So Strange You Are My Lover
Chapter 4
Author: Silent Moon
E-mail: silentmoonstar@yahoo.com
Rated: R
Genre: Romance/Alternate Reality
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
It was late in the night and Darien was working feverishly, sketching, painting....his hands
working restlessly to create.
He hadn't slept in days. Hadn't wanted to. And he knew. This was not inspiration. No
sweet muse had crept into his heart, whispering to his fingertips....this was release,
realization.....and denial. For he could not believe, with every astonishing image he made,
that this could all be real. And yet it was.
And as he finished another painting, his mind suddenly settled on one last thing. How it must
conclude. His heart grabbed painfully at that thought, but in spite of it he made a decision.
He knew what he must do.
Like Serena, he had avoided Rei all week too. He didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to
break the silence after that incredible night, as though that would somehow stretch it to
eternity.
He sighed, cleaning up after his madness and mess. He'd been possessed this week. Anguish
made for great artwork--he understood that completely now--but it didn't make bearing it any
easier.
But what was a man to do? In love with a woman he could not have, what recourse could he take?
And how, in such a world, had Serena become the love of his life? It was almost laughable, the
contrast between them! But that was surface and all at once he realized how foolish it was
to believe that things like lifestyle and career confessed the truth of someone's character. The
answer to whether they were compatible or not.
But Serena was no simple woman either. He knew she didn't believe in love and so, probably had
none of these thoughts. She was married because it seemed practical and logical and those
were the only things she would credit herself with believing in. It was amazing to him that such
a passionate, lustrious woman could likewise be driven, composed and fascinatingly intelligent.
But such was the mystery of the Universe. Alive in this one woman's heart. And now he had
pulled her closer and deeper then he could ever free himself of, all by thinking that he was
lending himself to something meaningless--no strings attached--surrendoring to desire only.
But desire wasn't just one thing. It was everything. It had been the sign and he had stupidly
thought he could manipulate it. And now?
~And now?~ He thought bitterly. ~What is it I want? Why am I torturing myself this way?~
He knew, though he hated to admit it because he knew Serena didn't realize, but it was true, he
did have the best and the most of her--more than anyone else. But it wasn't enough.
~Ah love. Suddenly I'm the most selfish man in the world.~
He thought of that amazing body, arched gracefully to his, her every sense and pulse and breath
for him alone in those moments.....but another, disturbing image came to mind....more of a
question really. It sprung up before he could stop it and quickly began to gnaw at him from the
inside. A thought about Serena and her husband. Did they? Could they? Had they--of course
they had! He scolded himself angrily.
But the thought of them together....of Serena returning to his arms after leaving his was
horrible, more horrible than anything he ever recalled feeling before.
He pushed those thoughts back, forced himself to stop the rush of emotion they brought. But
as he stood back and let his eyes trace the confines of his studio he shook his head. The
horrid feeling rushed over him, followed by waves of burning, ethereal pleasure and pain.
Jealousy, possesiveness, joy, futility, release, anguish, heartache....
He sank slowly to his knees, looking at all his work....all of her....
And that's when a knock came at the door. He sucked in a breath.
~No, not now, not now please.....~
But it was indeed her, she was turning to leave by the time he hid all his work and covered the
paintings still drying.
"Serena?" He said hoarsely as she was walking down the hall.
He should have let her go. But he didn't.
She turned back, eyes alight and intent on his. She approached him slowly and he took a step
back.
"I didn't think you were home."
"I was working...couldn't just leave it like that...sorry.."
"I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have come...."
He shook his head and managed a weak smile, "You know I don't mind."
She smiled back and he reached out and drew her inside, gazing down tenderly at her.
She buried her face in his chest and just stayed there a moment, listening to the rapid beat
of his heart, laying against the rise and fall of his chest.
Amazing, this living, breathing man was before her, enjoying her touch as much as she enjoyed
his. She looked up suddenly, lips parted to tell him how she felt when she surprised an
expression of rather anguished hunger on his face. It was gone almost instantly but it made
her suck in her breath and forget all about what she was going to say.
"Darien?" She asked uncertainly.
"I..." He began but trailed off, "I've...been kind of lonely lately..." He concluded lamely,
wincing at the sound of his own lie.
