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The
characters herein are the property of Thomas Harris. They are being used
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Chapter Thirteen
Morning light cracked through half-closed window shades. The hour seemed
ridiculously early, but for the first time in years, Dr. Lecter had no desire
to remain concealed in his bedchamber. It had been a long while since his mind
engaged in such arduous civil war, well beyond the recesses of his impeccable
memory. This struck him as strangely disconcerting in a bothersome, expressive
fashion. More so for he knew it wouldn't trouble him if not for one decisive
factor.
She would soon be gone. Over and over, he told himself that this was precisely
what he wanted. It was for the best on both sides. The events of the night
before were not without consequence—rather the unavoidable conclusion to such
long repressed tension.
And yet, despite that, what he said and did, he could not convince himself that
the correct course of action was taken. Long ago, Dr. Lecter acquainted himself
with the indisputable issue that personal affairs amounted to little more than
a headache. Women of his past were respectable though unremarkable—it came to
equivalent of the same. The shared associations were courtly and brief. In the
end, he kept friends with these contacts but nothing more. No woman ever held
his interest and attention long enough to develop any lasting relationship.
Until now…now when he had someone truly exceptional. The only feasible course
of action was to perform in complete disassociation?
Was that his problem? Was he was apprehensive of the possibility of Starling
boring him eventually? Of lowering his high opinion? That didn't seem likely.
After all, they had spent six months together. Every day was a blissful
surprise.
Perhaps that was the
issue. Not so much that he feared growing tired of her, but the more probable
likelihood that he would not. Things were secure on this side of bachelorhood.
However, there was the notion that he had never before discontinued a courtship
only to wrestle with himself through throughout the night and awake with pangs
he could only identify as regret. Such was darkly disturbing but no less
viable.
There was perhaps some sagacity in his course of action. Any woman to affect
him like this might rightly be the means to an end.
The hurt in her eyes, he would never forget, nor the wounded strength of her
well structured retort. There can be no want of
feeling between the likes of you and the likes of me. She
was strong: built on courage and fortitude. Dr. Lecter did not believe he knew
anyone more able. However much or whatever he said would be taken and digested,
preferably for the betterment of her career.
Her career. Yes, yes, her career. That which would inevitably hurt her more
than he ever could. That which he sent her back to, presumably for the best. An
excuse he made for himself. After all, there was a deeply rooted part of her
that loved it, needed it, craved it. A favorite bad habit. No matter how he
pounded culture into her system; the music, the food, the wine, the finer
luxuries in life, she clung to what was known. What she valued. However,
respectfully, she took his teachings with her. Starling was no more changed
than she was when she came to him six months ago. Yes, she had been introduced
to his world, and he to hers, in some charming unforgettable trade.
There was another notion that he found somewhat distressing. An inward
prompting cautioned that he would miss her world more than she would his.
The luncheon with Mrs. Rosencranz and friends was a prime example. Her roots
revealed themselves at the most inopportune times. However, society needed her
to unique its flavor. It was inappropriate, yes, but it also proved droll and
thought provoking. In the end, he could only regard it with a fond, albeit
poignant smile.
A ridiculous thought sprung to mind. Perhaps he was searching for boundaries
that did not exist. Conceivably the voids keeping them a part that were not
there to begin with. Dr. Lecter doubted such to be true; his perception rarely
betrayed him. Even so, at any rate, these musings merited a continuance of
their discussion. While he had no intention of disquieting her slumber, he
found himself inexplicably eager to speak with her again.
The thought lasted only for a beat, settling with an intuitive sense that
screamed what he already knew. Clarice was gone. Nothing powerfully
overdramatic; rather an astute and always accurate observation. As he sat up,
he noticed the air of the manor was abstractedly tainted with her scent, with
the place she had once occupied, but Dr. Lecter required no forward indication
to confirm the obvious. She was gone.
It struck him oddly. There was no justice in feeling bitter, or even
vindicated. However, he could not explain the manner in which the pit of his
stomach seemed to fall with dreary realization. The acknowledgement of his
so-called wishes. Never had he felt so empty to achieve that which he claimed
he wanted—never had he claimed to want something that he did not, on any level.
