Title: BUDDIES (1/1) by Bonnie
Author: Bonnie
Email: bondav40@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Summary: Xander and Spike get wasted and find some common ground.
Disclaimer: Based on characters not created by me.
Spike took careful, measured steps, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other without tripping. He paused in his progress and took a long pull from the bottle of Jack Daniels he clutched in his left hand, then resumed his stately walk down the alley, unaware that he was drifting toward the wall.
" 'It's over, William.' What does that mean? It isn't bloody over until I say so. And that'll be.....never!" He bumped into the wall and leaned up against it for a bit of a rest, staring at the side of the Bronze, formulating a plan. "I'm gonna go in there, and if she's there I'm gonna.......look at her. I'm gonna look at her good and proper 'til she's so hot her clothes melt right off her body. Yeah. That's right. That'll show her!"
He pushed off the wall and lurched down the alley a few more paces, when suddenly the side door of the club slammed open and a body was thrown out onto the ground. "And don't try an' come back tonight, bud. Go home and sleep it off." a voice from inside called. The door closed with a resounding clang.
Ah, for the old days, Spike thought, trying to focus on the sprawled figure. Here was a midnight snack served up right in front of him and he couldn't partake. What irony. Life was so cruel.
The human pushed up onto his hands and knees. "You can't cut me off! I'm a payin' customer. My money pays you, asshole!" His bluster faded quickly to a tired mutter. "I got rights, y'know."
"Well, if it isn't the whelp." Spike took a step forward and nudged him with a foot, causing him to topple over onto his side.
"Spike," Xander groaned, looking up through bleary eyes. "Now my night's perfect."
The blond vamp stood over him. "Aren't you a right mess? I heard your lady-love dumped you at the altar. 'Zat true?"
"No it isn't." Xander began crawling toward the wall and scooched himself up it 'til he was in a sitting position. "F'your information, I called it off."
"Didja think you could do better?" the vampire asked. "I mean, look at you, mate."
"Go 'way."
"No, really. You're quite pathetic." Spike tried to lean against the dumpster, missed, and slid down onto the pavement near Xander. "Here you got a nice ex-demon girl like Anyanka to love you and all you can do is keep lusting after the Slayer. Oh yeah. I heard about your longtime crush. Sad."
"'s not like that! The wedding thing's got nothing to do with Buffy. I haven't felt about her like....that...for years."
"Oh bollocks. Everyone's in love with Buffy."
"Talk about pathetic! Look at you followin' her around like a sick dog. You'll never EVER have her, you know."
"Right." Spike smirked. He capped the bottle and tossed it over to Xander, who missed the catch. "Hey watch it!" The bottle hit the ground, didn't break, and rolled into some litter.
"Go get it." Spike commanded.
"No. You go get it. I didn't want it." Xander answered.
"C'mon. It's closer to you."
Xander rolled his eyes, but crawled over to retrieve the lost bottle. He took a long drink, blew out his breath in a gasp, and shook his head. "Whew!"
"Little strong for you, boy? We could go back to my crypt for tea, instead."
"There. That's the trouble." Xander said, stabbing his finger in the air for emphasis.
"What? You can't drink?"
"A boy! No one ever thinks I'm a man. It's always 'just dumb-old Xander.' Why does no one ever see me as a grown up?"
"'Cause you're an idiot?" Spike struggled to remove his duster, but found one arm trapped in its sleeve, and gave up with the coat half off.
Xander rambled on. "'Cept for Anya. She always respected me. Always listened to what I had to say. And I let her slip away. Why'd I do that?" He drew his knees up, wrapped his arms around them and rested his forehead, letting the precious JD dangle from one hand.
"Oy. Toss that bottle over here before you drop it." Spike cautioned. The young man was too lost in his misery to respond so Spike pulled himself over and snatched the liquor away. He took a long swallow, then sat, leaning on one arm and regarding Xander.
"You know what your trouble is? You want it all. Couldn't be satisfied with a nice girl like that. You're the type who always thinks there's greener pastures. Lookin' on someone else's plate 'stead of your own."
"Shut up," came the mumbled reply.
"D'you want the girl or not? Cause if you do you're gonna have to do some grovelin'."
"I already said I was sorry," Xander looked up. "MANY times! As soon as she showed up again, I was there on my knees - with flowers. She won't say a word. Not a word."
"She's got you over a barrel now. Not gonna make it easy for you. That's women," the blond spat scornfully. "And even if you get together again, she's gonna pull this up over and over and over for the rest of your lives."
"Why is it all on me," Xander whined. "There're things about Anya, let me tell you. She's not perfect. 's not all my fault."
"With women it's always your fault.....all the time," Spike explained.
"Do you know how many messages I've left on Buffy's machine for her? That's where she's stayin' now, y'know. Many! Many messages....from Xander...with love."
"Mm." Spike squinted at the empty bottle and tossed it aside with a sigh.
"I've done my part," the boy continued. "Now the ball's in her court. Thass right. She has to come to me now!"