Serena however, took it to mean that he missed Ann and that one thought cut rather sharply into
her.
"Oh..." She choked out.
But then in the next instant he swept her into his arms, "Did I ever tell you.....how
breathtaking you are in the moonlight darling?" He finished by dipping her back and pressing
his nose playfully to hers.
She giggled, "Why no honeybuns! Do I?" She played along beautifully.
"You do indeed! I think I had better carry you up the stairs this instant!" That said he
slung her over his shoulder and carted her up to the loft.
"Oh, this is SO romantic." She remarked dryly.
He dropped her down into the bed, "Just call me Don Juan." He smirked.
She arched an eyebrow at him but then it melted into a warm smile. She offered her arms to him
and he came down to meet her.
The lamp was still on and it was now she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Looking around
she realized he'd been working non-stop.
"You haven't slept have you?" She said with concern, tracing the sallows about his beautiful
eyes.
Her voice was laced with such tenderness that he felt himself breaking.
"When inspiration strikes!" He joked weakly.
She smiled lightly but was soft and careful undressing him, laying him down and making love
so carefully he knew that had he not already been in love with her, he would have fallen
swiftly tonight.
She was slow and deliberate, stroking at his skin and murmuring sweet things to him. But she
held back torturously whenever he moved to change the pace. Giggling at his disappointed
face as she stretched the sensations out till he ached for her throughout.
But he knew her too well and pretty soon the joke was on her. Making love slowly always
ended up pleasing her deeply. And so it was her body stiffening about his in anticipation,
slender legs urging him closer till the release came, long and rich and darkly satisfying
as she tensed and spent beneath him.
He gathered her up chuckling at how the tables turned and she sighed, "I hope you learned your
lesson." She murmured, snuggling closer and he laughed outright at that.
But then he settled, molding her to the curve of his body round her and fell fast asleep.
She watched his still face for a few moments before drifting off herself. But she dreamt of
being pregnant--her rounded belly warm and satisfying--and felt deleriouslly happy. She awoke
with a start and found Darien leaning on one elbow, staring softly down at her as he stroked her
arm.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" He whispered.
"Mmmmno. Bad dream."
He gathered her to him, soothing touch warm and lovely. She laid a kiss to his chest and
mumbled something he couldn't quite make out but smiled anyway.
"Hey..." He whispered, stroking her back, "...moon princess..."
"Hmmm?" She muttered dazedly.
He chuckled and pulled her sleepy face up to kiss her forehead, "'night."
"'night...." She returned.
But he stayed awake long hours holding her, love burning it's suffering out silent in the night
as he basked in it's strange glow.
The next morning, as he sat sleepily over coffee, watching her eat heartily with half-joking
awe, he felt the question still burning to be asked. But he must not ask it.
They chatted rather listlessly of the usual--but the apple stars still gleamed from the pancakes,
and their wit was still quick--though rather flat.
It seemed their minds were elsewhere and indeed they were.
Finally Serena stood to go, heading for the door when he stopped her, catching her suddenly
by the shoulders,
"I have to ask you something...."
"Yes?" Her wide blue eyes fixed on his.
"I've no right to ask...but...Serena...do you...I mean....while we've been....do you and
your husband make love?"
He watched her face still a moment and a brief frown flashed before she replied,
"No..."
Then she met his eyes steadily, "No. No we don't....I--"
"No, no don't finish. I shouldn't have asked! I have no right! Forget I ever did I--"
"Darien, Darien! It's all right." She cut in, shaking him by the shoulders a bit to stop
him. Then she stared deep into his eyes, "C-Can I ask you something?"
Something flickered in his eyes briefly, "Anything."
"Do you....do you want children?"
He regarded her face, remembered how Ann hadn't wanted any....how he'd tried to pretend it
was okay....
"Yes." He said quietly, his eyes solemn, "Yes, I want them."
She nodded slowly, then she turned, caressing his face absently, "I have to go."
He sat a long time after she left, by his window, trying to collect himself.
What was this coming to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~@
Serena meanwhile, rushed home, her thoughts spinning and then focusing dangerously.
She was waiting for Alan when he arrived home in full wrath--regardless of how he hated
to be confronted in such a manner.
