[A/N: This is most definitely a parody of Margaret Weis's excellent Star Of The Guardians series. Please note the word "parody." Please note this approximately twenty-seven more times before reading. That is all.]
Deviation From the Norm, by Verity
In the interior of a spaceplane – a Scimitar, to be precise – in the middle of outer space.
Maigrey: Derek, you've been unusually stressed lately.
Sagan: What? The Golden Squad only single-handedly destroyed thirty planets this weekend!
Maigrey: Thirty-three, actually. *hands Sagan a box*
Sagan: *opens box* Manacles?
Maigrey: How do you feel about role-playing?
Sagan: I don't remember that Final Fantasy MCMXII had manacles.
Maigrey: *sigh* MEN. *to Sagan* Excuse me while I find my leather hot pants.
*EXIT MAIGREY*
Sagan: Sparafucile, please come out from under the couch.
Sparafucile: *grudgingly* Yes, master. What is it that you want?
Sagan: Out.
Sparafucile: *eyes wide* Master, must I kill the Lady? *lasciviously* She is a beautiful specimen in hot pants.
Sagan: Not out of this, you cretin. I want YOU out of this spaceplane.
Sparafucile: *whimpers* Master... you know how I love voyeurism...
Sagan: Must I get Snaga Ohme to build a space-rotation bomb that will take him seventeen years to perfect and will double as a handy paperweight?
Sparafucile: *glumly* Very well… *glitter sparkling and strange shimmery noise*
[Radiant Personage: *pops into scene* This is NOT Star Trek!
Author: All right! You don't have to get all riled up about it!]
Sagan: What the hell are hot pants, anyway?
Sagan: Never mind.
Maigrey: The pointy-toed boots and the whip came for free with the leather halter top! 75% off, too! *cracks whip*
Sagan: Do you have any idea how you're going to use that thing?
Maigrey: To punish you for your years of stoicism, your lack of any social life whatsoever, and to save the galaxy from revolution.
Sagan: Have you been bar-hopping with Dixter again?
Maigrey: Oh, and to prove that you're secretly harboring a fascination with BDSM...
Sagan: *whimper* I have seen the error of my ways. I will now be emotionally healthy, submissive, and extremely gorgeous in an intellectual way!
Maigrey: *rubs hands together* You may start with licking my feet, and work your way up. *croons* Why couldn't he have been like this when we first met? *to Sagan* Can you do that and have an intelligent discussion at the same time?
Maigrey: Never mind.
Maigrey: Derek, do you still want to betray your king and country?
Sagan: Not particularly - though as I've been handcuffed to the bed, it's not as though I've any choice in the matter.
Maigrey: Marvelous. We really ought to do this again sometime.
Sagan: Now?
Maigrey: Spot on!