"Y'know what we should do?" The vampire grabbed onto the dumpster and pulled himself up.
"Wha'?"
"We should get really ripped." He held out his hand.
"Yeah." They grasped arms and Spike almost toppled backward, hauling Xander up.
*************
"Anya, can I get you anything?" Buffy asked her houseguest, who sat in ratty old sweats on the couch, staring vacantly at the muted TV.
The young woman shook her head, then began snuffling again and grabbed another Kleenex from the box. Buffy sighed in exasperation. This was probably her tenth, 'There. There.' speech today.
"Oh, Anya, it'll get better. You'll see," she said, sitting down and putting her arm around the crying girl. "Xander's really, really sorry, you know."
"Well, you just don't get over a humiliation like that!" Anya exclaimed for probably the twentieth time since she'd gotten back. Though she was silent to Xander, she let her words flow like water over Willow, Dawn and Buffy. "I mean. Can you imagine? All those people. All that planning – wasted. And what's wrong with me? Why does he have doubts?"
Buffy patted her hand. "He was just nervous about the ceremony. I'm sure if you two had eloped quietly, he never would have hesitated."
"No. No. You're wrong. It wasn't the wedding. It was me. Me!"
"Anya," Buffy said gently. "I hate to point out the obvious, but you have a long – a thousand year long – history of violence and destruction that's just not so easy to overlook."
"But I'm human now. This body," Anya gestured at herself. "It's just like all of yours. This is what I am." She paused, then continued sorrowfully, "None of you see how brief your time is. It's just a blink of an eye. I don't want to waste any of it. I want to share it with Xander. I love him."
"Then, for heaven's sake, why don't you accept his apology and start over!"
"Because I'm not sure he really knows his heart yet. And because I never, ever, want to feel pain like that again."
"Life is pain," Buffy muttered.
"That's the truth," Anya agreed.
Buffy sat and thought about how much she wished she could just toss out all her internal struggles and go have wild and nasty sex with Spike again. But she knew each time she slipped a stronger habit was being formed. She empathized yet again with Willow's struggle against magic use.
She jumped up. "All right. We're going out! Sitting here is only making you more depressed. Go put some clothes on, comb your hair, and we're outta here."
Anya smiled tremulously and nodded.
******************
Xander leaned against a mailbox drop, dozing and waiting for Spike to return from the liquor store with their booze. He jerked awake at the sudden slap on his arm.
"Wake up! Look lively." Spike grabbed his elbow and steered him down the street and around the corner toward the park.
"Whassa hurry?"
The vamp pulled a fresh bottle of whiskey from inside his black coat. Xander's eyes widened.
"You stole it!!"
"Whaddya bloody think? I don't have any money."
"Is that how you get all your stuff?"
"Mostly. Evil, remember?"
"God, you really are despicable."
Spike chuckled, "I know. Thanks." He cracked the new bottle and took a long, hard swallow. "Aaah. That's the stuff. Here."
"I'm gonna die from alcohol poisoning," Xander murmured, and took a big chug himself.
It was a cool, starry night with a lively fresh breeze blowing through the town. They entered the lush green of the park and strolled through a cathedral of trees.
"Over there," Spike pointed to a bench in a clearing. They made their way to it, somewhat refreshed by the night air, but still buzzing. Xander looked up and noticed the stars spinning and pulsing in the sky.
"Ha, ha. Pretty," he laughed.
"Yeah. Gorgeous night," Spike agreed, looking up.
They sat side by side, sipping in silence, listening to crickets and frogs, and watching lightening bugs float by. Spike lit a cigarette and took a drag, trying to blow smoke rings, and flicking ashes that blew into Xander's face.
"Y'know what I think?" he said, thoughtfully.
"Huh?"
"Women are like.....stars." He nodded his head sagely. "They're unattainable. And just when you think you've almost got'em in your grasp, they're a million miles away."
"Wow! That's really.…...a load of crap," Xander started cackling. "Didn't make any sense at all. You've lived a hundred years and that's the best you can do?"
"Maybe I meant fireflies," Spike amended, peering squint-eyed at the little insects flitting through the dark. "Or something...."
Xander howled with laughter, and fell off the bench. He rolled in the grass, clutching his stomach, tears streaming down his face. "You wanna know....what women.....really are, pal?" He spoke in gasps. "Queens of.....torture. Venomous.....h-h-harpies! Their function in life.....is to make….us....suffer."
"That's true, too." Spike agreed. He took another snort of red-eye.
"Who needs'em," Xander lay on his back staring at the sky, completely exhausted.
"Well...just for sex," Spike said.
"All right. Just for sex, then. Any woman'll do. Right, buddy?"
"Right. Just sex." Spike paused and took another drag on his cig before tossing it. "Y'know what we should do?" he asked for the second time.
"Go steal more booze?" Xander asked, beating out the butt which had landed on his pants.
"Naw. Go get other women. Ones who aren't like the ones who don't want us."
"Go pick up chicks?" the Xan-Man hauled himself up on his elbows.
