Chapter Six – Why Didn't You Tell Me
He had no problem accepting her story to this point. In his career, he had meet a lot of people that made certain decision early in their lives, decisions that followed them for the rest of their lives. The problem was, why didn't she tell him any of this when they were together? Why didn't she ask him to go with her? Why didn't she realize how much he loved her?
As he thought about it, he concluded that it was his fault. Usually when his relationships went wrong, it was his fault. The reason was always the same; he never let the lady know how he really felt.
It wasn't because he didn't want to share more; it was just that he didn't know how. He thought things were different with Jenna. With her, he never had a problem saying, `I love you'.
He stood up and looked down at her sitting on the couch. "Jenna, you had twenty-four hours. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you ask me to go with you? Didn't you believe me when I said I loved you?" He realized he was getting angry. He was angry. He loved her and she had no right to leave him the way she did.
She looked up at him, "Gil, how could I ask you to go? Think about what was happening back then."
"What?" He had no idea what she was talking about. They were young and in love, just getting started. They had plans. Then he remembered. He turned and walked away. He sat down in a chair that was on the other side of the room.
"How could I ask you to choose between her or me?" Jenna stayed on the couch, resisting the urge to run over and put her arms around him.
"It wasn't your decision to make," he said, flatly.
"It wasn't my place to put such a burden on you. Gil, your mother was dying. You were all she had. How could I ask you to leave her and go away with me? And besides, back then, I had no self-esteem.
I truly believed that after a few months you would forget about me and move on with your life. You see, I had never been loved before and couldn't believe that anyone could love me, like I imagined you did."
"You should have told me," he repeated.
"Did she hate me?" Jenna asked, afraid to hear the answer.
"No, of course not," he said, remembering the first time he saw his mother after Jenna had left.
She was sleeping when he came to visit her at the hospital. He sat down and stared out the window, waiting for her to wake up.
When he turned around he saw that she had been watching him. "Is Jenna with you?" she signed, already knowing the answer.
"She's not here right now," he signed back.
"She's gone isn't she?"
"That's what her note said. You knew she would leave me, didn't you?"
She held her arms out to her only child. He stood up allowing her to embrace him.
"I miss her," Jenna told him.
"So do I," he answered.
"When did she die, Gil?"
"She went into remission a few months after you left. She did really well for about two years and then the cancer came back. After that, it was over in just a few weeks." He paused, remembering the suffering she went through during the last few weeks of her life. Then he added, "She was ready to go." He knew that Jenna loved his mother and he wanted to give her some comfort to ease the news of her death.
Jenna did love her. Gil's mother was very loving to her. She gave her the motherly love that she never experience with her own mother. Jenna remembered fondly the times the three of them were together.
She remembered how much Gil loved and cared for her. Even though it looked to the outside world that Gil was in charge and was taking care of his mother, in reality, his mother was always making sure that he had whatever he needed and she worked hard at protecting him from the hardships that life had always thrown at them.
She told Jenna about his childhood. Gil grew up in a time when society wasn't tolerant of people with handicaps. She told her stories of how the children at school would make fun of her and how much it hurt Gil to hear their taunts. He dealt with it by living an isolated life. He had very few friends growing up and the few he did have, he never allowed them to get very close to him.
He was always fascinated by nature. He would go off by himself for hours. He liked to go into the woods and dig up bugs and then go off to the library to research them.
Jenna remembered the night of her 25th birthday. He was going to ask her to marry him. Gil's mother knew what he was planning to do. She talked to Jenna before Gil arrived. She told Jenna what he was planning. She also told her that she needed to think really hard before accepting his proposal because if the relationship wasn't going to last, his mother believed that Gil wasn't emotionally capable of coping with the loss.
Thinking of his mother, and her death, still hurt, so Gil changed the subject. He asked how Jenna ended up in Las Vegas.
"Well, that's not such a bad story. When I left I was sent to the Shelter in Vermont. Sr. Laura was the sister of the FBI agent that was in charge of my case. I was only suppose to stay there for a few weeks. I hated it when I got there. It was in the middle of nowhere. It was cold and there were no comforts of home. The sisters worked all day and the girls, well, they were just a bunch of screw ups and I didn't want to have anything to do with them." Jenna paused to remember those first few weeks.
