So Strange You Are My Lover
Chapter 2
Author: Silent Moon
E-mail: silentmoonstar@yahoo.com
Rated: R
Genre: Romance/Alternate Reality
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~%~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Serena sat pensively at her desk. Work lay precariously about but she was restless, couldn't
concentrate--a mood her husband was utterly bewildered by. He always felt like studying--thrived
on it.
She rolled her eyes at that thought and reached for her bottom drawer, rustling through till
she pulled out a small notebook.
She fingered her pen thoughtfully and began to write. She would admit to no one--not even
Darien--that she wrote poetry. It was her own personal secret, to be indulged in only from her
home study. The thickness of her book betrayed how partial she was to it. It was a release,
a diary of her feelings--mostly about Darien and her awe, desire and guilt at having taken him
for a lover.
She wondered often why he let her. She knew he felt the same powerful attraction. But he was
terribly handsome, surely he could have any woman he wanted--and wouldn't that attraction be
stronger with another artist? Wouldn't the passion be enhanced? She must ask him sometime.
Then again, the thought of feeling passion of any kind for someone in her own field made her
laugh.
But that was different. Artists were passionate people. Business executives were not.
Although Ami and Greg seemed happy enough.
Ami and Greg both worked for her--though in different departments. They'd met through her and
were now, apparently, happily married.
Serena shook her head. They both loved to work. They were the smartest people in their
respective fields, and good friends of hers.
But Ami was too prim and shy for Serena to be able to discern if theirs was a passionate
relationship--not that she was terribly curious! Her view on love remained unchanged.
It didn't really exist.
But passion--she had learned firsthand--was something else entirely.
She happened to glance at her watch and jumped up.
Alan was meeting her at their favorite bistro for dinner. He was home from his trip tonight.
If she didn't hurry, she'd be late! How could she have let her mind wander like that?
She quickly changed and tidied her hair.
Then she hurried to the car and bistro, trying not to look winded as she breezed in and met
Ken--the Maitre-D.
"Hello Ken." She smiled as he took her coat.
"Good evening Serena. Alan's waiting at your usual table."
Ken and his wife Lita--the chef for the bistro--had become something of friends to Serena and
Alan since they frequented the bistro so often. Lita was an exquisite chef.
Alan stood politely as she came to the table by the window,
"Hello Darling."
"How was your trip?" She smiled sitting across from him casually.
"Wonderful. This new project is really interesting. I can't wait to really sink my
teeth into it."
Serena laughed lightly. She knew by that comment he meant he was going home to read through
all his notes and papers before bed. He might even skip his nine o'clock tea.
They chatted heartily of work until Lita herself brought dinner to the table.
"Lita!" Serena scolded, "You really don't have to bring us dinner yourself everytime!"
Lita winked at her, "Serena, you know it's just an excuse for me to get out of the kitchen!"
She joked.
She lay the steaming plates on the table.
"Mmmmmm, smells delicious!" Serena sighed, inhaling deeply.
Alan smiled, "You always cook a great meal Lita."
She smiled in return and for all intensive purposes it seemed they got along. But--as Lita
confessed to Ken in private--she couldn't really bring herself to like Alan.
"There's just something about him. He doesn't really seem right for her."
"They seem to get along well enough," Ken had commented, "They're both very serious and
dedicated to their work."
"That's just it! Serena and I clicked right away. I KNOW we have the same sense of humor!
I just don't get that feeling from Alan at all."
She'd left it at that but Ken knew she felt it everytime she saw them.
He smiled as she headed back to the kitchen.
"Straying from the kitchen again?!" He mock scolded, "Back to work!"
Lita laughed and playfully grabbed his nose. She was a tall woman, a
little taller than Ken himself, and very athletic.
But--thinking no one could see--he easily swung her round in his arms
and placed a discreet kiss under her ear.
She giggled and play-swatted him before disappearing into the kitchen.
But she was blushing.
Serena caught this display and had a sudden flash of Darien--something
she was careful never to let herself do around Alan.
It was not surprising since gestures like that only ever came from
Darien.
But Serena did not make this connection and was rather startled by her
sudden train of thoughts.
Why would Lita and Ken's intimate, loving gesture remind her of Darien?
~What's the matter with me today?~
She became aware that Alan was saying something to her.
"Hmmm, what was that?"
He frowned, "Is something on your mind dear?"
She managed to supress the guilty flush that threatened to bloom on her cheeks but slipped
up and said, "No, no. I just missed you this trip, that's all."
And then she wanted to kick herself. He hated it when she said things like that. She knew
that. He'd said long ago that he didn't like to think they were so helplessly dependant
on one another. And she'd agreed.
Though one of the things she cherished about Darien was the wordless, genuine expression
in his eyes every time that said he'd missed her in a way nothing else could.
"I see." Said Alan quietly.
"Oh, I'm sorry Alan!" She exclaimed sincerely, "I've gone and spoiled your evening. That's
not what I meant to say at all."