Slowly, he opened the door to the hallway, surprised by its barrenness. The
door to her room was shut as it was every morning, but he knew it was vacant.
It was as if he had developed a sixth sense of her mannerisms. Every word,
motion, beat, breath, blink was etched tightly to memory.
This hall was consumed in its dreary state of being. A bright ray of sunlight
shrinking back to the bleak darkness from which it came.
The door to Barney's room swung open suddenly, and his friend moved menacingly
to shadow its path. It was obvious he had been awake for sometime, perhaps
focusing on similar musings. His arms were crossed in some infamous manner that
screamed an unhappy disposition. Furthermore, by the distinct glare in his
eyes, Dr. Lecter acknowledged he also understood that their live-in guest was
no longer with them.
He understood much more.
"Good morning," the doctor greeted, eying the bird's door with passive
discernment.
Barney was in no mood for pleasantries. The initial salutation wasted itself to
the want of neither party. "You promised me, Doc," he spat coldly. "You
promised me no advantage would be taken of her situation." He nodded toward the
closed chamber without looking at it.
Dr. Lecter was not surprised in his perception. Despite appearances, his friend
always understood more than was credited. "No advantage was taken." There was
no point to offer dispute. He would not insult Barney's intelligence in such a
degrading fashion. Anything else was designated to take him into some
disclosure. Perhaps his friend suspected the reasons behind Starling's
departure to center around such an alleged act of misconduct.
"You two must've thought I was blind," Barney continued. He had never seemed so
foully abused. "I saw it before either of you could." Some of his anger calmed,
his shoulders slumping tiredly. "Poor Starling. You should've seen her last
night, Doc. She was a mess."
That drew his attention sharply. Dr. Lecter's eyes widened in minor offense.
"You saw her last night?"
"This morning," Barney acknowledged. "Before she left."
"And you did nothing to prevent her leaving?" Disbelief surfed with every
passing instant. It took little to force himself to the admittance that he
would have done nothing short of bolting the door closed or—more
pleasurably—locking her up to keep her under this roof.
But, logically, he had told her the best thing for either of them was her
departure. It occurred to Dr. Lecter that it was human nature to resent
rationality, even spite it when event beyond control occurred. Another factor
piling against him; the ailment it was to feel human after all. She made him
so. She made him many things. "Clarice didn't leave any indication as to her
destination?"
"No. I assume she's
going back to Quantico."
"And she didn't leave any direction on where to send her things? Her clothes?
Her personal belongings?"
"She took everything with her. I checked." Barney paused thoughtfully. "Someone
picked her up, I think. I watched a bit to make sure she got off all right.
There was a man waiting for her on the other side of the street."
Dr. Lecter's eyes darkened at the insinuation, even as a shudder of concern
traced his spine. "Did you see who it was?"
"No. My night vision sucks."
"And you assumed this was normal? A man waiting for her in the middle of the
night?"
"She didn't seem too concerned or scared. They chatted for a while, and she
started to move away. He followed."
Another useless human candor. Dr. Lecter knew it was foolish to distress at
such news but could not help himself. As though sensing the change in
temperament, Barney led him downstairs for a cup of morning tea. The previously
negative outlook had vanished with sincerity. Perhaps he sensed the goodness of
misplacement.
The doctor recalled asking Starling to leave a note for Mrs. Pearce, or in
whichever case, in request of coffee instead of tea. It felt a lifetime had
passed since then.
His mind could not help but wander to this man that had waited for her outside,
but his better senses were torn between concern and jealousy. From Barney's
description, the encounter seemed innocent enough. Perhaps Starling had called
someone to pick her up. But, he reflected, Dr. Lecter felt he knew her better
than anyone. Not once had she mentioned a male acquaintance that she did not
refer to without a grimace of distaste. The only man he could think of that she
would call for assistance given such a situation was himself.
Mrs. Pearce arrived at the prescheduled time. He wondered absently if things as
trivial as that would return to the droll state of being they were in before
Starling entered his life. No one answered the door; by this time, she was
accustomed to letting herself in.
