Disclaimer: I don't own any of these lovely characters or settings :-(

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The campfires burned brightly around the makeshift living quarters that AVALANCHE had taken up for the night. Tucked tightly away in their tents, the members slept peacefully....for the most part. Outside the tents, a very groggy Cid Highwind peered at the meteor falling from the sky and snarled.

"Come and get me you big red son of a bitch!"

"Excuse me?" He heard a very indignant voice reply, before turning around to see Nanaki with a very hurt and offended look on his face. Cid laughed heartily.

"Not you Red!" he responded before angling his head again toward the meteor. The giant cat nodded in understanding, before joining the pilot in his contemplation of the giant rock. However, they were both quickly pulled out of their reverie, when they heard a horrendous blood curdling scream coming from the camp.

************

Cloud awoke with a start to find the ghost of Aeris hovering over him in a very ominous manner.

"Do not fear Cloud.." The flower girl spoke softly.

"Like Hell!!" The frightened man responded before throwing the covers off of himself, and throwing his body clear of the tent with a scream of fear like no other.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! GOD HELP ME!!!" he screamed as he flew through the door of his tent into the open air, only to remember he was stark naked.

"Oh my God!! Aeris saw me naked!" He shouted.

"What?!!" He heard the snapped response sound from Tifa's tent, as she and the others emerged to see what had caused such an outburst from their leader. They were all greeted with the sight of a nude Cloud standing with one hand pointing at the tent he had just fled, and the other covering his exposed manhood.

"In there! She's in there!! Get it out!! Get it out!!!" He wined. Tifa put an arm around his shoulder in an attempt to comfort the frightened blonde, but he would not be consoled.

As Barret slowly inched his way toward Cloud's tent, his gun arm cocked and loaded, Aeris floated out of the tent. Everyone took a sharp breath at the sight of their not-so-long-dead friend. She looked like the same old Aeris, except for the fact that she was surrounded by mists of green lifestream, and it looked like she'd gained some weight. She raised her arms in a sign of peace. Everyone stared dumbly.

"Do not let it bother you that I have seen your doodley-dad Cloud. For I have come due to a matter of extreme importance." The dead flower girl spoke soothingly. They all continued to stare in dumb silence.

"Well...." she continued, annoyed, "Don't you want to know why I'm here?"

They all shook their heads in unison. Aeris sighed.

"The threat to the planet is over. Holy will soon be activated."

"No shit! How'd you pull that off??" Yuffie burst out.

"Sephiroth is dead." The flower girl answered.

"......?" Wondered Cloud.

"It happened last night." She continued. "Jenova left him by himself, so she could go buy winter clothes and vitamins for the both of them, and while she was gone he choked to death on a Jolly Rancher."

"......"

"Aren't you all happy?"

"......!"

..And as suddenly as the previous silence had ensued, laughter broke out among the party.

Aeris folder her hands against her hips and waited for the group to regain control over themselves. "Now if you're all finished", she began, sounding slightly frustrated, "As I said before, the threat to the planet is over......but not for long."

Cloud groaned loudly, and plopped down in the dirt.

"I'm sorry Cloud.... but Jenova is still alive, and will no doubt begin the search for another vessel." She continued, "And since all those clones were all basically whack jobs, that seems to leave ...you."

Cloud whimpered a bit more, and gave up the task of covering his manhood. Tifa soon found herself distracted.... "Why me?" He drawled.

Aeris rolled her eyes. She'd forgotten that Cloud was such a bitch. "Well, I'm sure you were a last resort..", she explained calmly. "Anyway," she continued, "There is a way to prevent Jenova from gaining control over your weak mind, ....but we will need the help of another..." She looked around the group, making extra sure to make eye contact with every single member, in an attempt to be as dramatic as possible. ".....Sephiroth.".

"What?!!" They all screamed in unison.

"I thought you said he was dead!" Tifa protested, Then taking into account that Aeris was indeed standing before them, continued "but I guess that doesn't matter.....".

Cloud seemed rather preoccupied with scraping the mud out of his bum, but continued to whine quietly to himself.

The flower girl looked hopefully at him. "I hope you can find it in yourself to accept him Cloud. After all, he was your buddy in SOLDIER."

"Actually Aeris, that was Zack." He corrected.

"Ah yes...right....... Anyway.... Heeeeerrreee's Sephiroth!" She said with a dramatic flinging of her arms, and in a burst of smoke, the astoundingly beautiful General appeared....... and in that same instant, a few cowardly AVALANCHE members disappeared.

....But not Tifa. Cloud was naked.

Sephiroth stared coldly at the dwindled group in front of him for a few moments, trying to think of how to begin. He settled for a simple statement of truth.

"Your bum is muddy."

"Cloud! Don't listen to him!" Tifa shrieked. "Cover your ears! Cover your eyes!"

The Spikey haired fighter just stared at the woman as if she'd grown two heads.

The other members of AVALANCHE took turns poking their heads out from behind a tree to witness the spectacle. Cid, the only member besides Vincent who hadn't fled, was too busy coughing up a lung to have an opinion, and Vincent himself was too busy wishing he was dead to notice.

Sephiroth shook his head at the spectacle and continued. "Strife... do you remember what happened in the reactor at Nibelheim?"

".....Duh.." Cloud responded.

"Do you remember what happened before that?" The silver haired General continued.

"....Not really.." he admitted.

Tifa raised her hand before cutting in, "Didn't you break into my house, and read our mail and then wear my underwear on your head?"

Cloud sighed audible. "No Teef.... That was Zack remember?"

"Ooohhh yeah" She replied, remembering the spikey black hairs in her panty stash. She giggled, then turned back to Cloud.

He was naked.

She giggled again.

Cloud turned back to Sephiroth. "I remember you being a cold hearted bastard! I remember my mother being on fire! I remember twitching in my doorway! and I remember killing you!"

"Hahahahaha" Sephiroth laughed malevolently. "Suck my ass Strife...."

"OKAY!" Cloud interrupted. "Will everyone PLEASE stop confusing me with Zack?!"

Silence...

....Sephiroth's aura flickered a bit and he blushed visibly. The group stood with their mouths hanging open; Their minds clearly overwhelmed. Aeris rubbed her nipples.

****

A/N: I'm out of school for the summer, so I've been working hard on my serious fic "To Truly Live" (Yes, It will get written). I usually don't write humor like this, but I decided to have a little fun. This will be several chapters long too, as long as everyone doesn't hate it and flame the hell out of me....