She moved over to the chair next to him and took his hand.
"I'm all flustered tonight and can't get my thoughts straight. I'm sorry. I had a lot of
meetings today, I guess I'm just overtired."
Alan looked at her open, honest face and smiled. Her honesty was one of the things he liked
best about her. It almost made him trust her.
"That's alright sweetheart. You haven't spoiled my evening."
Serena smiled, "Let's go home. No dessert. You can get started on your papers--I know you're
just itching to--and I'll make your nine o'clock tea early for you, I know you'll skip it
otherwise!"
He chuckled, "You know me too well."
They finished up quickly and left smiling arm and arm.
Serena scolded herself on their silent drive home.
~I know why I'm so distracted. It's Darien. I'm seeing him too much. Perhaps I'd better
cool things down between us--see less of him. Yes, that would be best.~
And after making Alan his tea she went to her private e-mail to write him so, but found a
message from him already.
~Serena,
Meet me early for breakfast tommorow? I need to talk to you about us.
Something important's come up.
Darien~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~@
She met Darien at the cafe near his house. He'd already ordered her a fruit salad. She
dug in heartily.
And when Darien said Ann was coming home--the one girl he felt was his true love--she reasoned
logically, that it couldn't have come at a better time. Afterall, affairs couldn't last
forever, and it was just starting to interfere with her marriage.
She wished Darien all the best and kissed his cheek lightly tossling his hair affectionately
before leaving.
And when she found herself in tears in the office bathroom that afternoon she really couldn't
figure out what was the matter with her.
She left work early, got herself home, and soaked in a long hot bath to sooth her nerves.
Alan, finding she'd left work when he called, immediately assumed she was ill and hurried home
to look after her. He cooked her dinner and insisted she go to bed early and rest.
Serena, touched by his concern (blind to it's insensitivity in simply forcing a solution on
her) fell asleep content, feeling at last her life was in order; ignoring the strange ache that
couldn't possibly be coming from her heart.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Life continued on in the usual way for the next six months.
Serena buried herself in her work. Many a lunch hour found her at the Bistro, surrounded by
files and papers, on her cell phone between bites.
Lita shook her head and forced many a free dessert on her. But she was the only one that
suspected something was wrong. To everyone else she seemed back to her driven, relentless self.
Alan complimented her focus and clearheadedness with honest admiration. She'd never seemed
more focused.
So it would have seemed that Darien was a thing of the past, save for a couple of things.
Inexplicably, one saturday when Alan was away, she went to the gallery to look at Darien's show.
She hadn't really seen any of his finished work before.
The collection was titled "Why Are Trees Beautiful?" and featured over a dozen, six foot oil
paintings and several charcoal sketches of trees and the various myths connected with them.
Serena traced them with awe. The rough, textured bark, the light off the leaves, it was all
absolutely beautiful. She stopped at one in particular and caught her breath. An enormous
trunk was hollowed out in the painting, and blended in so that she was almost hidden from view
was a nymph. She had to stare for several long moments just to find her. Her wistful eyes
gazed out with a mixture of innocence and longing.
She'd left the gallery shaken. Startled at the effect his work had had on her. Unsure of why
she went in the first place. Refusing to admit she missed him.
The fact that beauty fascinated him; that he studied it with such skill, pulled at her from
the inside out like nothing else had for a long, long time. Feelings she had given up on
long ago, had flooded her senses, frightened and delighted her.
She wondered how he was doing. If he was happy....
It was many weeks later that she snuck out in the evening to a poetry reading across town, to
read anonomously to a crowd of strangers, some of the intimate writings she'd made about Darien.
She didn't know why she needed to do it. But she did. Giving in to the restless, bothersome
ache that had been haunting her solitude since seeing his work.
She stood up and read in a soft, clear voice,
"so strange you are my lover
and touch me in the night
when you are kind and so unselfish
beauty finds itself so sweetly
in your body
And yet tonight
you lay peacefully beneath me
content in body, sleeping softly
spent and made.
How did I ever become so cruel
to use such a man as you
to satisfy this emptiness of mine?
Why do you let me return
over and over
Why do you surrendor, such pleasure to me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
It was the second Sunday of the month, so Serena was sitting in a cozy cafe in town, sipping
tea over her dessert with her two best friends. They'd made a ritual of it since University,
so that they'd never lose touch.
There were some months when it was just she and Rei, for Mina's modeling took her round the world
to various fabulous--and some not so fabulous--locations.
Rei was Darien's cousin and knew nothing of their affair. They told no one.
No one, under ANY circumstances, they had agreed, before, during OR after it had ended.
Today Serena was biting back the urge to ask about Darien. Afraid her eyes would somehow
betray her. But desperately yearning to know how he was. Mina was chatting about her last
shoot and relating some hilarious story involving some sort of hideous insect landing on her
nose and making her scream.