The expression of bewilderment captured on her face to see both men in the
kitchen, donning no more than their bathrobes sprung out briefly before her
eyes darted from one corner of the room to the other. "Where's Ms. Starling?" she
asked, placing a bag of what was presumably the traditional morning bagels on
the counter.
"She has left," Dr. Lecter said, taking a sip of tea. "Early this morning,
Barney allowed her to leave without telling me a thing about it."
Astonishment clouded her features. "Well, I'm dashed!" she exclaimed.
"And now everything's in general disarray," Barney said miserably.
"Indeed," Dr. Lecter agreed. "I received tea this morning instead of coffee.
And it has occurred to me that I don't know where anything is; I don't know
when my appointments are." Such was difficult to admit, but he was beyond the
brink of caring. Regular appointments seemed so distant, but he had scheduled
them before the project began.
"Clarice would know," Mrs. Pearce offered unhelpfully.
"Of course she would." Dr. Lecter set his cup down and moved briskly from the
kitchen. "But she's gone."
Both followed him aimlessly into the parlor where he sat himself restlessly on
the sofa.
"Did either of you gentlemen frighten her last night?"
"No." Dr. Lecter shook his head. "No, Mrs. Pearce, it was nothing like that." A
minor fluster of temper flared at the suggestion that she could be prompted to
leave by something as tedious as a little bullying. Starling didn't wear her
emotions on her sleeves, and she was certainly one to put up a fight. There was
something else being overlooked. Everyone was acting as though her departure
was not foreseen, that she would be here until the day she died. For this,
though he wished it otherwise, he felt compelled to correct. "All more besides,
we all knew this day would arrive."
"It came too soon," Barney complained desolately.
"Bring yourself together," the doctor snapped, his eyes flashing with edginess.
"And desist the ineffectual boohooing. You have your prospects, and I can still
get you that position you came to me for in the first place." His sudden
sharpness surprised both his friend and the housekeeper. After a minute, he
calmed, turning away. The lighting in the room seemed so different from the
night before. "I would like to know that she arrived safely," he conceded a
beat later.
"I have her roommate's number!" Barney announced. "I can call real quick and—"
"You do that," he agreed. "And if she is not there, attempt to reach Jack
Crawford. She will have gone to him to deliver her case file as soon as she
could."
Ten minutes later, there was a negative conclusion on both sources. The woman
Dr. Lecter had only briefly encountered was reportedly unsociable. She claimed
to have not heard from Starling since before the White House extravaganza,
recounting the outcome of that conversation with details the doctor was already
familiar with. However, he did not allow himself to grow concerned until
Crawford indicated that he had not seen Starling since his visit months
earlier, and proceeded to go off on a tyrant of how anyone could misplace or
offend her in such a manner that he claimed was an undoubtedly of an infamous
nature.
It struck Dr. Lecter as highly unlikely that Starling would have gone so long
without reporting to either her friend or her superior. Either something was
wrong, or someone wasn't being honest. Of the two, the latter was more
believable, but such could not be risked. To be sure, he had others at
Quantico—associates and those who knew her—similarly vouch that she had not
reported in that morning, or any morning for the past several months.
"We could phone the hospitals," Barney said helpfully, his own concern not
nearly as masked. "Or the police, but they won't be able to do anything for
forty-eight hours, if she hasn't turned up by then."
"I'm dashed!" Mrs. Pearce said again pointlessly.
"Call them anyway," Dr. Lecter said nonchalantly, moving upstairs to dress.
"I'm sure Jack Crawford will speed things up, once he hears of it. It couldn't
hurt to have her name and description, though I doubt the police will be able
to be of any real help."
As always, Mrs. Pearce sought and located fault in this manner of approach, and
predictably, could not keep her objection to herself. From the banister, she
scowled and called up the landing. "Dr. Lecter! You can't give Clarice's name
to the police as though she were a thief or a lost umbrella!"
"Well why not? I want to find her, don't I? She belongs to me. I paid five
thousand dollars for her." And that was the end of that. Accentually, he closed
the door—nearly a slam, but not quite.
"He's right," Barney agreed absently to a disgruntled housekeeper as he
speedily punched the phone dial.