"Hello d--" He began briskly but she cut in.
"Why haven't we made love?" She bit out abruptly.
"Wh--at?" He managed, staggered.
"You haven't made love to me since..." He mind calculated, "...since we had that argument
about children." Her eyes widened with shock and if possible, she got even angrier as
realization hit her, "You don't trust me!"
Alan collected himself at this point, "Well ofcourse I don't. You really want a baby! What
was I to do?"
"I'm your wife Alan, you should trust me!"
He just stared at her, his silence speaking volumes.
"I would NEVER conceive an unwanted child with you." She spat coldly.
"You still want children."
"Not with you! Not if you don't!"
This incurred the argument over children all over again.
"Work is my love--"
"So am I!" She cut in harshly.
"I thought we had the same goals, a baby would interfere with your life."
"My life? Alan, I work all day, everyday. That's not living!"
"How can you say that?"
"When your life is passed. When you're old and retired, your work won't thank you, love you,
it will continue on without you!"
He was silent again.
Then he turned coldly on her, "This is the worst of you, you know."
"What?"
"This side of you. This childish side that clings to silly values. I thought I'd broken
you of it, I thought you'd grown--"
"Broken me of it?! What ARE you?! Have you been spending these years trying
to break my spirit? Trying to change me? Because you can't! And I'm tired of apologizing
for who I am!"
"You're just immature. You have the potential to be--"
"I won't hear it anymore Alan! THIS is who I am! THIS woman, right now!"
He sighed, rolling his eyes as though indulging a foolish child.
Her eyes narrowed and she knew then, as she never had before, that she did not love him.
"You don't love me." she said harshly, "You only love yourself."
He looked up angrily at this but she was already gone, walking away, packing a bag.
"Why do you want less from our life? Why do you want to sell yourself short?--"
"I won't want less Alan." She said calmly, "I want more. Children are not a burden, they're
a blessing. Everything I've deprived myself of these years for you, it's a part of me. It
always will be. I won't deny it any longer."
"What are you saying?"
"It's over. I'm leaving."
And she was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~@
chapter 5 soon, I promise!!!
Chapter 4
Author: Silent Moon
E-mail: silentmoonstar@yahoo.com
Rated: R
Genre: Romance/Alternate Reality
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@
It was late in the night and Darien was working feverishly, sketching, painting....his hands
working restlessly to create.
He hadn't slept in days. Hadn't wanted to. And he knew. This was not inspiration. No
sweet muse had crept into his heart, whispering to his fingertips....this was release,
realization.....and denial. For he could not believe, with every astonishing image he made,
that this could all be real. And yet it was.
And as he finished another painting, his mind suddenly settled on one last thing. How it must
conclude. His heart grabbed painfully at that thought, but in spite of it he made a decision.
He knew what he must do.
Like Serena, he had avoided Rei all week too. He didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to
break the silence after that incredible night, as though that would somehow stretch it to
eternity.
He sighed, cleaning up after his madness and mess. He'd been possessed this week. Anguish
made for great artwork--he understood that completely now--but it didn't make bearing it any
easier.
But what was a man to do? In love with a woman he could not have, what recourse could he take?
And how, in such a world, had Serena become the love of his life? It was almost laughable, the
contrast between them! But that was surface and all at once he realized how foolish it was
to believe that things like lifestyle and career confessed the truth of someone's character. The
answer to whether they were compatible or not.
But Serena was no simple woman either. He knew she didn't believe in love and so, probably had
none of these thoughts. She was married because it seemed practical and logical and those
were the only things she would credit herself with believing in. It was amazing to him that such
a passionate, lustrious woman could likewise be driven, composed and fascinatingly intelligent.
But such was the mystery of the Universe. Alive in this one woman's heart. And now he had
pulled her closer and deeper then he could ever free himself of, all by thinking that he was
lending himself to something meaningless--no strings attached--surrendoring to desire only.
But desire wasn't just one thing. It was everything. It had been the sign and he had stupidly
thought he could manipulate it. And now?
~And now?~ He thought bitterly. ~What is it I want? Why am I torturing myself this way?~
He knew, though he hated to admit it because he knew Serena didn't realize, but it was true, he
did have the best and the most of her--more than anyone else. But it wasn't enough.