They all laughed, picturing the tall, beautiful blond giving her piercing shriek and causing
the nervous, stuttery little camera man to tip over the tripod.
She also had a new boyfriend, some tall, blond swedish man name "Malachite" which apparently
translated to Malcolm in english. A new boyfriend was not uncommon for Mina, but the way
she spoke about this one, half shy, saying very little about him, made her friends realize
that he must be very special to her.
Rei and Serena exchanged looks of approval.
Then Rei told of her latest project at work, how Chad and the kids were doing, and finally,
what she thought of Darien's new show.
Serena's eyes lit up, "Oh, how is Darien lately?" She asked, trying desperately to sound
casual.
But the fact that it was the first time she had directly asked about Darien was not lost on
Rei. She hid the odd echo of thoughts it caused her and smiled innocently.
"Pretty well I guess. His ex-girlfriend Ann came home a few months ago and they got back
together."
"Oh?" Her voice was only strained by the barest fraction. ~Stupid, stupid.~ she scolded
herself.
"Who's this Ann?? When did they go out? Give us the scoop Rei!" Mina giggled and Serena had
never loved her more than at that moment.
"Ann's a painter--abstract actually. She and Darien went to College together and he was
smitten with her. They seemed happy enough but when she went to Paris to extend her studies,
she broke it off with him. He was completely crushed. He's so idealistic you know--"
Serena choked down the urge to scream, "I KNOW!"
"--thinks there's one person for everyone, forever. It's silly really. So when she asked for
him when she came home he thought it was fate or something. They've been together ever since."
Serena felt oddly like crying, or laughing, or screaming. But she simply smiled and asked
lightly, "Do you think they'll stay together?"
Rei frowned, "I don't know. At first he seemed really happy, but lately he's seemed very...
I dunno, despondant. It made me wonder if maybe things weren't going well between them."
"Time will tell I guess." Said Mina and then changed the subject.
Serena barely heard the rest of the conversation. It took her most of their few hours
together to recover physically. She shook herself, ~Snap out of it!~
She bid Rei and Mina farewell and seemed her old self as she walked away. But Rei was pensive.
"I wonder..." She said to Mina. Serena seemed normal, but she hadn't mentioned Alan once
during their lunch. Had chatted of work and nothing else. She always brought up something he
was working on. It was small, but significant.
"Wonder what?" Asked Mina.
"I don't know...." Said Rei mysteriously, keeping her thoughts to herself for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Serena was sitting alone in her study when her cell phone rang. Alan was away on yet another
business trip. She had just finished up with some papers.
"Hello?" She asked curiously, skipping her usually formal greeting, she hadn't been expecting
a call.
"Can you come over?" Came a strangled voice on the other end. A voice she realized at that
moment, she would know anywhere.
Her heart raced and she was on her feet before she realized, "I'll be there in ten minutes."
click.
Those were the only words spoken over the phone. And yet an entire conversation had
taken place.
Serena sped all the way. He'd never called her before, it was far too risky. He must be
hurting. She had a feeling she knew why.
It was confirmed when his door opened to reveal his stricken face.
"She's gone." He said sorrowfully, with a kind of shock and confusion in his eyes,
"I thought she was the one."
"Oh Darien, I'm sorry."
His eyes focused on her then, and she thought it must be a crime to be so utterly glad
to see someone.
"Will you stay?" He asked with a desperate sadness in his voice.
She stepped in and closed the door behind her, "You never have to ask me." She said simply.
And then he had her in his arms, and he was kissing her. Her thoughts froze for a moment,
they rarely kissed. Not since that first time. It was too personal. He must be hurting if he
would forget.
But it never occurred to her to stop him. She let his lips move hungrily over her own. Returned
the kiss with all the long denied yearning for him she'd been harbouring for six months.
He pulled back for just a moment, drinking her in with his eyes. Her hair still tucked
snugly up, her ivory skin and ice blue eyes, her lips red from kisses. She had on a beautiful
sweater dress with a floppy turtleneck, creamy and soft. He gathered her up in his arms.
Confessed to himself, in a moment of weakness, that he'd missed her terribly. That he adored
everything about her.
And then he was half carrying her to the loft. Untangling their bodies from their clothes and
giving into the burning desire that had consumed him since the first time they met.
Serena held him tight and savored every moment of it. She loved it when it was like this, when
he took her so hungrily. He was always passionate, but times like these, he was absolutely
breathtaking.
"Oh Gods Usako, how do you do this to me?" He breathed, trying to touch every part of her at
once beneath him.
She smiled. He only used that nickname when it was really good. When he wasn't thinking.
He had grown up in Japan, spoke it fluently. He'd told her once that the japanese translation
of her name was Usagi, and that it was similar to the word for "bunny". "Usako" was an
endearing way of saying it, something like 'my little bunny'.
Often in moments of exquisite pleasure or passion between them she would catch him murmuring
things to her in Japanese. And tonight was no exception. She couldn't make out most of it,
except "Ashiteru." He moaned it softly, over and over in her ear.