The upstairs door flew open again—Dr. Lecter's voice carrying into the foyer.
"Would you please send up a cup of coffee, Mrs. Pearce?"
Still unsatisfied, she grudgingly agreed.
Finally connected, Barney dragged the portable phone into the lobby; speaking
loud enough to assure himself that the doctor could hear, should he be inclined
to make a correction, or anything at all. Though he trusted himself, he
understood that Dr. Lecter knew her better than anyone in the household. He had
to, to be so in love with her. "Yes, yes, this is Barney Jackson speaking. 27-A
Wimpole street. I want to report a missing person. Miss Clarice Starling. Yeah.
About twenty-six. Her height? Uh ohh…I should think around five-seven. Her
eyes…" He trailed off, knowing the answer perfectly well, but wanting to assure
himself of Dr. Lecter's reported disposition. If the doctor was listening well
enough to offer a compelling reaction, it was all the answer he required. "Her
eyes…ummm."
Indeed, Barney was gratified. The upstairs door flew open as its occupant
called downward, his voice raw with agitated impatience. "Her eyes are a
chestnut color, but for posterity sake, I would say brown." The door closed
again.
Barney grinned tightly. "Uh, brown. Yes. Her hair? Oh good lord…let me see. No
no. Well, it's a sort of nondescript, neutral sort of—"
Again the door upstairs swung open, this time in no attempt to disguise such
impatience. "Brown, brown, brown!"
The smile stretching his lips extended as a small surge of victory tackled his
senses. It was only an amount of time before Dr. Lecter realized it as well.
"Did you hear what he said?" Barney continued. "'Brown, brown, brown.' Yes. No,
no, no…this is her residence." Close enough to the truth. This is where the
general contacts wanted her residence to be, those who now knew her better than
anyone else, and likewise loved her more than anyone else. "27A—Yes, yes.
Uh…about between 3:00 and 4:00 this morning. Yes, I understand. Forty…yes.
Rela—no, she's no relation. What? Well, let's just call her a good friend."
Barney chuckled lightheartedly, then his expression darkened with menace.
"What? I don't like the tone of that suggestion. What she does here is our
affair. Your affair is to get her back here so she can continue doing it." He
then offered an angry slam to the receiver, muttering something about society
today before picking the phone up again to call the hospital.
A few minutes later, Dr. Lecter emerged fully dressed from his chamber. He
listened as Barney relayed the information provided, confirming a negative
report. This was reassuring on a level. The doctor nodded his thanks and moved
hurriedly for the door.
"I am going to visit Rachel," he announced, fitting his coat over his
shoulders. "She is not without her connections, and might see Clarice today
while touring the city."
Barney frowned. "Are you grasping at straws? Why would Mrs. Rosencranz help you
now?"
"Because she is a decent human being and a friend," Dr. Lecter retorted as he
placed his fedora over his crown. Then he was out the door without finality,
moving with definitive, eager haste.
"It looks like rain!" Barney called after him, grasping the umbrella next to
the coat rack and tossing it in the doctor's direction. In one fluid motion,
Dr. Lecter turned, caught it with ease, tipped his hat, then whirled and continued.
Barney was not about to sit idle waiting for updates, though as eager as he was
for the doctor to find her first. This seemed especially essential as his old
romantic side screamed that any reunion would resort in victory. He knew
precious little about the events calculated in the evening before, but enough
was seen in both their eyes—what they couldn't help but reveal—for him to draw
his own conclusions. However, his nerves allowed for no such laziness. A few
minutes following his friend's departure, he informed Mrs. Pearce that he was
going to personally visit the hospital to confirm she wasn't there. With as
many patients admitted, he explained, it was easy to overlook one in the heat
of things. There, if presented with further negative results, he would phone
Quantico again to be sure—by that time—that someone
had seen her.
"I do hope you find her," Mrs. Pearce said encouragingly as she presented him
with his coat and umbrella. "Dr. Lecter will miss her."
That made him pause with a knowing leer, but Barney could not convince himself
to continue with the obvious retort. Instead, he snickered and arched a brow.
"Dr. Lecter will miss her, eh? Well fuck Dr. Lecter. I'll
miss her!"
