::Title:The Buffy Horror Picture Show::
::Author:Chrissy::
::Email:scully8746@hotmail.com::
::Summary:A Buffy/Rocky Horror crossover::
::Spoilers:My version of "Restless::
Buffy sighed and stared into Riley's eyes. "You're sure you'll be alright," she said. It was more of a question than a statement.
Riley smiled comfortingly. "Sure as I am of anything." The smile started to turn into a frown. "Which is less and less these days..." He shook his head. "No, I think you're right... I'm going to call them and set up the debriefing for tomorrow. They won't like it, but I have lots of dirt on the Initiative... they'll just have to deal." He disappeared into the kitchen, and returned a moment later. "All clear! Movie fest is a go!"
Suddenly Joyce and Xander emerged from the kitchen. "Dinner is served!" Xander announced. "My very own recipe."
"You pushed the button on the microwave marked 'popcorn'?" Willow teased.
"Actually, I pushed 'defrost'," Xander said, grinning sheepishly. "But Joyce was there in the clinch."
"Well, you guys have fun tonight," Joyce said, smiling tiredly. Then she turned to Riley. "It was nice meeting you... finally." Then she looked over at Buffy. "You notice how pointedly I said 'finally'?"
"No," Buffy said sarcastically.
Riley grinned and he and Buffy led the group out into the living room.
"Are you sure you don't want to join us?" Giles offered to Joyce, as he sat down on the couch.
Joyce set down the tray of popcorn and smiled. "No, you guys have your fun. I'm tired... I can't believe you guys aren't exhausted -- have you even slept since...?"
Giles shook his head. "Still feel a bit too wired."
"Yeah, that spell, it was powerful," Willow agreed.
"I don't think I *could* sleep!" Buffy asserted. Riley sat down by her feet, and she smiled, twirling a piece of his hair around her finger.
"Well, we got plenty of vid. And I'm putting in a preemptive bid for 'Apocalypse Now'. Heh?" Xander offered.
"Did you get anything less Heart of Darkness-y?" Willow responded, checking the stacks of videos on the coffee table.
Joyce shook her head, trying to stifle laughter, and headed up the stairs.
"'Apocalypse Now' is a gay romp!" Xander argued. "It's the feel good movie of whatever year it was!"
"What else," Buffy said sternly.
Xander sighed. "I don't know... how about 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'?"
The gang quickly agreed, and the movie was in the VCR.
Soon lips appeared on the TV screen.
"Michael Rennie was ill The Day the Earth Stood Still, but he told us where we stand. And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear, Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. Then something went wrong for Fay Wray and King Kong; they got caught in a celluloid jam. Then at a deadly pace it came from... Outer Space. And this is how the message ran," they sang.
Buffy giggled. "I love this movie. I must've seen this, like, five billion times..."
"Science fiction, double feature Doctor X will build a creature. See androids fighting Brad and Janet; Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet. Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh At the late night, double feature, picture show," the lips sang on. "I knew Leo G. Carrol Was over a barrel when Tarantula took to the hills. And I really got hot when I saw Jeanette Scott fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. Dana Andrews said Prunes gave him the runes and passing them used lots of skills. But When Worlds Collide, Said George Powell to his bride, 'I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills,' Like a... "
But the gang was already asleep.
"Here they come!" a voice called.
Buffy looked around. "Where are we?" she muttered, glancing at Riley, who stood next to her in a suit and... "A *plaid* bow-tie?" she giggled. "Oh, God, Riley... we've got to go shopping for you..."
But, "Let's get a picture!" the photographer was saying. "Close together now..."
Buffy's eyes widened. "You have *got* to be kidding me," she muttered.
"What's wrong?" Riley asked her, glancing around. "I mean, other than the fact that we've been sucked into some strange reality..."
"This is it!" Buffy yelped. "This *is* The Rocky Horror Picture Show! We got sucked into the movie!"
Riley laughed. "I think chances are that we're dreaming."
"No... dreams," a raspy voice said, next to Buffy. "Just... the kill... we are... *alone*." Buffy turned to see the First Slayer standing next to her.
"What is this?" Buffy demanded. "I mean, we got sucked into Betty and Ralph's *wedding* for God's sake... what are you trying to pull? And *who are you*?!"
"I guess we finally did it," a blonde man said to Riley.
Riley turned to him. "Uh... excuse me?" he offered weakly.
"Betty and I," Ralph said. "What's wrong with you, Brad? You seem kind of... out of it."
"Riley!" Buffy hissed. "What are you doing? We have to play the part, or we'll mess up their demented world!"
"What part?" Riley asked, bewildered. "I don't think I've ever seen this movie before!"
Buffy rolled her eyes and turned to Ralph. "Yeah, you... you did it!" she agreed. "It's great... and... uh... all thanks to Dr. Everett Scott's refresher course! Right?"
"Well, to tell you the truth, Janet, that's the only reason I showed up in the first place!" Ralph chuckled.
"You chauvinistic pig!" Buffy muttered.
Ralph looked confused, but was saved from answering by Betty's voice across the crowd.
"Okay, you guys! This is it!" she shouted.
"Oh... look... Betty's going to throw the bouquet!" Riley offered.
"Oh, shoot!" Buffy muttered, hitching up her skirt and running over. "I'm supposed to catch it..." To her surprise, the flowers flew right into her hands. "I got it... I got it!" she called.
Ralph chuckled next to Riley. "Hey, big fella, looks like it could be your turn next. Eh?" he offered.