But she was too lost in her own pleasure to think much about it. And soon she was wrapping her
legs around him tighter, arching her back to meet him, to get as close as she could before it
was all over, in a blinding moment of sheer ecstasy.
Afterwards, as they lay in one another's arms, she asked him again what those words meant.
"What words?"
"The things you say, I think they're in Japanese? What do they mean?"
"Was I actually forming words?" He joked, chuckling and pulling her closer.
She sighed and resigned herself to another non-answer.
He ran his hand softly up her back, "Thank you." He whispered.
She propped herself up to face him, "You never have to thank me." She said seriously,
"It's always mutual."
"Yes, but tonight I was....I was sad. Tonight you came over because I wanted you to."
"I wanted it to."
"Did you?" His voice was soft, his blue eyes gazing affectionately into hers as he pulled her
closer.
She smiled, "Yes."
He sighed contently at this and tucked her under his chin, "I've missed--" he bit back the word
'you' and used "--this." instead.
She snuggled closer, "Me too."
The warmth of his skin, the smell of his aftershave, the beat of his heart against her ear...
she'd been aching for it all without realizing.
He gently loosened her hair and let it fan out freely, running his fingers through it and she
sighed. He'd told her ages ago how much he loved it and she was surprised. Keeping her hair
long was something she did purely for herself....could it be significant that it pleased him
too?
"I've missed your hair." He teased softly.
She giggled a little, "Oh have you?"
"Yup, nothing else really, just the hair."
She poked him in the side playfully, "Liar!"
He laughed at this and caught her hands to stop her from tickling him again.
Their eyes met and he kissed her fingertips gently, watched her eyes soften with satisfaction.
Then he pulled her close again and rubbed her back lightly till she fell asleep. Savoring the
sweet smell of her and the soft feel of her long after she'd drifted off. He was far too
glad to see her than he should be. Fortunately he fell asleep before he could figure out why.
When they woke early he filled the tub with hot water and carried her into it. It was a lovely
old antique tub that sat on four ornate legs and filled up quite deep. It was something of
a tradition for them and Serena loved it.
She giggled like a little girl as he carried her in with him, the warm water making everything
softer. They splashed each other playfully and then she wrapped herself round him and trailed
kisses down his throat and chest--the old game quickly gave way to the new and soon they were
lost again, seeking hungrily in one another for release.
This was their pure time. Without guilt, without worry, without thought of anything or
anyone but each other. It was perfect, absolutely perfect, thought Darien as her soft body
pleasured him again. And once again he couldn't help the words from spilling out, words he
couldn't possibly translate for her, words his heart surrendered against his will.
He had never known a woman who made him lose control, and not just one time, but everytime.
He'd long attributed it to circumstances, the fact that it was an affair. But since Ann had
come home he'd been wondering.....not consciously, but in a vague, undercurrent of a way.
And now, as he felt himself losing it again, the feeling returned, burning at the back of his
mind, forcing soft words in Japanese from his throat. Words he shouldn't be saying, couldn't be
meaning, but was.
He found himself treasuring every second, memorizing details he shouldn't be, the soft sound
of her moan, the touch of her skin, the pressure of her hips against his, the arch of her
back and the slight smile she always had when they made love.
But then, in the last moment he forgot it all, lost to the height of their peak. He held her
tight till her body stilled and then tilted her face up to meet his,
"You work some sort of magic over me." And he meant it completely.
But she only laughed and kissed his nose impulsively before pulling them both out of the tub and
wrapping him up in towels.
He watched her dry off, and then let down that amazing length of hair again, brushing it out
as she walked over to her clothes and dropped her towel. He caught his breath at the sight
she made, golden sunlight on her skin, hair trailing to her ankles...
"Gods Serena, you look beautiful."
She spun around then and blushed with embarrassment at the earnest tone of his voice when he
said it. He meant it.
He walked over to her, laid his hands on her shoulders, "Can I sketch you some time?"
She shook her head, "What?! I'd be so embarrassed, I'd--"
"You'd make a breathtaking subject." He said with a mock sexy voice.
She laughed, "You're crazy, you know that?"
And the moment passed, freeing them to dress and have breakfast before she scooted back home.
Pancakes with apple stars, the usual artist/business banter and then she was off, kissing him
lightly on the cheek, revealing that she was glad to be back to him in a way words could never
express.
Darien watched after her smiling, before heading back to the loft to paint. But first he
grabbed his sketch pad and some charcoal and outlined Serena in the turtleneck dress as best
he could remember. The way she'd looked in the doorway. He smiled in recollection.
He tried to capture the exact expression in her eyes. But as he looked at the finished
drawing he felt guilt wash over him suddenly. As though he had betrayed himself somehow, as
though he had violated their affair in some way.
He tried to convince himself otherwise. Knowing exactly what his mind was reminding him.