"Bloody right. The town's crawlin' with'em. Why are we moonin' over birds who aren't even worth our time?"
"Damn straight! Where to?"
"Bar."
"I can't go in the Bronze."
"Did you people never grow past high school? There are other pubs in this town."
"How far do we have to walk? I'm pretty wasted."
Spike stood up unsteadily and kicked Xander in the side, causing a blinding shaft of pain to shoot through his head. "Aaargh. Come on, you nancyboy. Get your lazy ass off the ground and let's go find women."
Xander shrugged and crawled up on the bench again. "Just give me a minute," he begged, holding his ringing head. "I feel kinda...." He leaned over and wretched, bringing up a stomach full of whiskey and beer.
"Oh. That's lovely," Spike jumped back to avoid spatters on his shoes and tripped over a rock in the grass. His arms pinwheeled and he fell on his back with a thud. "Bloody hell," he cursed with sincerity.
"This sucks so much," Xander agreed, coughing up the last of his stomach contents. "I hate you."
"Didn't force you to drink it, mate."
The dark haired man curled up on the bench in the fetal position, hands between his knees, shivering. "Forget the women-hunting. I don't want women. I miss Anya! And my stomach hurts."
"Yeah. Too much trouble.....walkin'," Spike watched a jet's taillights move across the sky followed by a moonlit jet stream. "Hey. A fallin' star." He pointed to another part of the sky, and Xander shifted from his side to his back to look up, too.
"It's beautiful." The arc of the heavens engulfed their view. Night sounds enveloped and soothed them, dulling the pain of heartache. The hugeness of the skies seemed to diminish the importance of their little lives and expand their consciousness. Minutes passed in silent contemplation before Xander spoke again.
"I don't feel so bad, anymore. 'Cept I still feel like puking."
Spike searched around in the grass til he located the whiskey bottle again, took another pull, and offered it to Xander, who waved it off.
"Know what we should do?" the vampire asked.
"I have no idea, Spike."
"We should just stay here, and.....sing."
"Sing?"
"Right."
***************
It was late. The Bronze would only be open another couple of hours, but Buffy was still glad she had dragged Anya out. They walked briskly through the park, keeping an alert eye for demons, while still enjoying the beauty of the night. Anya was humming under her breath, when Buffy suddenly shushed her.
"Do you hear something?" she asked.
"Just a cat fight.......I think." Anya said, uncertainly.
"No. It kinda sounds like..." Buffy cocked her head and listened intently.
"Born to be wiiiild," came drifting on the breeze.
"Spike?"
"That's Xander," Anya said simultaneously.
The two women stepped off the paved path and hurried across the grass toward the wailing sounds in the woods.
"I like smokin' lightning,
Heavy metal thunder
Somethin somethin wheels
And the feelin that I'm under.
Yeah God, Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of my guns at once and
Explode into space.
Like a true nature's child, I was born – born to be wild
And I fly so high I'm never gonna diiiiie.
Born to be….."
"My shoes are going to be wrecked," Anya complained as they charged through the underbrush. Buffy, ahead of her, pushed aside a tree branch to reveal a grassy clearing in the park illuminated by moonlight. Lying on a bench, howling out electric guitar riffs, was Xander. On the ground nearby, pounding on air drums, was Spike.
"Oh…my…God. What do we have here?" Buffy asked rhetorically, but before Anya could respond, the pair saw a flicker of movement on the opposite side of the clearing. Stepping from the leafy woods were a pair of vampires, obviously expecting a marinated treat. They approached the easy prey without bothering to be stealthy.
Buffy and Anya were some thirty yards away, the vampires only a few. The Slayer launched herself across the ground, kicking off her high heels as she ran, and wishing she'd worn anything but the minidress she had on. Spike and Xander were oblivous to their attackers or rescuers, as Xander tried to remember the name of the song he wanted to murder next.
"Y'know….the one. One that goes….Somethin, Somethin….and she's fine…."
"No songs 'bout women," his companion argued.
The first vampire had reached Spike when Buffy took a flying leap over the blond vamp's body and kicked the intruder in the face. She landed on the ground next to him, and searched desperately for a stick to stake him with. 'How could I come out unprepared?' she berated herself. The astonished attacker quickly recovered, leaped up and began to punch and kick at Buffy while she parried blows and checked on his partner.
The other vampire skirted around the fight, having decided to take advantage of the distraction to make a light meal of Xander. As he ran toward the bench, Anya intercepted with a branch in hand and began beating on him. "Get back! Get away from my boyfriend!" she shrieked.
"Anya?" Xander lifted his head off the bench a couple of inches and tried to look around. "Whass happenin?"
Spike, meanwhile, was trying to turn over and struggle to his feet, but collapsed back down with a groan.
Buffy rolled to the side just in time to miss a blow with a big rock, then she kicked her attacker's legs out from under him. Leaping up, she scanned the clearing for anything to use as a stake. The park bench had a broken slat. She pulled it free, then whirled to face the vampire, who was back on his feet and rushing her. Momentum propelled him right onto the piece of wood. He ran himself through and showered Buffy with dust.
