Author's Note: Just a short songfic. Dean's POV. Dashboard Confessional.
Spoilers: Up to Help Wanted.

Again I Go Unnoticed

The letter she handed me as I arrived home brought a new meaning to the phrase: home sickness. I wanted to kick something much harder than my duffel bag. As I read more and more, my anger grew instantaneously.

"It gets better at the end," she says hopefully.

I close my eyes in frusteration and glare coldly at her. How could she do this? She practically went out on a date with him.

I read the last few lighter lines of the letter which explained that he was gone. Gone. I looked up as I finished and debated the subject. He's gone..maybe nothing else will go wrong. Maybe mine and her relationship can go back to the way it used to be. Or maybe this is only a pathetic warning that we should call it quits. Maybe nothing.

I walk over to her and ask if it's really true. She says that it is. I invite her in for dinner. She seems skeptical, but accepts. I walk in before her, getting out the last of my anger in sighs. I make a deal with myself not to bring it up at all the rest of the night. If I did, it would only lead to argument after argument.

After dinner, we go into the other room to watch some T.V. My sister sits on the floor about a foot away from the set with her eyes glued to whatever we were watching. I wasn't paying attention. Rory sits next to me on the sofa. I look over at her for a second. She has her eyes on the set as well but she's not looking. She's thinking and her mind is elsewhere. I know what she's thinking of but I don't want to admit to it. I see her looking at me through the corner of her eye for a split second, then focuses back to the T.V. set. I can't stand being looked at through the corner of her eye. It's an earie feeling. I let out a large sigh but it doesn't divert her concentration to her thoughts.

so quiet

another wasted night.

the television steals the conversation.

exhale, another wasted breath.

again it goes unnoticed.

After a while, I tell her that it's getting late. She agrees and rises to walk to the door. I offer to walk her home and she accepts, still seeming so distant and confused. I want to know what's wrong. I want to know how I can fix it. I want to know what she's thinking of, but I know if I admit I know what she's thinking of, I will end up hating myself for it. Myself and her.

please tell me that you're just feeling tired.

'cause if its more than that i feel that i might break.

out of touch, out of time?

please send me anything but signals that are mixed.

cause i can't read your rolling eyes.

out of touch, are we out of time?

The walk home is quiet with few interceptions of small talk. Before when we went on walks this short, they seemed they would last forever and I wanted them to last forever. Now they're just a simple gesture. A two-minute journey across town and I can't wait for it to be over.

We reach her doorstep and I politely kiss her goodnight. She smiles. It's a different smile. It's the smile you see when somebody hates to admit something. She doesn't want to admit something and she's trying to hide it. I try to hide the hurt that's building up inside and hopefully I succeed. Her hand slowly slips away from my loose grip and she walks inside the house not once looking back.

close lipped.

another good night kiss is robbed of all its passion.

your grip, another time is slack, it leaves me feeling empty.

please tell me your just feeling tired.

'cause if its more than that i feel that i might break.

out of touch, out of time?

I want things to go back to the way they were. To the way we were. I didn't know people could grow apart so suddenly and so solemnly. We both don't want to admit it and I know what she was thinking. She was thinking of someone else. Him. Jess. The whole time she was with me, she was thinking of him. That's the look I saw in her eyes as she gave me one last glance. Guilt.

i'll wait until tomorrow.

maybe you'll feel better than, maybe we'll be better then.

so what's another day when i can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you.

this mood of yours is temporary and it seems worth the wait to see you smile again.

out of the corner of your eye won't be the only way you look at me then.

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End