He must never tell her, no matter how he justified it to himself, that it was he that had
left Ann.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Chapter 2
Author: Silent Moon
E-mail: silentmoonstar@yahoo.com
Rated: R
Genre: Romance/Alternate Reality
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~%~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Serena sat pensively at her desk. Work lay precariously about but she was restless, couldn't
concentrate--a mood her husband was utterly bewildered by. He always felt like studying--thrived
on it.
She rolled her eyes at that thought and reached for her bottom drawer, rustling through till
she pulled out a small notebook.
She fingered her pen thoughtfully and began to write. She would admit to no one--not even
Darien--that she wrote poetry. It was her own personal secret, to be indulged in only from her
home study. The thickness of her book betrayed how partial she was to it. It was a release,
a diary of her feelings--mostly about Darien and her awe, desire and guilt at having taken him
for a lover.
She wondered often why he let her. She knew he felt the same powerful attraction. But he was
terribly handsome, surely he could have any woman he wanted--and wouldn't that attraction be
stronger with another artist? Wouldn't the passion be enhanced? She must ask him sometime.
Then again, the thought of feeling passion of any kind for someone in her own field made her
laugh.
But that was different. Artists were passionate people. Business executives were not.
Although Ami and Greg seemed happy enough.
Ami and Greg both worked for her--though in different departments. They'd met through her and
were now, apparently, happily married.
Serena shook her head. They both loved to work. They were the smartest people in their
respective fields, and good friends of hers.
But Ami was too prim and shy for Serena to be able to discern if theirs was a passionate
relationship--not that she was terribly curious! Her view on love remained unchanged.
It didn't really exist.
But passion--she had learned firsthand--was something else entirely.
She happened to glance at her watch and jumped up.
Alan was meeting her at their favorite bistro for dinner. He was home from his trip tonight.
If she didn't hurry, she'd be late! How could she have let her mind wander like that?
She quickly changed and tidied her hair.
Then she hurried to the car and bistro, trying not to look winded as she breezed in and met
Ken--the Maitre-D.
"Hello Ken." She smiled as he took her coat.
"Good evening Serena. Alan's waiting at your usual table."
Ken and his wife Lita--the chef for the bistro--had become something of friends to Serena and
Alan since they frequented the bistro so often. Lita was an exquisite chef.
Alan stood politely as she came to the table by the window,
"Hello Darling."
"How was your trip?" She smiled sitting across from him casually.
"Wonderful. This new project is really interesting. I can't wait to really sink my
teeth into it."
Serena laughed lightly. She knew by that comment he meant he was going home to read through
all his notes and papers before bed. He might even skip his nine o'clock tea.
They chatted heartily of work until Lita herself brought dinner to the table.
"Lita!" Serena scolded, "You really don't have to bring us dinner yourself everytime!"
Lita winked at her, "Serena, you know it's just an excuse for me to get out of the kitchen!"
She joked.
She lay the steaming plates on the table.
"Mmmmmm, smells delicious!" Serena sighed, inhaling deeply.
Alan smiled, "You always cook a great meal Lita."
She smiled in return and for all intensive purposes it seemed they got along. But--as Lita
confessed to Ken in private--she couldn't really bring herself to like Alan.
"There's just something about him. He doesn't really seem right for her."
"They seem to get along well enough," Ken had commented, "They're both very serious and
dedicated to their work."
"That's just it! Serena and I clicked right away. I KNOW we have the same sense of humor!
I just don't get that feeling from Alan at all."
She'd left it at that but Ken knew she felt it everytime she saw them.
He smiled as she headed back to the kitchen.
"Straying from the kitchen again?!" He mock scolded, "Back to work!"
Lita laughed and playfully grabbed his nose. She was a tall woman, a
little taller than Ken himself, and very athletic.
But--thinking no one could see--he easily swung her round in his arms
and placed a discreet kiss under her ear.
She giggled and play-swatted him before disappearing into the kitchen.
But she was blushing.
Serena caught this display and had a sudden flash of Darien--something
she was careful never to let herself do around Alan.
It was not surprising since gestures like that only ever came from
Darien.
But Serena did not make this connection and was rather startled by her
sudden train of thoughts.
Why would Lita and Ken's intimate, loving gesture remind her of Darien?
~What's the matter with me today?~
She became aware that Alan was saying something to her.
"Hmmm, what was that?"
He frowned, "Is something on your mind dear?"
She managed to supress the guilty flush that threatened to bloom on her cheeks but slipped
up and said, "No, no. I just missed you this trip, that's all."
And then she wanted to kick herself. He hated it when she said things like that. She knew
that. He'd said long ago that he didn't like to think they were so helplessly dependant
on one another. And she'd agreed.
Though one of the things she cherished about Darien was the wordless, genuine expression
in his eyes every time that said he'd missed her in a way nothing else could.
"I see." Said Alan quietly.
"Oh, I'm sorry Alan!" She exclaimed sincerely, "I've gone and spoiled your evening. That's
not what I meant to say at all."