"After awhile I got so that I liked the solitude and when Agent Ramsey came to get me, I asked if I could stay a few more weeks. Sr. Laura said I could, but I would have to work for my keep. She put me in charge of the kitchen. I actually had to supervisor these girls that didn't have enough common sense to know how to peel a potato. I hated it. I kept thinking that I wasn't much older then they were and I was able to take care of myself. I resented having to take care of them."
"Sr. Laura knew that I had an attitude and that I thought I was better than those girls. She would hit me with guilt trips. She would tell me bits and pieces of the girl's history and when I was acting really snotty, she would throw little subtle reminders at me on why I was there." She laughed to herself remembering how truly awful she was during those first months.
"After the girls were in bed I would sit outside listening to the sounds of the night. It was so peaceful out there. Sr. Laura would come out and talk with me. All she knew about me was that I was in
the witness protection program. She figured out that there was someone I was missing and could never be with again. She helped me to cope with both the guilt and hurt I had. The next thing I knew,
it was 10 years later and I had a degree in child psychology. Talk about being blind sided. All I wanted was to say a few more weeks then originally planned."
"About two years ago, Bryan Greenwood died and left Sr. Laura his ranch. He also left her a financial grant. He wanted her to come out to Vegas and start a Shelter of Hope out here. He knew us because his daughter Rebecca was a resident of ours at one time. She straightened her life out and moved back home to Vegas. She's married now and living in Florida with her husband and three children. She's on our Board of Directors."
"It took awhile to get all the permits that we needed and a program in place. Sr. Laura's been her for about 14 months. I moved out here about 7 months ago. It was hard to leave the security of Vermont. And to be so close to California, where I thought you still were."
Now it was her turn to ask how he ended up in Vegas.
His story wasn't as dramatic or complicated as hers. "About a year after you left I was asked to consult on a crime scene where the evidence involved some strange insects that turned out to have been native to Argentina. I found the work interesting and the next thing I knew I was living in Vegas and doing consulting work for the police and eventually working for them."
Now that they've come full circle and all the secrets are out, it was time to figure out where to go from here.
They decided that it was getting late and they could figure that out in the morning. They went upstairs to bed.
He had no problem accepting her story to this point. In his career, he had meet a lot of people that made certain decision early in their lives, decisions that followed them for the rest of their lives. The problem was, why didn't she tell him any of this when they were together? Why didn't she ask him to go with her? Why didn't she realize how much he loved her?
As he thought about it, he concluded that it was his fault. Usually when his relationships went wrong, it was his fault. The reason was always the same; he never let the lady know how he really felt.
It wasn't because he didn't want to share more; it was just that he didn't know how. He thought things were different with Jenna. With her, he never had a problem saying, `I love you'.
He stood up and looked down at her sitting on the couch. "Jenna, you had twenty-four hours. Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you ask me to go with you? Didn't you believe me when I said I loved you?" He realized he was getting angry. He was angry. He loved her and she had no right to leave him the way she did.
She looked up at him, "Gil, how could I ask you to go? Think about what was happening back then."
"What?" He had no idea what she was talking about. They were young and in love, just getting started. They had plans. Then he remembered. He turned and walked away. He sat down in a chair that was on the other side of the room.
"How could I ask you to choose between her or me?" Jenna stayed on the couch, resisting the urge to run over and put her arms around him.
"It wasn't your decision to make," he said, flatly.
"It wasn't my place to put such a burden on you. Gil, your mother was dying. You were all she had. How could I ask you to leave her and go away with me? And besides, back then, I had no self-esteem.
I truly believed that after a few months you would forget about me and move on with your life. You see, I had never been loved before and couldn't believe that anyone could love me, like I imagined you did."
"You should have told me," he repeated.
"Did she hate me?" Jenna asked, afraid to hear the answer.
"No, of course not," he said, remembering the first time he saw his mother after Jenna had left.
She was sleeping when he came to visit her at the hospital. He sat down and stared out the window, waiting for her to wake up.
When he turned around he saw that she had been watching him. "Is Jenna with you?" she signed, already knowing the answer.
"She's not here right now," he signed back.
"She's gone isn't she?"
"That's what her note said. You knew she would leave me, didn't you?"
She held her arms out to her only child. He stood up allowing her to embrace him.