"What?" Riley replied, oblivious.
Ralph gave him one last strange look and climbed into the waiting car.
Buffy snorted when she read the side of it. 'Wait till tonite!' it read. 'She got hers, now he'll get his!'
"I forgot how stupid and... un-liberated this dumb era was," Buffy muttered.
Riley looked at her. "Okay, I'm really confused. How do we get back? This world's... kinda scary."
"Oh, definitely," Buffy agreed. "And, I mean, we haven't really even gotten to the scariest part yet... wait till you meet Dr. Frank-n-Furter..."
Suddenly music began to play out of nowhere.
"Ugh!" Buffy complained. "Oh, just skip the damn musical number! It's stupid anyway!" She grabbed Riley by the hand and hauled him off toward Brad's car. "Come on. We've got to go visit Dr. Everett Scott."
"I'd like, ah, if I may... to take you on a strange journey," the scary narrarator said. "It seemed a fairly ordinary night when..." Suddenly he stopped and peered down at the police reports in front of him. "Now, wait a minute!" he said angrily. "Someone's tampered with the evidence! This isn't the way it's supposed to go...!"
"Up here," Buffy said, pointing forward. They were driving through the torrential rain, on the road to Dr. Everett Scott's house.
BANG!
The whole car shuddered, and Buffy and Riley were jerked forward in their seats.
"Uh-oh," Riley said, unbuckling his seat belt. "I think the tire just blew."
Buffy nodded. "Yep. And now we have to walk back to that mansion we passed. There's this scary dude inside... but hey! We get to see them do the Time Warp!"
"Alright," Riley agreed dubiously. "But... Buffy... please just remind me... why are we doing this?"
"Duh!" Buffy said, exasperated. "The First Slayer... she must be doing something... some kind of torture or punishment or something, because we used her essence in the spell. Anyway, if we got sucked into the roles of Brad and Janet, then Giles and Xander and Willow and everybody must be somewhere else in the movie. We can't leave until we find them!"
"Right," Riley said, nodding. "Well, come on then..."
Buffy led him by the hand, down the road and through to the chain link fence. "Here it is!" she said, pointing to the sign: 'Enter At Your Own Risk!'
Suddenly music began to play again. Buffy groaned. "Oh no!" she wailed. "Not another one!"
"What?" Riley asked, confused.
"Another song!" Buffy exclaimed. "Let's see... I think this one is 'Over At The Frankenstein Place'... but I can't remember the words."
Suddenly a chorus of voices joined the music. "Over at the Frankenstein place!"
"Oh, right!" Buffy exclaimed. She began to hum along. "There's a light..." She turned to Riley. "Come on, do it with me here!"
"Over at the Frankenstein place!"
"There's a light..." the two sang together, walking closer to the house.
"Burning in the fireplace..."
"There's a light!" Buffy sang on. "Light in the darkness of everybody's life!" Riley stared at her, and she grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I'm an addict."
Suddenly another man began to sing. "The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming Into my life. Into my life..."
"That's Riff Raff," Buffy explained. "He's going to answer the door. But beware, he's this hunchback weirdo dude... I'm not very good at-- oh!" she exclaimed, as the chorus started again. "Darn! We missed our cue!"
"Burning in the fireplace!" the chorus sang. "There's a light, a light..."
"Buffy, is it really that important that we sing along?" Riley said, a pained expression on his face.
Buffy grinned. "Yup! Come on!" They marched closer to the castle. Suddenly the music stopped, and the scary narrator guy's voice filled the air once more.
"And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. ...Or had they?"
"Hey!" Buffy said, as soon as Riff Raff opened the door. "We're cold and it's raining and the car broke down, and do you have a phone we could use?"
"You're wet," Riff Raff observed, staring them up and down.
"Yeah... uh... it's raining," Riley offered.
"Yes... I think perhaps you'd better both come inside," Riff Raff said, opening the door wider.
Buffy glanced around as she stepped inside. "You're having a party?" she prompted.
"You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs," Riff Raff explained.
"Great," Buffy said vaguely. "That phone?"
"Buffy?!" a scared voice called.
Buffy glanced around, just as Willow came sliding down the stairs, dressed in a maid uniform.
"Willow?" Buffy exclaimed. "Well, look at you! You lucky duck! Here I am stuck playing Janet, and you got to be Magenta?"
"What?" Willow squeaked, still scared. "Buffy, this place is really freaky. How'd we get here?"
"I don't know," Buffy said, shaking her head. "We're in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I know that much. The question is, how do we get out?"
Riff Raff stared back and forth at them, but finally just began to sing. "It's astounding; Time is fleeting; Madness takes its toll. But listen closely..."
He stared at Willow expectantly, but she just shivered with fear.
Finally Riff Raff just shrugged and continued. "I've got to keep control. I remember doing the time-warp drinking those moments when the blackness would hit me..."
Again, he glanced at Willow, but had to continue on his own. "And a void would be calling... "
From the big hall in front of them came the voices of the Transylvanians. "Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"
Riff Raff ushered all three of them inside, where there were tons of people dressed in really odd clothing, all dancing around the floor.
"It's just a jump to the left," the scary narrarator said, pointing to his chart.
"And then a step to the right!" the people sang, demonstrating.
"With your hands on your hips."
"But it's the pelvic thrust!" Buffy sang. "That really drives you insane! Let's do the time warp again! Let's do the time warp again!"
Riley glanced at Willow. "You know, when I said she was peculiar, I really had no idea..."
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5