She moved over to the chair next to him and took his hand.
"I'm all flustered tonight and can't get my thoughts straight. I'm sorry. I had a lot of
meetings today, I guess I'm just overtired."
Alan looked at her open, honest face and smiled. Her honesty was one of the things he liked
best about her. It almost made him trust her.
"That's alright sweetheart. You haven't spoiled my evening."
Serena smiled, "Let's go home. No dessert. You can get started on your papers--I know you're
just itching to--and I'll make your nine o'clock tea early for you, I know you'll skip it
otherwise!"
He chuckled, "You know me too well."
They finished up quickly and left smiling arm and arm.
Serena scolded herself on their silent drive home.
~I know why I'm so distracted. It's Darien. I'm seeing him too much. Perhaps I'd better
cool things down between us--see less of him. Yes, that would be best.~
And after making Alan his tea she went to her private e-mail to write him so, but found a
message from him already.
~Serena,
Meet me early for breakfast tommorow? I need to talk to you about us.
Something important's come up.
Darien~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~@
She met Darien at the cafe near his house. He'd already ordered her a fruit salad. She
dug in heartily.
And when Darien said Ann was coming home--the one girl he felt was his true love--she reasoned
logically, that it couldn't have come at a better time. Afterall, affairs couldn't last
forever, and it was just starting to interfere with her marriage.
She wished Darien all the best and kissed his cheek lightly tossling his hair affectionately
before leaving.
And when she found herself in tears in the office bathroom that afternoon she really couldn't
figure out what was the matter with her.
She left work early, got herself home, and soaked in a long hot bath to sooth her nerves.
Alan, finding she'd left work when he called, immediately assumed she was ill and hurried home
to look after her. He cooked her dinner and insisted she go to bed early and rest.
Serena, touched by his concern (blind to it's insensitivity in simply forcing a solution on
her) fell asleep content, feeling at last her life was in order; ignoring the strange ache that
couldn't possibly be coming from her heart.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Life continued on in the usual way for the next six months.
Serena buried herself in her work. Many a lunch hour found her at the Bistro, surrounded by
files and papers, on her cell phone between bites.
Lita shook her head and forced many a free dessert on her. But she was the only one that
suspected something was wrong. To everyone else she seemed back to her driven, relentless self.
Alan complimented her focus and clearheadedness with honest admiration. She'd never seemed
more focused.
So it would have seemed that Darien was a thing of the past, save for a couple of things.
Inexplicably, one saturday when Alan was away, she went to the gallery to look at Darien's show.
She hadn't really seen any of his finished work before.
The collection was titled "Why Are Trees Beautiful?" and featured over a dozen, six foot oil
paintings and several charcoal sketches of trees and the various myths connected with them.
Serena traced them with awe. The rough, textured bark, the light off the leaves, it was all
absolutely beautiful. She stopped at one in particular and caught her breath. An enormous
trunk was hollowed out in the painting, and blended in so that she was almost hidden from view
was a nymph. She had to stare for several long moments just to find her. Her wistful eyes
gazed out with a mixture of innocence and longing.
She'd left the gallery shaken. Startled at the effect his work had had on her. Unsure of why
she went in the first place. Refusing to admit she missed him.
The fact that beauty fascinated him; that he studied it with such skill, pulled at her from
the inside out like nothing else had for a long, long time. Feelings she had given up on
long ago, had flooded her senses, frightened and delighted her.
She wondered how he was doing. If he was happy....
It was many weeks later that she snuck out in the evening to a poetry reading across town, to
read anonomously to a crowd of strangers, some of the intimate writings she'd made about Darien.
She didn't know why she needed to do it. But she did. Giving in to the restless, bothersome
ache that had been haunting her solitude since seeing his work.
She stood up and read in a soft, clear voice,
"so strange you are my lover
and touch me in the night
when you are kind and so unselfish
beauty finds itself so sweetly
in your body
And yet tonight
you lay peacefully beneath me
content in body, sleeping softly
spent and made.
How did I ever become so cruel
to use such a man as you
to satisfy this emptiness of mine?
Why do you let me return
over and over
Why do you surrendor, such pleasure to me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
It was the second Sunday of the month, so Serena was sitting in a cozy cafe in town, sipping
tea over her dessert with her two best friends. They'd made a ritual of it since University,
so that they'd never lose touch.
There were some months when it was just she and Rei, for Mina's modeling took her round the world
to various fabulous--and some not so fabulous--locations.
Rei was Darien's cousin and knew nothing of their affair. They told no one.
No one, under ANY circumstances, they had agreed, before, during OR after it had ended.
Today Serena was biting back the urge to ask about Darien. Afraid her eyes would somehow
betray her. But desperately yearning to know how he was. Mina was chatting about her last
shoot and relating some hilarious story involving some sort of hideous insect landing on her
nose and making her scream.
They all laughed, picturing the tall, beautiful blond giving her piercing shriek and causing
the nervous, stuttery little camera man to tip over the tripod.
