(((Part 3)))
"There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of the imagination. If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe, ... however, the sudden departure of their host...and his creation...into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms," the narrarator said darkly.
"Who is it?" Buffy called at the knock on her door.
"It's only me!" Riley replied.
"Oh, come on in, Riley!" she replied. She heard the door shut and then he was by her bedside.
Suddenly she felt his hand running across her stomach, and Buffy giggled. "I guess you couldn't wait for that bible study, huh?" Then an odd thought occurred to her, and Buffy sat straight up. "Ew! Gross! I just remembered this scene! Get your slimy paws away from me!" She jumped up out of bed and found herself face to face with... Riley.
"What scene?" he asked, confused.
Buffy sighed. "Oh. Sorry. It is you. No, there's just this scene in the movie where Frank appears at the bedroom door and pretends to be Brad, and then he starts 'groping'... Janet eventually figures it out, but she sleeps with him anyway... which is really, *really* icky when you think about it."
"Oh."
"But it gets worse!" she continued. "Then he goes and pretty much does the same thing to Brad, but the other way around."
"Oh," Riley said again, looking more disgusted. But he shook it off. "Listen, are you okay? I just came by to check on you. This place is really weird, and I'd kind of like to get out of here soon."
"I know," Buffy sighed. "Me, too. It's just..."
Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Buffy looked toward it, confused. "Hello? Who is it?"
"It's me!" someone who sounded an awful lot like Riley replied.
Buffy smiled at Riley. "See? This would be it." She marched over to the door and threw it open. "Now, look!" she yelled at Frank. "Janet may have been stupid enough to fall for that, but I'm Buffy Summers, and I know what you're up to! So, *no*, I will not have sex with you... and neither will Riley, for that matter! So go off to your own room! GOODNIGHT!"
"Well," Frank sniffed. "If that's really how you feel..." He walked off down the hall, kicking his heels up behind him.
Buffy rolled her eyes and slammed the door. "Well... took care of that problem."
Riley laughed. "Right... seriously, though, about getting out of here?"
Then there was another knock at the door. "Hold that thought," Buffy said angrily. She marched over to the door and yanked it open. "I said get the hell away from me!" Then she noticed who was there. "Oh! Xander, Willow, come on inside. We're actually just... er... formulating a plan right now..."
The other two Scoobies walked inside and greeted Riley, and then all three of them sat down on Buffy's bed to discuss stratagems...
In the master's laboratory, Riff Raff watched it all on Candid Camera.
His eyebrow raised suspiciously, but then he turned to Frank's 'bridal suite'. He laughed and reached out to burn the transvestite scientist's human creation with the candlestick, but Rocky was too strong, and broke through his chains.
"Owwww! Merrrrrcccyyy!" Riff Raff screamed, as Frank twisted his ear.
"How did it happen?" Frank demanded. "I understood you were to be watching!"
"I was only away for a minute, master!" Riff Raff pleaded.
"Well... see if you can find him on the monitor," Frank finally acquiesced.
"Master, master!" he said suddenly. "We have a visitor!"
"Giles!" Riley exclaimed, seeing him on the monitor.
"Giles!" the other three Scoobies replied, equally surprised.
"You know this earthling... erm, person?" Riff Raff asked suspiciously.
"Sure!" Buffy exclaimed. "He used to be my Watcher!"
"I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here with a purpose," Frank grilled them.
"Actually, the car broke down," Buffy corrected. "Besides which, if we're going to return to our world... well, we had to make sure we were all together first."
Frank chose to ignore him, and instead turned to Buffy. "I know what you told me...but this is Dr. Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me."
"Actually, he's Rupert Giles," Willow chimed in. "And he used to be the librarian at Sunnydale High School."
"Yeah. Before we blew it up," Xander added.
"And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Buffy? He's attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call UFO's! Isn't that right, Buffy?!" Frank shrieked.
Xander laughed. "You couldn't be further from the truth! No one in our group is associated with secret government organi-..." Riley coughed, and Xander stopped short. "Oh. Right."
"The intruder is entering the building, master," Riff Raff informed them.
"He'll probably be... in the Zen room. Should we inquire of him in person?" Frank suggested, marching off before anyone could respond.
"Giles!" Buffy cried when they came face to face.
"Oh! Buffy!" he exclaimed, running toward her. "You have no idea how horrible this world is. I'm not sure how we got sucked in, but... good God! Is that man in drag?!" He stared at Frank, astounded.
"Don't play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what Buffy is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not? That she and her male should check the layout for you. Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I am adaptable, Dr. Scott; I know Buffy is." Frank looked pleased with himself.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Listen, now that we're all together, I think we ought to get out of here. This place is horrible, I'm telling you."
"Oh, I know," Giles agreed. "But... might I ask... *where* are we?"
"The Rocky Horror Picture Show," Buffy explained. "Somehow, I guess we got sucked in... and the First Slayer was here, Giles. I think it's some kind of big punishment for using her essence in the spell."
"Punishment... indeed...," Giles muttered darkly.
Suddenly Riff Raff appeared in the doorway. "Master... dinner is prepared."
"Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional," Frank replied, inviting them all into the dining room.
"Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little.. bon ami," they heard the narrarator say.
"And bon voyage!" Buffy replied angrily, glancing around. "Look, I don't know who you are, Mister, but you're not helping very much, so maybe it would be better if you just left!"
Frank cleared his throat. "A... a toast... to absent friends."
They all raised their glasses.
"I wish Tara were here," Willow said glumly.
"And Anya," Xander added.
"You guys!" Buffy exclaimed. "Don't say that! I don't know about you, but... hey, I really wouldn't wish this on anybody."
"Good point," Willow agreed.
"Yes, well... and a toast to Rocky. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Rocky... Shall we?" Frank invited, gesturing toward his laboratory.
"Wait!" Buffy interrupted. "Look, Frank... I think we all would really like to leave now."
"Well, for heaven's sake, why?" Frank said, exasperated.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Because you're all aliens! And I've seen the movie before, so I know the ending! Now, I know about the floorshow -- which, by the way, before you even go there, I am *so* not participating in -- and can we please just go now?"
And then suddenly the music began again.
"Oh, Riff Raff!" Frank-N-Furter sang out. "Please shut off the music! It seems are guests are having problems with their... departure..."
The music disappeared, and they were all left in silence.
Until the Narrarator started up again. "And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals...and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that is spoken--"
"Hey, what script are you reading from?" Buffy called indignantly. "I mean, first of all, 'forbidden fruit'? Well, not here, anyway... and Brad and Janet? I mean, hello! We've been Buffy and Riley for quite awhile! And hey, engaged? Riley and I aren't engaged! Get with the program, here!"
"Buffy," Willow tried to reason, "stop arguing with the narrarator..."
"No, Will!" Buffy said, shrugging her off. "I have had enough of this! I want to go home! Rocky Horror Land sucks!"
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5