"I miss her," Jenna told him.
"So do I," he answered.
"When did she die, Gil?"
"She went into remission a few months after you left. She did really well for about two years and then the cancer came back. After that, it was over in just a few weeks." He paused, remembering the suffering she went through during the last few weeks of her life. Then he added, "She was ready to go." He knew that Jenna loved his mother and he wanted to give her some comfort to ease the news of her death.
Jenna did love her. Gil's mother was very loving to her. She gave her the motherly love that she never experience with her own mother. Jenna remembered fondly the times the three of them were together.
She remembered how much Gil loved and cared for her. Even though it looked to the outside world that Gil was in charge and was taking care of his mother, in reality, his mother was always making sure that he had whatever he needed and she worked hard at protecting him from the hardships that life had always thrown at them.
She told Jenna about his childhood. Gil grew up in a time when society wasn't tolerant of people with handicaps. She told her stories of how the children at school would make fun of her and how much it hurt Gil to hear their taunts. He dealt with it by living an isolated life. He had very few friends growing up and the few he did have, he never allowed them to get very close to him.
He was always fascinated by nature. He would go off by himself for hours. He liked to go into the woods and dig up bugs and then go off to the library to research them.
Jenna remembered the night of her 25th birthday. He was going to ask her to marry him. Gil's mother knew what he was planning to do. She talked to Jenna before Gil arrived. She told Jenna what he was planning. She also told her that she needed to think really hard before accepting his proposal because if the relationship wasn't going to last, his mother believed that Gil wasn't emotionally capable of coping with the loss.
Thinking of his mother, and her death, still hurt, so Gil changed the subject. He asked how Jenna ended up in Las Vegas.
"Well, that's not such a bad story. When I left I was sent to the Shelter in Vermont. Sr. Laura was the sister of the FBI agent that was in charge of my case. I was only suppose to stay there for a few weeks. I hated it when I got there. It was in the middle of nowhere. It was cold and there were no comforts of home. The sisters worked all day and the girls, well, they were just a bunch of screw ups and I didn't want to have anything to do with them." Jenna paused to remember those first few weeks.
"After awhile I got so that I liked the solitude and when Agent Ramsey came to get me, I asked if I could stay a few more weeks. Sr. Laura said I could, but I would have to work for my keep. She put me in charge of the kitchen. I actually had to supervisor these girls that didn't have enough common sense to know how to peel a potato. I hated it. I kept thinking that I wasn't much older then they were and I was able to take care of myself. I resented having to take care of them."
"Sr. Laura knew that I had an attitude and that I thought I was better than those girls. She would hit me with guilt trips. She would tell me bits and pieces of the girl's history and when I was acting really snotty, she would throw little subtle reminders at me on why I was there." She laughed to herself remembering how truly awful she was during those first months.
"After the girls were in bed I would sit outside listening to the sounds of the night. It was so peaceful out there. Sr. Laura would come out and talk with me. All she knew about me was that I was in
the witness protection program. She figured out that there was someone I was missing and could never be with again. She helped me to cope with both the guilt and hurt I had. The next thing I knew,
it was 10 years later and I had a degree in child psychology. Talk about being blind sided. All I wanted was to say a few more weeks then originally planned."
"About two years ago, Bryan Greenwood died and left Sr. Laura his ranch. He also left her a financial grant. He wanted her to come out to Vegas and start a Shelter of Hope out here. He knew us because his daughter Rebecca was a resident of ours at one time. She straightened her life out and moved back home to Vegas. She's married now and living in Florida with her husband and three children. She's on our Board of Directors."
"It took awhile to get all the permits that we needed and a program in place. Sr. Laura's been her for about 14 months. I moved out here about 7 months ago. It was hard to leave the security of Vermont. And to be so close to California, where I thought you still were."
Now it was her turn to ask how he ended up in Vegas.
His story wasn't as dramatic or complicated as hers. "About a year after you left I was asked to consult on a crime scene where the evidence involved some strange insects that turned out to have been native to Argentina. I found the work interesting and the next thing I knew I was living in Vegas and doing consulting work for the police and eventually working for them."
Now that they've come full circle and all the secrets are out, it was time to figure out where to go from here.
They decided that it was getting late and they could figure that out in the morning. They went upstairs to bed.