Anya was still yelling and whacking at the other vampire with her tree branch. He seemed to be aware that the odds were suddenly not in his favor and turned to run. The Slayer stepped in front of him and drove her makeshift stake home for the second time.
The two females stood in the suddenly quiet clearing, panting with exertion. "Anya?" came Xander's plaintive call again. "'Zat you? D'you come to find me?"
From the figure on the ground a full-bodied, masculine laugh burst forth. "You're drunk, little man," he called to Xander. "YOU can't hold your grog."
"Am not!" he protested.
"You're both drunk. You disgusting pigs," Anya snapped. She walked over to her fiance and poked him in the chest. "What did you think you were doing? You would've been killed if we hadn't come by right when we did!" The import of her words struck home and her anger turned to frightened relief. She dropped on her knees next to the park bench and pulled Xander into an embrace.
"Anya!" he burbled happily. "It IS you. How ya doin? Wanna drink? Spike's got a drink."
"No I don't want a drink. And neither do you," she pulled away from him, eyeing his stained clothes and the puddle of spew next to the park bench. "You're a repulsive mess, sweetheart. Time to go home."
Buffy walked over and kicked the still chortling Spike in the side. "Hey. Sober up," she commanded.
He looked up at her blearily. "Hullo. What you doin' up there? Come down here where I can see you."
She toed him again. "Get up! You two can't lay in the park all night."
"Can too." Spike was fondling Buffy's naked foot, stroking her ankle with his thumb, and she shook his hand off. "'S a public place. We can be here. Be here whenever we want."
"Oh, my God." Buffy shook her head in despair at the useless pair. "I don't know how we're going to move them somewhere short of carrying them, Anya,……Oh no, you don't," she snatched the bottle away from Spike as he lifted it for another drink.
"The cemetery's not too far away. We can get them to walk as far as Spike's crypt," Anya declared. "If we have to beat them all the way there. Come on, sugar bear." She grabbed Xander's arm and hauled him to his feet, still singing tunelessly to himself.
"Spike," Buffy said, sharply. "You too. UP!!" She kicked at him again, partly to remove his hand which was now running up her calf, but couldn't get him moving. Gritting her teeth, she stuck her hand out and he took it. She pulled him to his knees, where he rocked for a few moments, then collapsed with his face pressed against her middle.
"Eww. Get off!" She grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away, then hauled him to his feet. He slung an arm around her neck and leaned into her.
"You're beautiful, y'know that? Beautiful," he slurred.
"Yeah. Yeah. Just breath the other way would you?"
Buffy looked over to where Anya was slapping Xander sober. "You gotta walk, honey. Walk! Come on."
"Spike, you're going to have to manage on your own. Xander's in even worse shape. I'll have to help Anya with him."
"Oh thass right. Desert me like always. Go help precious….boy, over there."
"You don't even know his name yet?" Buffy stopped and gave him a hard stare.
"Course I do. It's ……Xavier….or something."
"XANDER!" the injured party yelled. "And don't you forget it! I AM XANDER, KING OF THE NIGHT." He pounded his chest. Buffy grabbed his arm and between the two women, he began staggering along. Spike trailed after them still complaining about being ignored.
It was an arduous walk through the park, the town, and the cemetery to Spike's crypt, and took twice the time it normally would have. Dropping the heavy Xander burden on the floor with a thud, Anya and Buffy didn't even bother to arrange his crumpled form in a comfortable position. "Sleep it off." Anya said, shortly.
"Wait. You're not leavin' him here," Spike began.
"Consider it a slumber party." Buffy said. She took a suspicious look around the room. "You don't have any more alcohol around here, do you?"
"No."
"Good. Now don't go back out again. You just put yourself to bed," she admonished.
"I'd rather you did," he replied coyly, struggling again to get out of his coat.
She frowned, but stepped toward him and helped take it off. She patted him on the back, "Be a good host and go get 'Xavier' over there a pillow and blanket."
He turned to obey, tripped over Xander's prone form, and fell face down on the floor.
"God, what a revolting pair," Anya grimaced, looking down at the sprawled bodies.
"Aren't they, though?" Buffy tossed the duster haphazardly over both of them, and the ladies turned to leave.
The last sounds they heard as the crypt door fell shut behind them were Xander's reverberating snores and Spike's voice calling out…. "Hey, Xav. Y'know what we should do....?"
Anya, usually not a huggy type, linked her arm through Buffy's as they strolled back home. "Isn't it kind of empowering to know you can reduce your man to a sniveling, groveling drunk? This evening turned out pretty well after all!"
"At least it was mildly entertaining," Buffy said, dryly. A smile crept across her face unbidden, then a snort of laughter escaped. She and Anya exchanged looks, and soon both were giggling hysterically.
"Hey, Anya. How 'bout a song?" the Slayer asked.
And soon, floating on the night wind, two mismatched voices warbled:
"I am strong (Strong!)
I am invincible (Invincible!)
I am WOMAN!"