~Ah love. Suddenly I'm the most selfish man in the world.~
He thought of that amazing body, arched gracefully to his, her every sense and pulse and breath
for him alone in those moments.....but another, disturbing image came to mind....more of a
question really. It sprung up before he could stop it and quickly began to gnaw at him from the
inside. A thought about Serena and her husband. Did they? Could they? Had they--of course
they had! He scolded himself angrily.
But the thought of them together....of Serena returning to his arms after leaving his was
horrible, more horrible than anything he ever recalled feeling before.
He pushed those thoughts back, forced himself to stop the rush of emotion they brought. But
as he stood back and let his eyes trace the confines of his studio he shook his head. The
horrid feeling rushed over him, followed by waves of burning, ethereal pleasure and pain.
Jealousy, possesiveness, joy, futility, release, anguish, heartache....
He sank slowly to his knees, looking at all his work....all of her....
And that's when a knock came at the door. He sucked in a breath.
~No, not now, not now please.....~
But it was indeed her, she was turning to leave by the time he hid all his work and covered the
paintings still drying.
"Serena?" He said hoarsely as she was walking down the hall.
He should have let her go. But he didn't.
She turned back, eyes alight and intent on his. She approached him slowly and he took a step
back.
"I didn't think you were home."
"I was working...couldn't just leave it like that...sorry.."
"I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have come...."
He shook his head and managed a weak smile, "You know I don't mind."
She smiled back and he reached out and drew her inside, gazing down tenderly at her.
She buried her face in his chest and just stayed there a moment, listening to the rapid beat
of his heart, laying against the rise and fall of his chest.
Amazing, this living, breathing man was before her, enjoying her touch as much as she enjoyed
his. She looked up suddenly, lips parted to tell him how she felt when she surprised an
expression of rather anguished hunger on his face. It was gone almost instantly but it made
her suck in her breath and forget all about what she was going to say.
"Darien?" She asked uncertainly.
"I..." He began but trailed off, "I've...been kind of lonely lately..." He concluded lamely,
wincing at the sound of his own lie.
Serena however, took it to mean that he missed Ann and that one thought cut rather sharply into
her.
"Oh..." She choked out.
But then in the next instant he swept her into his arms, "Did I ever tell you.....how
breathtaking you are in the moonlight darling?" He finished by dipping her back and pressing
his nose playfully to hers.
She giggled, "Why no honeybuns! Do I?" She played along beautifully.
"You do indeed! I think I had better carry you up the stairs this instant!" That said he
slung her over his shoulder and carted her up to the loft.
"Oh, this is SO romantic." She remarked dryly.
He dropped her down into the bed, "Just call me Don Juan." He smirked.
She arched an eyebrow at him but then it melted into a warm smile. She offered her arms to him
and he came down to meet her.
The lamp was still on and it was now she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Looking around
she realized he'd been working non-stop.
"You haven't slept have you?" She said with concern, tracing the sallows about his beautiful
eyes.
Her voice was laced with such tenderness that he felt himself breaking.
"When inspiration strikes!" He joked weakly.
She smiled lightly but was soft and careful undressing him, laying him down and making love
so carefully he knew that had he not already been in love with her, he would have fallen
swiftly tonight.
She was slow and deliberate, stroking at his skin and murmuring sweet things to him. But she
held back torturously whenever he moved to change the pace. Giggling at his disappointed
face as she stretched the sensations out till he ached for her throughout.
But he knew her too well and pretty soon the joke was on her. Making love slowly always
ended up pleasing her deeply. And so it was her body stiffening about his in anticipation,
slender legs urging him closer till the release came, long and rich and darkly satisfying
as she tensed and spent beneath him.
He gathered her up chuckling at how the tables turned and she sighed, "I hope you learned your
lesson." She murmured, snuggling closer and he laughed outright at that.
But then he settled, molding her to the curve of his body round her and fell fast asleep.
She watched his still face for a few moments before drifting off herself. But she dreamt of
being pregnant--her rounded belly warm and satisfying--and felt deleriouslly happy. She awoke
with a start and found Darien leaning on one elbow, staring softly down at her as he stroked her
arm.
"Sorry, did I wake you?" He whispered.