And he left just like that, feeling intensely proud of himself.
* * *
Starling was in the shower when Barney called, and remained blissfully ignorant
that the interaction ever took place. It was in Mapp's opinion that this was
best, at least for now. While she did not doubt her friend's new sincerity, it
was equally important that she see everything she was leaving behind unhampered
by outside distractions.
And needles to say, Dr. Lecter, or anyone associated with Dr. Lecter, was
clearly a distraction.
The chance remained very pliable that Starling would see Quantico for all its
grief and heartache and still be tugged into the position that demanded her
loyalty, despite prudence. Perhaps this was conniving on a level, but Mapp
didn't care. She wanted the very best for her friend, and also trusted that the
best consisted of what was left behind.
Despite the nasty bitterness of the past, there had not been one with more
promise since Will Graham. To throw away that future without serious
consideration for a man who refused to love her as she deserved was a grievous
failing indeed.
In devotion to her word, Starling left the house looking beyond marvelous. Of
course, Mapp could not assume responsibility for this. Much to her surprise,
she watched as her friend correctly applied and used the products she had never
before exhibited any interest in. Starling's hair had always been easy for her
but similarly rarely styled it in any fashion other than draped over her
shoulders or drawn into a ponytail. Now, her fashion was elegant,
straightforward but also unlike any she had worn before. Likewise, Starling
rejected Mapp's offer of assistance when selecting her wardrobe. There were
several business suits she had had purchased for her on the many outings to
town. Her use of makeup was flattering but hardly overdone. In the end, she
selected an outfit not contrasting that which she wore to Baltimore. A burgundy
business dress cut just above the knee with a jacket that fit tightly over her
shoulders. Once upon a time, one would have had to hogtie Starling to get her
to consider pantyhose, which she now wore gratefully along with heels she could
walk in without tripping. Mapp was continuously impressed with such new
resources, and for that alone, all was worth it.
"What are you going to tell him?" Mapp asked as they settled into the seats of
her vehicle.
Starling sighed heavily, stalling until she heard the seatbelt click. "I'm not
sure. It'd be easiest simply to hand him the file and have it over and done
with. However, knowing Mr. Crawford, he will be in the market for a lengthy
explanation."
"Well, naturally," her friend agreed. "The popular idea was that you would be
back when this lousy charade was over."
With a small, acknowledging sad smile, Starling nodded her comprehension; her
stomach performing imposing somersaults as the car pulled out of the drive. "I
know," she whispered. "But things change. People change."
So enveloped were they in growing anticipation that neither recalled that
Pilcher remained by the curb. A simultaneous gasp perturbed the air when he knocked
on the window and insisted to be included with the day's emergent festivities.
Nerves were tense, even those belonging to the only occupant who remained
ignorant of the events stirring around him. Temperament inside the car did not
pick-up until the destination was nearly obtained. Starling knew maddeningly
that she could not rid herself of the whelp's company without a can of mace,
but assured Mapp anyway that she could do this alone.
It felt odd standing outside of Quantico, more than it had gazing at the duplex
she had inhabited for years. There in the shadows of the place she had worked
her hardest. The place where it came easy for her. The place she wanted to be a
part of more than anything. Had wanted to
be a part of. That was over now. For whatever reason, it felt natural that she
should don high heels instead of sneakers, carry the file respectfully at her
side instead of protectively at her breast. Even Pilcher's mindless chatting
could not drag her from her reverie. This was what she had worked for. Not the
White House, not Dr. Lecter…for herself. To walk into the Behavioral Science
department with confidence, deliver the goods, and walk away without turning
back.
A little girl had once entered the buildings, traced the maze-like corridors and
sat in numerous offices in anticipation of updates. True, she was still a child
in many ways, Starling knew she wasn't today. Not now.
And so, without warning her companion, she set forward again. Her strides were
aligned with confidence, her eyes set and determined. She smiled at the sound
of her own heels clicking at the pavement and couldn't help wonder if she would
see Paul Krendler today. It was perhaps the first time such a prospect had
presented itself without being followed by an inward gesture of distaste.