END
Author: Bonnie
Email: bondav40@yahoo.com
Rating: PG
Summary: Xander and Spike get wasted and find some common ground.
Disclaimer: Based on characters not created by me.
Spike took careful, measured steps, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other without tripping. He paused in his progress and took a long pull from the bottle of Jack Daniels he clutched in his left hand, then resumed his stately walk down the alley, unaware that he was drifting toward the wall.
" 'It's over, William.' What does that mean? It isn't bloody over until I say so. And that'll be.....never!" He bumped into the wall and leaned up against it for a bit of a rest, staring at the side of the Bronze, formulating a plan. "I'm gonna go in there, and if she's there I'm gonna.......look at her. I'm gonna look at her good and proper 'til she's so hot her clothes melt right off her body. Yeah. That's right. That'll show her!"
He pushed off the wall and lurched down the alley a few more paces, when suddenly the side door of the club slammed open and a body was thrown out onto the ground. "And don't try an' come back tonight, bud. Go home and sleep it off." a voice from inside called. The door closed with a resounding clang.
Ah, for the old days, Spike thought, trying to focus on the sprawled figure. Here was a midnight snack served up right in front of him and he couldn't partake. What irony. Life was so cruel.
The human pushed up onto his hands and knees. "You can't cut me off! I'm a payin' customer. My money pays you, asshole!" His bluster faded quickly to a tired mutter. "I got rights, y'know."
"Well, if it isn't the whelp." Spike took a step forward and nudged him with a foot, causing him to topple over onto his side.
"Spike," Xander groaned, looking up through bleary eyes. "Now my night's perfect."
The blond vamp stood over him. "Aren't you a right mess? I heard your lady-love dumped you at the altar. 'Zat true?"
"No it isn't." Xander began crawling toward the wall and scooched himself up it 'til he was in a sitting position. "F'your information, I called it off."
"Didja think you could do better?" the vampire asked. "I mean, look at you, mate."
"Go 'way."
"No, really. You're quite pathetic." Spike tried to lean against the dumpster, missed, and slid down onto the pavement near Xander. "Here you got a nice ex-demon girl like Anyanka to love you and all you can do is keep lusting after the Slayer. Oh yeah. I heard about your longtime crush. Sad."
"'s not like that! The wedding thing's got nothing to do with Buffy. I haven't felt about her like....that...for years."
"Oh bollocks. Everyone's in love with Buffy."
"Talk about pathetic! Look at you followin' her around like a sick dog. You'll never EVER have her, you know."
"Right." Spike smirked. He capped the bottle and tossed it over to Xander, who missed the catch. "Hey watch it!" The bottle hit the ground, didn't break, and rolled into some litter.
"Go get it." Spike commanded.
"No. You go get it. I didn't want it." Xander answered.
"C'mon. It's closer to you."
Xander rolled his eyes, but crawled over to retrieve the lost bottle. He took a long drink, blew out his breath in a gasp, and shook his head. "Whew!"
"Little strong for you, boy? We could go back to my crypt for tea, instead."
"There. That's the trouble." Xander said, stabbing his finger in the air for emphasis.
"What? You can't drink?"
"A boy! No one ever thinks I'm a man. It's always 'just dumb-old Xander.' Why does no one ever see me as a grown up?"
"'Cause you're an idiot?" Spike struggled to remove his duster, but found one arm trapped in its sleeve, and gave up with the coat half off.
Xander rambled on. "'Cept for Anya. She always respected me. Always listened to what I had to say. And I let her slip away. Why'd I do that?" He drew his knees up, wrapped his arms around them and rested his forehead, letting the precious JD dangle from one hand.
"Oy. Toss that bottle over here before you drop it." Spike cautioned. The young man was too lost in his misery to respond so Spike pulled himself over and snatched the liquor away. He took a long swallow, then sat, leaning on one arm and regarding Xander.
"You know what your trouble is? You want it all. Couldn't be satisfied with a nice girl like that. You're the type who always thinks there's greener pastures. Lookin' on someone else's plate 'stead of your own."
"Shut up," came the mumbled reply.
"D'you want the girl or not? Cause if you do you're gonna have to do some grovelin'."
"I already said I was sorry," Xander looked up. "MANY times! As soon as she showed up again, I was there on my knees - with flowers. She won't say a word. Not a word."
"She's got you over a barrel now. Not gonna make it easy for you. That's women," the blond spat scornfully. "And even if you get together again, she's gonna pull this up over and over and over for the rest of your lives."
"Why is it all on me," Xander whined. "There're things about Anya, let me tell you. She's not perfect. 's not all my fault."
"With women it's always your fault.....all the time," Spike explained.
"Do you know how many messages I've left on Buffy's machine for her? That's where she's stayin' now, y'know. Many! Many messages....from Xander...with love."
"Mm." Spike squinted at the empty bottle and tossed it aside with a sigh.
"I've done my part," the boy continued. "Now the ball's in her court. Thass right. She has to come to me now!"