"Mmmmno. Bad dream."
He gathered her to him, soothing touch warm and lovely. She laid a kiss to his chest and
mumbled something he couldn't quite make out but smiled anyway.
"Hey..." He whispered, stroking her back, "...moon princess..."
"Hmmm?" She muttered dazedly.
He chuckled and pulled her sleepy face up to kiss her forehead, "'night."
"'night...." She returned.
But he stayed awake long hours holding her, love burning it's suffering out silent in the night
as he basked in it's strange glow.
The next morning, as he sat sleepily over coffee, watching her eat heartily with half-joking
awe, he felt the question still burning to be asked. But he must not ask it.
They chatted rather listlessly of the usual--but the apple stars still gleamed from the pancakes,
and their wit was still quick--though rather flat.
It seemed their minds were elsewhere and indeed they were.
Finally Serena stood to go, heading for the door when he stopped her, catching her suddenly
by the shoulders,
"I have to ask you something...."
"Yes?" Her wide blue eyes fixed on his.
"I've no right to ask...but...Serena...do you...I mean....while we've been....do you and
your husband make love?"
He watched her face still a moment and a brief frown flashed before she replied,
"No..."
Then she met his eyes steadily, "No. No we don't....I--"
"No, no don't finish. I shouldn't have asked! I have no right! Forget I ever did I--"
"Darien, Darien! It's all right." She cut in, shaking him by the shoulders a bit to stop
him. Then she stared deep into his eyes, "C-Can I ask you something?"
Something flickered in his eyes briefly, "Anything."
"Do you....do you want children?"
He regarded her face, remembered how Ann hadn't wanted any....how he'd tried to pretend it
was okay....
"Yes." He said quietly, his eyes solemn, "Yes, I want them."
She nodded slowly, then she turned, caressing his face absently, "I have to go."
He sat a long time after she left, by his window, trying to collect himself.
What was this coming to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~@
Serena meanwhile, rushed home, her thoughts spinning and then focusing dangerously.
She was waiting for Alan when he arrived home in full wrath--regardless of how he hated
to be confronted in such a manner.
"Hello d--" He began briskly but she cut in.
"Why haven't we made love?" She bit out abruptly.
"Wh--at?" He managed, staggered.
"You haven't made love to me since..." He mind calculated, "...since we had that argument
about children." Her eyes widened with shock and if possible, she got even angrier as
realization hit her, "You don't trust me!"
Alan collected himself at this point, "Well ofcourse I don't. You really want a baby! What
was I to do?"
"I'm your wife Alan, you should trust me!"
He just stared at her, his silence speaking volumes.
"I would NEVER conceive an unwanted child with you." She spat coldly.
"You still want children."
"Not with you! Not if you don't!"
This incurred the argument over children all over again.
"Work is my love--"
"So am I!" She cut in harshly.
"I thought we had the same goals, a baby would interfere with your life."
"My life? Alan, I work all day, everyday. That's not living!"
"How can you say that?"
"When your life is passed. When you're old and retired, your work won't thank you, love you,
it will continue on without you!"
He was silent again.
Then he turned coldly on her, "This is the worst of you, you know."
"What?"
"This side of you. This childish side that clings to silly values. I thought I'd broken
you of it, I thought you'd grown--"
"Broken me of it?! What ARE you?! Have you been spending these years trying
to break my spirit? Trying to change me? Because you can't! And I'm tired of apologizing
for who I am!"
"You're just immature. You have the potential to be--"
"I won't hear it anymore Alan! THIS is who I am! THIS woman, right now!"
He sighed, rolling his eyes as though indulging a foolish child.
Her eyes narrowed and she knew then, as she never had before, that she did not love him.
"You don't love me." she said harshly, "You only love yourself."
He looked up angrily at this but she was already gone, walking away, packing a bag.
"Why do you want less from our life? Why do you want to sell yourself short?--"
"I won't want less Alan." She said calmly, "I want more. Children are not a burden, they're
a blessing. Everything I've deprived myself of these years for you, it's a part of me. It
always will be. I won't deny it any longer."
"What are you saying?"
"It's over. I'm leaving."
And she was gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~&~~~~~~~~~~~~@
chapter 5 soon, I promise!!!