Nothing would stop her now. Hell, she might even say hello.
A few months before, Starling knew she would have killed to see this place. Now
she understood that the only need was to say goodbye.
It was doubtful, however, that Jack Crawford would allow her leave that easily.
The man possessed an uncanny ability to make anyone feel three inches tall. She
recalled her first days working in his presence. Crawford was a giant in the
world he lived in, his reputation demanding respect, even if you were caught in
the negative ties of his personality. Those manipulative skills he had mastered
and exercised on freewill allowed him to be both admired and scorned by the
same individual. He was blunt in motive though backhand in word. Her last few
months as a student were made miserable because of his persistent
hounding—because he truly believed her to be his next Will Graham. Such was
flattering in that unspoken, unseen sort of fashion that no one cares to
accept.
Having met Graham only the night before, Starling was satisfied to have freed
herself from that expectation.
Walking the hallways seemed a surreal dream in a liberating manner. Every
stride was validation that she had progressed passed this point. No regrets. It
was almost comparable to a high school reunion. The times spent and lessons
learned within its structure were valued in the highest regard, but she
wouldn't go back or relieve them for the world.
Starling reached Crawford's office in time to see Paul Krendler rise from the
seat across from his desk and depart from the room. Much to her surprise, he
didn't look at her, evidently disgruntled about something. Perhaps he angrily
brushed Pilcher's shoulder as he passed, but she was too focused to notice. The
churnings of disgust she had come to expect when in his presence were even
nonexistent. Instead, she turned to her companion and whispered furiously that
he had to wait outside.
It was time.
The office had not seen the face of change in years, and today was no
exception. Starling wondered briefly why she assumed everything should have
suffered reform just because she had. Human tendency, perhaps. Her eyes greeted
a familiar scene that forced her to suppress a snicker. For the life of her,
she wondered if Crawford had moved since her last visit. The image was
untouched. He was hunched over his desk, the wooden surface splayed with open
case files whose pages were polluted with incomprehensible scribbling. There
seemed to be a permanent nook in his desk made especially for his elbow, his hand
cradling his brow as he wrote furiously with the other. It seemed the man would
have to clone himself to experience any conventional social life. She smiled in
indefatigably bothersome fondness, though her conviction remained undamaged.
It took a few beats of silence to realize she was delaying the inevitable
moment. There was no sense in standing around; she wanted in and out as soon as
possible. Without further resignation, Starling straightened her shoulders and
cleared her throat. "Mr. Crawford?"
"Not now," he snapped, the hand at his brow taking momentary leave to shoo her
away. His head did not so much as wander up. "I'm busy."
She blinked her surprise. That wasn't the reaction she expected. Never before
had the Guru been cross with her. A 'welcome back' at the very least was in
order, even if it was short-lived.
Then she recalled her altered accent and grinned.
"Mr. Crawford?" she repeated, unmoved.
"I told you—" His eyes shot upward with fiery intent, but froze when he saw her
face. Then his expression drained and his complexion paled. "Starling?" he
whispered, as though questioning her tangibility. A specter standing in his
office was perhaps more believable.
Indeed, it must have been an odd sight. Her hair had grown an inch or so, but
was looked better than ever. The clothing she adorned resembled something a
friend had worn to a Halloween party once upon a time ago—much to everyone's
drunken delight, a glimpse of how everything would appear in 'opposite land.'
She was more feminine now than she had ever been before.
"Here," she said without preface, placing the file over his mound of work. "The
case is over, Mr. Crawford. All of it. Look in the back if you need
confirmation. Buffalo Bill is somewhere in Belvedere, Ohio."
Crawford's eyes widened skeptically and lowered to the document. "You sound so
sure," he observed. Doubt was evident in his tone. "Don't you think it's a
little suspicious, Starling? Why would he be where the first girl was
abducted?"
"This isn't a film, Sir. There are no hidden clues, no mysteries only solvable
by James Bond. You told me a long time ago that serial killers are never that
inconspicuous, are rather clumsy creatures just itching
to fall into a trap. If you would look in the back,
you would see it all fits," she insisted, her voice accumulating in bitterness.