"Y'know what we should do?" The vampire grabbed onto the dumpster and pulled himself up.
"Wha'?"
"We should get really ripped." He held out his hand.
"Yeah." They grasped arms and Spike almost toppled backward, hauling Xander up.
*************
"Anya, can I get you anything?" Buffy asked her houseguest, who sat in ratty old sweats on the couch, staring vacantly at the muted TV.
The young woman shook her head, then began snuffling again and grabbed another Kleenex from the box. Buffy sighed in exasperation. This was probably her tenth, 'There. There.' speech today.
"Oh, Anya, it'll get better. You'll see," she said, sitting down and putting her arm around the crying girl. "Xander's really, really sorry, you know."
"Well, you just don't get over a humiliation like that!" Anya exclaimed for probably the twentieth time since she'd gotten back. Though she was silent to Xander, she let her words flow like water over Willow, Dawn and Buffy. "I mean. Can you imagine? All those people. All that planning – wasted. And what's wrong with me? Why does he have doubts?"
Buffy patted her hand. "He was just nervous about the ceremony. I'm sure if you two had eloped quietly, he never would have hesitated."
"No. No. You're wrong. It wasn't the wedding. It was me. Me!"
"Anya," Buffy said gently. "I hate to point out the obvious, but you have a long – a thousand year long – history of violence and destruction that's just not so easy to overlook."
"But I'm human now. This body," Anya gestured at herself. "It's just like all of yours. This is what I am." She paused, then continued sorrowfully, "None of you see how brief your time is. It's just a blink of an eye. I don't want to waste any of it. I want to share it with Xander. I love him."
"Then, for heaven's sake, why don't you accept his apology and start over!"
"Because I'm not sure he really knows his heart yet. And because I never, ever, want to feel pain like that again."
"Life is pain," Buffy muttered.
"That's the truth," Anya agreed.
Buffy sat and thought about how much she wished she could just toss out all her internal struggles and go have wild and nasty sex with Spike again. But she knew each time she slipped a stronger habit was being formed. She empathized yet again with Willow's struggle against magic use.
She jumped up. "All right. We're going out! Sitting here is only making you more depressed. Go put some clothes on, comb your hair, and we're outta here."
Anya smiled tremulously and nodded.
******************
Xander leaned against a mailbox drop, dozing and waiting for Spike to return from the liquor store with their booze. He jerked awake at the sudden slap on his arm.
"Wake up! Look lively." Spike grabbed his elbow and steered him down the street and around the corner toward the park.
"Whassa hurry?"
The vamp pulled a fresh bottle of whiskey from inside his black coat. Xander's eyes widened.
"You stole it!!"
"Whaddya bloody think? I don't have any money."
"Is that how you get all your stuff?"
"Mostly. Evil, remember?"
"God, you really are despicable."
Spike chuckled, "I know. Thanks." He cracked the new bottle and took a long, hard swallow. "Aaah. That's the stuff. Here."
"I'm gonna die from alcohol poisoning," Xander murmured, and took a big chug himself.
It was a cool, starry night with a lively fresh breeze blowing through the town. They entered the lush green of the park and strolled through a cathedral of trees.
"Over there," Spike pointed to a bench in a clearing. They made their way to it, somewhat refreshed by the night air, but still buzzing. Xander looked up and noticed the stars spinning and pulsing in the sky.
"Ha, ha. Pretty," he laughed.
"Yeah. Gorgeous night," Spike agreed, looking up.
They sat side by side, sipping in silence, listening to crickets and frogs, and watching lightening bugs float by. Spike lit a cigarette and took a drag, trying to blow smoke rings, and flicking ashes that blew into Xander's face.
"Y'know what I think?" he said, thoughtfully.
"Huh?"
"Women are like.....stars." He nodded his head sagely. "They're unattainable. And just when you think you've almost got'em in your grasp, they're a million miles away."
"Wow! That's really.…...a load of crap," Xander started cackling. "Didn't make any sense at all. You've lived a hundred years and that's the best you can do?"
"Maybe I meant fireflies," Spike amended, peering squint-eyed at the little insects flitting through the dark. "Or something...."
Xander howled with laughter, and fell off the bench. He rolled in the grass, clutching his stomach, tears streaming down his face. "You wanna know....what women.....really are, pal?" He spoke in gasps. "Queens of.....torture. Venomous.....h-h-harpies! Their function in life.....is to make….us....suffer."
"That's true, too." Spike agreed. He took another snort of red-eye.
"Who needs'em," Xander lay on his back staring at the sky, completely exhausted.
"Well...just for sex," Spike said.
"All right. Just for sex, then. Any woman'll do. Right, buddy?"
"Right. Just sex." Spike paused and took another drag on his cig before tossing it. "Y'know what we should do?" he asked for the second time.
"Go steal more booze?" Xander asked, beating out the butt which had landed on his pants.
"Naw. Go get other women. Ones who aren't like the ones who don't want us."
"Go pick up chicks?" the Xan-Man hauled himself up on his elbows.
