"That was the message, wasn't it? You stupid fool, you could have just run off right here."
The Captain nodded.
"Well, I do have a little respect for you… even though you are a man… and idiot… and countless other things… I'll give you one chance. One arrow, and one chance to run. I will not fire until you pass that pole," Nabooru pointed to a far off pole 150 yards away.
The man nodded and ran for his life.
100 yards
50 yards
20 yards…
10 yards…
5 yards…
2 yards…
The arrow was shot. A man fell.
Author's Notes:
Check out the first chapter, totally redone. 100%
My oh my. Homework is weighing in heavily, and right now writing ain't lookin' so good :D
Leave reviews and I might be convinced to finish this damn thing. Reviews would do a world of good right now. Hey, you may not know but I do read them, and I do take advice from em.
Also, I'm thinking of just making the entire next chapter just battle scenes. Plot needs to stop, war needs ensue! WAR! FIGHT! BLOOD! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!