"In the back, please. He's making himself a woman suit. Look—" When he did
little more than stare at her distrustfully, she finally lurched forward and
flipped to the last page, sprawled in her individual conclusions. What was so
difficult of rewording something she had heard only hours before? "He needs a
two-story house, Sir. He's not a drifter. What he does requires privacy. I
doubt he would have associated much with the locals. But he knew Fredricka Bimmel.
He weighted her down to throw us off—so that the order would be random. See?"
She practically had to grasp his head and force it to face the text.
It was a satisfactory triumph watching the shades of realization cascade over
his doubting gaze. Crawford's eyes widened, tracing her path of notes and
ending results with his forefinger, excitement replacing the looming
reservation hovering in his features. "I don't believe it," he gasped. "We'll
have someone there in an hour—a half hour if we're lucky." Then he was out of
the office, shouting to someone down the hall. "I should go too," he said,
grabbing his coat off the back of his seat. "I'll never know how you did it,
Starling, but I won't ask. Good to have you back. We'll take about
reinstatement into the academy when I return."
"I won't be here when you return," she said softly. Having not budged from her
seat, she felt him pause without seeing. The temptation was upon her to turn,
but she restrained, preparing herself.
"What?!" he demanded finally, a shrill to his voice.
"I am currently not a student, and I do not intend to be one again."
"Why?"
"It's for the best." Starling's eyes followed him as he came back into view,
unresponsive to the dazed surprise tackling his expression. "Don't ask me to
explain my motives. You do not have time for that. Just accept my position.
There are other issues of more importance."
"It's because of him, isn't
it?" he accused bitterly, promptly ignoring her appeal. "Let me guess. Your
precious doctor made you a material offer that you can't refuse. Right?"
Somehow she managed to refrain from flinching at the insinuation, though an
inward ache could not help but surge. "Not my precious doctor," she said
strongly, her voice wavering a bit perhaps.
Crawford caught it, of course, and smiled unpleasantly. "He sent you back,
didn't he? Got tired of you after all."
"No," Starling insisted too quickly. "No. I left on my own merit."
At that, his superior leer vanished and his eyes widened in shock. This
decision was solely based and funded without outside assistance. He saw that
now. "Where will you go, if not here?"
"I'll make it on my own. I have the education and the degrees to do so. There
is work out there to be had, and I intend to take it."
Crawford's nostrils flared and his eyes blazed as though personally offended.
He violently turned away, like a teakettle ready to overflow. "Women are
irrational!" he erupted finally, turning to her in a furious stroke. "That's
all there is to that. Their heads are full of cotton, hay, and rags. They're
nothing exasperating, irritating, vacillating, calculating, agitating,
maddening, and infuriating hussies!"
Starling swallowed a gasp, beyond surprised to witness the man explode. Never
before had she seen him lose is cool head in such an aggressive fashion.
Though, in the end, she didn't know whether it was more appropriate to be
offended or amused.
"Are you all right, Mr. Crawford?" she asked a hesitant minute later.
"No, I'm not all right!" he snarled. "What a time to tell me this! And I can't
say anything. I don't have the time." He turned again and paraded angry strides
to the office door, halted only by her voice, which required no such elevation.
"Nothing you could say now or ever would shunt my conviction."
A long pause preceded a sigh, and she sensed his fury dissipating in wretched
defeat. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked weakly.
"Yes." There was no strain of doubt in her tone.
Crawford pursed his lips in thought, offered a beat of struggle, then conceded
another sigh and moved to his desk. "I have a friend in New York," he said,
grasping a loose-leaf sheet of paper and wrestling with the supplies on his
desk until he located a pen. "He teaches at The John Jay College of Criminal
Justice, and called me a few days ago looking for an assistant. Give him a call
and he'll give you a job. Just tell him I referred you." He looked up, folding
the paper and extending it to her grasp. She looked from him, to the offering,
to him again but made no move to accept it. A grudging sigh rolled off his
shoulders. "Take it, Starling. He's a good guy and it's a good job."
The honest disposition of his character convinced her. Wordlessly, she nodded
and took the number from his grasp, opening her purse to find it sanctuary
without looking at it. "Thank you, Mr. Crawford."