"Bloody right. The town's crawlin' with'em. Why are we moonin' over birds who aren't even worth our time?"
"Damn straight! Where to?"
"Bar."
"I can't go in the Bronze."
"Did you people never grow past high school? There are other pubs in this town."
"How far do we have to walk? I'm pretty wasted."
Spike stood up unsteadily and kicked Xander in the side, causing a blinding shaft of pain to shoot through his head. "Aaargh. Come on, you nancyboy. Get your lazy ass off the ground and let's go find women."
Xander shrugged and crawled up on the bench again. "Just give me a minute," he begged, holding his ringing head. "I feel kinda...." He leaned over and wretched, bringing up a stomach full of whiskey and beer.
"Oh. That's lovely," Spike jumped back to avoid spatters on his shoes and tripped over a rock in the grass. His arms pinwheeled and he fell on his back with a thud. "Bloody hell," he cursed with sincerity.
"This sucks so much," Xander agreed, coughing up the last of his stomach contents. "I hate you."
"Didn't force you to drink it, mate."
The dark haired man curled up on the bench in the fetal position, hands between his knees, shivering. "Forget the women-hunting. I don't want women. I miss Anya! And my stomach hurts."
"Yeah. Too much trouble.....walkin'," Spike watched a jet's taillights move across the sky followed by a moonlit jet stream. "Hey. A fallin' star." He pointed to another part of the sky, and Xander shifted from his side to his back to look up, too.
"It's beautiful." The arc of the heavens engulfed their view. Night sounds enveloped and soothed them, dulling the pain of heartache. The hugeness of the skies seemed to diminish the importance of their little lives and expand their consciousness. Minutes passed in silent contemplation before Xander spoke again.
"I don't feel so bad, anymore. 'Cept I still feel like puking."
Spike searched around in the grass til he located the whiskey bottle again, took another pull, and offered it to Xander, who waved it off.
"Know what we should do?" the vampire asked.
"I have no idea, Spike."
"We should just stay here, and.....sing."
"Sing?"
"Right."
***************
It was late. The Bronze would only be open another couple of hours, but Buffy was still glad she had dragged Anya out. They walked briskly through the park, keeping an alert eye for demons, while still enjoying the beauty of the night. Anya was humming under her breath, when Buffy suddenly shushed her.
"Do you hear something?" she asked.
"Just a cat fight.......I think." Anya said, uncertainly.
"No. It kinda sounds like..." Buffy cocked her head and listened intently.
"Born to be wiiiild," came drifting on the breeze.
"Spike?"
"That's Xander," Anya said simultaneously.
The two women stepped off the paved path and hurried across the grass toward the wailing sounds in the woods.
"I like smokin' lightning,
Heavy metal thunder
Somethin somethin wheels
And the feelin that I'm under.
Yeah God, Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of my guns at once and
Explode into space.
Like a true nature's child, I was born – born to be wild
And I fly so high I'm never gonna diiiiie.
Born to be….."
"My shoes are going to be wrecked," Anya complained as they charged through the underbrush. Buffy, ahead of her, pushed aside a tree branch to reveal a grassy clearing in the park illuminated by moonlight. Lying on a bench, howling out electric guitar riffs, was Xander. On the ground nearby, pounding on air drums, was Spike.
"Oh…my…God. What do we have here?" Buffy asked rhetorically, but before Anya could respond, the pair saw a flicker of movement on the opposite side of the clearing. Stepping from the leafy woods were a pair of vampires, obviously expecting a marinated treat. They approached the easy prey without bothering to be stealthy.
Buffy and Anya were some thirty yards away, the vampires only a few. The Slayer launched herself across the ground, kicking off her high heels as she ran, and wishing she'd worn anything but the minidress she had on. Spike and Xander were oblivous to their attackers or rescuers, as Xander tried to remember the name of the song he wanted to murder next.
"Y'know….the one. One that goes….Somethin, Somethin….and she's fine…."
"No songs 'bout women," his companion argued.
The first vampire had reached Spike when Buffy took a flying leap over the blond vamp's body and kicked the intruder in the face. She landed on the ground next to him, and searched desperately for a stick to stake him with. 'How could I come out unprepared?' she berated herself. The astonished attacker quickly recovered, leaped up and began to punch and kick at Buffy while she parried blows and checked on his partner.
The other vampire skirted around the fight, having decided to take advantage of the distraction to make a light meal of Xander. As he ran toward the bench, Anya intercepted with a branch in hand and began beating on him. "Get back! Get away from my boyfriend!" she shrieked.
"Anya?" Xander lifted his head off the bench a couple of inches and tried to look around. "Whass happenin?"
Spike, meanwhile, was trying to turn over and struggle to his feet, but collapsed back down with a groan.
Buffy rolled to the side just in time to miss a blow with a big rock, then she kicked her attacker's legs out from under him. Leaping up, she scanned the clearing for anything to use as a stake. The park bench had a broken slat. She pulled it free, then whirled to face the vampire, who was back on his feet and rushing her. Momentum propelled him right onto the piece of wood. He ran himself through and showered Buffy with dust.