She also had a new boyfriend, some tall, blond swedish man name "Malachite" which apparently
translated to Malcolm in english. A new boyfriend was not uncommon for Mina, but the way
she spoke about this one, half shy, saying very little about him, made her friends realize
that he must be very special to her.
Rei and Serena exchanged looks of approval.
Then Rei told of her latest project at work, how Chad and the kids were doing, and finally,
what she thought of Darien's new show.
Serena's eyes lit up, "Oh, how is Darien lately?" She asked, trying desperately to sound
casual.
But the fact that it was the first time she had directly asked about Darien was not lost on
Rei. She hid the odd echo of thoughts it caused her and smiled innocently.
"Pretty well I guess. His ex-girlfriend Ann came home a few months ago and they got back
together."
"Oh?" Her voice was only strained by the barest fraction. ~Stupid, stupid.~ she scolded
herself.
"Who's this Ann?? When did they go out? Give us the scoop Rei!" Mina giggled and Serena had
never loved her more than at that moment.
"Ann's a painter--abstract actually. She and Darien went to College together and he was
smitten with her. They seemed happy enough but when she went to Paris to extend her studies,
she broke it off with him. He was completely crushed. He's so idealistic you know--"
Serena choked down the urge to scream, "I KNOW!"
"--thinks there's one person for everyone, forever. It's silly really. So when she asked for
him when she came home he thought it was fate or something. They've been together ever since."
Serena felt oddly like crying, or laughing, or screaming. But she simply smiled and asked
lightly, "Do you think they'll stay together?"
Rei frowned, "I don't know. At first he seemed really happy, but lately he's seemed very...
I dunno, despondant. It made me wonder if maybe things weren't going well between them."
"Time will tell I guess." Said Mina and then changed the subject.
Serena barely heard the rest of the conversation. It took her most of their few hours
together to recover physically. She shook herself, ~Snap out of it!~
She bid Rei and Mina farewell and seemed her old self as she walked away. But Rei was pensive.
"I wonder..." She said to Mina. Serena seemed normal, but she hadn't mentioned Alan once
during their lunch. Had chatted of work and nothing else. She always brought up something he
was working on. It was small, but significant.
"Wonder what?" Asked Mina.
"I don't know...." Said Rei mysteriously, keeping her thoughts to herself for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
Serena was sitting alone in her study when her cell phone rang. Alan was away on yet another
business trip. She had just finished up with some papers.
"Hello?" She asked curiously, skipping her usually formal greeting, she hadn't been expecting
a call.
"Can you come over?" Came a strangled voice on the other end. A voice she realized at that
moment, she would know anywhere.
Her heart raced and she was on her feet before she realized, "I'll be there in ten minutes."
click.
Those were the only words spoken over the phone. And yet an entire conversation had
taken place.
Serena sped all the way. He'd never called her before, it was far too risky. He must be
hurting. She had a feeling she knew why.
It was confirmed when his door opened to reveal his stricken face.
"She's gone." He said sorrowfully, with a kind of shock and confusion in his eyes,
"I thought she was the one."
"Oh Darien, I'm sorry."
His eyes focused on her then, and she thought it must be a crime to be so utterly glad
to see someone.
"Will you stay?" He asked with a desperate sadness in his voice.
She stepped in and closed the door behind her, "You never have to ask me." She said simply.
And then he had her in his arms, and he was kissing her. Her thoughts froze for a moment,
they rarely kissed. Not since that first time. It was too personal. He must be hurting if he
would forget.
But it never occurred to her to stop him. She let his lips move hungrily over her own. Returned
the kiss with all the long denied yearning for him she'd been harbouring for six months.
He pulled back for just a moment, drinking her in with his eyes. Her hair still tucked
snugly up, her ivory skin and ice blue eyes, her lips red from kisses. She had on a beautiful
sweater dress with a floppy turtleneck, creamy and soft. He gathered her up in his arms.
Confessed to himself, in a moment of weakness, that he'd missed her terribly. That he adored
everything about her.
And then he was half carrying her to the loft. Untangling their bodies from their clothes and
giving into the burning desire that had consumed him since the first time they met.
Serena held him tight and savored every moment of it. She loved it when it was like this, when
he took her so hungrily. He was always passionate, but times like these, he was absolutely
breathtaking.
"Oh Gods Usako, how do you do this to me?" He breathed, trying to touch every part of her at
once beneath him.
She smiled. He only used that nickname when it was really good. When he wasn't thinking.
He had grown up in Japan, spoke it fluently. He'd told her once that the japanese translation
of her name was Usagi, and that it was similar to the word for "bunny". "Usako" was an
endearing way of saying it, something like 'my little bunny'.
Often in moments of exquisite pleasure or passion between them she would catch him murmuring
things to her in Japanese. And tonight was no exception. She couldn't make out most of it,
except "Ashiteru." He moaned it softly, over and over in her ear.
