-
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart to broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
-
It was raining. Sheets of icy water fell to the ground, enveloping the city in a grey haze. Helga was drenched the insant she stepped out of the school, her dark eyes matching the colour of the clouds growing overhead. Pulling her thin jacket tightly around her, she started the walk home.
Arnold was not there with his umbrella to rescue her. He never was, anymore. Not since kindergarten, when she'd met him. Everything she said and did pushed Arnold further away, and she was powerless to stop herself. He had his umbrella with him today, in fact, and as she watched, he moved beside a delicate black-haired girl, shielding her from the rain, and flashing her a warm smile. Helga just kept walking, rain hitting her face and mingling with the tears that ran down it. Was she even crying? Did she even have that much emotion in her? She never felt like it anymore. She felt so empty. Like she was drifting away from everything she knew, and she was too tired to scream for help anymore. She didn't even care anymore.
Pushing open the door to her house, Helga went straight to her room, not caring to find out if anyone was home. 'Shower', she decided, 'A nice, hot, long shower will help'. Looking around her room, she grabbed a plush bathrobe (pink), a set of scented shower gels (she didn't trust Big Bob enough to leave them in the bathroom), and a white towel. Clutching the items, she made her way into the bathroom, and lay them on the counter. Slowly, she disrobed, folding articles of clothing as she put them away. Finally, she stood in front of the mirror, naked. Her first reaction was surprise, then disgust. Her reflection was a girl of medium height, with stringy blonde hair reaching halfway down her back. She had dark smoky eyes hidden beneath one thick black eyebrow. Her body was soft, and round - nothing like the thin, delicate girls Arnold was always with. Biting her lip, Helga stepped onto the scale and winced as the red line swung around, finally resting at 130 lbs.
'No wonder he never looks at me. He probably can't stand to.' She thought miserably, stepping into the shower and turning the water on, hot.
-
I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I pray, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can
-
Operation: New Helga, Helga wrote in clear black letters on the first page of a new pink notebook, several hours later. After a considerable amount of sulking, she realized she had to do something. She couldn't let this be her life, alone, ugly, pining after somebody too good for her. Her hands shaking slightly, she continued to write.
Objective: Make Arnold love me, through whatever means necessary.
She'd have to lose weight, of course. The eyebrows would have to go, and she'd have to do something with her hair. New clothes, new attitude, new everything. She wouldn't fail this time, couldn't let him down again.
-
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart to broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
-
Sleeping was hard. Helga stayed up nearly the whole night, planning everything. What was she going to eat, what exercises would she do? She had money saved up, could she join a gym? How would she look with short hair? Did Arnold like tulips, or the colour green? When she finally lost conciousness, the sun was just starting to rise. Her dreams were haunted by fragmented images of hips and collarbones, and Arnold.
Breakfast wasn't a problem, nobody noticed if she ate or not. Helga walked briskly to school, reminding herself that every step burned calories. Classes seemed to take forever, and she sat through each one, bouncing her leg impatiently, forming a quick rhythm. When lunch finally came, she nervously headed to the cafeteria, not sure if she'd be able to resist the warm, gooey pizza they served on Wednesdays. However, as she scanned the cafeteria for Phoebe, who'd remained her loyalest friend all these years, she saw the petite asian girl sitting with Gerald, and Arnold.
Well, hello, inspiration.
Helga stopped at the vending machine, before she slid into the seat beside Pheobe, mentally reminding herself not to say anything offensive to Arnold. 'Stay in control!' she reminded herself fiercely. "Hey", she said calmly, opening her can of diet coke with a metallic pop. Arnold smiled at her briefly and Gerald raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement. Pheobe also smiled, and blinked curiously.
"Hey, Helga. Diet? I thought you required the sugars in real coca cola to get you through your day."
Helga shrugged. "It, uh makes my teeth hurt" she explained, giving a bland smile. "So, anyways how are you guys doing?"
-
I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real
I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees
I hope, I stand, I take it like a man
I try as hard as I can
-
Lunch went well, Helga reflected later, sitting in her bedroom. She'd made Arnold laugh, several times. She'd felt good, like she was sharing a side of herself he wasn't familiar with. There was an awkward moment when a thin, beautiful redhead in tight black pants and a corset walked by, and Arnold swiveled around to watch her walk by, but that was okay. 'When I look like that, he'll only want to watch me', she reminded herself for the fifthieth time since it happened. For now, she'd just have to everything she could to speed that up. Putting her hair into a ponytail, she grabbed and apple, told Miriam she was going to Pheobe's for dinner, and headed downtown to find out about that gym.
By the time she was off her street, Helga barely had a core to throw away. She tossed the scarce remaints of the apple into a garbage by the bus stop, and boarded the next bus to pass by.
"Hi," Helga introduced herself with a soft smile. "I was wondering about your yearly memberships."
The girl gave a winning grin in return. "Well, we start at two hundred dollars, which gives you access to our weight lifting machines, cardio equipment, weakly aerobics classes, full access to the pool, and a personal trainer."
Two hundred dollars...It was worth it. Helga barely hesitated before signing the required sheets, and handing the smiling girl her bank card.
When she got back, she smiled to Big Bob and Miriam, telling them she was stuffed and tired, and heading straight to her bedroom. There she lay on the ground, doing stomach crunches until her sides screamed in agony. Slowly, she lifted herself off the carpeted floor and changed into her pajamas, brushing her teeth and falling into bed.
This time sleep came easy. Helga barely hit the pillow when she drifted into another dream-filled sleep.
-
Am I not pretty enough?
Is my heart to broken?
Do I cry too much?
Am I too outspoken?
Don't I make you laugh?
Should I try it harder?
Why do you see right through me?
-
Author's Notes: Sorry this is so short. I'll have the second chapter up VERY soon, in just a day or so, so check back soon! In case anybody was wondering, I debated not posting Helga's weight at all, as to not offend anyone, but I decided to, to emphasize the fact that she's actually not overweight at all. Lyrics are from 'Not Pretty Enough' by Kasey Chamber. I think they fit the mood of this chapter pretty well.