Anya was still yelling and whacking at the other vampire with her tree branch. He seemed to be aware that the odds were suddenly not in his favor and turned to run. The Slayer stepped in front of him and drove her makeshift stake home for the second time.
The two females stood in the suddenly quiet clearing, panting with exertion. "Anya?" came Xander's plaintive call again. "'Zat you? D'you come to find me?"
From the figure on the ground a full-bodied, masculine laugh burst forth. "You're drunk, little man," he called to Xander. "YOU can't hold your grog."
"Am not!" he protested.
"You're both drunk. You disgusting pigs," Anya snapped. She walked over to her fiance and poked him in the chest. "What did you think you were doing? You would've been killed if we hadn't come by right when we did!" The import of her words struck home and her anger turned to frightened relief. She dropped on her knees next to the park bench and pulled Xander into an embrace.
"Anya!" he burbled happily. "It IS you. How ya doin? Wanna drink? Spike's got a drink."
"No I don't want a drink. And neither do you," she pulled away from him, eyeing his stained clothes and the puddle of spew next to the park bench. "You're a repulsive mess, sweetheart. Time to go home."
Buffy walked over and kicked the still chortling Spike in the side. "Hey. Sober up," she commanded.
He looked up at her blearily. "Hullo. What you doin' up there? Come down here where I can see you."
She toed him again. "Get up! You two can't lay in the park all night."
"Can too." Spike was fondling Buffy's naked foot, stroking her ankle with his thumb, and she shook his hand off. "'S a public place. We can be here. Be here whenever we want."
"Oh, my God." Buffy shook her head in despair at the useless pair. "I don't know how we're going to move them somewhere short of carrying them, Anya,……Oh no, you don't," she snatched the bottle away from Spike as he lifted it for another drink.
"The cemetery's not too far away. We can get them to walk as far as Spike's crypt," Anya declared. "If we have to beat them all the way there. Come on, sugar bear." She grabbed Xander's arm and hauled him to his feet, still singing tunelessly to himself.
"Spike," Buffy said, sharply. "You too. UP!!" She kicked at him again, partly to remove his hand which was now running up her calf, but couldn't get him moving. Gritting her teeth, she stuck her hand out and he took it. She pulled him to his knees, where he rocked for a few moments, then collapsed with his face pressed against her middle.
"Eww. Get off!" She grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away, then hauled him to his feet. He slung an arm around her neck and leaned into her.
"You're beautiful, y'know that? Beautiful," he slurred.
"Yeah. Yeah. Just breath the other way would you?"
Buffy looked over to where Anya was slapping Xander sober. "You gotta walk, honey. Walk! Come on."
"Spike, you're going to have to manage on your own. Xander's in even worse shape. I'll have to help Anya with him."
"Oh thass right. Desert me like always. Go help precious….boy, over there."
"You don't even know his name yet?" Buffy stopped and gave him a hard stare.
"Course I do. It's ……Xavier….or something."
"XANDER!" the injured party yelled. "And don't you forget it! I AM XANDER, KING OF THE NIGHT." He pounded his chest. Buffy grabbed his arm and between the two women, he began staggering along. Spike trailed after them still complaining about being ignored.
It was an arduous walk through the park, the town, and the cemetery to Spike's crypt, and took twice the time it normally would have. Dropping the heavy Xander burden on the floor with a thud, Anya and Buffy didn't even bother to arrange his crumpled form in a comfortable position. "Sleep it off." Anya said, shortly.
"Wait. You're not leavin' him here," Spike began.
"Consider it a slumber party." Buffy said. She took a suspicious look around the room. "You don't have any more alcohol around here, do you?"
"No."
"Good. Now don't go back out again. You just put yourself to bed," she admonished.
"I'd rather you did," he replied coyly, struggling again to get out of his coat.
She frowned, but stepped toward him and helped take it off. She patted him on the back, "Be a good host and go get 'Xavier' over there a pillow and blanket."
He turned to obey, tripped over Xander's prone form, and fell face down on the floor.
"God, what a revolting pair," Anya grimaced, looking down at the sprawled bodies.
"Aren't they, though?" Buffy tossed the duster haphazardly over both of them, and the ladies turned to leave.
The last sounds they heard as the crypt door fell shut behind them were Xander's reverberating snores and Spike's voice calling out…. "Hey, Xav. Y'know what we should do....?"
Anya, usually not a huggy type, linked her arm through Buffy's as they strolled back home. "Isn't it kind of empowering to know you can reduce your man to a sniveling, groveling drunk? This evening turned out pretty well after all!"
"At least it was mildly entertaining," Buffy said, dryly. A smile crept across her face unbidden, then a snort of laughter escaped. She and Anya exchanged looks, and soon both were giggling hysterically.
"Hey, Anya. How 'bout a song?" the Slayer asked.
And soon, floating on the night wind, two mismatched voices warbled:
"I am strong (Strong!)
I am invincible (Invincible!)
I am WOMAN!"
END