He finally smiled, a sad though gratified smile. "Good luck, Starling. And
thanks."
And he brushed passed her, determinately not to be delayed again. The sound of
his footsteps could be heard for a few seconds, but faded into nothingness.
It didn't take as long as she thought it would to tear herself away from the
office. A minute or so of quiet reflection and she was ready. Inhaling a deep
breath, she turned and strode out for what was confidently the last time.
Pilcher waited by the doorway, the image of a loyal puppy.
Walking away from her past offered the first bit of closure she had experienced
in weeks. The outlook on life was rosy, and while she didn't know where she was
going or what she was doing, she was happy. Happily satisfied that this move,
at the very least, was the right one to make.
Of course, there was a part of her that screamed vindication. The greater
tugging at her heart pushed her backward into the path she escaped only that
morning. She denied herself another sigh and forced a smile to Pilcher. It
would take a while, understandably, to get over that.
This was an excellent start.
"Where are we going now?" Pilcher asked eagerly.
"I'm going to pack," she replied. "And get ready. I might be moving to New
York."
"New York?"
"If the job is good," Starling explained. "Crawford wants to make sure I'm
settled somewhere. He didn't tell me much, but it sounds reasonable. I'll have
to consider."
"My uncle can probably help you get a place there." Pilcher's tone surprisingly
understanding, though not without its desolate disappointment. "He has some a
friend in the city who runs some apartment building. It's hell trying to find a
place there, or so I've heard."
Starling smiled. "According to Billy Crystal, all you need to do is read the
obituary column."
"…What?"
"Never mind." Her flippant temperament was betrayed by the amused laugh that
managed passed her lips. "I'm not sure if I'm going to do it, yet."
"You will."
Pilcher's confidence was haunting in a way, but she speculated it vouched for
accuracy. Instead of lingering, though, she decided to accept it with
acquiescence and continue. The rest of their journey continued unhampered until
they passed Paul Krendler again, who still failed to catch her eyes but notably
checked out her backside. Starling paused when she heard him whistle.
"Hello legs," he slurred disreputably.
When she turned to face him, brows perked in a thoroughly unimpressed manner,
his face fell and his eyes dulled. "Starling?"
It was too momentous, too great to ruin. The grin tackling her lips could not
be helped, but she did manage to maintain her laughter. "I would retort," she
observed, turning to proceed down the corridor. "But I wouldn't want to spoil
the look on your face, Mr. Krendler. Adieu. I do hope you have an…interesting
life." And she continued, grasping Pilcher's arm for show, releasing her
chuckles finally when she knew he was out of earshot.
The visit was much more productive than she could have ever hoped.
It wasn't until they were in the last maze in sight of the exit that someone
stopped her. A relatively familiar face, one she probably knew long ago. The
woman was slightly short, curly brown hair with deep pupils covered by thick
glasses. Her eyes were friendly but her face was expressionless. Little time
was allowed for reaction. Before she could open her mouth, the woman demanded,
"Are you Officer Starling?"
"I'm Miss Starling, yes."
The correction was unneeded; the girl clearly didn't care. "We've had two calls
from a Barney Jackson looking for you. Do you know who he is? You might call
him back to tell him you haven't fallen off the face of the earth."
Starling's face fell and her high spirits abruptly diminished. "What did he
want?"
"Hell if I know. He just asked if anyone had seen you and to call him if you
came in."
Breath vacated her body, her heart at first stopping, then pounded wildly.
Without warning, she was hit by the wealth of confusing emotion that had
plagued her that morning. A feeling of raw despondency and gloom as her lungs
fought for air. The room might have stood in a permanent state of being had
Pilcher not tugged at her arm. Absently, she thanked the woman who scurried off
once dismissed.
"Come on," he whispered urgently. "Let's get out of here. Aunt Rachel is still
in town…maybe she can call my uncle and see if that's at all fixable."
But she wasn't listening, wasn't blinking or breathing. The only way he got her
to move was to drag her out. Her mind was detached and far away, plagued with
terrible curiosity and wonder. What on earth could Barney want with her now?
* * *