But she was too lost in her own pleasure to think much about it. And soon she was wrapping her
legs around him tighter, arching her back to meet him, to get as close as she could before it
was all over, in a blinding moment of sheer ecstasy.
Afterwards, as they lay in one another's arms, she asked him again what those words meant.
"What words?"
"The things you say, I think they're in Japanese? What do they mean?"
"Was I actually forming words?" He joked, chuckling and pulling her closer.
She sighed and resigned herself to another non-answer.
He ran his hand softly up her back, "Thank you." He whispered.
She propped herself up to face him, "You never have to thank me." She said seriously,
"It's always mutual."
"Yes, but tonight I was....I was sad. Tonight you came over because I wanted you to."
"I wanted it to."
"Did you?" His voice was soft, his blue eyes gazing affectionately into hers as he pulled her
closer.
She smiled, "Yes."
He sighed contently at this and tucked her under his chin, "I've missed--" he bit back the word
'you' and used "--this." instead.
She snuggled closer, "Me too."
The warmth of his skin, the smell of his aftershave, the beat of his heart against her ear...
she'd been aching for it all without realizing.
He gently loosened her hair and let it fan out freely, running his fingers through it and she
sighed. He'd told her ages ago how much he loved it and she was surprised. Keeping her hair
long was something she did purely for herself....could it be significant that it pleased him
too?
"I've missed your hair." He teased softly.
She giggled a little, "Oh have you?"
"Yup, nothing else really, just the hair."
She poked him in the side playfully, "Liar!"
He laughed at this and caught her hands to stop her from tickling him again.
Their eyes met and he kissed her fingertips gently, watched her eyes soften with satisfaction.
Then he pulled her close again and rubbed her back lightly till she fell asleep. Savoring the
sweet smell of her and the soft feel of her long after she'd drifted off. He was far too
glad to see her than he should be. Fortunately he fell asleep before he could figure out why.
When they woke early he filled the tub with hot water and carried her into it. It was a lovely
old antique tub that sat on four ornate legs and filled up quite deep. It was something of
a tradition for them and Serena loved it.
She giggled like a little girl as he carried her in with him, the warm water making everything
softer. They splashed each other playfully and then she wrapped herself round him and trailed
kisses down his throat and chest--the old game quickly gave way to the new and soon they were
lost again, seeking hungrily in one another for release.
This was their pure time. Without guilt, without worry, without thought of anything or
anyone but each other. It was perfect, absolutely perfect, thought Darien as her soft body
pleasured him again. And once again he couldn't help the words from spilling out, words he
couldn't possibly translate for her, words his heart surrendered against his will.
He had never known a woman who made him lose control, and not just one time, but everytime.
He'd long attributed it to circumstances, the fact that it was an affair. But since Ann had
come home he'd been wondering.....not consciously, but in a vague, undercurrent of a way.
And now, as he felt himself losing it again, the feeling returned, burning at the back of his
mind, forcing soft words in Japanese from his throat. Words he shouldn't be saying, couldn't be
meaning, but was.
He found himself treasuring every second, memorizing details he shouldn't be, the soft sound
of her moan, the touch of her skin, the pressure of her hips against his, the arch of her
back and the slight smile she always had when they made love.
But then, in the last moment he forgot it all, lost to the height of their peak. He held her
tight till her body stilled and then tilted her face up to meet his,
"You work some sort of magic over me." And he meant it completely.
But she only laughed and kissed his nose impulsively before pulling them both out of the tub and
wrapping him up in towels.
He watched her dry off, and then let down that amazing length of hair again, brushing it out
as she walked over to her clothes and dropped her towel. He caught his breath at the sight
she made, golden sunlight on her skin, hair trailing to her ankles...
"Gods Serena, you look beautiful."
She spun around then and blushed with embarrassment at the earnest tone of his voice when he
said it. He meant it.
He walked over to her, laid his hands on her shoulders, "Can I sketch you some time?"
She shook her head, "What?! I'd be so embarrassed, I'd--"
"You'd make a breathtaking subject." He said with a mock sexy voice.
She laughed, "You're crazy, you know that?"
And the moment passed, freeing them to dress and have breakfast before she scooted back home.
Pancakes with apple stars, the usual artist/business banter and then she was off, kissing him
lightly on the cheek, revealing that she was glad to be back to him in a way words could never
express.
Darien watched after her smiling, before heading back to the loft to paint. But first he
grabbed his sketch pad and some charcoal and outlined Serena in the turtleneck dress as best
he could remember. The way she'd looked in the doorway. He smiled in recollection.
He tried to capture the exact expression in her eyes. But as he looked at the finished
drawing he felt guilt wash over him suddenly. As though he had betrayed himself somehow, as
though he had violated their affair in some way.
He tried to convince himself otherwise. Knowing exactly what his mind was reminding him.
He must never tell her, no matter how he justified it to himself, that it was he that had
left Ann.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@